Author's Note: Hey, thanks again to the kind reviews and the 550 or so lurkers! Glad to know you're all reading. =3 And heh, I know what you mean, Sarah—and I highly, highly doubt Edward was alone for a hundred years. Or even that much time ago. People don't come out of the womb being utterly fantastic at sex (Though I very much wish so.) And thanks Renie (can I call you that?) for the tip! I've read your Darkward stories a long time ago, and they were pretty clever. I loved all the tie-ins to the books! And to her and all of you, I'm all for the constructive criticism! Oh, and one more note to Sarah: Bella-bashing coming up!
And god damn it, I just realized my page breakers didn't work. So I apologize for all the lolwut moments that probably occurred because of it. I think I'll use asterisks instead of those elegant worm-things from now on. (And will go back and edit the other chapters.)
Also, ah, I have a correction from my last post: I will have to make a small break from canon in the form of an OC. But don't worry, he'll only appear once and then he'll be out of the way. x3 It's just that I couldn't have anybody that the wolf pack would know. And just as some fair warning, they'll a bit of swearing and sex (though a fade-to-black, sorry to disappoint) from this chapter on.
Chapter Four: Supernatural
Jacob's week was full of negative spikes, followed by a steady morale decline. His inner wolf had been creating a mess with his mind, so Jacob had to sit out every wolf run with the pack-and the pack wasn't happy about it. All of them had complained at him at some point about suddenly acting all human, but Sam had fended them off-and then Quil imprinted. On a two year old. The whole pack had been rightly shocked, but Quil explained himself as soon as he figured it out. Like Jared, his basic personality remained, but the specifics had shifted. However, instead of being the perfect high school boyfriend like Jared, Quil had become the perfect older brother. Inexplicably, he seemed to be able to stand every single mundane game for an unlimited period of time, and he somehow understood Claire's stilted speech. Claire's parents were confused at first as to why one of the neighborhood boys was suddenly taking interest in their daughter's health and happiness to an almost obsessive degree, but Quil was making headway with them by being, essentially, the perfect babysitter. They'd also been swayed by Claire's sudden want to follow Quil around wherever he went and harass him into playing a bunch of games. The whole situation was a bit awkward, but Jacob was grateful for it.
It meant no one was directly focused on him and he could work out his own issues. Specifically, a crisis of sexuality. Unlike Edward, he didn't have any homophobic hang-ups, but also unlike Edward, he had a sense of masculinity to lose. Same panic, different issues-but Jacob had no pretty girlfriend to bury himself in. Metaphorically.
During that week, though, Jacob realized that he wasn't going to figure his problem out alone. He needed someone who could help. He needed someone to explain it to him… Someone who really knew.
Someone like Michael.
He was about a head shorter than Jacob with blonde hair styled into loose spikes. He was semi-stylish without making a scene about it, and he had the whole almost-annoyingly-bright-and-friendly thing going on. Pretty smart, a member of the orchestra, and planning to go into business when he grew up. He was also-and here was the important part to Jacob-very, very gay.
The boy sat just two rows to the right of Jacob in chemistry class and a little bit in front of him, so it was pretty easy for Jacob to study his victim. In just a few days, he had it all planned out. After class, just before their lunch, Jacob would stride up to the boy-looking proud and in charge and totally heterosexual-and ask him how he had known he was… Well. And since Michael wasn't friends with any of the werewolves, there was no chance of the question getting back to any of his packmates, so he was safe. His plan was perfect.
That was, until chemistry class ended and Michael had blown it to pieces.
"Hey! Hey, Jacob?"
Jacob, who had been stalling as the classroom emptied so he could speak to Michael, looked up, startled. "Yeah?"
Michael strode up to him, eyes narrowed and backpack slung over one shoulder, looking much more like the 'in charge' one. "Can I talk to you?"
Jacob nodded a bit apprehensively and they walked out of the classroom together and around the corner before Michael stopped him with a hand on his arm. Jacob waited.
The short blonde cleared his throat before starting. "You've been staring at me for nearly a week like you wanted to say something but couldn't figure it out-so… What do you want?" he asked.
Here it was. Jacob's moment to stand up tall and ask, without a single hint of doubt or confusion because he was just that on top of his life.
"Er… um…" Damn it.
Michael waited with his arms crossed.
"Ah… I just wanted to… erm… Well, how do I put this? Uh…" Every sentence seemed to be self-destructing somewhere between his brain and his mouth and he looked everywhere but at the other boy.
"No, I won't go out with you," Michael said flatly, and Jacob's head snapped up, but he noticed the other boy was grinning. "Oh, just spit it out."
Jacob grinned back sheepishly. "Alright, er… This is going to sound… weird… but… how did you know? I mean… Know?"
Michael was silent for a long while, studying Jacob, who fidgeted under the scrutiny.
"Huh," he said at last, "I would have thought it was Embry, or maybe Quil, but not you. This is sort of a surprise."
A hot flush rose to Jacob's face. "N-no! I'm not… I mean, I don't think…"
"Statistically, I knew there had to be at least one in your clique," Michael continued, purposely ignoring the other man's discomfort, "but… Well, that it's you is a surprise."
"Just tell me how you know, will you?" Jacob growled, his embarrassment growing.
Michael smiled, looking amused. "You really think there's a gay test out there? 'Do this one thing and you'll know for sure'? It's not that easy."
"So there's a series of tests?"
The twerp had the audacity to laugh. "No, Jacob. You just have to figure it out yourself. No one can tell you. Just… I don't know, spend some time with girls, spend some time with boys… You'll figure out which you like better soon enough."
Jacob hesitated. "What if… what if it's both?"
"Then you'll be ostracized by the gay clan and the straight clan and will be forced to wander the Earth as a lonely pariah while your dick withers away," Michael deadpanned.
"What?"
He laughed. "Heh… There's something naively charming about closet cases," he patted Jacob's shoulder, "I'm going to be late for lunch. You have a good day, okay?"
"Okay…" Jacob cleared his throat. "Erm… thanks… sort of."
"No problem." And he was gone.
Jacob's eyes were on the ground as he walked to his typical lunch table with the pack. So I'll just have to figure it out then. Go hang out with Bella, and go hang out with… An image of Edward flashed in his mind and he shoved it down. With some random guy.
