"Ugh, I'll never know what I want to study, it's so difficult with all these school and programs." Kathleen complained and threw away another brochure.
Sara, Kathleen and I were sitting in a café; we had just been to a fair where multiple universities presented their school and the three of us had snatched each brochure or advert we could get our hands on. There was a month before it was time to send away our applications to the different universities and adding on the pressure of choosing the right school with the amount of schoolwork the juniors received this was certainly a time of stress. Even grandma took the time to sit down with me after dinner and look for diverse schools whilst mom scowled at the TV. Grandma wanted me to go the closest one to home but the problem was that the closest college let in a few students and had a little section of things to study.
"Oh my god, I hate the fact that the nearest college that is offering med school is in the outskirts of the state." Sara said, moaning loudly.
"Don't you want to move from your parents?" Kathleen asked.
"You don't understand, my parents would never allow me to do that because it's not accepted in my culture!"
"But they're the ones who want you to become a doctor?"
Sara moaned again. "I know, they're gonna have to make an exception for me." It was a bit quiet before she added: "But I also don't want to leave. I don't know anything! Like how do I wash my clothes? How do I pay my bills?"
"You'll figure it out and besides your parents will help you, right?" I asked and looked over the brochure I was holding.
"I guess so…"
"What about you? You haven't said anything about your plans." Kathleen stared at me.
She was right. I never spoke a word of my ideas in front of my friends nor grandma and mom or anyone for that matter. The thing was that I had no desire to say anything about what I planned to do. I couldn't stop thinking about Miss. Tray's own story. She had stopped working at our school after a year, rumors went around the students claiming she had found a guy out of state and moved together with him. But she had actually inspired me to get closer to my ambitions of applying to any military academy by informing me of a good gym in town to start working out which grandma was delighted at as I usually spent my days locked up in my room, yet she was unaware of why I had started working out. Not only that but Miss. Tray gave away her private e-mail if I ever wanted to apply to a military academy she had promised to write a recommendation letter. Despite that one and half a year had passed by since our talk I had went to bed that night thinking about that could be what I saw myself working with. I never displayed any particular interest in any of subjects at school and I didn't really have any hobbies that could give me a job, I also couldn't be picky regarding colleges I would apply to cause of my grades. An aspiration of mine was to join the military and possible work within the field of medicine. Every time I imagined myself explaining my goals to grandma, the react would be her shaking her head and scolding me. If I joined the military I would rarely be home and help her with mom and the chances of me coming back from operations…I don't think she would be able handle it. But it was necessary the way I saw it; that's what I needed to do as I had no idea to what my true ambitions were or my purpose in life so going to military school would discipline me, toughen me up and I would travel to the gloomiest corners of the world, it sounded odd yet that was what I desired it. Because quite frankly the options that remained were of no good for me, such as traveling around the world with no money, going off to another depressing school or stay home with grandma and mom, in a house filled of vibrating, hidden emotions.
"Sylvia?" Kathleen awoke from my thoughts and now Sara seemed interested in what I had to say.
"I dunno", I said. "Maybe something with medicine?"
After two hours of sitting in the café, discussing our ambitions the owner informed the three of us that it was closing time so we took our things and said goodbye to head home.
Grandma was making my favorite dish, oven-baked potatoes and chicken, I think she was celebrating the fact that mom had the strength to leave home to shop for groceries with grandma. We had it tight with money but luckily my uncles from dad's side helped us a lot, they were successful with their two shops they had opened in London. Grandma had worked a while after grandpa had passed away so she received a little of her own money. The problem was trying to pay for mom's medicine and it was when I was a sophomore I realized I should get a job which I managed to do easily. For a year now I have been working at the local bakery (grandma was friends with the owner), every other weekday for four hours plus on the Saturdays and Sundays it was eight hours.
I left my things in my room and headed downstairs to sit with mom. She looked a little fresher than yesterday, her hair was tied up and she wore clothes instead of her pajamas and for once she didn't have that laptop on her knees, neither me or grandma had any idea what she did on it merely that she was overly obsessed with it.
"Hi." I said.
"Hi, honey, how was school?" She asked without looking at me.
"Good, we went to a fair then...nothing really. What have you been up to?"
