A/N: No violence in this one, but there is a Shay/Delphine scene with disturbing dialog. And a bit more angst...
Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.
Chapter 4
Cosima had finally fallen asleep on the sofa, covered in a blanket Scott had retrieved from the bedroom. The rest of them had move to the kitchen table, Sarah sitting where she could watch her sister sleep.
"Back in the shite pile again," she said tiredly. "Or did we ever get out?"
"What do we do next?" Felix asked.
"I don't know." She looked at Siobhan. "What do you think we should do?"
"Sarah, you and your sisters are all driven, intelligent, and willful women. But you're the leader here. You're the one they come to when there's trouble. Why do you think Delphine sent her message to you? You're the one they look to for what to do next, not me. "
"Some leader. I lost one of mine, and didn't even know she was mine until days after she was bloody dead," she spit out the last words, angry with herself and, unreasonably, Delphine. "What kind of leader is that?"
"Delphine chose the fight, and chose her manner of doing it. Respect her for that and don't blame yourself for not knowing what she was about. That was obviously a part of her plan. I am proud of, and grateful to, the woman for standing up in a way precious few people would. All you can do now is honor that sacrifice, by being the leader they're choosing to follow," Siobhan pointed towards the sofa, indicating Cosima and, by extension, her sisters. "And these two, idiots," she added with a slight smile, waving at Felix and Scott. "Even Art looks to you to see what you want done next. When you're leading people in a rebellion, and you are doing that, Love, small though it is, there are going to be losses. When they happen, you give yourself a moment, a moment," she stressed, "to grieve. And then keep moving. Keep THEM moving. But to do that, you have to have a goal you're moving towards and know what the next step is to getting there. What's the end goal?"
"I dunno," she shook her head. "It's just all too big. Too many things that could be happening right now or might not be happening right now. And if I guess wrong…."
"No, that's tactical, that's you thinking about what you should be doing now to get there. Not what you want to be looking at when all the dust finally clears and you're standing at the end of this road. Start with the end and work backwards."
"All of us, living normal lives, without monitors, without Dyad or Topside or Neolution or the military knocking on our doors every other day trying to dissect us to learn more." She sighed. "I think Cosima was right," she said, letting her eyes drift over to the sleeping woman. "We're eventually going to have to go public."
"But," Scott offered hesitantly, "won't that be the reverse of having a normal life? Won't that bring everyone to your door?"
"Yeah, it will be a shitestorm but that's my specialty. And even though we might still end up locked away, the world will know we're here, and it will pull Neolution and the rest of them out from under their rocks. That might at least keep them too busy surviving to cause us trouble for a while? We have to fit in this world, and they won't let us do it quietly because they consider us "product," Sarah used the word Delphine had thrown out once in front of Ferdinand. That word had secretly burned in Sarah's gut, helping to fuel her distrust of the woman. "They won't let us live like normal people if they feel entitled to study, analyze, and end us however they choose. And who knows how many of us there are out there that don't even know it."
"In the meantime," Felix interrupted with a thought, "won't Cosima and Scott disappearing trigger an anxiety attack in Dyad? I mean, they're used to you disappearing all the time, but if Cosima does too, that's two self-aware clones gone. They might decide to give up the charade of freedom they gave you all and black bag Allison while they can."
"I hadn't thought of that. Shit. We need to get ahold of Allison, get her out here too."
"Wait, wait….let's think this through," Siobhan counseled. "Cosima didn't move out here until this morning, so she hasn't been gone a full day. They won't be nervous yet. And I think you'll get a fight from Allison on disappearing her family."
"So, maybe we need to keep them NOT nervous while we're hiding out here working," Felix offered. "As long as they see Cosima once a day or so going into or out of her apartment I'd think that would keep them all warm and fuzzy. You know they're watching somehow."
"But Cosima needs to be out here, working. Which I suspect is going to be another problem come morning."
"Yeah," Felix said, "but that's still hours away. And you know as well as I do that it doesn't have to actually BE Cosima, it just has to look like her. I have a surprise for you back at my flat. Dread locks, in Cosima's color. I knew you'd need it one day, so I planned ahead."
"You got me a Cosima wig? How'd you manage that?"
"Do you have any idea how many queens I know? Getting a wig of ANY kind is not such a big problem. And it's not actually Cosima's hair, just enough dreads to spill out from under a hat to do the trick. Just don't take the hat off."
"Yeah, that'll work. I'll keep up the pretense she's looking for a lab, all out in the open like. The clone shell game," she snorted. She thought for a while.
"Ok. Item 1, keep this place safe. No cell phones - batteries and sim cards out at all times until you are back in the city somewhere. I'll bring new burners when I come back. When coming out here, don't drive straight out of the city towards it. Drive out to the countryside in a different direction, somewhere open, and make sure you're not being followed. Then circle back round, yeah?
"Something else," Siobhan interjected. "I think you need to get Helena out here… and you need to arm her." Siobhan looked worried about her own idea. "Some of these people are obviously done playing games. I think we need a person or two like that as well, and she more than qualifies."
