Warnings: sexual themes, content, and hilarity. Soft PG-13

Who's Your Momma?

Once Voldemort had been taken off his high horse on Christmas, every last Death Eater was sent for a trial under the orders of Harry Potter. Surprisingly, only Lucius Malfoy and his son, excluding all found under the imperious and Severus, were deemed innocent. Now, as all of the Wizard population knew that the Malfoys were a Dark family, the majority of them were out crying for blood. Perhaps even more surprising, was that they were guilty on all accounts and would have been sent off to Azkaban had not Potter 'lied' under Veiretserum for them. Most of the people then shut up, seeing that their savior thought them not guilty, but there were a few 'Rons' that were fuming by it all. But no matter the view or opinion, everybody was wondering why Harry would do such a thing. The answer lies between him and a certain long-blond haired man.

The Slytherins were treated fairly decent back at Hogwarts, seeing as none of them were supporters of Voldemort. So life was good, well as good as it could get for Draco Malfoy. And today, at breakfast, it seemed liked a normal day. It seemed like. As soon as those mail owls appeared however, everything Draco knew was going to go to the dogs.

A beautiful owl, (one that everyone knows the owner of or else they are a very bad fan of his), with a snowy pelt descended upon Draco and his breakfast. It dropped off a short piece of parchment and then flew away with a piece of his bacon, hooting happily. "Hey!" Draco shouted at Potter's bird, but then just grumbled under his breath as he reached for the letter he had received for who knows why. A clawed leg was stuck out that stopped him.

Draco slowly looked up at the large, white bird and sucked in his breath when he saw how familiar it was to him. He would recognize that luxurious ivory coat of feathers anywhere. The sharply curved golden beak, the pointed stare of beady amber eyes, the glinting claws, the air of supremacy that kept most birds, the smart ones, away. This could be no other than his father's messenger hawk, Amoserassassi the Albino. Slowly, as if expecting Amoserassassi to strike, he untie his leg never letting his gaze fall from those eyes. As soon as he was freed from his item, he opened his beak for a loud and beautiful screech. Draco sighed and gave him a delectable treat from off his plate to shut him up. "Here, Amos. Now go home and shut up."

Amos gave him a glare, but being his mouth full of food, he could not scold his young master and flew off. He was a smart bird, he knew he did not want to be here for what will come. With him gone, Draco opened up his father's message. 'Potter will just have to wait. Just because he got me out of having to go to Azkaban and is a stuck-up, arrogant hero, does not me that I have to treat him above my own Father.'

Draco broke their family's seal, a green and silver fancy M with elaborate designs that changed from snakes to harmless lines and back again, and began to read. Son, This is very important news that I doubt you of all people will take lightly. But please keep an open mind about it. I will be at Hogwarts soon for you to meet your real mom and my wife. Draconian, Narcissa never was your mother and I never married her. However, for reasons that will be explained to you when I am there, she was asked to pretend to be such. His ending was crossed out multiple times and eventually stated: I love you Draco, and yes, even someone like me can love; I was just bitter all my life because of the Dark Lord and my irretrievable wife.

Draco's eyes had widened slightly as he read this and was just about to discard it when something else caught his eye. P.S. Do exactly what Potter tells you to in his letter. We are indebted to him for his cause. 'Well, that is odd to say the least. And thank Merlin Narcissa isn't my mother, she was too overbearing; I'll be lucky if I still am attracted to women.' He reached for Potter's message with a slight curiosity. Dear Malfoy, It must be odd to see me write a letter to you, but it is just as odd for me. For different reasons of course. Now, I'll skip the small talk and get straight to it unlike your Father. I need to speak to you. No, no, I absolutely must, I desperately need to. That's better. I'll be in Professor Snape's quarters if you do come. Which I hope you will, as your Father will be there no matter what. Draco couldn't tell if it was just him, but the words gave off a mysterious teasing tone almost like he was missing what was actually being said. And when did Potter sound so feminine? As you know me now, Harold J. Potter. Something was definitely amiss.

He looked up in hope of catching his enemy's eye and did. Potter threw his head back in laughter at one of his friends and turned sideways to see Malfoy staring with his letter to Malfoy in Malfoy's hands. He gave a slight smirk, a glint in his eye, and gave him the 'Shh' sign before turning away. Draco was now officially unnerved. 'Since when were my Father and Potter on such good terms?' Draco sighed. 'It seems like the answer would lie in this meeting of us three...'

Harry started to pace back and forth in Snape's private rooms that he had so generously donated for his use. 'Really, now. He knows why Lucius and I are here and he still has to be a bloody git about it'. He paused to check the time and swore under his breath. 'Draco should be here by now...oh, where is he?!' Harry continued pacing, running his hands through his hair as he did so. 'Why do all of the Malfoys have to be so bloody late? I swear all these Slytherins just enjoy making me sweat even if we are on friendly terms...'

All of a sudden, the youngest Malfoy strode in making Harry jump as he turned around. He had a sneer firmly in place even though it was toned down and he was a bit uncomfortable, standing somewhat stiffly. Harry, however, had a smile grow on his face at the sight of his ex-rival. "Draco, you made it! Honestly, between you and your father, I'm going insane. And speaking of your father..."

