DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters

Hello my fellow Twilighters, So here is a brand spanking new chapter (10/8/11), and my muse is with me so expect the next one pretty soon. Hope your , please let me know your thoughts, any changes you feel should be made. Spelling and grammar are not my strong suit and I welcome any critical review that will help improve this story.

INSPIRATION: At the start of this project I felt closer to Alice, I thought their love story must have been incredible, but as I'm getting to know Jasper (or rather the Jasper my imagination has created lol) I'm becoming more and more fascinated by him. This chapter seemed to flow out of me.

WARNING: Alluded Rape

COMING NEXT: Education - Alice's learning to be a 'vegetarian' vampire and also her getting to know Jasper and the Cullen family through her visions.

Broken Travels

I could hear the breeze blowing through the trees as I lay in bed, a luxury we didn't indulge in often. Two years ago we had found this old cabin hidden high up in the mountains, we had taken the time to make it comfortable and when we found ourselves in these parts we used it as a temporary home. Peter and Charlotte had disappeared a few hours ago; they could rarely keep their hands off of each other and seemed to think that they needed to leave me in order to indulge their deeper passions. If they had asked I would have been happy to leave them to the comfort of a bed, though Peter had told me once that they always ended up breaking the furniture so preferred to find their pleasure out of doors. They had a strong union, equal partners making decisions together, listening to each other. I envied them that closeness though I worked hard not to let it show. I concentrated stretching out my gift in search of the symphony of emotions they created when loving each other, sometimes it was all that kept me sane. I was no voyeur, but I was glad that they never went far, for even the faint passion of their lovemaking soothed me.

In the four years since escaping my old life I had regained some sanity, there was a quiet relief in not being surrounded by the ever-present fear and panic that had always been a part of my life with Maria. To my dismay the depression I had been fighting for decades did not go away but seemed to slowly grow with each passing day. Every time I fed some inner part of me seemed to splinter and fester. I often felt that if I breathed the wrong way I would shatter into a million pieces, I think if I were human it would be like living in a constant state of extreme anxiety.

Charlotte had suggested I choose my prey from the human waste that so often walked this earth as she and Peter did from time to time. They didn't adhere to it as a rule, more often choosing their victims from the lost and forgotten masses that wandered ignored by the general populace. I had tried it for a time, my extra sense always drawing me a map to those who exuded depravity. It had not helped, murder was murder regardless of the victim, there was always terror in each death that never failed to stun me. Over these last few years I had begun to feed less and less often.

Peter worried, often telling me that I was just thinking too hard on it, suggesting almost incessantly on how to us they were simply food. His philosophy was sound, like all of life there was a cycle and humans were simply our food source, there should be no guilt in our wanting to survive. Yet… I wanted to shout that I could not shut it off! That every single life I took stabbed deeply into me…. but I never did, I always nodded my head and buried my misery deeper within me.

How could I make him understand? In the moment of death a human exploded with their most primitive emotions. The shimmering light that only I felt around every living being became a weapon that during their dying moments burst out in waves with an energy so strong it wounded some unseen part of me. Even as the monster in me gloried in the kill, in the absolute pleasure of drinking human blood, I died alongside each of my victims. Every! Single! Time! Every life that I ended simply added to the incessant grief that almost choked me, this grief was so sharp it ripped into the very fiber of my being. Every time I gave in, every time the monster proved me powerless to my thirst, I became more the demon that I despised. Each murder I had committed was forever branded into my perfect memory. In a world with no sleep, I had no relief from the constant echo of what I had done. I was drowning in my despair….

I had moments now though, moments where peace held if only fleetingly. Peter and Charlotte's love seemed to lessen my hopelessness. In moments like these I often wove fantasies of finding what they had, someone who could ignite that white light within me. I felt certain that it would help mute the torment I lived with. I knew I was unworthy, the scars that covered my entire body were a testament to the fiend I had become but it still did not stop me from craving.

I sighed deeply. I knew I would have to part from them soon. As much as they tried to hide it my tenuous hold on my feelings were affecting them. Though Peter never voiced the growing tension between himself and his mate, I could feel it. Charlotte meant no harm, I understood perfectly the dilemma she found herself in. My emotions affected everyone around me and I was losing control of them more and more each day. Peter didn't want me to go, would never ask me to. I also knew that Charlotte would not ask either, she cared for me because of Peter, but I loved him enough not to want to share my desolation with either of them. I just couldn't do it, not yet anyway. I was afraid, a humorless smile graced my lips at that. I was a force to be reckoned with in the south, my very name stoked fear in most immortals and yet here I lay afraid of being alone. This existence was not without it's irony. I was over 80 years in this life and I was afraid to be alone. I would have laughed if there was any laughter in me.