"So do you," Sarah added. "Yeah, I'm not sure about arming Helena though. Impulse control issues. But I'll talk to her when I get back into the city, bring her back out with me".
Item 2, we keep Dyad thinking we're playing nice. Well, that Cosima and Allison are anyway.
Item 3, Scott, I'm counting on you to keep Cosima focused and working. I don't know how you're going to be able to do that, but you have to work fast. We know she's running out of time." He nodded back, looking determined.
"Item 4, Plan for the big picture. If we come out publicly, where and how? And how do we do it without putting all of our unsuspecting sisters, around the bloody world, in danger?"
"Oh, no problem," Felix remarked airily. "We can have that done by breakfast."
Sarah smiled at his sarcasm. "We need to figure out how to find them all, first. I can ask Cal if he can hack Dyad's research files to find that out. After we have that, then we'll have to figure out how to get in touch with them and let them know what's going on without them freaking out, alerting their monitors, or doing anything stupid."
She also had an Item 5, but that was hers to do. She didn't want to share any part of it with the rest of them until it was done. Find the fucker who had killed Delphine. Sarah needed to pay this debt off.
. . . . .
They slept in shifts that night so that someone was always downstairs with Cosima. She slept fitfully on the sofa, sometimes waking up to just stare at the ceiling, sometimes crying, but always going back to sleep as an escape. As the sky was just starting to lighten, Sarah was curled up on the loveseat trying to read a book she had downloaded weeks ago, but not able to focus for more than a paragraph at a time. With no internet connection, she was hard pressed to find anything else to do to keep her mind off of current events.
"Did she suffer?" Cosima asked quietly. Sarah hadn't been expecting the question, hadn't even known Cosima was awake. And so she wasn't prepared. Cosima, watching her closely, saw the hesitation. "She did, I can tell from the look on your face." But Cosima wasn't crying, instead appeared beyond the tears of the previous night, wrung completely out. She moved into a sitting position and pulled her legs up to her chest.
Sarah set aside her laptop and went to sit beside her sister, pulling her close. "It wasn't instant. But it wasn't long."
"She saw it coming?"
"Yeah. And she turned to face it."
"How…was it done?"
Sarah sighed. "Please don't do this to yourself."
"What I'm imagining is probably worse. If you won't show me, I need you to tell me. I need to know."
"She was shot once, and was conscious for no more than a minute, before she was put into the trunk. Then she was shot 2 more times to end it."
"A minute can be a long time."
"Yeah." They sat in silence, each considering how very long a minute could be.
"She loved you. In a complete kind of way most people never get. She loved you enough to let you go, to get you away from her when she obviously knew shit was getting serious. And she loved you enough to walk back into Dyad that night, knowing what was coming, to keep you safe." Sarah sighed. "But we really need you to keep it together now. I'm sorry you don't have the time to mourn her the way she deserves, the way you want. But we can't lose you too. We need that cure, and that has to come from you."
"And Scott."
"And you!" she stressed. "It's what Delphine wanted, to give you a chance.
"I know. I will. After coffee. And maybe a shower."
"Yeah?" Sarah searched her face closely. "Ok. While you were sleeping, we thought it might be a good idea if Dyad spies thought you were still home looking for a lab. So I'm going to head back to the city and spend some time at your place."
"Sure."
"Since I'm being you, and we aren't using cell phones out here, would it be ok if I took your old phone back with me? Just in case they are monitoring the old batch of burners?"
"Yeah, makes sense," she said listlessly. "Not like there's anyone left to call me except Allison."
"I'll pick up new burners on my way back out here."
Felix came down the stairs and, on seeing the sisters made a detour. Sliding over the back of the couch on Cosima's free side, he engulfed both of them in a hug and kissed Cosima on the top of her head. "We've all got you, Cos."
She leaned her head towards him, "Thanks, Felix."
"Well, I have to get ready to head out", Sarah said as she disentangled herself from the group. She wanted to say more, to say, Please be ok, but that would be useless and stupid. It wouldn't be ok until it was. Instead, she headed up the stairs to get her things.
Felix and Cosima sat in silence for a moment, Felix's arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Did Delphine ever tell you the details of her and Sarah's first meeting, when she was pretending to be you at Dyad?"
"Yeah, she said Sarah passed herself off easily with Leekie. Delphine figured it out from her attitude and a closer look at the lack of dreads."
"Did she tell you she kissed Sarah before she knew it wasn't you?"
"She did?" Cosima smiled. "I mean, she didn't – tell me, I mean. Do you think she was afraid I'd be jealous?"
"Doubt it, it probably didn't even register with her. But," he paused to allow for a bit of drama, "it weirded Sarah all the hell out."
Cosima raised her head to look at him. "Sarah doesn't seem the type to be weirded out by being kissed by a woman."