"Not much. I went out to help your grandmother with the groceries."
"Sylvia! Can you help me with dinner?" Grandma shouted from the kitchen. I always had to help her with dinner.
"No, let her rest since she just got home from school. I can help you." Mom said and went up.
I was surprised because she would only help out whenever it was a holiday dinner and not even then. It felt as if she was improving but my heart sank in my chest as I remembered how many times grandma and I thought she had progressed only for her to fall deeper into the depression. I prayed that this wasn't one of those times and decided to help them; I also put on the radio since I heard music could improve one's mood and ignoring the fact I had decided I wanted to tell grandma of my planes today. It was better to leave it to another day.
Years later…
The alarm went off with a loud buzz and it kept buzzing until I gathered enough willpower to shut it off, I took my cellphone from the nightstand next to me and glared at it – the time showed 4.30 AM. I moaned loudly as I hardly had had any sleep but I told myself I could sleep on the airplane. I sat up straight and let out a loud yawn and remembered it wasn't this early when they woke us up in military school. My suitcase was packed and ready, regarding the furniture's for my new apartment - they had been moved a month ago and my uncles promised to provide some furniture's themselves for the new apartment. I was finally moving to London to work for the BSAA. Just a year after graduating from military school and another year working in the military I managed to get a job at one of the most famous anti-bioterrorism organizations with the help of a lot of recommendation letters from my old superiors. My uncles, Greg and Frank Jones, had helped me with finding an apartment in London because they had spent most of their life there; I owed them everything, as they were the ones who aided me in accomplishing my goals, a journey that began when they visited us in the States for my high school graduation. Both of them informed us that they would be opening a shop in their childhood town but their news also meant that they could help grandma and mom more than just the economic part. It had still been problematic to persuade grandma to let me join the military, surprisingly mom stood behind my decision. I was exacted, and even more so now, things went finally well for me and I was ready to embark a new chapter in life.
I managed to eat a banana but since it had been barely five hours ago since I ate my stomach wasn't really shouting for food. Before departing I looked to make sure I had everything with me: my passport, cellphone, keys to the new apartment...after checking everything off my list I looked around in the somewhat empty and tiny apartment I had lived in for the past years. The only thing left was a mattress which grandma would later remove for me. I could have chosen to sleep at my grandmother's house but since I had one day left and saying goodbye wasn't the easiest for me I decided the last night I would spend in the States would be in this apartment. I mumbled goodbye to my old home and locked the door. The taxi I had ordered was already waiting for me outside the apartment complex.
"Hello there." The cab driver said with a smile, he was a bearded man who appeared to be in his late fifties.
"Hi." There was trouble brining my suitcase down the last stairs and the old man hurried to help me.
"Are you travelling?" He asked curiously.
"No, moving."
"Where? It must be a state far away if you have to take a plane." He asked while placing my suitcase in the trunk of the taxi. I wasn't good at socializing with strangers and unfortunately I had succeeded in receiving a social cabdriver.
"England." I mumbled.
The cabdriver whistled. "That's far away."
"Yeah." I said, having no idea how to respond to that.
I got in the back of the car while he put on his seatbelt and started to drive, thankfully the radio was playing songs so the environment in the car wouldn't be complete silence. I remembered I had to call grandma to say goodbye on the phone one last time before getting on the plane, she and mom must be up now although it was very early.
"So what is it you're going to do in England? Work, study?" The cabdriver asked, glancing back at me and noticed I was holding my phone towards my ear. "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to disturb." I held up my hand and smiled to show it was all right. The cabdriver was polite enough to lower the volume on the radio.
"Hi, honey." Grandma said in the other end of my phone.
"Hi, I just wanted to call and tell you I'm on my way to the airport."
"Oh, I'm going to miss you, have you checked to see if you have everything?"
"Yeah, I have. I'll miss you lots too."
"Ahhhh, you're already speaking British English."
"I thought I should start already in case of fitting in."
Grandma was calling to mom in the other line. "What was it? Oh, you'll fit in great, sweetie." I heard someone else gripping the phone.
"Sylvia, honey, how are you feeling?" Mom sounded sleepy as if she had woken up now.
