-1Author's Note: I know what you're thinking, but you know that saying? It isn't over until the fat lady sings? The same is true of this story. The final pairing isn't clear until the very end. You will think it is Meredith and Derek. You will think it is Meredith and Mark. In the end it will be…well you will have to wait and see!
Brilliant sunlight sparkled off the choppy water of Puget Sound. Almost blinded by the searing white glare, Meredith slid a pair of tortoise shell print sunglasses onto her face. She would have still worn them even if the sun hadn't been so bright; a night of crying had left her with dark circles and a puffy redness that was anything but attractive. Sniffling a bit, she takes the keys out of the ignition of her Volkswagen Jetta, curling her fingers around them. She sits there for a minute, gripping her keys and fighting the urge to burst into another round of tears.
"Get a grip, Meredith. You did this to yourself," she whispers, blinking back a few tears that had slipped past. Taking a deep breath, she climbed out of the car, cursing when furniture truck rumbles by, spraying mucking water on the legs of her faded jeans. "Oh come on, could the day get any worse?" She slammed her car door shut, hurrying for the curb before another vehicle could come along.
Half jogging, half walking Meredith made her way to the small outdoor café she had agreed to meet Izzie at. It was a favorite of their's, giving them a bird's eye view of the docks. Lot's of prime eye candy on those docks. They use to spend hours there, rating the men who disembarked from the ferries. Then Izzie's school load had doubled, and her boyfriend had made her feel guilty for not being home to answer his calls.
"You made it." Izzie waved at her from what use to be their usual table. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, the front puffed just a bit. In typical college kid fashion she wore a fitted t shirt that didn't quite meet her low slung faded jeans, allowing everyone a view of her butterfly tattoo and the diamond belly button ring. "Wow, you look like hell."
"Gee. Thanks. Good to see you too." Meredith jerked out the chair across from Izzie's. She dropped into it, not bothering to check if it was clean or dry. At this point she didn't care. She was already a mess, physically and emotionally.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Izzie leaned her forearms on the small, round table. Genuine concern shown in her dark colored eyes. "We don't have to…but if you want to…"
Meredith shook her head. The pain was too new, too raw. She couldn't talk about it just yet. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I always end up fine." She reached up, sliding her sunglasses off her face, nestling them into her mussed dark blonde hair. "So, George proposed?"
Izzie wrinkled her nose, her annoyance over George's audacity quite clear. "Yes. He did it last Thursday. Took me to The Archfield, ordered this ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne, and then just said 'I think it's time, Izzie.' Of course, silly me, I had to ask him what time he was referring to. Marriage, he said. Marriage and sex. Can you believe him! He proposes, doesn't even wait for my answer, just says he has a room for us to celebrate in." She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "I have told him over and over again that marriage is not part of my plan. At least not until I graduate. And if he thinks I'm having sex with him before we get married he is wrong. So wrong."
Cocking one eyebrow up, Meredith studies her friend. Izzie's life plan was a constant source of amusement. Supposedly she had made it back in the ninth grade. It had been a Home Economics assignment. First and foremost on her list was resolution to not have any children until she was at least thirty, there for she would not be having sex until she was married. Understandable since her own mother had only been fourteen when she was born. Second was graduating from college with a masters in psychology. Guidance counselor Izzie would become a reality in two years. Marriage was last on the list, and only after graduating from college. In some ways Meredith admired Izzie's diligence in making certain her life list became a reality, in others she felt pity, Izzie wasn't really living, she was only existing. "You know, Iz, maybe it isn't just about sex with George. Maybe he's just tired of feeling like he's second in your life."
"But he is second," Izzie looked at her, her eyes muddied with confusion. "He knew he was going to be second until I graduate."
Meredith glanced down at her hands. She didn't know why she was butting her nose into Izzie's business. Most likely it was to distract herself from the mess she had made of her own life. "Is that really fair though?" She looks back up at her friend. "Is it really fair to make him put his life on hold because you're scared?"
"I'm not scared, Meredith. I just know what I want. And there is nothing wrong or unfair about that. He knew the score. He chose to stay in this relationship. If he wants to get out, to go live, I'm fine with that." Izzie shrugged.