"My thoughts exactly. So of course, when she was telling me about it, I asked her why that was. Apparently, my sister found Delphine to be a great kisser."
"Oh she did, did she?" Cosima a short but real laugh, exactly what Felix had been aiming for in the telling. "Yeah, she was," but her smile faltered at the past tense.
"What can I do?" Felix asked simply.
"Nothing you aren't already doing. Thank you, Felix." She hugged him, hard. "Except maybe coffee?"
"That I can do," he said, getting up and heading for the kitchen.
As soon as his back was to her, she leaned over and retrieved Sarah's computer. It hadn't yet gone into screen saver mode. She opened the root file folder and typed in a search for most recent files by date. Only 3 of them were video files, and two of them she recognized from last night. That made the third one the one she was looking for.
She hit play.
. . . . .
Sarah made her way down the stairs with her bag. Cosima seemed even more subdued as she retrieved the requested, distinctive red coat and her cell phone for Sarah. It'll take time, Sarah thought, as she packed up her laptop.
Once she was in the city, she called Cal. "Hey, any luck hunting down the killer's car?"
"No. It was reported stolen, no surprise. I tried running a search for the license plate through the city traffic cameras on the night it happened, but there were no hits. The killer must have avoided the main roads. I have been hacking smaller security systems in the area around Dyad for that night looking for it, but so far no dice. I am hoping the car will turn up somewhere so I can at least map a route from Dyad to wherever it ended up. Then I can narrow the field to just security systems along the more likely routes between those two points. Until then, I'm working outwards in a circular pattern around Dyad. But I'm basically hoping to get lucky. How is it going there?"
"Cosima caught us out, we had to tell her. She's destroyed right now. I'm going to be staying at her place in the city, pretend to be her for anyone who may be watching. I also have to fill in Allison and Helena. Mrs. S says to bring Helena back. With guns. She thinks we might need her for protection."
"Do you think that's wise?"
"Well, if anyone comes for us, I like the idea of her being armed. If they don't, I hate the idea of her being armed. I wish we knew for sure what they were up to. Was it just Delphine? Or are they coming for all of us? I figure pretending to be Cosima should get me that answer fairly soon. They'd come for her before Allison, since she would be more likely to have Kendall's samples."
"I don't like the idea of you playing bait! What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking we need to know! And we don't have an inside person anymore." Cal was silent on the other end.
"Cal, is there any way you can break into Dyad's research files to try to find a list of all of the clones?"
"Just the words 'research files' is hugely broad. It would be another needle in a needle stack search. I can try, but I can only do one thing at time with this. So, do you want me searching for this car, or do you want me searching for a list of clones?"
"Car first. I need this part done so we can all move on."
. . . . .
Cosima had made her way out to the lab, only to find Scott, asleep at his table. He obviously worked the night through. Since she was on her second cup of coffee, she place her cup down next to his face. He startled awake.
"Sorry," she said distractedly. "You looked like you needed this more than me right now."
"Hey, Cosima…. I'm so…" he started.
"No, I know. Everyone's sorry, me included. Nothing left to do but keep moving forward." She moved over to see what he had been working on. "Where are we at?"
"I isolated the target sequence in Kendall's DNA. I'm running PCRs now.
"Well, let's start prepping for the next phase," she said tiredly.
. . . . .
Sarah sat in the downstairs living area of the Hendrix house, having just finished relaying all of the recent events. Helena had insisted on seeing the videos, all of them. She watched the parking lot video several times, she even watched the breakup video Delphine had made for Cosima, although Sarah didn't understand why. Even Cosima hadn't watched that one, knowing it was a lie.
Allison and Donnie were still in shock, but Helena was taking it in stride. She hadn't known Delphine, hadn't even met her actually. The sisters had made sure to hide her from Dyad, and this Delphine had been Dyad.
"Delphine's dead," Allison summarized numbly.
Sarah just nodded. Having become familiar with Allison's coping process, she just waited for Allison to work it through.
"And she left us a secret safe-house, with a lab?"
More waiting.
"And Cosima found out last night?" She finished. "Oh, poor Cosima! How is she doing?"
"Terrible, and it's still all sinking in." Sarah figured that was enough waiting. Allison hadn't reached the implication stage yet, so she would just have to force the issue.
"Allison, Donnie, we don't know if the hit on Delphine was just meant to get rid of her or if it was the start to a management change at Dyad and a house cleaning where we're concerned. We can get you and the kids to the safe house if you want, but there wouldn't be any coming back. Dyad will know we all ran. We'd have to stay running. Understand?"
"You think that's what's happening?" Donnie jumped up and started to pace. "Are they coming now?" He was suddenly itching to get his gun from upstairs to protect his family.
"We can't know for sure. But it has been most of a week since Delphine was killed and nothing has happened to you or to Cosima from that front. That's the only reason I didn't rush you out of the house when I first got here. This is your decision. Run or wait and see."
"Sit down, Donnie. What is Cosima doing?"