Really, his life was complicated enough without this whole werewolf crap. When he was first learning how to control himself, Sam had described it as having a second personality. Get to know the other personality… Once you understand them, they'll be easier to control. What did you do if you shared a body with a gay wolf, though? What then, Uley? Jacob reached the lunch table and slouched unhappily in his seat. Embry and Quil joined him a moment later, and then Jared and Paul.
"Still angsting?" Paul asked, setting down his tray and already gulping down food.
Embry glanced over at Jacob. "Yeah, still angsting."
"Oh, shut up," Jacob muttered.
"Hey, guys!" Jared chirped when he sat down. "Guess what? Kim got a new kitten! And it's so cute! She's really happy about it all."
Paul groaned. "Ugh, I hate it when you pick up Kim's essence," he muttered. "Freakin' high school girls."
"It's black and white with this little speck of white on its tail, and then its eyes are the most amazing shade of green you've ever-"
"Oh stuff your stupid kitten, gaywad," Embry growled, throwing his roll at Jared, who ducked with a grin. Jacob winced a bit at the term.
"You're just jealous," Jared shot back.
"Of having a girl that smells like cat all the time? Ha!"
"Hey, cats don't smell all that bad."
"Will you two knock it off" Seth complained, coming up to the table with his lunch tray and setting it next to his best friend. "You're completely ignoring Jacob's problems."
"The only problem is that he hasn't gotten laid enough lately," Paul snorted, and Jared and Embry snickered.
Jacob glared. "It's not that," he growled. Quil looked up curiously. "What is it, then? You've been even worse than usual."
The werewolf didn't reply, merely slumping back in his seat, and the rest of the wolves groaned in various levels of exasperation.
"I liked him better when he was all moony and getting tail all the time. At least, then, he talked," Embry joked, nudging Jacob, who glared again.
"Shut up, Embry. Bella would never… I mean, we didn't… Just shut up."
The whole pack leaned in. "Really?" they all asked, and the seemingly-scripted moment had Jacob scooting his chair away a bit.
"Ye-es," he answered slowly, "Really."
A snort. A muffled snicker. Then full-blown, howling laughter. Including Seth, the traitor.
"So you took her to the movies-"
"Fixed up her motorcycle and took her 'riding' with it-"
"Phased into the most badass creature out there, right in front of her-"
"Never once wore your shirt in front of her-"
"Got all Prince Charming-y and saved her-"
"Acted like the best friend that's always there when her loser boyfriend isn't-"
"And you never got any?" Jared finished, and they all collapsed into laughter again.
"We… were wondering… how you were hiding it… from us…" Apparently this was a hoot for Embry, who could barely breathe.
Jacob slid lower in his seat. "You guys are assholes."
"And you're gay," Quil shot back.
Jacob flinched and flushed bright red, hands balling into fists under the table. "Am not!" Am I?
Suddenly, Embry turned in his seat. "Leah! Hey, LEAH!" he called, "Come over-OW!" He grabbed his shoulder, where Jacob had just punched it. Hard.
"She doesn't need to know, you stupid-"
"Doesn't need to know what? The whole conversation you're blaring out loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear you?" asked a sarcastic voice over Jacob's shoulder. Too late.
"They all heard?" he muttered, and looked over his shoulder. A good deal of the tables were staring at theirs, and the rest were trying to look like they weren't. Jacob turned back around and the look in his eyes spelled death for every wolf at the table.
"Yes," Leah continued simply, "Though I don't know why you guys are surprised that Jacob's still a blushing virgin. It was fairly obvious."
Her voice matched the I-simply-just-hate-you-all serenity she had been feeling all week. They called it that because the last guy to say she was on her 'moon cycle' had a good deal of fur ripped out of his tail.
"How could you tell?" Jared asked, and Leah smirked sardonically.
"I've seen them standing in the same room, you blind fools."
Jacob sunk even lower. Even Leah, the least feminine girl he knew, had enough women's intuition to see it. Bitch.
"I hate you all," he grumbled. Leah patted his head like a dog, "I know how you feel," and wandered off to rejoin her group of friends, who were all giggling like freaking chipmunks. He suddenly hated them, too.
The pack hooted and jeered for another few minutes, but soon lunch was over and they split. Jacob wasn't sure what he was more pissed about, them thinking Bella had been in any condition to… well. Or that his angst was now a joke to them. Bastards.
His conversation with Michael kept coming to the forefront of his mind, though, and he couldn't help but wonder. Was he really just going to have to figure it out? Maybe there was a way to convince the wolf that girls were vastly superior and that it had no business bringing up images of Ed- of guys like that when there were plenty of girls that wanted him. And he liked girls. Curves and light voices and soft parts. Femininity. It was… nice.
Though there was something rather tempting about hard muscle, domineering expressions and personalities you wanted to just physically and mentally bend to your will but never could, and that rush of testosterone you got every time a guy challenges you to-
Except that Jacob was not into that sort of thing. Girls. Breasts. Shaved legs. That's what he liked.
He just had to prove it to his inner wolf that girls were much better and that being straight was a wonderful thing, and that it was a stupid dog who should obey the human it shared a body with.
He's right. I am insane, Jacob thought with a mental sigh. But there was a simple solution. He was already in love with Bella, and so lusting after her had been easy. Surely the wolf could acknowledge that she was a perfectly nice specimen of the feminine form. Even better, they had plans for Saturday for her to hang out at his house and maybe the beach and other romantic places.
They were plans he firmly looked forward to-that is, until the phone rang that night.
"Hello?" Jacob asked, picking it up.
"Hey, Jake, it's me," Bella greeted quietly, sounding rather unhappy about something.
Oh, God damn it… "Hi, Bella. What's up?" You're going to say you can't come, aren't you?
"Nothing good. I can't come over Saturday after all."
Jacob's shoulders drooped. "Stupid bloodsucker. I thought he was leaving," he muttered, remembering Billy mentioning that Charlie had said that Edward was going on a hunting trip so Bella would be open. "Can't you have a life when he's gone? Or does he lock you in a coffin?"
She laughed and Jacob twitched. "I don't think that's funny."