"Peter… I love you so much" Charlotte was whispering, her passion making her voice husky. "Please just a moment longer!" she pleaded playfully.

"My love, he's up there alone, wallowing, please I just want to check on him…"Peter whispered back his indecision evident in his voice.

I could barely make out the words, so I was sure they thought I could not hear them. I concentrated and sent a wave of pure lust at them, a small gift for their patience with me. Soon I heart the soft moans that heralded my success. I put my arms behind my head as I crossed my legs closing my eyes and falling into my unnatural stillness, lost in the thoughts of what lay ahead should I part ways with my friends.

Two year later….

It had been a mistake to leave them! The thought kept repeating in my mind. The little peace had I found in the company of Peter and Charlotte was completely gone now. I had to leave, they had began arguing quietly when they thought I could not hear. Charlotte was devastated because she could not help me, she was heartbroken that her love for Peter could not temper her reactions to my constant bursts of emotion. My ability to control my self-hatred was becoming more tenuous with each passing day. I had told them that I wanted to try life on my own for a while, I had tried to sound sure, though I knew I had failed but I would not be swayed. Peter had argued, he'd said that together we would find a solution to my pain. I knew he felt that he was responsible for me despite the fact that I was older than him in so many ways. His continued affection kept me grounded, amazed that I could inspire such loyalty. Charlotte had a look of utter sorrow at my decision. I could feel her sense of guilt warring with relief at my words. I had hugged Peter, I just couldn't do it anymore, I knew now that I had to find a way to cope with this festering ache on my own or end my existence. Looking into Peters' eyes I knew he saw my resolve, his eyes mirrored Charlottes sorrow. Gathering the gratitude I genuinely felt for them I hugged Charlotte whispering in her ear that I was thankful to have had this time with them, she had hugged me back and I felt her sadness at their inability to help me… That had been three hundred and seven days ago.

Today I was going mad. I had not fed in thirty two days, it had been more a test of will than anything else. I was determined to be master of my thirst. I had not set out purposefully to do this, yet with every day that passed I felt as if I had won a battle, the voices of the dead that screamed within me seemed muted. I wondered if this was the vampire equivalent of a fast, when humans for spiritual reasons went without food to help in meditation… Still… it didn't change the fact that I was now desperate to feed…. I had purposefully stayed as far away from humans as I possibly could during this time but as I walked closer towards the city lights I knew I had finally broken. I looked at the sign ahead, not knowing really where I had been headed. The sign read 'Old Biloxi Road", interesting I had not even noticed passing from one state to the next. I had been traveling at night sticking to the forests. I kept to the road, it was dark and I had no fear of being seen as I would have in the light of day. Truth be told my hunger envisioned someone stopping in curiosity and my mouth filled with venom at the possibilities. I was that desperate in my thirst, almost shaking with it. Though this was not the longest I had gone without feeding I was unable to hold out much longer. I knew that was why I was so close to the humans now I had given up, my thirst had proved stronger once again.

As I continued walking I heard a faint sound, like a small animal whimpering in pain. As I turned towards it I realized it had to be something else the tenor of it was wrong to have come from an animal. Intrigued and hoping that I had found someone to soothe the burn in my throat. I moved to the fence and jumped over it heading deeper into the forest that hugged the road. As I walked the sounds of the night ceased as they always did, nature seemed to recognize the predator that lived in me. About seven miles into my journey I found her, a small girl, no more than five or six lay curled up on the ground shivering and crying next to a tree. My throat didn't burn and inside me my beast didn't stir. As I looked at the small figure shaking in fear I was speechless, how could I not want to feed? As if sensing me the child stopped crying and looked up with the deepest brown eyes, set in a beautiful heart shaped face, as she gazed at me she smiled. I couldn't tear my gaze from her, I began to notice her appearance. Her head had been shaved, and her gown was filthy, her face had the look of someone who had been starved. The gown she wore hung on her as if all that lay underneath was skin and bone. I was furious, I wanted to slowly tear apart whoever had done this to her.