"Great, just a little tired." I looked out the window and noticed we had left town and were on the highway.
"If you need anything just remember to c-"
"Call", I disrupted. "Don't worry, I'll be meeting uncle Greg and uncle Frank in the airport, right? They'll help me."
"Yes, I know but it's going to be so new to you and maybe you'll be shocked to how different it is and-"
I interrupted her again. "Mom. It's not that big of a difference, it's fine and to be honest I'm really looking forward to it!"
Mom would constantly act very paranoid and anxious, the reason lied preferably with her depression but it was also a part of her personality, no one in her family committed to big changes in their lives unlike my father's family. But I was happy that she was taking her part in being a mother, it felt a little odd in all uprightness: she had acted this way too when I moved out to go to military academy.
"Grandma wants to speak to you one last time. I love you, honey, I hope everything goes well and if you need anything, call, promise me?"
"I love you too, take care." I murmured, hoping that the cabdriver wasn't eavesdropping on the private conversation.
"Hi, I just wanted to check on you again. Look in your bag if you've got everything with you." Apparently mom wasn't the only one who was worried. I went through my handbag once more and noted everything was with me.
"Yes, got it all."
"Okay, honey. Goodbye and I love you. Be sure that no matter what problem you face you'll call us immediately, okay?"
"Yes, love you too, grandma. I'll call when I've arrived."
The cabdriver raised the volume on the radio again and drummed his fingers on the wheel, it seemed to be his favorite song and in the middle of the chorus he began humming too. I looked out the window and sighed, wondering if this was what I really wanted.
"Don't be stupid." A voice in my head said.
"But what if-" I tried to avoid that tiny voice of uncertainty. It had been like this for a long period of time, the summer after high school graduation turned out to be a long summer of fighting with grandma over my choice of school. Our relationship suffered from the cold and mean things that left our mouths during the fights, not that it was a really close relationship but after my father and my grandparents from my mom's side passed away the closest person to me became grandma despite the rude comments she at times uttered. Mom wasn't in the position of taking care of me during many years so our relationship never developed, recently that had changed but after stopping the progress in a relationship for more than a decade it's hard to carry on indifferently. To blame mom for her depression would be unfair I realized in my late teens yet a sting of anger remained because we never lived as a mother and daughter should. There wasn't a time for us to go shopping to together, nor times where she should have yelled at me and disciplined me or times when she should have consulted me because I had had a fight with a friend or something alike the things others experienced…simply the tough things that people go through together which can improve a relationship. I started to drift into my thoughts, going through memories and leaned my head to the window. The drive to the airport wasn't supposed to be long and would preferably take two hours but after passing through two cities the cabdriver appeared to be bored and began speaking to me again.
"So, what kind of job are you going to have?" He asked as his eyes met mine in the mirror at the front.
"I enrolled into the military and had some basic training then I worked for some time. Now I've earned a job in the BSAA."
"BSAA…?"
"It stands for Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance. It's a non-bioterrorism international organization, you could say."
"Yeah, I think it was in 2009-"
I interrupted him. "The Plaga outbreak in Kijuju? Yes, it was a horrible outbreak."
"Awful, just awful, so many people died in the outbreak. How can man do these vicious things? I don't understand it."
"Then it's good there's something like BSAA, right? To stop the people who thinks it's right to spread viruses and..."
The cabdriver let a weird mix of a laugh and snort. I guessed it must have looked like I wanted horrible things to happen so I could have a job. There was a short pause of silence whilst the music from the radio played as background noise, in hope of not meeting his eyes in the mirror I turned my head to the window and noticed the airport was visible.
"We're close." The cabdriver said. I took a deep breath, I was really leaving the country, it was actually happening for real now. "You're nervous?" He asked, noticing my deep breathing. I merely nodded. Although it was a small airport and an early morning many seemed to be flying today, then I recalled it was Sunday so people must be traveling to work or back home from work. The cabdriver assisted me with the suitcase and I pulled out my wallet from the handbag to hand him money. Before he left, he stood up and faced me.
"Goodbye now, I hope London will do you well." The sentence sounded a bit embarrassing which he marked because he promptly sat in the car and drove away before I could say a word.