"I'm only laughing because you're close. But he's going to be here Saturday, so it doesn't matter."
"Will he be feeding there in Forks, then?" he asked caustically. Really, that vampire's control on her was ridiculous. Maybe he's assuring himself of the same thing I- Jacob stomped the thought before it could continue and listened to Bella's reply.
"No. He left early."
What's the problem, then? "Oh. Well, hey, come over now, then! It's not that late. Or I'll come up to Charlie's."
"I wish. I'm not at Charlie's. I'm kind of being held prisoner."
Wait… What? Was I the only phone call she could make? Does she need someone to spring her? Jacob's fist tightened on the phone and it gave a sharp crack. Billy cleared his throat and Jacob forced himself to loosen his grip. "We'll come and get you," he snarled. He had a wolf pack he could call whenever a coven of vampires had to be shredded.
"Tempting," she practically chirped, her voice forcibly light. "I have been tortured-Alice painted my toenails."
"I'm serious."
"Don't be. They're just trying to keep me safe." Damn it! She calls all mad and as soon as I get mad with her, it's suddenly okay. One day, I swear I'm going to rip those rose-colored glasses off her face and ritually burn them.
"I know it's silly," she continued, "but their hearts are in the right place."
HA! "Their hearts!" he sneered.
"Sorry about Saturday. I've got to hit the sack, but I'll call you again soon." She sounded apologetic, but Jacob was still bristling.
"Are you sure they'll let you?"
"Not completely. 'Night, Jake." she sighed.
"See you around."
With a wordless snarl, he slammed the phone down, making Billy clear his throat again. Jacob couldn't really blame him, considering all the things he'd broken in his anger lately, but he was too distracted by Bella's imprisonment to care.
Tomorrow, he'd spring her. From school if he had to. His eyes drifted to the window, where the barn stood against the rain-where he knew his motorcycle sat. He had never clocked a vampire's speed, but he knew from their hunt with Laurent that bikes were just as fast, if not faster. And… And Bella had said the psychic vampire couldn't see the future of werewolves, so she would never see it coming.
That was it, then. Tomorrow, he would outrun some vampires.
x X x
The next day, he spent all morning watching the school parking lot. It was just around lunch time, when people were out walking around and eating, that he spotted her. She was standing next to that boy again-the Mike kid-and was easy to get to. He didn't want to steal her in public, though, and he should probably check to see if she really wanted to, but…
Oh, what the hell. He wrenched the throttle on the bike and it roared forward, streaking up onto the sidewalk. He turned it to the side and it squealed to a stop, leaving a black streak on the ground. Everyone turned and stared, but Jacob couldn't hear their jabbering over the roar of the engine. "Run, Bella!" he shouted.
She glanced at him, and then turned to Mike beside her. Jacob waited as they spoke for just a moment, then Bella kissed him on the cheek-huh. So does leading people on just come naturally to her or…?-and bolted for his bike. She clambered on and, as soon as he felt her arms tighten around his waist, he wrenched the throttle again with a "Hold on!" and they tore down the long street towards La Push.
60... 70... 80...
They were nearing nearly ninety miles per hour as they raced across the Quileute borderline-fast enough that a vampire would have to work damn hard to catch them-and only slowed down once they'd crossed it.
Jacob grinned, and then burst into laughter. "We made it! Not bad for a prison break, eh?"
"Good thinking, Jake!" she shouted back, and she sounded happy.
"I remembered what you said about the psychic leech not being able to predict what I'm going to do. I'm glad you didn't think of this-she wouldn't have let you go to school."
"That's why I didn't consider it."
The werewolf laughed again. "What do you want to do today?"
"Anything!" And her laughter rang with triumph and freedom.
x X x
Twenty minutes later, they were back on the beach together. Jacob was worried, though. Unlike last time, Bella didn't completely dwarf Edward in his mind… they almost stood as equals. It was like the vampire taint had clung to him this time and he couldn't scrub it off by being around a human.
"Do you think they'll come looking for you?" he asked at last.
"No. They're going to be furious with me tonight, though," she replied grimly.
Jacob picked up a rock and tossed it into the waves, watching it skip once and fall through the surface. He could almost already picture Edward's furious face as he raced across the borderline, almost as fast a werewolf, and tackled him, shoving him to the ground and-
"Don't go back, then."
She snorted. "Charlie would love that."
Jacob shrugged. "I bet he wouldn't mind."
Bella was silent for a long moment, and then perked up. "So what's the latest pack scandal?" she asked, a little too lightly.
Jacob froze in his tracks and looked down at her. That sounded like an icebreaker to something. Did she find something out? Is it about me? Or Quil? Or…?
She blinked up at him. "What? That was a joke."
"Oh."
"…Is there a scandal?"
Jacob chuckled, but it was a bit forced. "I forgot what it's like, not having everyone know everything all the time," he lied smoothly, "Having a little quiet, private place inside my head." This is ridiculous. Now I'm just getting paranoid…
"So what is it?" Bella tried again. "That everyone in your head already knows?"
He hesitated a moment, wondering if he should tell her, but then decided she could use a distraction too. "Quil imprinted. That's three now. The rest of us are starting to get worried. Maybe it's more common than the stories say…"
It was weird, Jake. Surprisingly easy, really. I just looked at her, and then… I don't know. It's like she's the most important thing to me I feel like a mom, or something. Like this girl is my sole reason for living, Quil had explained, wide-eyed and confused-but not unhappy.
Jacob's looked at Bella. Outside of the pack, she was the most important thing to him, so why wasn't he imprinting? He cared about her health and happiness, and he loved her, so… What wasn't he doing? He stared at her harder, focusing on just sinking into her gaze. This is Bella. This is who I love, you stupid inner wolf. Imprint… imprint…
Bella shifted uncomfortably. "What are you staring at?"
He sighed. "Nothing." Girls. Soft parts. Gentle niceness. C'mon, wolf…
Jacob hesitated a moment, and then reached for her hand and took it. She let him and Jacob allowed himself a quiet smile. This had to work. It just had to!
"Why is Quil's imprinting such a scandal? Is it because he's the newest one?" Bella asked after a few minutes' silence.
"That doesn't have anything to do with it."