As I stepped closer I realized there was no scent to her as if she weren't really there. Had I finally lost my mind? Never taking my eyes off of the child I realized something else, my torment was a whisper where once it had been a roar. I remembered every act and deed, but the sharpness which it usually cut me was muted, bearable. She didn't speak she simply looked up at me trustingly, I fell to my knees not six feet from her unable to utter a sound. Did she have some sort of numbing power? Did being around her turn off my own gift? As these thoughts whirled in my head she disappeared, she didn't fade, she was simply there in one moment then gone the next. The the relief I had felt in her presence had left with her yet somehow I found the strength to put a leash on my thirst. Though it still thirst raged I felt as if I were outside of it, the control felt temporary, but I reveled in it nonetheless. My mind calmed and replayed the face of that beautiful little girl looking up at me smiling.

I'm not sure how long I knelt on the ground, it could have been hours or days, I was for once uncertain about the passage of time. I didn't know what had happened to me out here but slowly I stood up and moved towards to where she had lain. There on the spot where she had been was a smooth stone with a carving in the middle of it. The symbols were familiar to me, a vampire we had met a year into my journey with Peter and Charlotte had had such a stone, though his had been hung around his neck. He had been an old vampire over six or seven hundred years old, his human life had started deep in the jungles of central america. He had told us that the stone had been given to him by his mate who had been destroyed in a battle long long ago. He carried the empty look of our kind, the look that said he existed but found no meaning or joy in it. It had been different but the same to my own tortured reality. As I turned the stone over in my hand I saw the faces of a woman and child lovingly etched into the stone. It was a breathtaking work of art, whoever had done this had done it with love. I wondered at how such a treasure could have been lost. Without a thought I put it in my pocket, not wanting to leave it lying on the ground.

Twenty three days had passed since I had left the spot where I had had the vision of the child. It could be nothing else, I still had not fed making it my longest time to have abstained. I was weak with my thirst, dangerous with it. I had continued walking deeper into the forest avoiding the small towns. I found a spot in the middle of the silence and simply sank to the ground, not really sure what I was doing. I took the stone in my hand and sat with my eyes closed unwilling to move afraid to let loose the starving monster within me. I desperately needed to master the excruciating flames that licked at my throat. Even to my cold hands the stone seemed to emanate warmth and something in it seemed to soothe the burn.

They had all been drunk. Stepping into my temporary domain here in the mountains. They were dragging a young girl, no more than fifteen years old, through the brush tearing her skin and laughing as she whimpered her pain. They had already violated and beaten her. They intended to continue her suffering before killing and disposing with her body. I had smelled her blood and my monster snarled with the desire to bite and drink deeply. I was my demon as I sprang on them, the first male I reached was dead too quickly offering no real satisfaction. The small group hadn't noticed, he had been in the back of their macabre procession. I took two more down before the last two noticed what was happening. By then they had entered a small clearing, and as we all looked at each other I was satiated enough to take stock of the situation. The last two men were as different from each other as could be possible. To my left was a smaller man, 5'5" he looked startled but unafraid. To my right was a huge man with beefy arms and my senses felt his malevolence his desires were so dark it momentarily shocked me.

My beast was calmer but I was going for more blood, these two I would savor. I knocked the smaller one out, not wanting to kill him and cool his blood before I had a chance to enjoy it. I approached the bear of the man who held the silent girl. He smiled unaware that he had no chance of besting me. Though as he got a look at my eyes his demeanor changed, his hold slackened and the slight figure slumped to the ground as he tried to turn and run. I was on him before he could even complete that movement. I growled fiercely as I tore into his neck feeding slowly letting my venom do it's work. He writhed in agony unable to make any sound as I reveled in the taste of human blood. The second man was coming around before I had finished but still did not have time to leave the clearing before I caught and consumed him.

I stood there in center of my massacre, they were all dead including the girl and though I would not have hesitated, in my frenzy, to drink her dry these evil men had succeeded in their mission. She had died silently as I attacked her last two tormentors. She lay there half naked, her eyes glassy and her blood cooled. I had gorged myself on the five men who had done this to her and my monster was finally leashed and silent. Though I knew their deaths would haunt me, in that moment as I looked into her empty eyes I couldn't help but be glad at the way they had died, willing this time to shoulder the burden of their deaths and glad that her final moments had been watching them suffer. I buried the men underneath the largest tree and then I took the girl into my arms not wanting to leave her to rot with the men who had ended her life.

