"Torres, get in my office. Now," Dr. Tamas, who was still the Chief of Surgery at Massachusetts General Hospital, practically growled at her.
Instead of feeling anxious or worried, she felt really, really irritated. Because she knew what this was about, and as soon as she had the doors closed behind her, she was fully prepared for what her boss was going to say.
Arms crossed, the older woman stared her down, "You promised a patient whose legs were crushed that he would walk. Why in the world would you make that promise?"
She and Tamas had butted heads since she first started working here, over three years ago. Because she had gotten denied entry to the program for no reason other than Tamas' personal bias of her family history and she hadn't forgotten that, and neither had the Chief. When Arizona had been working here, it was almost comical to see how differently Tamas viewed the two surgeons.
"Because I can do it!" she crossed her own arms, and they were in a faceoff. She wasn't backing down on this, and it was her fifth year. She'd done great work earlier in her residency, and she wasn't shy about admitting that. She was awesome. But how much more awesome was she going to be when she figured out how to make someone else's bones?
She just had to figure out how she was going to do it.
The older woman rubbed her forehead, "Dr. Torres… you shouldn't be making promises like this to patients; do you understand how disappointed he's going to be when you're going to have to break it to him –"
Clenching her hands tightly into fists and digging them into her arms, she shook her head, "I can do this," she repeated, this time quietly. Determined. She could.
They kept eye contact for a few long moments, while Callie could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she briefly wondered what if she couldn't, before the Chief shook her head, "His abdominal surgery is planned for the day after tomorrow. If you can come up with a plan to operate with within that time, then you can do it. But if not, it's on you."
Clearing her throat, she nodded, "I understand," and her mind was already racing with possibilities. She awkwardly nodded, and started to turn to leave, only to be stopped by her bosses voice again.
"And you're not going to stay in the hospital tonight. You've been here for almost two days; go home," this order wasn't as harsh as her other words had been said.
The walk up to her apartment wasn't a good one. It wasn't what she had grown accustomed to feeling after the last three years after leaving the hospital and coming home. Sometimes she would feel accomplished, sometimes disappointed, sometimes… any number of things, but there had always been an underlying feeling of contentment she found in coming back to she and Arizona's home.
Even in the times where she and Arizona might have been in a fight or disagreement, home was always a place that she inherently wanted to be. But in the last month, since Arizona had come home from Virginia, coming home wasn't the same.
She knew Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' five stages of grief that people were supposed to go through after a personal loss. She saw patients and parents in every stage in the last five years while working. But Arizona, she had found, went through her own stages. There was the stoic stage, that had happened before Tim's funeral.
Then there was the anger/crying stage, that her girlfriend had been in when she had come home, and she had been in it for the following few days. Callie, in her mind, also called this the doughnut stage, because she was sure Arizona had eaten her weight in them. Then again, they were pretty much all her girlfriend would eat without Callie pushing them on her, so she had served as the doughnut supplier.
This was also when Arizona had actually spoken to her, telling her of the anger she felt at Tim, and how she felt guilty for being mad at him. Because she shouldn't be mad at her dead brother, for dying. Even though she knew he didn't want to die, she couldn't stop herself from just feeling so angry.
These were also the few nights where Arizona had woken up in the middle of the night, her heart beating so hard Callie had been able to feel it when she tugged the blonde back down into her arms. Her girlfriend had turned into her, hands pulling Callie tightly against her, while those blue eyes that she loved so much glassed over in tears, as she just ran them over Callie's face, then closed them tightly, even though that didn't stop her tears from rolling out, down her cheeks. Neither of them had fallen back to sleep.
And then, the last stage was the burying yourself so deeply in work you could barely see out of all of the work you had lined up for you stage. Which Arizona was still in right now. When her girlfriend had gone back to work, two weeks after they had gotten the call, she had charts and surgeries galore to start working on. Taking two weeks off during her fellowship at one of the best children's hospitals in the nation, no matter what the reason, was bound to do that.
And, as she knew Arizona, she knew that her girlfriend wanted to bury herself in something that could take her away from what had been going on in her personal life. So, her girlfriend took that work in stride, and had since been at the hospital more than she had been at home.
So coming home usually meant to an empty apartment. Which was why, as she pushed her key into the lock, she was surprised to find that the door was already open. Eyebrows drawing together, she walked in, closing the door behind her, "Arizona?"
"I'm in the kitchen!" came her answer, and she followed her girlfriend's voice, putting down her purse as she went.