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's another one of those legend things," he lowered his voice, almost talking to himself, "I wonder when we're going to stop being surprised that they're all true?"
"Are you going to tell me? Or do I have to guess?" she asked impatiently.
A corner of Jacob's lips twitched. "You're never get it right. See, Quil hasn't been hanging out with us, you know, until just recently. So he hadn't been around Emily's place much…"
"Quil imprinted on Emily, too?"
Jacob choked on air. "No!" I told you not to guess!" He cleared his throat. "Emily had her two nieces down for a visit… and Quil met Claire."
And there was the moment where he had to tell her. How could he explain, though, without her getting the wrong idea? He couldn't blame her if she did, since nearly every wolf freaked out until they phased again and through Quil's mind… they understood.
"Emily doesn't want her niece with a werewolf?" Bella asked, confused. "That's a little hypocritical."
"Would you please stop guessing? You're way off. Emily doesn't mind that part, it's just, well, a little early," Jacob explained defensively, though he knew he was dancing around the issue.
"What do you mean early?" Bella knew it, too.
"Try not to be judgmental, okay?"
Bella nodded silently.
Jacob opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "Claire is two."
Bella was utterly silent. Just as Jacob was about to say something else, he was interrupted by several water droplets hitting his shirt and then full-on rain. Bella was still silent as water rained down on them both, sliding along the hems of Bella's jacket but soaking through Jacob's shirt and making it cling to his overheated skin.
"Quil… imprinted… with a two-year-old?" she said at last.
"It happens," Jacob shrugged as casually as he could and bent to pick up another rock from the sand. "Or so the stories say." He flung it out into the water.
"But she's a baby," Bella protested, sounding rather stunned.
"Quil's not getting any older," Jacob replied firmly. "He'll just have to be patient for a few decades."
It was what Sam had said when everyone found out. Of course, Paul had followed it up with a Patient for what?, which made Jared cover his head and say I swear, if I start fantasizing about a toddler, I'm ditching this crazy pack. Quil had been utterly humiliated by it all and the pack knew it, so they were all making an effort to be understanding. Jacob and Sam already understood that there was a certain inevitability to love, but the rest… Well, it was something to get adjusted to.
"I… don't know what to say," Bella said at last. Jacob looked down to meet her gaze, but she was staring at the ground, horror and a good degree of disgust clearly written across her expression.
"You're making judgments. I can see it on your face," Jacob growled, defensive on behalf of Quil. Since Jacob still wasn't phasing with the others, Quil had had to come and explain it in person, and they had sat and talked for a long time. Quil didn't judge Jacob for swearing his life to a leech-lover so Jacob didn't judge Quil for swearing his life to a two-year-old.
"Sorry," Bella muttered, "But it sounds really creepy."
"It's not like that; you've got it all wrong." Jacob picked up another rock and threw it. How can I explain this? How can I make this make sense? He took a deep breath. "I've seen what it's like, through his eyes"-at least, after he explained it to me-"There's nothing romantic about it at all, not for Quil, not now. It's so hard to describe… It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her." Sometimes it feels like I've lost myself, Jacob. Like I'm just what she wants, what she needs. I'm just an extension of what she requires. Jared had said, when Jacob had expressed his fears to the man that imprinting seemed to be taking him over. You're right, it's scary. But since it's what she wants… it's what I want-or what I have to want. I can't tell the difference anymore.
"You become whatever she needs you to be," Jacob continued, "whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother. Quil will be the best, kindest big brother any kid ever had. There isn't a toddler on the planet that will be more carefully looked after than that little girl will be. And then, when she's older and needs a friend, he'll be the more understanding, trustworthy, and reliable than anyone else she knows. And then, when she's grown up, they'll be as happy as Emily and Sam." And doesn't that just ring with irony?
"Doesn't Claire get a choice here?" No, her soul already made the choice for her.
"Of course," Jacob said instead, "But why wouldn't she choose him, in the end? He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone." Like the center of his universe is only her and there's nothing in life she'll go without that he can give. The perfect pet.
They walked in silence for a while longer, until Bella reached down and grabbed a rock too. Seeing her toss the rock and watching it fall several meters from its goal broke the tension a bit.
"We can't all be freakishly strong," she muttered when Jacob laughed.
They were quiet for a moment longer, and then Bella asked, "When do you think it will happen for you?"
"Never," Jacob replied flatly.
"It's not something you can control, is it?"
Jacob hesitated, then admitted, "It's not supposed to be. But you have to see her-the one that's supposedly meant for you."
"And you think that if you haven't seen her yet, then she's not out there? Jacob, you haven't really seen much of the world-less than me, even."
Jacob turned and stared at Bella, hard and piercing. More than anything else in the world, he wanted to imprint on her. It would be perfect. They would be perfect. If only Bella and Jacob-the-wolf could see that. "No, I haven't," he said lowly, "But I'll never see anyone else, Bella. I only see you. Even when I close my eyes and try to see something else. Ask Quil or Embry. It drives them all crazy." And it was the truth. None of the pack could stand how fixated Jacob seemed to be on a girl they all knew was hopeless. It had to work, though. It just had to.
Bella looked downed and Jacob looked up, watching the rain fall.
"Maybe I'd better go home," she whispered.
"No!" No, she can't go home. This is my only chance! I can be straight, I can be normal, if only this thing with Bella could… just… work, dammit. I love her. She's my chance to get away from all this supernatural crap. Away from being a uncontrollable werewolf. And away from Edward.
Bella just stared at him.
"You have the whole day off, right? The bloodsuckers won't be home yet."
Her stare turned into a glare and Jacob quickly backed up. "No offense intended."
"Yes, I have the whole day. But, Jake…"
He was being too pushy, and he knew it. He would have to take a step back-to allow her to take a step forward. "Sorry," he held up his hands innocently. "I won't be like that anymore. I'll just be Jacob."
"But if that's what you're thinking…"
"Don't worry about me!" he said brightly. "I know what I'm doing. Just tell me if I'm upsetting you." Please don't leave me.
"I don't know…"
"C'mon, Bella. Let's go back to the house and get our bikes. You've got to ride a motorcycle regularly to keep it in tune." Not to mention those were the good old days. You remember those, don't you, Bells?