"She's out at the safe house working with Scott. But she's also still going to be here, because I'm going to be her for a bit. That way she hasn't disappeared as far as they know."
"So you'll be here too? Ok. I don't want to risk angering Dyad if it isn't necessary, or uprooting my family. I've always tried to play by their rules, so that they wouldn't clean us up. I would think that would buy me some leeway, don't you?"
"Possibly, but it makes you an easy target."
"Unthreatening, I'm going with," she said, pointing a finger at Sarah. But her eyes were still unusually wide. "I think we stay for now. At least for as long as you do, playing Cosima. And we see what happens. Donnie and I can protect ourselves," she rationalized. "And it's a real comfort to have Helena here too." She smiled tightly at her blonder, crazier double.
Helena stared back, Sarah's laptop in her lap, having just finished watching the parking lot video again, scrutinizing each of the movements of the assassin.
"Well, that's the other thing. If the science is going to be at the safe house, we're sitting ducks if they do find us. We wanted to bring Helena out there, to protect it and us. Just in case?" She looked at her twin, making it a question.
Helena looked back at her, eyes flat. "To kill if they come?"
"Yeah," it hurt Sarah to say it. Her sister was a killer, had been tortured and brainwashed into becoming one, and was genuinely fighting to overcome her conditioning. And Sarah was asking her to possibly kill again.
Offer Allison a shot of tequila while you're at it, she thought to herself. Clean sweep in pulling the rug out from under all your sisters in under 24 hours.
"I can do this," was all Helena said before going back to the video.
"We'll need weapons, from your storage locker."
"Lots of weapons, yes. War is coming," she said, looking down at the frozen image of a bloody trunk. "Possibly not now, but soon. Many weapons, we will bring."
. . . . .
While Donnie used the minivan to take Helena to her storage locker, Sarah went and picked up her new wig from Felix's flat. As promised, it was a circle of dreadlocks attached to a center piece designed into a clip.
She wrapped, tucked, and pinned up her hair before clipping on the hair piece. She added a beige stocking cap and checked the profile in the mirror before heading to Cosima's place.
Cosima's apartment was one she had gotten after accepting a job with Dyad. Like Cosima herself, the place was small, functional, and littered with clothes. Sarah set about going through the clothing on the floor, bed, dresser, and kitchen table, picking out items she would be willing to wear during her stints as Cosima.
After modifying her wardrobe, she headed to the coffee shop on the corner to be seen. The trick to pretending to be someone else, in their own neighborhood, was not to make eye contact with anyone and walk like you were running late. Then you could be forgiven for not noticing a friend or acquaintance that you didn't really know. If they called out and stopped you, well then you had to tap dance. But most times, they just figured they would catch you later when you weren't so busy.
So Sarah walked quickly, head down in apparent thought, all the way to the coffee shop. After ordering her drink, she started back to Cosima's apartment, grateful no one had stopped to talk to her.
"Hey Cosima," a pretty blond stepped into her path, blocking her exit. Great. Sarah smile at the woman. Please let this NOT be Shay. One Sapphic kiss from a Cosima girl in a lifetime was plenty, and Delphine had already claimed that one.
"How are you?"
"Uh, about the same," Sarah answered, being as non-committal as possible. You never knew what little things might be said or missed otherwise. Edging her way around the woman, she managed to make it out the door but the woman followed. Sarah slowed her pace so she didn't appear rude. Cosima would never be rude.
"Still feeling ok?" the woman said, searching Sarah's face with concern.
"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm doing fine right now." Obviously Cosima had shared her health issues with this woman. It must be Shay.
"And I'm guessing since you're running away, you haven't changed your mind about us?" she offered with a sad smile.
"No, no, I haven't changed my mind. Sorry." Cosima liked them blond and beautiful, that was sure.
"Damn. I know I said our last night together would be enough, but you are addictive. Should be a controlled substance actually."
Sarah offered a muted Cosima-bashful smile and stopped walking. This wasn't going to be a quick exit situation. "Look, Shay,…um… I have an interview I really need to get to."
"Still looking for a job? Well, I have a cousin who works as a lab tech at University Hospital. He says they have several openings. I suspect you are way overqualified, given you worked on secret science shit. But it's a medical environment, you'd be working in a hospital, you know, if you needed that." Shay's voice conveyed her obvious concern.
"Thank you," Cosima-grateful tilt of the head. "You don't have to do that, though. I'll be ok." Sarah knew Cosima would have hugged the woman, or at least reached out a hand to her arm. She used contact to convey her emotions more than anyone Sarah knew. It must be a cultural thing. But there was no way Sarah was doing that with a woman who was obviously trying to get back together with Cosima, or at least work in a few more benefits.
"Are you sure? I know Dyad covered all your medical needs, so now that they aren't in the picture…" her voice trailed off.
"I'm sure. I have that covered. But I really do have to go, or I'll be late." Sarah turned to walk away again.
"Have you seen Delphine?"