In said kitchen, she found a sight that was not one that she would have expected, even before the last month. Blonde hair was piled into a messy bun, and flour was on both of her cheeks as well as on the front of her shirt, and there was a wine glass on the counter with, what Callie could see was an almost empty bottle of wine, behind it.
As simple as that, that feeling she had been missing, that feeling that here was where she wanted to be, came rushing back, and she felt a smile tug at her lips, "What are you doing?"
"I'm making you dinner. And drinking," Arizona answered candidly, stepping sideways and gesturing at what she had been standing in front of. A frown came up onto her face, "I was trying to make pizza. Because we both love pizza, and we haven't had dinner together in a while. I should have just ordered, but the last time you made it homemade it looked so easy!"
That trademark pout that Callie had fallen in love with took up residence on her face and she felt her grin widen. She hadn't really been worried about them in the last month, but she had been worried about Arizona. And for some reason, this assured her that both her girlfriend and their relationship was going to be okay.
Walking forward, she came to stand behind the blonde, resting her hands on slim hips, and looked over her shoulder at how her girlfriend had been trying to spread the dough over the pan, raising her eyebrows at all of the holes that Arizona had tried to patch up by ripping dough from other places, "You would think after six years together, you would have picked up on something," she teased.
"But why learn when I have you to provide for me?" she turned her head to ask, looking up.
Callie couldn't muster up a reply, as she lowered her head to capture Arizona's lips with her own, sighing when her mouth opened, tongues meeting. God, she really, really missed this. Missed coming home to Arizona, missed this closeness… just missed her. Her hands tightened on the blonde's hips groaning quietly as her girlfriend pulled back.
Her own tongue peeked out, running over her bottom lip, "You don't taste like you usually do. And it's not the wine." She knew the way Arizona tasted mixed with the wine she was drinking, as it was her alcoholic beverage of choice.
Arizona pointed her index finger towards a bottle that was shoved back a few feet. A bottle of Jack Daniels was against the wall, and she knew that her girlfriend must have gone out to buy it before coming home because it wasn't something they usually had here.
"Tim's drink of choice. I had two glasses of it, and I still don't get it. I didn't like it in my undergrad and I still don't," she made a face at the bottle as she spoke. "But Tim always bought a bottle on his first night back after a deployment."
That explained it, then. Moving her hands, and subsequently Arizona's hips, to the side, and stepping up to the counter to fix the mess of the dough, she nodded, unsure of where her girlfriend was going with that or what the drink meant, and all she asked as she reached over to the sink to wash her hands was, "I thought you were going to be spending tonight at the hospital?"
Well, that was what Arizona had told her via text message that afternoon, which was why, before Tamas ordered her home, she hadn't planned on coming.
As she rolled the dough back up into a ball, Arizona turned, leaning against the counter next to her, blue eyes tracking her movements, "I was there, until about two hours ago. And then I left."
Callie turned to look at her, her hands kneading the dough, and she leaned down, pressing her lips against Arizona's temple, pausing there for a moment to breathe her in, before whispering, "I'm just surprised to see you home, is all."
A frown came up on that face, and Arizona murmured, "I know. I've hardly… I haven't been me. I've been grouchy and distant and I think I've slept more at the hospital than at home. "
What she was saying was true; and she knew for a fact that out of the twenty-four days since Arizona had been home, based on their schedules, they should have had thirteen nights together; they'd slept in the same bed for three of them. And she had hated all of the other nights. But, "It's okay. I understand. You've been busy and it's only been a month since…" she trailed off because she still didn't like to say the words.
"Yeah," Arizona said quietly, her eyes focusing on that whiskey bottle for just a second before she shook it, "I was going to sleep there, again. But I wanted to come home tonight. I wanted to see you."
"Well, I'm glad. I wanted to see you, too," Callie could tell there was more to the story, but she let it go there as she quickly spread the sauce and cheese over the dough, sliding it into the oven before turning back to Arizona, who was looking into her wine glass, the crease on her forehead telling Callie that she was deep in thought.
Pouring herself a glass of wine, she walked back to Arizona, lifting her empty hand and swiping her thumb over her cheek, rubbing off the flour, before switching to the other one, "I've actually really wanted to see you."
A pale hand reached up and took hers, Arizona giggling slightly as she leaned forward on her tiptoes, nudging her nose against Callie's cheek, leaning back and smiling up at her, flour now right on the tip where she'd nuzzled into tan skin, "I think I got you earlier when we kissed."