"Really? If George was to call you right now and say he was leaving you, you would be okay with that?" Meredith couldn't keep her shock from her voice. This was a side of Izzie she had never side, a really sad side. "Izzie, that is so sad."
"What's sad about it? I don't want someone who doesn't love me enough to wait." Izzie took a sip of the ice tea that had, until now, sat untouched in front of her. "By the way, Mark called me this morning. What's up with him hiring his brother? And why didn't you tell me we were going to hire another bar tender? This isn't going to effect my hours is it?"
Her lips parted. Mark had hired his brother without talking to Derek and her? Correction, her. She had no idea if he had talked to Derek or not. "This won't effect your hours," Meredith assured Izzie. She could kill Mark. This had best not be a sign of how the future was going to be. If it was, their business was going to end up a mess.
"Good. I still can't believe you are hiring him. Have you ever met him?" Meredith shook her head. She had never met any of Mark's family. She knew his mom was twice divorced and was currently married to a man Mark couldn't stand, that he had a half brother named Alex, who had a tendency for finding trouble, and a step-sister named Rebecca, who seemed to have a thing for Alex. "Well, I have. He's in my Marriage and The Family class. He's an ass, Meredith. All he does is goof around. He's constantly flirting with these skanky girls, and you know it's only because they put out. When I found out he was Mark's brother, I thought maybe I could be his friend. I even introduced myself. He acted like he hadn't heard me, like I wasn't even there. And do you know why? Because some bleached blonde bitch of a cheerleader wearing a skirt was bent over and her thong was showing."
Meredith had no idea what to say in response to Izzie's angry out burst. Alex sounded a lot like his older brother. Mark use to do the same thing back when they attended college together. She could remember this one time he knocked this girl's books off her desk so the girl would have to bend over and pick them up. Thinking about Mark had the lump in her throat forming again, her chest tightening, and tears burning in her eyes again. "I lied. I'm not fine. I do need to talk." She took a deep breath, whispering a short prayer that whoever was in charge would give her strength. "So, the other night, the guys and I were joking around about what lousy taste I have in men."
"Your taste does suck," Izzie agreed, nodding her head, a solemn look on her pretty face.
"Thank you, Izzie." Meredith propped her elbows on the table, burying her face in her hands. "The joking kind of got serious after a while though. We started talking about whether or not we had ever had feelings, other than friendship for each other." She peeked through her fingers. Izzie was just staring at her, a troubled look on her face. "I got this note, with a blind fold. I knew one of them had sent it, and I have to admit I've always wondered. I thought I could do it. That I could just have sex with one of them and it wouldn't matter. Only it did because it wasn't just sex. It was so much more."
"And now you don't know which guy it was," Izzie said sympathetically. She scooted her chair closer to Meredith's. "Have you thought about just asking? Explain that you think there is something more than friendship there and you want to see where it goes."
"I should have talked to you last night," Meredith sniffed. "I thought it was Derek. The way he acted, I was so certain it was Derek. So, I threw myself at him. Had sex with him in the office." Izzie's eyes widen, her mouth drops open just a bit. "Only, surprise, surprise, Mark walks in. Turns out, Mark was the guy from the night before."
"Wow. Did you try and explain that you thought it was Derek? That it was really him you wanted? It is him that you want right?" Izzie tucked her arm through Meredith's.
"Yeah. It's Mark I want. I love, Iz. I always have. I just…never realized how much until now. And now…" She paused, hiccupping. "Now I've ruined everything." It was the story of her life. Meredith Grey, life ruiner.
"Maybe not," Izzie said, squeezing her arm. "Just keep telling him that you care, that it's him that you want. You also need to tell Derek that what happened last night can't happen again, that it was a mistake and shouldn't have happened to begin with."
"I wish it was that simple," Meredith replied miserably.
"It is that simple. This is only as hard as you make it Meredith."
Meredith lifted her head. Was Izzie right? Was she making this harder than it really was? She sat up straighter, hiccupping again. Izzie was right, she was making this harder than it had to be. If Mark thought she was going to lay down and wallow in self pity he was only half right. She would wallow, she would lay down, but when she done he had best be prepared. For once in her life Meredith had met a man worth fighting for, and she was going to fight hard.