A cold chill blew down Sarah's spine. Her tone had sounded the same as Rudy's had when he had told her to count her sisters. She turned back to face Shay.
"Why would you ask that?" Sarah tried to keep the suspicion out of her Cosima-voice, but she knew there was an edge to her words anyway.
Shay held up both hands, "Hey, whoa, it's ok. I just figured, she is a doctor, your doctor until your split. Now that you aren't with Dyad, I just thought that was one less pile of shit between you. It would make sense if you were back together and she was taking care of your medical needs." She paused and looked down, then looked back up through her lashes. "I would be incredibly jealous about any other needs she might be taking care of, mind you, but I would also be grateful to know you were looked after...by someone who loves you. And who you still love."
Her explanation sounded so very rational, but Sarah's antennae were still twitching from the mention of Delphine at all. Shay shows up in Cosma's life just as Delphine is withdrawing. She's all kinds of reasonable about a breakup, but still working the angles to try to get back in. She's letting Cosima know about a job at a hospital lab, conveniently positioned for her medical care, but also conveniently a lab, with all the equipment needed to run Kendall's blood analysis or whatever. That tone, when Sarah's back had been turned…she wished she'd been watching Shay's face at the time. And isn't she just about 5'3?
Sarah was thinking fast about how to respond. She was tempted to say yes, Cosima and Delphine were back together, so Shay would leave. But if she is a spy, monitor or other, she might already know the answer is no.
"No, not Delphine. I think she's in Europe. But I have my regular doctor keeping an eye on things. I'm good, really."
"Ok. I'm glad you're doing well. I'm going to stop throwing myself at you now, pick up whatever scraps of dignity I can find scattered around, and let you go," she laughed and gave Sarah an endearing smile. "But, remember what I said about holding your hand," her smile turned more serious and regretful.
Ok, Sarah knew Cosima would not have been able to resist that look and offer of a touch. So, she reached out and took Shay's hand. But what to say so she didn't get in any deeper. What was it Felix had said about lesbian exs, always wanting to stay friends? She'd go with that.
"You can have my hand, any time, but anything more wouldn't be fair to you."
Sarah thought that had sounded harmless enough, but Shay gave her an odd look. Shite, she had missed something subtle in the exchange that only Cosima would have known. Time to hope she had kept things generic enough so that Shay thought the misunderstanding was on her side, not Cosima's.
"I am always here if you need me," Shay said, giving her hand a squeeze. "Anytime. Let me know if you want my cousin's contact information. He can give you more details about the lab tech job if you're interested."
"Yeah, thanks. I'll think about it…I really have to go."
As soon as Sarah was far enough away, she pulled out her cell phone and called Cal.
"I need you to check on someone for me."
. . . . .
For Delphine, time was not a thing she wanted to register. But it kept moving forward. Days? Weeks? Eventually, her conscious time began to be more than just a few minutes here and there, and her mind was becoming more and more aware of her precarious position.
Several medical personnel took turns caring for her, their care impersonal but proficient. When she was very unlucky, Shay would take a turn. That usually required re-closing portions of her incision that mysteriously tore open when she was "examining" the wound. Unfortunately, Delphine's condition had improved to the point that she no longer lost consciousness with the pain.
Over time, they had stopped the blood transfusions, and the sporadic, under-dosed pain medications. Only yesterday, they finally removed the catheter and had her walk to the bathroom instead. Walking was problematic at first because they hadn't done any physical therapy during her convalescence, but pain was a good motivator, and Shay knew how to motivate. The rest of the time she was kept shackled, one arm handcuffed to a metal loop in the wall next to her cot, and basically ignored.
For that she was grateful, but it left her far too much time to worry. She had seen guards standing outside the storeroom door, impossible to mistake with their hard eyes and the bulge of guns under jackets. In her current condition, there was no way she could get past them even if she did manage to free herself from the wall.
And she worried about Cosima. She knew Shay was insinuating her way further into the trusting woman's life and heart, Cosima all the while unaware what vile creature was sleeping next to her. Shay made sure to keep her up to date on that progress quite regularly, with explicit detail. It was obvious the woman was a pure psychopath, incapable of forming any real emotional attachments, but exceedingly adept at imitating them. Her complete lack of empathy had translated into a sadistic streak.
As much as possible, Delphine tried not to speak to any of her captors. But Shay delighted in forcing her to interact. Usually, she did that through pain, but sometimes she would try to elicit a reaction by providing prurient details of her visits with Cosima, details Delphine knew from personal experience were accurate.
Delphine knew any emotional response from her would only amplify Shay's behaviors and prolong her efforts, so she tried as much as possible not to react to either the psychological or physical stimuli. But pain can be used to create involuntary reactions, and Shay would work until she got one. If Delphine held out long enough, however, she would usually be bored with the game by that time, and settle for one victory, instead of descending into a sadistic feeding frenzy. Delphine had learned this from experience.