Bringing their joined hands up, she rubbed them over Arizona's nose, the flour on their fingers as they fell back down, and then the blonde spoke again, her voice low, "I'm sorry I haven't been around, Calliope. It was just easier to stay at the hospital instead of here, where I always see the place in the hallway that we had to patch and repaint where Tim tripped and fell into it. And keeping myself there and busy, I didn't think about him so much –"
The brunette reached back, putting her glass of wine on the counter behind Arizona's back, then lacing their other hands together, "Sweetie, you don't have to explain yourself to me."
"But I want to – I just have to talk," Arizona said, taking a deep breath and looking up at her, "So, I worked. And it was easy, with catching up on everything. But then, when I went to nap in the on-call room, I couldn't sleep. And it wasn't because I kept thinking about Tim, the way I did before; it was because I really missed you. And I haven't just slept with you in too long, and it's one of my favorite things."
Blue eyes flickered toward the whiskey again, before seeking hers out, "Then I realized that I didn't really think about him today, at all. Even when I had free time, I didn't think about him. Life just… goes on. And sometimes I feel like it doesn't make sense, how life goes on without such a big part of me here. But today felt like a normal day. I felt normal, again."
"So, you're toasting Tim, because life goes on?" she asked, trying to understand the route that Arizona's slightly intoxicated mind was taking.
The blonde nodded quickly, before she got that contemplative look on her face, "Am I making sense here?"
Feeling a chuckle come out of her throat, she bent down, pressing her lips against Arizona's, not moving back as she whispered, "Yes. Even if you're not, I know you. I know what you're talking about." Moving back just a breath, she leaned their foreheads together, "Losing Tim is always going to be here with you. And me. But there will be good days, and bad days. And today, you finally had a good day."
God, she was so freaking happy that Arizona finally had a good day. And the way those baby blue eyes lit up inches from her own, made her even happier.
"I finally had a good day," she whispered, closing her eyes briefly, before saying, "But because I wasn't constantly thinking about Tim, I thought a lot about you. And how we've barely seen each other. And how I missed your smile, because I can't see that through our phone conversations."
That smile broke out over her face, "I've missed yours, too." And she was so incredibly happy to see it again.
Arizona's breath washed over Callie's lips as she moved backwards, her eyes dropping to her lips before she licked her own, and her eyes came back to dark brown ones, a shade darker, "Do you know what else I've really missed?"
Callie's heart skipped a beat as a look she was so familiar with came across Arizona's face, and her voice was already lower of it's own accord, "I think I might be able to take a guess. But why don't you show me?"
"Mmm, why don't I?" Arizona breathed out before her hands tugged Callie forward, so quickly she didn't see it coming, and she moaned as the blonde's teeth bit into her bottom lip, then her tongue flicked out, running over where her teeth just were, and Callie instantly felt her body respond.
Her hands untangled from the blonde's quickly, slipping down and under the t-shirt Arizona was wearing. Her fingers stroked over the soft skin of her back, lightly, but only for a second, before she grasped the hem and started to pull up, "Yes, show me. Quickly."
Quickly, because the last time they had had sex was the night that they had gotten the phone call, and that was over a month ago. And it wasn't exactly like she could blame Arizona, because her world had gotten shaken up. But damn, she'd missed it; it was the longest they had gone without having sex in over three years. She needed to feel Arizona against her, and with that in mind, she quickly slipped her hand underneath the waist of the yoga pants that adorned slim hips.
But before her hand could come into contact with the slick heat she craved to feel, Arizona's hand wrapped around her wrist and stopped her, both of them groaning and already breathing heavier, as the blonde shook her head, "Not here. I want – bed. I want to taste you."
Fuck, yes. As her core clenched tightly in response, she simply nodded. And then she paused, her eyes catching on the stove, "Pizza," she panted out, though she didn't really give a damn about the food; she just wanted that physical connection again.
Arizona's hand reached out, shutting off the oven, before slapping at the timer, which only had two minutes left, "Better cold," she whispered.
"Mhmm," she agreed, stepping forward again and reached her hands up to that hair, tugging out the bobby pins and elastic, then ran her fingers through the cool, soft hair, bringing their mouths back together, feeling an urgency inside of her that she hadn't felt before.
