Chapter Four: Blanks - Edward
When we arrived at Ness and Jake's house, Daniel was pulling Stephanie's cases out of the trunk of his car. Stephanie was already inside. I took one of the cases from Daniel and with Bella, followed him up to the bedroom that was to be theirs for the duration of their stay. Jake was showing Stephanie how the Jacuzzi worked. I couldn't hear Ness in my head, she must still be asleep. Jake saw me and his mind told me how he'd found her this morning. The answering look of regret on my face told him how sorry I was. Getting out of her head on vodka wasn't solving anything. I spent a few minutes with Daniel and Stephanie, but left Bella talking to them as I followed Jake into the kitchen. He sat down heavily on a stool.
"If I don't buy it, she steals it." He said, talking about the vodka. "I could quite happily kill Jess for introducing her to alcohol."
"Jess wasn't to know that Ness would go on to misuse it, or how dangerously unstable it makes her. Jess was always a happy drunk. Ness uses it to make the pain go away."
"You know Leah invited her over?"
"Yes and I know how well that went down." I said.
"At least Leah quit, she could help Ness deal with that side of things even if she can't help her with the other bit. Have you any idea why Leah suddenly got pregnant after years when nothing happened?"
"No. There's Jared and Kim too. It took them three years."
"Perhaps this isn't all Ness, then. Perhaps this is to do with me?"
"Jake, I've tested you, you're fine. The problem isn't with you; the problem lies with whatever Ness's body isn't doing."
"But it's interesting that Jared also had difficulty. He's a pack Alpha and Leah is my second. Maybe the leadership roles affect things?"
"Sam's never had any difficulty. He and Emily pop out kids like machine gun bullets. Jared and Kim do now."
"Kim's pregnant again by the way. I daren't even mention it to Ness.
"I don't think you should give up, Jake."
"I think the boat's pretty much sailed on that one. Last night was a new low point. I was convinced she'd growled at me, I heard it, I honestly did and then she kicked me out of bed, denied all knowledge of it and went out." Jake sighed. "She wasn't even drunk then and had at least been vaguely affectionate beforehand. Looks like I misread her completely. I feel like I don't know her anymore." Jake picked at a fingernail. "I was having a think about things earlier. Wondered what you thought about her getting a break from me and going spending some time with Rosalie?"
"I'd also thought about Rose, but more about Rose coming down here rather than Ness going to Dawson City. Call me over-protective, but I'd rather Ness be here, where I can keep an eye on her head. She reacted very badly to Margaret's comment yesterday. If that escalates, I want to know about it. If she acted on it, she wouldn't just be a danger to herself; it would put the packs, especially yours, in a very awkward position."
"I know. She hunted last night. There was dried blood around her mouth. She doesn't care enough to clean up now. I half expect her not to have disposed of the carcass."
"I know this is putting additional pressure on you; but right now, I don't think she should be out hunting unsupervised. Bella and I will happily pitch in and do some of that, but she won't like being tailed by us. Maybe it's one that you need to talk to Jared about and get some help with? You know they're not oblivious to what's going on."
"I don't think anyone's oblivious to what's going on. We're hardly the happy newlyweds. Covering her is going to be difficult though. She doesn't have a schedule anymore; she just goes when she wants."
A fuzzy feeling in my head, a sudden attack of nausea and water-based thirst told me that Ness was surfacing. "She's awake." I said. I took the full force of her head as unhappy thoughts all clamoured for attention once. "Ugh, it's not pretty in there." I winced.
"Are there no vampire psychiatrists? Nobody who was once a shrink? What about Jane? She knows everybody. Do you think she knows someone who could help?"
"I've already asked. There is one man, but his methods are a little Victorian. Jane didn't think it was appropriate for Ness to be getting late nineteenth century proto-psychology."
"Can you go bite a current world expert then?"
"Believe me, I've thought about it. I have her all picked out."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
Jake gave a scoff of laughter and then shook his head sadly. "What we wouldn't do for that girl. I've thought of stealing babies."
"I know. Count me in if you decide to go."
"If she's awake, I should go up and see her."
"Let me. I need to talk to her. Stephanie's worried that this is the worst possible time for her to be trying for a baby. I need to get Ness to tell Stephanie that it's fine, or else we'll just have to do this somewhere else."
"But the medical facilities are here, they can't do this anywhere else."
"They could go to Dawson City, Carlisle's more capable than I am."
"I know they could, but Daniel's your son. I appreciate that it's an awkward term, but it seems to work, even if he is physically ten years older than you. I think he'd be sad if you weren't the one who was delivering his kid."
"It will take two of us to do that anyway. Carlisle will need me if he leads and I will need Carlisle if I lead. We can't take the chance that it'll be a girl and deliver a hybrid single-handedly. You really do need two pairs of hands."
"Slippery little suckers, eh?" Jake laughed. In his mind I saw him dig out memories precious to both of us; Nessie as a baby, all smiles and giggles and far removed from the hurting girl now throwing up in her bathroom above us.
"I'll take some coffee up to her."