Draco interrupted him. "Potter what is it exactly that you wanted to speak to me about?" His voice betrayed nothing but impending boredom. Harry's smile dissolved some.

"Er, well, you see. It probably would be best if Lucius were here with you when I tell you, but he's being obnoxiously late." Harry broke off and started to mutter to himself. "I told him he should have left earlier, or bring that woman of his earlier because this is not going to go over well. He said his son would be fine but he's not the one receiving the news, and obviously since the space-time continuum has been disrupted this is not something anyone would take lightly..."

"Potter!" Draco snapped bringing Harry out of his musings. "Will you please stop talking to yourself like I am not here and tell me what the heck is going on!" He had absolutely zero tolerance on days like these where everything was not in the norm and it showed.

"I don't think you'll like it. You'd be much better off if we waited until your Father..."

"Enough with my Father already! Just tell me!" Draco interrupted once more. Harry sighed, his shoulders drooping along with the motion, and nodded his head once.

"Alright, but to be fair, I did warn you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it that was so important for you to tell me?"

"Draco..." Harry walked over to him so that they were standing a few inches apart. He was taller than Draco by just a bit more than the distance between them as of now. He reached out and slowly stroked Draco's left cheek with a sad sort of smile. Draco tensed at this action, feeling somewhat apprehensive. "Draco, baby, I'm your mother." Draco just blinked for a long time, and then upon seeing that Harry was serious, promptly fainted.

When Draco finally woke up, the first thing he saw was a blurred up vision of his father. He rubbed his eyes until he could see with great clarity and then rubbed them again out of disbelief. For his father, notorious for being ruthlessly cold-hearted to even his heir, had a great grin on his face. "Harry, darling, he's awoken from the scare you put him through." Lucius said softly, turning his head for those moments to look at the person whom he was speaking to. Then he turned back to his son. "Nice to see you awake, although, if I had known you that you would have been asleep for this long there were some other matters I could have gotten to."

By this time, Harry had returned into Draco's view and was swatting Lucius playfully with a slight blush. "Oh, hush, you. We've put him through so much today, you don't have to traumatize him for life. Speaking of which, if you had been here, perhaps this might have not happened at all."

Lucius pulled Harry's body smack against his own. "Well, then, we could always find out by you 'accidentally' go back into time again." Harry blushed more at his obvious disbelief.

"It was an accident, I swear!"

"Right." Lucius looked at his son. "Whomever you choose, Draco, make sure they are a bashful type. It is so cute when they continue to blush at everything years into marriage." He winked and Harry huffed at his antics, unable to remove himself from the elder Malfoy's strong grip.

"Men." He muttered, crossing his arms. Lucius smirked and kissed him quickly. Draco made himself sit up on what appeared to be a piece of furniture, one smaller in length than the one his father and...Harry were sitting on.

"Just what exactly have I missed?" He asked gaining the adult and adult's partner's attention.

"Why, Draco, you are much smarter than this. Shame on you. You know now that Harold James Malfoy is your mother, it wouldn't be unreasonable to think he be my wife after all that you've experienced today." Lucius stated.

"That's why Potter sounded so feminine in his letter..." Draco realized out loud.

"Yes, I suppose being the submissive in this relationship, and also getting pregnant with you, and doing all the house work a women does would make me a bit feminine." Harry answered for him. "After all, whom else would you take after in personality if not looks when you spent so much time around me?"

"But I don't remember any of it." Draco said. "This all sounds like a joke to me." Harry put his hand on Lucius's knee.

"I can assure you my baby veela, that it is naught anything but the truth." As soon as Harry said that, all of the memories came rushing back to Draco. The real ones that is.

"How..how did you two get together? And if you are my mum, why are you my age? When did this all happen? Why didn't I know from the first place? What is Narcissa to us, then? Who was that woman you were talking about, Mum?" Draco's questions rushed out and if he had not needed to take a breath right then and there, Lucius and Harry would have drowned from all the questions.

"First of all, one at a time. Your father and I got together when I accidentally traveled back into his Hogwarts years. And that was accidentally." He gave his husband a mild glare. "I was stuck there and had to finish my schooling in his time."

"Harry and I were just meant to be. We hit it off after awhile of exploring our feelings for each other, and I had my only serious relationship at school. So serious, that I waited until he was ready for sex, no pressuring at all. And that I took responsibility after I 'knocked him up' and he confessed everything; I've been a spy all my life." Lucius finished with a happy gaze at the young man on his lap.

"For obvious reasons, I took a potion to de-age myself and grow like I had when the time was right. I only have to take the solution to go back to how I should be." Harry said not looking at his son.

Lucius did when he spoke, Harry playing with his long hair. "And we didn't let you know because we had to cover up our relationship. Otherwise, I definitely have no qualms with my wife living with me. Like I said in my letter, my 'irretrievable wife'. Narcissa was the woman Harry was talking about and she is our Healer for the family seeing as she delivered you and was in on the secret from the beginning." He paused to let it sink in. "It seems Severus is quite smitten with her and her talents."