To pass the time and try to distract herself, she had several mental exercises she used to help her stay focused. She was involved in one such activity, identifying items she could see in the room and brainstorming for each how it could be used either to escape or to kill, when Shay entered. Delphine turned her gaze to the ceiling above her and, as inconspicuously as possible, laid her free arm along her wounded side as a barrier.
"Good evening, Delphine." She sounded as smooth and sweet as usual, but Delphine knew the calmer Shay was, the more she was looking forward to whatever was coming. Her stomach tightened, waiting for the strike.
"Good news for you this evening, I won't be here long. I'm meeting Cosima for dinner at her place. She is adorable when she's needy, isn't she?" Shay had gone straight to the saline drip to check the level. "I'm going to discontinue your IV. But you are going to eat and drink a reasonable amount each day, or I will start forced feedings. I can promise you won't like them if I do."
Delphine nodded, not because she had any intention of complying, but rather the appearance of cooperation would also bore Shay.
"Your weight has dropped low enough, I'm going to give you a high calorie liquid supplement," Shay talked as she reached for the arm with the IV and turned it to the light. Peeling the tape back without any regard to being gentle, she began to remove the needle. She paused, the needle still under the skin, to stare at Delphine's forearm.
Delphine closed her eyes, knowing what the woman had finally noticed. The needle was removed, a Band-Aid affixed. And then she felt a finger run from the base of her wrist half way up the center of her forearm arm.
"Hmmm…let me guess. Boarding School?" Delphine could hear the smile in Shay's voice. She felt a hand turn her other arm, the one attached to the wall with the handcuffs, and another finger tracing a line there as well. "My complements to whoever did the plastic surgery. The scars are almost invisible. You'd have to be looking very closely to see them at all."
"Does Cosima know?" She waited a moment for a response she knew wasn't coming just to consider how she could use this information. "I may have to do some in depth research on you, going back to your school days.
"Oh, if I only had more time to prepare."
Delphine knew what she would find, the events were a matter of public record, despite her name never being used. But just the thought of Shay knowing those details made her stomach turn.
"When I finally dragged my ass out of bed this morning Cosima was already headed out to an interview. She still hasn't picked a lab, despite our network making her offers. She suspects they're all setups, but she's getting desperate now. She was coughing up blood last night, quite a bit of it actually. She cried after, while I held her. I think maybe she's starting to enter that acceptance phase." Shay watched Delphine closely.
Delphine turned her face to the wall, a soul crushing dread spreading through her, wondering what had gone wrong. If Sarah had received her message, Cosima should be at the house working in the lab there. Maybe the email application had failed to send her messages. Or Sarah hadn't trusted her message and had ignored the safe house. But if Cosima didn't have a lab, didn't have HER lab, then they weren't working on the cure. And she is coughing up blood now? How long?
Shay had started to smile at her subtle signs of distress, attributing them to Cosima's supposed decline.
"Well, if she won't bring the genetic material to one of our conveniently provided labs, I have officially been authorized to use you to convince her." Delphine knew this was what the woman had been working towards with this visit. "You're not in very good shape, but you're probably good enough to take some damage without dying now." She poked a finger into Delphine's wounded side, just under the arm she had tried to use to protect it. Delphine grunted at the jab, curling her arm to cover as much of her injury as she could, but did not turn from the wall or offer any other resistance.
"Yes, it's time to use you. I'm still working on the best way of accomplishing that." Shay sighed. "But that also means my sexual relationship with Cosima will be coming to an end. One last tumble tonight after dinner. Any tips?" Shay ran a single finger down Delphine's cheek waiting several heartbeats before continuing.
"As it turns out, I already have it all planned. We want another blood sample from her to get new numbers. A little trank in her wine, draw the sample, send it off via courier. And then Cosima is all mine for the rest of the night." Shay brought her lips to Delphine's ear. "For some of the things I've been wanting to do to her, I don't need her conscious."
Delphine struggled to control her breathing as rage boiled up in her at the thought of Cosima at Shay's complete mercy. She shook with it, as Shay laughed and kissed her cheek.
Delphine had already concluded escape was impossible, but given the chance, Shay within reach, and a sharp object, she would happily protect Cosima one last time. She would look for that opportunity every minute.
. . . . .
Cal called Sarah back a few hours later.
"Ok, the big things…she was in the military, looks like deployments with medical teams, including into some very hot zones. No additional details on that front, other than there doesn't appear to be a discharge date. That sounds ominously Castor-like to me."
"But if Coady is out of play, then Castor is dead. She could be freelance, or a Neolution mole within Castor, now needing a job and moving in on Leda instead?"
"Well, no outright proof of any of that, just circumstantial stuff. She has a trust fund apparently set up for her by her parents who died in a fire. She gets a monthly check from that, which she is obviously using to live off of since I'm not seeing other income. I'm not seeing anything else to raise any flags."
"The military angle is a big enough flag for me. She would know how to use a gun, that's for sure. Is there any way you can keep digging?"