Pale hands dug into her hips, and she knew Arizona was feeling that same urgency, as she pulled her backwards. They stumbled toward their bedroom, one of Arizona's hands leaving Callie's waist as she threw open the door, coming back to tan hips to meet her other one and unzip and unbutton Callie's jeans, tugging them down.
Callie fell back onto the bed, kicking off her shoes as Arizona gave one final yank to her pants, pulling them off her feet and dropping them on the ground. Her own hands came down, pulling off her shirt, then her bra, falling back onto her elbows to watch as Arizona pushed down her own pants and underwear, and loving how just the sight of the blonde could make her even more aroused.
The blonde was on top of her in an instant, a thigh slipping between her legs, and Callie's hips rocked against it of their own accord, her wetness already coating the smooth skin, as Arizona's mouth latched onto her nipple, her tongue moving in circles, and then her teeth scraped against her, and Callie's head fell back, her hips working faster against Arizona's leg.
Even as the sensations her girlfriend was creating with her mouth and thigh hammered at her, making her mind grow blurry, she managed to slip her leg between the blonde's, thrusting upwards, and they both let out mirroring moans as she felt Arizona against her. Her girlfriend's forehead fell forward, onto her chest, while her hips rocked, creating a perfect rhythm with Callie's.
It had been a month, was all she could think. A full month since she had been against her girlfriend, felt her heat against her. She couldn't control the groans that were falling from her mouth, then a breathless grunt as Arizona pushed against her with even more pressure, her clit throbbing in response.
Trying desperately to try to speak, she rolled her hips and pushed her own leg against Arizona, whose tongue flicked out and over the tip of her breast again, "Yessss," she hissed out, then managed to pant, "I'm going – I – coming," she got out, the her hips starting to buck against her leg, her hands going down to grasp that toned butt.
But before she fell over the edge into the release her body was primed for, before her fingers could dig into that flesh she desperately wanted to feel, and then her groan was one of disappointment as Arizona shifted, her own breath coming in gasps, "I told you – I want to taste you."
Before she could say or do anything else, Arizona moved down her body, her lips pressing to Callie's inner thigh against the place that she always kissed right before, "Yes!" the word ripped from her again as her back bowed practically off the bed, those perfect, pink lips wrapping around her clit just briefly before leaving her, and then that tongue dipped down, collecting her wetness on her tongue.
Her hand slid into blonde hair, then fisted into it, while her thighs already started to quiver on either side of her girlfriend's head. Within minutes, that so, so talented mouth had her back on the edge of what she was sure to be the world's most powerful orgasm. Forcing her eyes open, her breath shuddering in an out, she watched as she could see Arizona's hips moving, her thighs squeezing together.
As her center started to tighten, she was so fucking close, and Arizona knew it, and Callie could feel her fingers come up, moving over her slit, and then Callie used whatever self-control she could muster to shift upward, away from Arizona's mouth and her impending release.
"I – you, up here," was all she could manage to get out as dark blue eyes looked up at her in confusion, her lips wet from her, and Arizona nodded, crawling up Callie's body, and as she bent her head down, connecting their lips, where Callie could taste herself, two slim fingers slid inside of her.
Hips jumping, pressing against the blondes, she lifted her hand, scratching it down Arizona's side, before slipping it between them. Her fingers slid into her girlfriend, and they started a frantic rhythm, hips pushing in tandem with fingers, and she felt herself about to crash over the edge quickly, "Come with me," she panted against Arizona's lips.
Her girlfriend whimpered, nodding, "Yes – I need –" she cut herself off with a moan as Callie beat her to it, sliding her thumb up and working it over her clit. Within moments, they jerked against each other, shuddering, and Callie felt her eyes roll back, as she felt Arizona's walls clench around her and her own pleasure rolled through her.
It was Arizona's voice that spoke out as she felt her giggle against her, "That was really, really great."
Callie's breath was still shallow, as that feeling of her body receiving the best satisfaction melted through her, "I would say that qualified as magnificent."
She brought her hand up, brushing through that blonde hair as Arizona rolled slightly, so she was half on Callie and half on the bed, her head resting on Callie's shoulder. Her hand came up and touched the ends of her hair as Callie played with it, "I need a haircut."
Her hand paused, fingers weaved through it, loving the feeling of the soft locks shifting between her fingers. Arizona's hair had gotten longer than the shoulder length style her girlfriend kept it at since… forever – or as long as she had known her, seeing as how she hadn't gone to get it's normal trim in the last month. Callie moved her head back a little bit, taking in the way her hair fell now, brushing down over the tops of her breasts, "I like it."