"I really don't think I'm allowed."
"By who? Charlie or the blood-" Stop and think. "Or him?"
"Both."
But he could see she had caved. She would come with him, be his friend, learn that they really were great together. Jacob hesitantly grinned, and then brightened when she grinned back.
"I won't tell anyone," he promised.
Bella half-heartedly snorted. "Except every one of your friends."
"I promise not to think about it."
She laughed. "If I get hurt, it was because I tripped."
I won't let you get hurt. Not again. "Whatever you say."
And for the rest of the afternoon, they rode. Jacob tried, every minute of every hour they were together. He didn't know what imprinting felt like, but he like anything else he attempted, he figured he would succeed if he just tried hard enough. And he did. He focused on Bella as hard as he could. From her warm, bright eyes to the soft brown hair that fell around her shoulders to the grin she flashed every time her motorcycle accelerated and startled her into an adrenaline rush. She was beautiful. And he loved her.
But Edward rattled there, in the back of his mind. During their drives all up and down the road to La Push, Jacob must have had at least a hundred fantasies of them being caught by the irate vampire. And then a rush of heat would flash through all of Jacob's body-even hotter than the werewolf that already lurked under his skin-and Jacob's mind would start to go fuzzy and a red mist would cover his vision. And then the too-hot-too-cold touch between them; the fury mixed with nausea mixed with the headiest thrill of lust…
But no. Jacob wanted Bella. He would have her. Not him.
It was his mantra-her not him, her not him-as he made sandwiches for their lunch-dinner and they carried sodas into the garage to eat with them.
"This is nice," Bella commented, sitting down with her food, "I've missed this place."
Jacob smiled and looked around the dingy garage. It was cheap and a little dirty, but it was rather nice in a feels-like-home sort of way, wasn't it? "Yeah, I can understand that. All the splendor of the Taj Mahal, without the inconvenience and expense of traveling to India."
"To Washington's little Taj Mahal," Bella raised her can and grinned at him.
Jacob touched his can to hers. "Do you remember last Valentine's Day? I think that was the last time you were here-the last time when things were still… normal, I mean."
Bella laughed. "Of course I remember. I traded a lifetime of servitude for a box of conversational hearts. That's not something I'm likely to forget."
Jacob laughed along with her. "That's right. Hmm, servitude… I'll have to think of something good." He sighed, though, as his mood declined again. "It feels like it was years ago. Another era. A happier one."
He reached over at let his hand lightly brush Bella's. "Things have really changed."
"Yeah," she agreed, "Charlie used to like me. I hope Billy doesn't say anything about today…" she bit her lip, worried, but Jacob wasn't.
"He won't. He doesn't get worked up about things the way Charlie does." Time to initiate Plan Take Down Bella's Walls One At A Time. They had to be okay with each other before she could ever move beyond that.
"Hey, I never did apologize officially for that stupid move with the bike. I'm really sorry about ratting you out to Charlie. I wish I hadn't."
She looked unforgiving. "Me, too."
"I'm really, really sorry." He stared at her pleadingly.
"Oh, fine!" she growled at last. "You're forgiven."
He grinned again. "Thanks, Bells!"
But there's another important thing. Something we have to get straight before I can ever fall in love with her. "You know that day, when I brought the bike over… I've been wanting to ask you something." he hesitated. "But also… not wanting to."
Bella froze.
"Were you just being stubborn because you were mad at me, or were you really serious?" he asked quietly.
"About what?" she whispered back, but Jacob guessed that she already knew the answer.
"You know. When you said it was none of my business… if-if he bit you," and he couldn't quite stifle a cringe at that thought. Beautiful Bella, her skin frozen over, her eyes darkened to coal, and the light human scent drenched in the sickening, rotting sweetness of vampirism.
"Jake…" she started, but couldn't finish.
"Were you serious?" he repeated, and the tremors started.
"Yes," she whispered.
He inhaled, grabbing the wolf and shoving it back down. It had no place in human conversation, and Jacob didn't want to share minds with the pack anyway. "I guess I know that," he murmured in reply.
"You know what this will mean?" Jacob asked suddenly. "You do understand that, don't you? What will happen if they break the treaty?"
"We'll leave first." So she does understand.
"There wasn't a geographic limit to the treaty, Bella. Our great-grandfathers only agreed to keep the peace because the Cullens swore that they were different, that humans weren't in danger from them. They promised they would never kill or change anyone ever again. If they go back on their word, the treaty is meaningless, and they are no different than any other vampires. Once that's established, when we find them again-"
"But, Jake, didn't you break the treaty already?" she protested. "Wasn't part of it that you not tell people about the vampires? And you told me. So isn't the treaty sort of moot, anyhow?"
Ha, yeah, when I was a fool of a kid. Trailing after some girl who batted her eyelashes for information. "Yeah, I broke the treaty-back before I believed any of it. And I'm sure they were informed of that," he glared, "But it's not like that gives them a freebie or anything. There's no fault for a fault. They have only one option if they object to what I did. The same option we'll have when they break the treaty: to attack. To start the war."
And suddenly, all he could think about was that he couldn't believe it was happening. It was all too fast, way too fast, and he didn't have time to think. To figure out where he wanted to move his pieces. He remembered watching Jurassic Park a few years ago, where the characters just attacked by one thing after another after another and there was never any time to just think. It felt like that. Panicked, rushed. What if they did fall in love, but Bella still wanted to be a vampire? Or what if, worst-case-scenario, something did happen with the Edward… situation? There were so many ways this could go wrong, but he didn't have time for a better plan. And this plan of figuring out himself with Bella… he just didn't think it was going to work. Not with the hourglass drained as far as it already was.
Bella shuddered, probably imagining what the war would be like. "Jake, it doesn't have to be that way."
The worst part was, he knew which side she's choose. He knew who she'd be praying for. "It is that way," he growled. And just as suddenly as the last epiphany, he knew it wouldn't work. The situation was complicated enough without him dragging Bella even deeper into his life. What would imprinting accomplish? Could werewolves even imprint on vampires, or stay imprinted on a girl who became a vampire? And he still wanted to, desperately needed to, thrash the situation out with Edward as well. He wasn't going to let it stand how it was-however stupid not letting it stand would be. God damn it, I have to know. I have to know. Is Jacob the wolf gay, or is Jacob the human gay, too?