"I think I've gone as far as I can in her background. But if what you are really asking is could she have been the one to kill Delphine, I might have some avenues to pursue. I'm going to see what cell towers Shay's registered phone pinged in the 24 hours after the murder. If that was her, I doubt she was using her personal phone for the call that came in, but she may have had it with her and turned it on later. I'll use whatever towers were pinged to pick out security cameras in those areas and hope I get lucky."
"Thank you, Cal. I really appreciate this."
. . . . .
Scott's brain felt like mush from lack of sleep and he was frustrated. Cosima was in the lab, but she spent most of the time just staring fixedly at nothing. He might as well be working alone. His frustration wasn't just at the slow rate of progress, but at Cosima's lack of concern about the lack of progress. She just didn't seem to care, wasn't invested. And while the reason why was understandable, he needed her help to be able to do this…at least in time to make a difference for her. The time she spent grieving was also the time she spent dying.
Keep her motivated, Sarah had said. Well, how the hell?
They had headed to the house for lunch, but neither of them were really very hungry. He was trying to get away from the lab for just a few minutes to clear his head. Cosima was sitting at the table staring at nothing, an untouched bowl of soup sitting in front of her.
Cosima knew she had been no help all day. She just kept replaying the video in her head of Delphine's murder. Sarah had left out details in her telling. Like Delphine reaching out of the trunk, helplessly. Like the grotesque way the killer had stroked her reaching hand with the gun. She had suffered, horribly. And Cosima wanted to make herself pay for every second of that suffering. So, she replayed the images in her mind again, and again, and again, and reminded herself she was responsible for it.
"So," Felix said, deciding to cut the quiet, "how goes it in the clone cave?"
"Agonizingly slow. We're still trying to prepare Kendall's DNA for sequencing. Once that's done, we'll load it into the sequencer and let the machine do the rest. Unfortunately, right now, we have to be more heavily involved in getting the DNA prepped. We made some progress," he concluded half-heartedly. "I'll hit it again after lunch."
"You need sleep, Scott," Cosima offered. "You didn't get any last night and you're fried. You need to take a break. Things will move better after some rest."
Her comment was not unreasonable, in fact, he knew she was right. But his frustration at her chose that moment to boil over. "We don't have time! I know you don't care about that right now, but I do! And Delphine did! Or don't you care about what she wanted? Literally, her dying request was for you to keep working on the cure. She wanted you to live! And you just sat out there all day, staring at nothing! Doing nothing! You didn't even make an effort! If you're willing to spit on the sacrifice she made for you, and just let yourself die, then I really feel sorry for Delphine because…" he hesitated, knowing it was a low blow, "you weren't worth it."
Silence ruled the table. Felix was shocked that the lab mouse had roared, but Siobhan was watching Cosima out of the corner of her eye, gauging the woman's reaction to Scott's accusations.
Cosima wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth slightly. Finally she decided to say what she had been thinking all day.
"Delphine was killed because they wanted her gone. They wanted her gone, because she was helping us. And she was helping us because I asked her to. They wanted her gone because after asking her to help us, I screwed her over with the book and with Rachel…." And with Shay, but that wasn't something Dyad would have cared about.
"We did that, not just you," Felix jumped in.
"It was my idea. I started it, by not trusting her in the first place."
Felix offered a sarcastic, "HA! Sarah and I only trusted her after we found out she was dead. You trusted her before the ultimate proof, you sat there at Allison's party and told us all so."
"Yeah, and according to the time stamp on the parking lot video, she was being murdered at about the same time I finally decided to trust her."
"What?" Mrs. S entered the conversation, horrified. "Oh Cosima, tell me you didn't watch that?"
Cosima was still rocking back and forth in her chair. "This morning, while Sarah was upstairs packing. My trust was too little, too late. If I had told her about the book, or even if I had confessed to having the copy? Or if I had told her Rachel could read it, instead of trying to break her out of Dyad? Maybe Delphine would still be alive. She would have had to give some of it to Topside, but she would still have had value to them. I didn't want her giving anything to them. I wanted her just giving to us, just to me. And I think she tried, as well as she was able, given the constraints she was under. But I still didn't get it. I still only saw what she didn't give me, not what she did, or I saw what she gave them, not what she didn't give them. Obviously, she didn't give them enough, or she gave us too much, I don't know which, and they killed her for it. And how stupid am I that I thought the worst that would happen to her is she would be fired?"
"Every time I didn't trust her, every time I betrayed her, she still came back and helped us, helped me, even though she knew what it might cost her. So you're right, Scott, I wasn't worth it, but she did it anyway. And even though part of me wants to punish myself for it, wants to lay down and let this thing rot me from the inside out, I can't do that after all that she did. Because it isn't just me she did it for."
"But I can't get that video out of my head now." She had thought she had no more capacity for tears, but confessing that the images of Delphine's execution were fixed in her mind reduced her to them once more.