Arizona raised an eyebrow, "You do? I've been too preoccupied so I haven't gotten it done… but you like it long?"
Now continuing to move her hand through, she shrugged, "Yeah, I like it longer. I liked it shoulder length, but the change is good, too."
Arizona was quiet for a few moments, and she bit her lip, telling Callie that something was on her mind, even though she could tell even more when her girlfriend whispered, "Sometimes change is good."
She hummed in agreement, bringing her other hand up to rest between her girlfriend's breasts, closing her eyes for a moment, thinking about taking a small nap before getting up to get the pizza and possibly brainstorming the leg patient out loud with Arizona.
But her girlfriend's quiet words made her eyes flip open again, "I proposed. Kind of. I mean, I said I wanted to marry you," Arizona spoke softly, her breath warm against Callie's shoulder.
Turning her head, she met those bright eyes as her heart stuttered in her chest. Of course she could vividly remember the day of Tim's funeral – not only the funeral procession, but what had happened afterwards in his room, too. But she hadn't really taken Arizona's on the spot proposal any sort of seriously. She didn't even think her girlfriend was going to bring it up again, because… she had assumed it had been done in a time of sheer panic. Arizona had been ripping her clothes off while hugging the flag to her chest, trying to breathe. She definitely didn't think anything was going to come of it.
"I, uh…" she didn't know what to say, so she just nodding like an idiot, "You did say that." Then she thought that this was Arizona trying to clear the air. After all, she knew that marriage was something Callie had wanted. Bending her fingers, she lightly scratched them against Arizona's chest, "It's okay. I know that was like the worst day, ever, and you were panicked."
But Arizona didn't look relieved. Instead, her eyebrows drew together, "No – well, yes, when I said it I wasn't in the best state of mind. But I think…" she swallowed hard, "I really do think it's something we should do."
The last time they'd discussed this was two years ago, at Callie's cousin's wedding. She and Arizona had flown to Miami, and even though Callie had expressly said anything to her girlfriend, she had been practically eaten alive with the want to have the ceremony and the reception, only for herself and Arizona. But she didn't have to say anything, because Arizona read her like a book, and they'd gotten into another of their many conversations about the topic.
At that point in time, it was their fourth time talking about it. And it still wasn't something Arizona wanted. Callie hadn't brought it up again afterwards because Arizona had been thirty, then. If she didn't want it by then, she wasn't going to keep pushing for it. Not when she'd slowly let it go over the years. By now, she'd just resolved that it wasn't something that was meant for them.
And talking about it right now brought back those feelings, those wants, despite telling herself not to feel like that. She shook her head, "Arizona… I –"
The blonde but her off, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at her, "I know you think this is because of Tim, but it's really not. Well, in a way, it is. But I just… him dying made me…" she licked her lips, bringing her hand up to Callie's jaw, "Sometimes, now, I get this fear. That when you don't answer your phone or when you go out that you're – that something happened to you. And if something did happen, Callie, how would I know? If you got brought to the hospital, for any reason, and you couldn't call me, I wouldn't know. I don't have any legal rights to you or information about you, and –" this time she cut herself off, taking a deep breath through her nose to calm herself.
And Callie took that as her opportunity to talk, lifting her own hand up to take Arizona's, pressing a kiss to the palm lightly, before speaking, "Should we just get married because of that, though? Arizona, when I used to dream of getting married, of course, all of those bonuses went into it. But… I don't… that's not why I want it to happen. I want you to want to get married for the reason that you simply want to be married to me. And if I did get brought to the hospital, I would be brought to either Mass Gen or Brigham and Women's, and we know people at both places. You would know," she promised.
Arizona's eyes narrowed at her, "Calliope, you've wanted to get married for years, and now that I want to talk about it, you don't want it? Who cares about the reason why? Which, by the way, mine is completely legitimate."
Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against Arizona's quickly before turning and rolling off the bed, "I'm going to get the pizza. And I told you, Arizona. It's like you've told me, several times before – we're going to be spending our lives together either way. And just like I've told you before – I do want to get married to you, but because you want it, too. Only because you want the wedding and marriage because of the wedding and the marriage."
Grabbing her robe off the back of the door, she could feel Arizona glaring at her as she escaped into the kitchen, and she knew that the look on her face was saying that they weren't done talking about this.
Please let me know what you think! Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and opinions so far. And we've circled back to the marriage discussion... hmm. Thank you for reading!