"Will you never forgive me, Jacob?" For becoming a vampire? No. She just doesn't get it! Why? Have I not made that clear enough?
"You won't be Bella anymore. My friend won't exist. There'll be no one to forgive."
"That sounds like a no," she whispered sadly.
I need time to think. I can't say anything correctly right now.
Jacob waited silently, his unspoken ultimatum clear. It may not apply to right then, but it was something she would have to think about over the next decade. At least they had then. Ten years might not be enough to fall in love or fall out of love, but it was something. A handful of years to use.
"Is this goodbye then, Jake?" Wait, does she think this applies to right now?
"Why?" he asked, puzzled. "We still have a few years. Can't we be friends until we're out of time?"
"Years? No, Jake, not years. Weeks is more accurate-" Snap. "Jake!"
He was on his feet, trembling so violently his mouth was already snarling like a real wolf, and he could see his skin blur. He was vaguely aware of a sharp ball of aluminum in his fist and of soda running down his forearm and dripping onto his shoes. His inner wolf reared again, but Jacob grappled with it and forced it back down. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Humans had self-control, and so Jacob would have self-control. He wasn't an animal.
"Weeks," he said flatly, opening his eyes and glaring at her. He couldn't believe it. This beautiful girl was going to become a vampire in so little time that there wasn't any to think. None.
She stared back with stark terror and didn't move. Jacob tried to convey his feelings in a humanly manner again.
"He's going to change you into a filthy bloodsucker in just a few weeks?" he all but hissed.
She nodded silently. Jacob felt like he was going to be sick. Most people, including him, could expect certain things from their tomorrows. They may not know exactly how they would go, but they had an idea. Jacob… had nothing. He didn't even know where he'd be in an hour. He had no future. It was nauseatingly terrifying.
"Of course, Jake," Bella whispered, after the silence had drug on. "He's seventeen, Jacob. And I get closer to nineteen every day. Besides, what's the point it waiting? He's all I want. What else can I do?"
You lose, Jacob.
"Sorry," Bella had said, "Age is kind of a touchy subject for me."
"Anything!" Jacob gasped out, and the word was nearly a sob, "Anything else! You'd be better off dead, I'd rather you were!"
"Maybe you'll get lucky," and Jacob dazedly realized his mistake when he heard the pain in her voice. "Maybe I'll get hit by a truck on my way back."
Bella jumped to her feet, throwing down her food and climbing onto the motorcycle they'd fixed together. In the garage where he'd fallen in love with her. And with a fountain of mud, she left it and him, streaking down the road where he'd lost her.
Jacob was too shocked and horrified to chase after her. He just couldn't believe… he didn't have years to figure himself and Bella and Edward out-he had weeks. Weeks! And maybe it seemed like a long time to the other kids in his high school, but to him… that was nothing.
They must want to change her by the end of June. By graduation. 'Good job making it through school, dear, here's a pair of vampire fangs in your throat!' And suddenly, he felt like hurling again. He knew he had lost Bella, just like that. Ruined any chance with her at all. Even worse, other than aesthetically, he hadn't been attracted to her since she'd arrived…
Now all he wanted was the slow burn of Edward's presence to drive off any last bits of sanity he had left. Just let the vampire stench and the ice cold touch smother his mind and let logical instincts take over. Desolately, and blind to the pouring rain drenching his shirt and making his feet slosh in his shoes, Jacob began wandering up the road Bella had taken. The only road in and out of La Push. The road where Jacob had driven Edward off, too. Well, maybe driven him off. Jacob wasn't a fool-he had seen the arousal in the other man's eyes before he leapt into his car and disappeared. Is that a good thing? Do I want that?
He wondered, vaguely, what Cullen would think if he could hear his thoughts now. Could he hear his thoughts now? He knew it was some sort of range-system. Maybe the louder his thoughts were, the greater the range. Maybe, he thought as the miles stretched on and he neared the borderline, Edward would hear me if I just reached for his mind and screamed for all it was worth. He'd probably come to taunt me, or to kill me if Bella was that hurt, but at least he'd be here…
And so, kneeling in the mud on the side of the road, that exactly what Jacob did.
x X x
"Hello, mutt."
Contrary to what most people thought, werewolves did get worn down by the cold eventually, and so it was with a rather fuzzy mind that Jacob raised his head and looked at the man who had just spoken. Hello, Edward.
"I heard from Alice that Bella came home crying her eyes out and hating you. Care to tell me what you said?"
"I said… a lot of things… that were better left unsaid," Jacob replied truthfully. But feeling pathetic or not, he didn't want to look pathetic, so he hauled himself back to his feet as he said it. It was still raining and Edward was dripping wet. It ran through his hair and across stone skin that seemed to just deflect it. His expression was nearly unreadable, but Jacob could tell he wasn't angry. Just… something else.
"Why did you say those things?" The vampire asked.
Jacob narrowed his eyes and between his body warming back up from motion and the wolf taking notice of a vampire nearby, he was beginning to wake up.
"Bella said you were planning to kill her in less than a month," Jacob answered, feeling strangely calm. He had run out of shouting and howling when he was calling for the vampire for nearly an hour. Now… now he just wanted to make a point.
Edward looked regretful, but resolute. "As much as it pains me, yes."
Jacob narrowed his eyes, the strange calm beginning to stir into an angry mix of emotions, none of them mellow in the least. He stared at him, feeling his hands start to tremble lightly. Edward took a couple steps too close again, like he had in the field, but Jacob refused to back down this time. He wasn't going to bend over every time that bloodsucker wanted. Even if he had wanted the bloodsucker there. Even if the bloodsucker's expression was softening into almost pitying concern. No, I don't need it.
"Why?" Jacob demanded, feeling the tremors begin to move up his arm and settle in his chest as threatening rumbles. The strong werewolf was back-with nothing to lose-and so was the Edward-inducing fog on his mind. How could he have forgotten this feeling? It was filthy and raw, but at least it was real. The level of gritty realism was amazing, really. It was the same feeling Jacob used to get when he took down an animal and it died with the sickeningly-loud sound of tearing flesh.
"It's what she wants, and I've already promised. I don't see what it has to do with you," Edward responded smoothly, with just the slightest hint of superiority, and completely ignored all the thoughts he must have been picking up from Jacob. The werewolf fumed. The other man was so calm, so unmoved by it all. Didn't he feel the same dark temptation that he did? The same urge to see how far they could push this?
"No. I don't." Edward's voice became sharper, and Jacob felt his instincts push to counter the challenge-the werewolf not wanting to shown up by a vampire, the man not wanting to be shown up by another man. And, in a way, Jacob Black not wanting to be shown up by Edward Cullen. Two steps and Jacob was nose-to-nose with the leech, his sickly sweet scent flooding the wolf's nostrils and making his lip curl a bit-but he wasn't to be deterred by that.
What are you doing? the logical part of his brain asked quietly. Jacob ignored it. Absently, he noted the rain dwindling off into just the occasional drops, but the evening sky was still dark and unforgiving. Edward took a step back, his unreadable expression flickering slightly.
It was sort of appallingly fun, the situation Jacob had gotten himself into. It was a bit like Fear Factor… Jacob had survived his worst fear, standing unarmed in front of a hungry vampire, and now it was time for his second challenge of doing something disgusting. The competitors always had to do something disgusting.
So what would you do for a million dollars, Jake? Eat a spider? Swim in blood?
Kiss a vampire?
Edward, probably hearing the direction Jacob's thoughts were taking, took an apprehensive step backwards. "Jacob, no. I didn't come here to… to…" He trailed off as Jacob deliberately stepped into his personal space again, close enough to taste his chill breath.
"I can't believe you're going to turn her into a leech like you already," Jacob all-but-hissed, furious for a multitude of reasons-none of which were particularly reasonable. Furious, but alive. But once again, his emotions began to shift and the fury became the same thing he felt when he had assaulted the vampire the last time they were on this street… the rush of an addiction being supplied. The joy of a pothead who gets his next bag of leaves. The sweet relief of a heroin-addict who gets his next vial of chemicals. The uncontrollable compulsion of a tweaker to get the next inhale of his newest fix. Insane. Unhealthy. Too good.
Jacob almost couldn't believe Edward was forcing the thing between them to a head already. He has to have felt the shift between us. He has to know we can't just leave it sitting in the corner like a big, tense pink elephant.
"I'm spoken for," Edward said quickly, his voice coming out in a rush of air.
"So?" Jacob replied, and vaguely felt a flash of concern. Sam and Jared had warned him that his hormone surges might knock him out of whack a bit, but… How much was this werewolf thing going to change him? Jacob had already felt a bit of a shift when the Cullens had come back, but now his morals had slid even more towards self-benefit than usual lately.
Edward, sensing Jacob's growing self-awareness, breathed a slight sigh of relief. Jacob half-smiled to himself. What, did he think the awareness changed anything? Oh, no. He was open for a change. Besides, Bella hadn't seemed to like shy and demure Jacob very much, anyway. And neither did Edward.
Following an impulse, Jacob reached out and grabbed Edward's wrist in a hard, tight grip. He still felt like cold, hard stone. Inhuman. Edward growled at him and tried to pull away-but seemed to be trying to still be gentle. Did he have no sense of roughness, of any lack of grace? Sure he did. Jacob had seen it himself. Well, I'll just have to show him the fun in it, then…
"Let go of me," Edward murmured lowly, meeting Jacob's gaze and probably trying to intimidating him into letting go. It wasn't going to be that easy, though. They were both clothed, and so they were more equal than during the first confrontation, and neither of them was blinded by anger like their second confrontation, so they were also thinking more clearly. And because of both of those things, Jacob had plans-plans he was careful not to think about, lest Edward pick it from his mind and see it coming.
"Can I just see something?" Jacob asked, a bit of mocking in his tone.
Looking back, Edward really should've said no. He should have told Jacob to go screw himself and walked off. It would have saved them both a lot of future grief. Instead, he simply said, "Fine," returning the mocking tone. Good. I was hoping for that.
Sending reason off with a light wave and a causal 'see ya later!", Jacob pulled Edward close with the hand that held his wrist and grabbed his other wrist, deliberately inhaling the sharp tang-like rotting cotton candy-and kissed him.
Cold, hard, inhuman, undead. It made Jacob want to kiss the human life back into him; like Edward was Sleeping Beauty and Jacob could pull the deadened heat from his lips and the warm flush back to his cheeks if he just loved him hard enough. All the while, Jacob found himself slipping away. What was so great about human girls, anyway? He seemed to have forgotten.
Edward twisted one wrist and Jacob grudgingly let it go, expecting a swift punch, but received a hand in his hair instead. He wished he could ask why, but that would mean pushing away the freezing cold soaking through their clothes and battling Jacob's burning heat. It would mean an end to the heady rush slowly going to the werewolf's head. Jacob wrapped his now-free hand around Edward's lower back, slipping warm fingers under the hem of his shirt, and felt him spasm in response. It was perversely delicious-and running on the heels of shock and lust, the fury flared back to life and Jacob mentally staggered under the combination of all three. He wanted to bite and hurt and punish, to penalize Edward for doing this to him, but he didn't know how-not when he wanted Edward to enjoy it too, for some reason. And the lips on his were ripping the ground from under him and making his sanity slip that much further. Ignoring the twists in his mind and stomach, Jacob slid the hand just resting against the vampire's back around his waist to pull him closer and Edward grabbed a hold of one of the werewolf's belt loops with the hand that wasn't in his hair, pulling their pelvises together as close as their chests were.
Oh-my-god-what-are-you-doing-please-stop! Jacob's mind wailed loudly, but he ignored it. After all, what did a wolf know of propriety and restraint? It simply took what it wanted, when it wanted, and concerned itself with consequences later. And wasn't that what Edward called him? A mutt. A dog. Stupid animal.
"I-didn't-" Edward gasped out, still reeling from the shock of Jacob's latest attack, but Jacob cut him off.
"Shut up," he snarled. Like he really cared what stupid epithets Edward used. He felt his lips snag on the other man's as he spoke and that seemed much more important. It was exhilarating, addictive, like hunting and killing. Hot, cold, fire, ice. Jacob was hard already.