Draco perked up. "Really? Sev and Narcissa?"

"I happen to believe dear old Snape has proposed to her." Harry spoke absentmindedly, fixing his husbands hair with a quiet hum.

"Well, finally, the old bat had to settle down sometime." Draco laid back, relaxing. "So, now what are we going to do Mum? Dad?"

Lucius got an evil kind of smirk on his face. "You, Draco, my son, are going to go back to your classes. As Severus expects us to utilize the room longer, my wife and I are going to get to that business I talked about earlier." Both Mother and Son blushed.

"Lucius." Harry admonished as Draco stood up.

"If you'll excuse me Dad, I need to get the mental pictures out of my head." He rushed out of the room so fast that even Harry had to laugh.

It was much later in the night and Draco was wondering why they were taking so long. He expected his Father...done by Lunch, after which many students would be down in the Potions Classroom. Also which is close to Snape's quarters and Slytherin's dorms. And he did not want to be there when all of his Housemates and Gryffindorks could hear his Mum get...reunited with his Father. He could practically feel his embarrassment already. So Draco stopped by on his way to class.

Things were quiet on his way down the hallway. 'Perhaps they are merely sleeping..' Draco thought hopefully to himself. But he knew differently. His Father would never be caught dead sleeping with anyone, anywhere. At least, nowhere besides Malfoy Manner and he especially wouldn't want to be caught at Hogwarts.

He sighed as he reached the door and knocked respectively. He got no response. Draco prayed that for once, his Father left all disregard for everything and was cuddling his Mum. He slowly turned the knob. He didn't even crack it an inch and it was too much to see. He quickly shut the door and leaned back against it in shock. He exhaled loudly as he slid down, groaning once he reached the floor. Of all the things he had to see, this is what the gods used?!

Draco groaned once again, closing his eyes to get rid of the image of his Mum in a Dominatrix-type uniform. 'I mean, I always knew Father was into that kind of thing. Still, I don't think I will be able to not blush every time I hear 'who's your momma''.

"I see you've walked in on them, too." A drawl interrupted his thoughts. Draco looked up to see his 'uncle'.

"I didn't need to walk in to be traumatized for life." Snape huffed.

"Get up, you are lucky I walked this way..." He started. Draco stood up, dusting himself.

"Or what, Severus. Or should I say Uncle?" Snape scowled at his nephew, but it was in partial amusement.

"I see they told you that as well. Come along to class with me."

Dinner had begun with no more signs, (thankfully), of Draco's Mum and Dad. But the worst was just about to happen for Draco. It was all nice and quiet, more so than usual, when the doors opened suddenly and loudly revealing a less than-half naked Lucius. His long hair was mussed just enough that you could understand just what he was up to, if you overlooked his messily put on black shorts. And that was enough to make a few people swoon. But, somehow, Lucius ignored everyone and ran along in laughter before hiding behind Dumbledore's podium. Draco's jaw dropped at this sight of disregard of pride, his skin burning as the gaze of confused many fell upon him.

To make things worse, an adult Harry Potter stepped through panting with a whip in one hand. While he had more coverage, he was dressed sensually in purposefully ripped black leather. The lower half was connected to the top belly-shirt lookalike in thin straps, covering his assets in a thong shaped wear but covering his arse just enough. His shoulder length black hair was pointed at its ends with red, green, silver, blue stripes every which way. Draco dropped his spoon, its clattering drop basically echoing.

He looked left and right, ignoring everyone like Lucius did, before walking slowly like a predator and slapping the matching whip into the palm of his hand as he went occasionally. "Here, here, Kitten." Harry called, still looking each way with a very Slytherin face. "Mummy's got a present for you." He laughed shortly. "I promise, it's going to be very pleasing." He hissed in Parseltongue. A shiver went up the backs of everyone, and apparently Lucius was not immune to it either because he jumped out of his hiding spot of fours and growled with a smirk.

"Meow." Harry replied, getting onto his fours and crawling to him. Showing off his nice arse a bit. "That's it. Who's your Mom..."

"Oh, Merlin, please. Do not finish that!" Draco cried suddenly as he jumped out of his seat, covering his ears and directing everyone's attention to him or their problems. Harry sat back on his legs, noticing Draco for the first time, and stood up in shock.

"Oh, Draco, baby. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were...oh." Harry noticed everyone else in the vincinity and shyly looked down and toyed with the whip he held still. Lucius walked up behind Harry, sheepishly grinning and rubbing the back of his head.

"Um...well, surprise?" The usually collected and articulate Malfoy spoke. Harry grabbed Lucius' hand and pulled him away.

"Sorry, Severus, but it appears we are going to need your rooms again!" Harry called as he left to Snape.

Snape stood up. "You better be done by 11! Narcissa and I are planning to use them sometime today!" He sat back down and that was the end of that.

Draco could only poke at his food when one of his Housemates, Goyle of all people, decided to comment. "So, Draco, who is your Mum?" Draco put his head down on the table with a huff.

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