Jake poured me some and I went upstairs with it. I found my daughter with her head still down the toilet bowl and in possession of the dirtiest feet on the planet. I sat on the bed and waited until she'd finished. The landline rang and Jake picked it up. It was Jared, filling him in about last night's patrol. They hadn't found it, but Jared confirmed that we did have another vampire in the park and most likely a newborn. Paul and Collin were still searching, but we all needed to get out there, even Ness if I could persuade her. But right now, I didn't think she would be up to it; judging from what had just emerged from the bathroom.
"Yeah, I know. I had a drink." She said defensively. "Did Jake send you?"
"No, I came to talk to you." I said softly.
"There really isn't anything to say."
"You don't know what it's about yet."
"I'm guessing you've picked out my babies in an orphanage and have their pictures on your phone, so you can wear me down with their cute faces and their itty bitty feet."
"You're making me out to be monster."
"You have your moments." She murmured, but I didn't rise to it. The time for arguing was long past. That would only make things worse.
"I don't want to fight about this, Ness." I replied quietly. "All I will say is that you only have to say the word and you can have as many babies as you want."
"Daddy'll fix it?" She sneered. "Daddy'll make it all better? Daddy you can't make this one better. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't want anybody else's babies but my own."
"What if they're Jake's? There's always the option of surrogacy."
"What if they're mine and I find somebody who isn't firing blanks?" She snapped.
"Ness, I've tested him, it's not Jake's fault."
"I wish it was," She wailed. "It would be so easy then; I could just go with some other guy and he could get me pregnant."
"That is not the way to go about this." I tried to be as gentle as I could, but she wasn't being rational. Her mind really was a messed-up place.
"Or perhaps I should keep it in the family? If Daniel can get Stephanie pregnant, perhaps he wouldn't mind doing me?"
"Stop it Ness! This isn't solving your problem; this is making a sad situation a whole lot worse. You're married to Jake; this should be the two of you working together through this. But all I can see is you tearing the whole thing apart."
"I'm the one tearing it apart?" She screeched. "He's the one that doesn't come near me anymore. I can hardly have his kid if he won't…" She stopped herself from cussing, knowing how much I disliked it.
"But he tried last night and you kicked him out of bed for it."
"What? No I didn't." She was indignant. In her mind I saw her rifling through her memories trying to find last night to back up her assertion, but it wasn't there. She couldn't find anything after they left the wedding reception.
That worried me. "Come and sit down." She came and sat next to me, her earlier spitefulness suddenly gone, replaced by genuine perplexity and thankfully, some remorse that she'd kicked Jake out of bed. "Go through your memories very slowly." She went through her thoughts almost frame by frame and right before it blanked she found that she was kissing him and enjoying it. Her next memory was drinking and after that surfacing in bed feeling sick.
"You don't know what you did last night?" I said softly.
"No." She said sadly.
"Look at your feet."
She looked at them. "Oh my goodness where've I been? But I woke up in my pyjamas and in bed."
"Jake said you went out for air and it looks like you went hunting too. He said you had dried blood around your mouth when he found you this morning. You were passed out in the living room." She sighed, her heart was heavy. "Please stop drinking Nessie. It's causing more problems than you think it's solving." She put her arms around me and put her head on my chest. She verbalised the worry in her head.
"I can't stop once I start." She whispered.
"I know. You also know who's been there too."
"Leah." She acknowledged.
"Yes. Try and put aside the hurt she caused you when she was in her own dark place. Go find out how she deals with it. I know she wants to help."
"Deals with it?" Nessie looked up at me. "I didn't think she still drank?"
"She doesn't, but she struggles with it, even now."
"I'm sorry." She said almost curling into a ball in her remorse.
"I'm not the one you need to apologise to." She went to get up to apologise to Jake, but I stopped her. "Go get a shower, get dressed and clean your teeth. Your breath is less than appealing this morning. What did you drink last night? That smells like domestic dog."
"Oh no," She groaned. "Please tell me I didn't…"
"I'll get Seth to take a turn through the reservation and check things out."
"Thanks." She rubbed her forehead.
"Jake sent up coffee." I handed her the cup. "Have a shower and before you go see Jake and I need to talk to you about Stephanie."
"Is she pregnant?" The spark of excitement was there in her.
I laughed. "Not yet, they've only just arrived."
"They're here already? I should go see them."
"Not looking like the wild woman of Borneo you shouldn't."
"Why do you need to speak to me, is anything wrong?"
"No, but Stephanie is very concerned, that her being here is going to upset you. She doesn't want to cause you any difficulty."
"She won't. Her getting pregnant is beset with enough worries. I know the deal there and I know they only have this small window."
"I know that's what you think, now how do you feel about it? When you think of a baby in this house in only a matter of weeks, let me see how you feel." Ness didn't speak but her thoughts showed me the honest, bright tinge of envy. She didn't show me anything malicious though. She wouldn't be malicious, at least not this Ness; the reasonable, sober Ness. How a drunken Ness would react, I couldn't say. I pulled her free hand up to my face and let her see some of my most cherished memories of her; memories that I hoped demonstrated, that no matter how difficult things were for her right now, that she was loved unconditionally.