Does-the-word-VAMPIRE-mean-anything-to-you? the mental howl continued in distress.
Edward stopped breathing and Jacob's breath was coming out in short, ragged gasps. The hand in his hair tightened into a fist and yanked at his locks, forcing his head back. Jacob gasped again at the feel of a freezing tongue against his neck and shuddered at the feather-light rake of Edward's harmless teeth. Jacob felt like Lucy, swooning in Dracula's hands and he jerked his head back up to stare at Edward. The vampire's eyes were black and he still looked horrified and fascinated. Why? his heated gaze asked. Why? Why? Why?
Good fucking question.
Jacob pressed up against him again, trying to reassert his dominance, but it seemed like Edward was tired of being the one chased and controlled. He kissed him back, angry and unforgiving, like this was Jacob's fault.
Jacob matched him, move for move, and felt an answering hardness pressed against his. The wolf in him reared up and demanded that he sink his teeth into the scruff of the other man's neck now that he'd been accepted, but Jacob couldn't reach it and he didn't feel like turning him around. Instead, he leaned forward and bit the side of the vampire's throat, at the sensitive bit of flesh over his collarbone-and as he did, he ran his hand even further up under Edward's shirt, sending a shock of heat even he could feel up his back. Edward's hips jerked against his, and the thrill transferred to Jacob as well. He might as well have been biting a soft rock, and Edward tasted even worse than he smelled, but what did Jacob care? I'm doing this to him! Me! He was the only thing that could make the vampire lose his cool.
Even better, who was around to stop them?
They seemed to have the same thought at the same time-that there were suddenly too many clothes involved. They had brushed hands and arms and lips, but that was it. This would be entirely new and different. Jacob let go of Edward and grabbed the front of his shirt, attempting to undo the buttons, just as Edward grabbed the bottom hem of Jacob's shirt and yanked upwards. Jacob's found his head and arms suddenly tangled and he was slightly disoriented until Edward gave another yank and threw the shirt in the mud. Jacob growled-he liked that shirt-but he had plenty of others.
He quickly turned his attention back to Edward's shirt and fiddled with the buttons. Dammit! He was shaking too hard to undo them. But oh well, it wasn't like it was Edward's only shirt, either. He hooked two fingers over the top hem and yanked downwards, ripping every button from the threads that held them in place, and showered both their feet with the tiny bits of plastic. This time, it was Edward's turn to growl, but it's hard to look threatening when you're being undressed, so Jacob ignored it.
For a moment, there was a Now what? pause, but then Jacob placed both hands against the ice cold expanse of skin in front of him and felt Edward cover his hands with his own and shudder in response. The vampire slowly ran his fingers down Jacob's arms, over his shoulders, and then against every line of muscle his wolf phasing had given him. Their transformations left no room for extra fat, so it all melted down into muscle and sinew. Quil had been rather thrilled about that, Jacob remembered.
"Any particular reason you're thinking about Quil and his chest right now?" Edward asked wryly.
"Oh shut up," Jacob repeated, but without its typical bite. He ran one hand up Edward's chest, over his neck and rested it against Edward's jaw. How strange… Jacob squinted and stared until Edward looked away. "What are you staring at?"
"You're… very surreal, you know that? Sort of… ethereal. Not even there. I don't know how anyone mistakes you for being human." Both their voices were quiet-as if speaking too loudly would break the spell.
"Aren't you afraid of me? At least a little bit?" Edward asked.
Jacob shook his head, "No, not really. You as a man scares me more than you as vampire. Are you afraid of me?"
"Yes. Men that have nothing to lose are the most dangerous sort."
Jacob barked out a laugh. "I have things to lose. But maybe I want to lose them."
"But why this way? Why me? It doesn't make any sense." Edward breathed as he fell back against one of the trees that lined the road. Jacob followed the motion until they stood remarkably similar to the way they had stood in the field.
"What, you think this makes sense to me?" Jacob gave a twisted sort of smile. "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing."
"You're a fool." But there was a vibration of a laugh in his comment.
"I don't see you walking away." Jacob replied, and the flick his thumb made to pop the first button of Edward's jeans was almost a caress.
For the rest of the night, they were locked in a sort of battle. The whole time, it felt as if Edward's ice was trying to freeze Jacob's fire while his fire tried to melt Edward's ice. It was as brutal as a fight to the death, but there was also a strand of intimacy wound through the violence and confusion. It was a sparkle of light that crawled through the muck, somehow making it even more intense than it would have been. It was exhilarating. Filthy, but exhilarating. People shouldn't get a kick out of a struggle to defy Nature, but Jacob did; and since Edward was there, Jacob figured he probably did, too.
And as the sky slowly cleared to show a huge expanse of stars and the moon crawled through the sea of glittering specks, Jacob realized he was happy. Not exactly in the bubbly, sunny way he was usually happy… But he felt assured, content. Somehow, in Edward's arms, there was a stable place to stand. A future he still couldn't guarantee, but trusted. The fear and pain had dampened when ice cold fingers twined with his, and Jacob… was happy.
"But now it's too late, it's taking over me,
It feels so supernatural.
And I'm pulled the other way, it's more than I can take
And I'm losing hold of everything.
No matter how I try, you know I can't deny
'Cause you feel so supernatural."
~"Supernatural" by Daughtry
Author's Note: So, technically I stole that conversation between the wolves from a conversation I overheard in the lunch room about a week ago, but I twisted it to fit. It worked surprisingly well. x3
Anyway, all of the last chapter was Edward angsting about his newfound issues, and here's Jacob angsting about his, so now we can move forward… At least we got a good breakthrough at the end!
And yeah, I posted the censored and edited version. This is fanfiction-dot-net after all.
Though I realized something awesome about having supernatural creatures together: I can totally have that humanly-unrealistic, pornfully fun, ripping-clothes-off-each-other moment.
Oh, and do you guys-wherever you're from-call meth addicts "tweakers"? I was unsure about using the term, since I wasn't sure how common it was… but I threw it in anyway. Let me know if there's something more widely-known, though.
Next chapter coming in just a couple days. =D