I left her body covered with my jacket just outside of the nearest town. She would be found, it would all be questioned and no one would ever know that those responsible had been dealt with. I shook my head for a brief moment wanting somehow let her family know that she had been avenged. Had my family wondered so many years ago? Had they suffered in not knowing?

Without thinking of the consequences I slipped into the shadows to await her discovery. It took less than an hour for her to be found. The man who found her obviously knew her for the grief that enveloped him was so strong it felt like a physical blow. He went back to his car, an old Cabriolet at least five or six year old, and spoke quietly to the woman inside. I heard a moan and then a choking cry as she made a move as if to open her door. The man stopped her, telling her to drive into town and get the sheriff and bring them back to this place. She argued but gave up quickly, driving away slowly. The man turned and sat beside the little girl, not touching her but still seeming to hover protectively beside her. He was whispering to her words of peace, of the certainty that she was in a better place. He broke down and cried at the loss for their family, she was his niece, the daughter of his youngest brother. He promised to care for her loved ones mentioning a little brother and a baby sister the tears were thick in his voice.

His grief told the story of his loss, no word he could ever utter could tell so honestly the sadness that was swallowing him whole. He sat beside her gently humming a hymn I vaguely recognized about going home to glory.

I could hear the cars coming in the distance and new it was my time to leave yet I stayed there in the darkness unable to move away from the scene that was about to unfold.

The first car that arrived was the same one that had just left, the woman quickly stepped out of the car before the man could stop her. She dropped to the ground before him, her face a silent mask of pain, she covered her mouth with both hands as a keening sound seemed to escape her lips. She would gesture to the girl as tears fell in great streams from her eyes, she could never quite touch her so the gesture seemed to be caught in a sad loop of grief as she would bring her hand back to cover her mouth only to reach out again. The police were next to arrive. The younger officer helped the woman to her feet and gently walked her away to her car and getting her to sit in the passenger side, he closed her door as her grief became wrenching sobs. Meanwhile the older officer knelt beside the man who had first discovered her.

"Harold?" he spoke softly, a sad quality to the sound. "Harold? What happened?"

"Doris and I were looking for her, Davis and Margie went south… Stephanie didn't come home, we were all worried" Harold's voice broke with on each word His tearfilled eyes streaming. "I… I volunteered to go this way…" He shook his head as if to come back to the present. "She was just lying here… lying on the side of the road, I couldn't miss her, her hair…" He choked as if trying to stop from crying. "She was just lying here…." He continued in a low hoarse whisper. He kept repeating the phrase as the officer helped him to his feet. "She was just lying here…."

Just then a new car arrived and a man with the same shade of hair as the girl stepped out. I could hear his heart beating faster than the normal human rate. He walked around to the other side and gently helped a small woman, who's eyes matched the little girls, out of the passenger side. These must be her parents I thought the similarities were unmistakable. They walked slowly toward the scene. The older officer, as if just noticing the couple quickly walked forward to intercept them.

"Davis..." The officer's voce was deep with the pain of what he was having to witness. "Davis, I don't think it would be a good idea for Margie to see this" The officer insisted quietly.

"Frank, she is our daughter, we have a right…" Davis spoke softly yet there was steel running through each word. Officer Frank nodded and stood aside. "Frank, can we move her… or… or touch her?" Davis asked his voice getting softer as it broke.

"I'm sorry Davis, we have too… aww Hell…" Frank was gruff with his reply unable to look the father in his eyes.

"We understand" Davis replied. He led his little wife to where the broken pieces of their daughter lay. I was suddenly grateful as I watched that my jacket covered up the damage that had been done to her. As they approached I gathered myself, I sent them a sense of peace all that I could conjure. I sent them all the love that I would have wanted to give to my family had I returned to them. I flooded the area with it and I stayed there sending it out in waves throughout the night as what needed to be done was done. Before the first rays of the sun came over the horizon I left quietly glad that I had been able to do something for the girl and her family.

As I walked away the face of the my own brown eyed girl played over in my mind, she was still smiling as she gazed up into my eyes. I had half expected her to hate me considering what I had done earlier in the night. I steadily found my path deeper into the forest easily finding another quiet spot to contemplate what I would do next.

So my dear readers what did you think?

How do you feel about Jasper's struggle so far?

Do you think I have created a picture of his inability to control his vampire nature?

Did you understand my need to end it on the note that I did?

Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading