"Harley. Daddy's in the mood for some playtime."
Harley opened her eyes to see the Joker gently stroking her cheek, smiling at her. "Um…not right now, Mr. J, I got a headache," she said, yawning.
"You had a headache last night," he retorted, frowning.
"Yeah, I got another one," she snapped. "Probably getting a cold or something, and I wouldn't wanna pass that onto you. And I'm tired tonight, puddin'. Let's just go to sleep, ok?"
"Aw, c'mon, baby," he whispered, nuzzling her face. "Doncha wanna have a little fun with Daddy?"
Harley gazed at him. "Is that all this is to you?" she murmured. "Fun?"
"Of course not, pumpkin pie," he replied. "At the moment, it's work."
"Work?!" repeated Harley, furiously.
"Yeah. Not in that it's difficult, or anything, just that it helps me with my work…"
She rolled away from him angrily. "Well, I'm real sorry I can't help you with your work tonight, Mr. J," she snapped sarcastically.
He looked at her. "Harley, what's the matter?" he murmured. "I thought you'd be happy about this. You inspire me, baby, I need you…"
"No, you need my body, Mr. J!" she snapped. "You could probably have sex with anyone and the result would be the same! It's not me you need, it's the…parts I have! Why doncha just go buy an inflatable doll or something?"
He stared at her. "Harley, baby, I'm surprised at you," he murmured. "Is that really all you see yourself as? My sex doll?"
"At the moment, yes, Mr. J!" snapped Harley. "Because you don't seem to care about my feelings as long as your satisfied by your little schemes and plots! Do you even think about me when we're together?! Or do you think about him?! You probably are in love with him, just like Red said!"
He sighed heavily. "Oh God, you've been talking to the Weed Lady. No wonder you're in a bad mood. The crazy bitch probably told you all kinds of made-up crap…"
"I went to see her, Mr. J, to see if she could give me any advice about how to make you interested in me again!" shrieked Harley. "Me, Mr. J! Not my body, not the Bat, not this inspirational sex muse you seem to have, but me! Harley Quinn! But maybe that's all you were interested in from the beginning! Maybe I was just a tool for you to use, first to escape from Arkham, and now to…inspire you! Well, I'm sick of being used, Mr. J! I just wanna be loved again!"
She burst into tears. He gazed at her for a long time, and then gently embraced her. "Harley," he murmured. "Harley, my stupid, silly little baby."
He tilted her chin up and grinned. "You really are impossible to satisfy, aren't you? Maybe that's why I don't try. When I'm ignoring you, you complain about that, and then when I'm with you every night, you complain about that."
"You ain't with me, Mr. J," she whispered. "That's the problem. You're off somewhere in your head with the Bat."
He kissed her tenderly. "I'm with you, Harley," he murmured. "Y'see, I'm a genius. You know that, pumpkin. But even a genius can't be brilliant all the time. He can't be brilliant if things in his world ain't right, for instance. You remember that time when I thought the Bat was dead? You remember how I was all depressed until I realized it wasn't true? You know why that was?"
"Well…yeah. Because you need the Bat, Mr. J. He makes you happy," replied Harley.
"Yeah. I need him. It's a mad world, Harley girl, you know that if anyone does. Guy could go crazy in it really easily, unless he has something to hang onto, something stable, like an anchor keeping him sane. Or at least, keeping him in the kinda madness he's used to. Bats is one of my anchors. When he's around, I know who I am. I'm the Joker, his arch-nemesis. I know who I am, and I know what to do. The future is clear and bright. I have a purpose, and a plan, and I'm happy. If he suddenly got taken away…things wouldn't be right. I couldn't be the genius that I am. You understand that?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But what's any of that got to do with this, Mr. J?"
He kissed her again. "Because you're the other anchor, baby," he murmured. "When I'm with you, close to you, near you, inside you…I know everything's right. And so my genius can assert itself. It creeps out of the dark corners of my mind and makes everything clear to me. It's fragile, though, genius. You gotta seize it when it appears. And it's moody too, sometimes it don't appear when you wanna. Sometimes you need to do something to inspire it."
He stroked her hair back. "When I'm with you, it knows it's safe. It knows it can come out. It trusts you, baby, and it needs you. People sometimes compare genius to a child. And my child needs my Harley girl to put a smile on his face. I dunno why he's so reluctant to show himself right now, but I'm just glad he's got you to fall back on. Or to fall on your back for him, I guess," he chuckled.
He cupped her face gently. "It's funny, y'know," he murmured. "Quite the little joke, really."
"What, puddin'?" she whispered.
"You got no brains, you got no talents, you're a useless, annoying, worthless little thorn in my side who just clings on and don't let go," he murmured. "And yet for some reason, maybe because you ain't got any genius of your own, you're a perfect inspiration for my genius. You're like a lightning rod – genius passes through you without actually touching you. And yet people do need those in storms, y'know. Completely useless most of the time, lightning rods, but when the storm hits…well, people are glad it's there."
"Yeah? You're…glad I'm here, Mr. J?" whispered Harley, tears in her eyes.
"I was talking about lightning rods, Harley," he said, yawning. "Didn't say anything about you, did I? Now go to sleep so you can get over your headache."
He rolled over away from her. Harley stared at the ceiling thinking about what he had said, and then cuddled up next to him. "I love you, Mr. J," she whispered.
"Yeah, yeah, I know," he murmured.
"Goodnight, my genius," she whispered.
He was silent for a long time and Harley figured he had fallen asleep. Then he whispered, "Goodnight, my little joke."
It certainly wasn't the most complimentary thing a guy had ever called a gal. But as Harley drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face, she couldn't imagine anything else she'd rather be.