BPOV
I had now been in this godforsaken room for two weeks, unable to sleep without drugs and even then unwilling because I was unable to awake from the nightmares that plagued me. The only seemingly bright spot in my life were the daily visits that Edward took and the occasional phone call from my father who I had sent back to work and my mother back to her husband in Florida. It was during one of Edward's visits that I finally worked up the courage to have a look at my injuries.
I remember it was about 3 in the afternoon last Wednesday and Edward was here as usual. Over the past few days we had discussed books, music, our lives, our parents and families (turns out he had a large one, a twin sister and an older brother), growing up and stupid and embarrassing things done and said at school. He had moved here with his parents about the time I left to go travelling before I went to college. He was studying to be a doctor, like Carlisle and his sister was studying fashion, whilst his big brother was a pro football player in Seattle. All three lived together in a flat and he had been visiting his parents when he found me. Anyway, I had had a bad night again and wasn't really in the mood for chatting. He came in, and somehow eh always knows how I am feeling.
He walked in and smiled gently, not the crooked one which I love but a small friendly smile full of compassion. 'Hey, bad night?' I nodded in agreement and waited for him to take his normal seat next to me. 'So I was thinking that we had exhausted all topics of conversation and that today we would communicate through music.' He held up his ipod and some speakers, knowing my ipod was in the draw next to my bed he leaned over and got it out. 'So here are the rules. You choose a song that communicates what you are thinking or want to do and then I reply with a song of my own.' We had this 'conversation' for about an hour or so before I asked him to find me a two mirrors.
'Why?' he asked.
'Because I want to see my back.' He looked at me for a while before getting up and leaving the room, returning shortly with a mirror.
'I can't do this by myself so can you please hold the mirror up so I can see the reflection in the bathroom mirror?'
he nodded, I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. 'Turn your back quickly.' He looked at me quizzically 'so I can take my top off and preserve some form of modesty.' He blushed slightly in understanding and tuned his back. I took off my top and held it up against my chest, I couldn't wear a bra at the moment, too painful and it would rub in the wounds. 'Ok, it's safe, you can turn around now.' He did and held the mirror up in front of me. I hadn't looked yet, but I heard his gasp. 'That bad?'
'Not at all.'
'You're a good liar but I heard about the trainee who vomited when I came in, but thanks anyway.'
I looked up into the mirror he held up in front of me and scanned what I could see of my back. There were deep gash marks all the way down, slightly raised up against my skin and a spattering of little round burns, like cigarettes. Then finally at the base of my spine, over my right hip were two initial burned into my skin JD. I had no idea what they stood for but presumed that they belonged to the man who did this. I slowly reached a hand around the back and traced the letters. The skin was raised p and smooth but at the same time rough and pigmented. I was slightly horrified by what I saw. The gashes were all over, my entire back littered with them. Some coming up onto my shoulders and one tracing round my neck. Still not healed they were pink as well. I looked away from the mirror down my front and looked at the cigarette burns round my belly button and my hips. I had already seen the etched in marks of a game of noughts and crosses on my left thigh, presumably done with a knife. I looked back up at Edward. 'Thanks. I guess it is a fairly sickly sight' I smiled wearily.
'I'm just gonna go and wait for you in the room. Do you want something to drink?'
'Tea please.'
So that was last Wednesday and everyday I inspect my scars to see how well they are healing and hoping and praying that they will slowly fade away but I know that they won't.