"That's him. Bulging eye, graying temples, contempt for everything around him," Daria confirmed. She was standing just outside the classroom, Maura poking her head through the (closed) door to take another look at her old love.
"I'm not sure I'll be able to continue dating him," Maura finally concluded.
"What gave you that conclusion? Besides the decades of age difference, and the part where he can't see or hear you because you died." Maura pulled her head out from the door and stuck her tongue out at Daria.
"Well, I don't want to just leave him hanging, after all these years. Get in there, Daria."
Daria looked up from her examination of the floor between her boots. "What?"
"Get in there and tell him I said goodbye."
"Just how the hell am I supposed to do that?"
"God, am I supposed to do everything?"
"You could do that thing where you write on a paper in front of him."
Maura sighed. "Look, Daria, I've tried that before. With other people, I mean. Without fail, every one of them turns into a gibbering moron, screaming and running and pissing themselves." A thoughtful smirk appeared on her face. "Though watching Tony do that might be a laugh..."
Daria sighed. "Look, Tony...Mr. DeMartino...is the only teacher around here I have a smidgen of respect for, and...nnh...seeing him pee himself would wipe that out."
"I'm glad you agree!" her ghostly cousin beamed. "Now get in there!" She began pushing Daria, who was compelled to move forward, as the sensation of a ghost hand inside her guts gave her the willies.
Mr. DeMartino looked up from grading papers. "Ms. MORgendorffer! If you're wondering about your HOMEwork, I'm GLAD to tell you that you've shown a marked imPROVEment!"
Daria glanced back at Maura, who had the good sense to look sheepish. "Um, that's good, but that's not what I'm here to talk about."
Mr. DeMartino nodded, and leaned back expectantly. Daria gulped and scrambled through her brain for what, exactly, she was going to say.
"Um. Did you know a Maura Barksdale?" she finally started. THAT got her teacher's attention. He leaned forward in the chair, a look of surprise on his face. "She was...uh...kind of my cousin."
"Was?" All the sternness had fled his voice. "So she's dead, then?"
Daria nodded. "She died in 1958. It turns out her remains are...uh, were interred on the grounds of her house. She was accidentally buried alive."
DeMartino looked away from Daria, staring out towards the back of the classroom, at the windows in the rear wall, and outside them. Daria figured he was staring back over forty years' time. She could see tears welling up in his eyes.
Maura walked through the chalkboard and knelt beside her one-time love.
"It turns out that her last thoughts were of you," Daria added, pretending her voice wasn't hoarse from the emotion of the moment.
Maura put her arms around the teacher and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. In surprise, he put his hand up and touched the skin, then turned to Daria, bewilderment on his face. "How did..." He shook his head and blinked repeatedly, clearing his eyes of any excess moisture. "Thank you, Daria," he said, uncharacteristically referring to her by her first name.
Daria left without saying anything else, and found Maura waiting again out in the hall.
"You know what this means?" Maura asked. Daria shook her head. "I'm single again!"
Daria squinted at the ghost. "You know, you may resemble me a lot, but you take more after Quinn." A thought occurred to Daria. "How come you didn't sabotage Quinn's homework?"
Maura rolled her eyes. "You've known her for her whole life, and you have to ask me that?"
Daria nodded. "Right, you didn't have to bother helping her get bad grades. Anyway, it doesn't matter if you're single or not, because we have to think about how to get your body consecrated."
Maura thought long and hard for all of five seconds. "Boys!"
Daria bit her lip, hoping the little pain would give her patience. "Maura, I appreciate that you might have some urges after four decades, but -"
"No, silly," Maura chastised. "I meant we just get some boys to dig me out for you!"
"And how do you propose we do that?"
"Oh, poor Daria," Maura said in a sing-song voice. "Doesn't know how to flirt with boys."
"Hey!" Daria growled. "I can flirt just fine, thank you very much. Are you aware of the mental acuity of, well, every guy in this school? Of the two guys who are even in my league intellectually, one of them is seeing someone and the other one is Upchuck."
Maura raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Upchuck? Hmm. But Daria, you're missing the point. You're not going to MARRY these boys, you just need them to dig you a little itty bitty hole." She smiled faux-seductively. "If they happen to get the wrong impression that there's more to the date then that, well, that's hardly your fault, is it?" she chuckled.
"Damn," Daria swore. "You really DO take after Quinn." Daria sighed. "Alright...I'll try it."