"You didn't kill her, they did." Scott argued. "And you are worth it, Cosima. She knew it, I know it, everyone seems to know it but you. You didn't see risk for the very same reason we all know you're special. It's because you don't look for the potential for badness in people first. It's like the second you meet someone, you meet them with complete trust regardless of who they are or what they might have done in the past. It makes us want to live up to that trust. It's an innocence most of us lose early that you somehow held onto. We're drawn to that in you like a moth to a flame, even if it means we get burned." He paused to swallow. "You know I'm in love with you. I know I will never have a snowball's chance in hell. But I'm not going anywhere until you and your sisters are safe. That was why she kept coming back too."
Cosima threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. "I will try harder in the lab, but you have to promise me you won't let yourself get burned too."
"I am not going to promise that, but I will do my best to avoid it."
"Ok, deal. And feel free to kick my ass again if I start slacking in the lab."
Scott nodded, "I will consider it a primary responsibility."
"Why don't you go get a nap before heading back over? I'll keep the thermocyler going, keep prepping the batches. You really do need sleep, or you'll make mistakes."
With a nod, he headed upstairs to collapse for just a little while.
. . . . .
Helena and Donnie showed up at the safe house later that afternoon loaded down with weapons, new burner phones, and a huge load of cash that neither would provide details of its origins. It had made sense to use the minivan since it had more room and Donnie and Allison needed to know how to get to the safe house in case they had to run in a hurry. They had made sure to follow all of the safety guidelines Sarah had given them.
The first thing Helena did was go to the garage to find a suitable storage place. After all, it wouldn't do to have explosives in the house if the children were brought out here. As she walked in the door, Cosima looked up and offered her a tired smile that didn't touch her eyes.
Helena stopped. Her scientist sestra had always been very kind to her, not seeming to care that she was a killer. And now she was mourning. Helena was not sure how to respond. So she waited, shifting from one foot to the other, eyes looking away and then back again.
"It's ok, Helena," Cosima said, walking over to her to hug her. "You can come in. This is our place, yours too."
"Ok," she said still uncertain. But she let her eyes roam the room, quickly focusing in on the storage cabinets along the back wall. "May I look…?" She indicated the cabinets.
"Sure. It's all medical supplies. Is there something you need?"
"A place to store explosives. One cabinet will do."
"Explosives?" Cosima's eyebrows rose almost to her hairline, surprised despite herself. Between all of the other shocks she had had lately and the emotional exhaustion, she hadn't thought herself capable of surprise quite this soon.
"Yes. I bring many weapons for protection here. They are safe to store. Must have detonators attached to blow up."
"Um, yeah. Ok. Uh, the last storage cabinet has the least stuff in it. I can move the supplies into the other cabinets and give you that one if it will work?"
"Yes, this is good." Helena watched as Cosima started to move the supplies. "I am sorry for your woman?" she offered tentatively.
Cosima stilled, her back turned towards Helena. "Thank you," she said quietly. Then continued putting the supplies in her hand on the shelf without turning around. She wouldn't cry again.
"I did not know her," Helena continued, "but she was brave for you. I will remember her for this."
"Me too." Cosima finished moving the supplies and went back to work.
Helena unloaded the minivan, explosives to the garage, guns and ammo to the house. After she finished loading the last of the detonators into the cabinet and closed the door, she approached Cosima once more.
"Cosima?" She waited until her sestras attention was on her instead of the tray of tubes on the table. "Do you have pictures of sestras? I want to have copies."
"You mean, Allison and me and Sarah?"
"No, the others," she paused, looking away from Cosima's face. "The…others."
Understanding filled Cosima as Helena, still not meeting her eyes, shifted from foot to foot. Guilt. She wanted to see her victims. Cosima hadn't thought she could hurt any more than she was, but she felt pain for her sister. Damaged from childhood to turn her into a murderer, she hadn't stood a chance. She couldn't have turned out any other way and still be alive. But she was a murderer, had killed the clones in Europe, sestras just like them. And she was waking up to that reality.
Cosima didn't want to give her the pictures she had collected during their original investigations, wanted to protect her in that small way. Let her stay in denial. But she understood what Helena felt she needed. After all, Delphine had been Cosima's victim, in part, and hadn't she needed to see the results of her mistakes as penance? She didn't want to give Helena the pictures, but she would. You can't protect someone from themselves.
"Yes, I have their pictures. And yes, I will give them to you, but tonight, after dinner. Ok?"
"Yes, this is ok."
. . . . .
"Hey, the stolen car turned up," Cal sounded very excited. "And take a look at what I was able to find!" He switched to a still image, grainy security camera footage.
"This is from a convenience store a few blocks from where the car was dumped. The guy driving it? No idea who he is. But, I figured if you're dumping a car, you need a ride home. So I watched for the cars after this one. Take a look at who's driving the third car back."
It was Shay. So obviously Shay.
"That's what I needed, Cal. Thank you." Sarah said quietly. She had needed to know she had the right person before she pulled the trigger.
"What are you going to do?"
"Pay back a debt I owe."