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And another one... ;-) I'd love to hear your opinions, so please review!

She saw water, lots of water. Dark, churning waves that came down upon her at an alarming speed, that thrashed her limbs and entered her lungs. All she could see was darkness, and I saw it with her.

It was a lot like her short dream this morning. Back then, I couldn't believe what I'd seen, what I'd heard, because this had never happened before. I'd thought I'd imagined it, like I'd conjured up her face every time I had closed my eyes during the final months of our separation. But now I was sure. I could see Bella's dreams. She finally let me in.

Something wasn't right though. A small voice piping up in the back of my head tried to tell me that, but I was too mesmerised by this new experience to figure out what exactly it was saying. I closed my eyes to concentrate better - I didn't want to miss anything. Everywhere she looked a stifling blackness prevailed. She couldn't get out. And then we both saw my face and she didn't want to get out. She stopped fighting as she looked at me and felt her muscles cramp up.

My feeling of unease grew. Something was wrong, and as I was watching her thoughts, I wasn't doing anything to fix it. But I was so eager to finally understand what was going on inside her mind and share something with her - like we used to - that the thought was pushed back and I stayed immobile, seeing what she was seeing. When she grew cold she realised she was drowning. My presence there made dying pretty bearable, it made her happy. Sort of.

She was getting tired when the image she saw of me spoke. I recognised my words as the lies I'd told her in the forest, right before I left her, but this time I could not only feel my pain, but hers as well. It was paralyzing. She reached out for me but I took a step backwards, turned around and disappeared in the shadows of the water. She wailed in agony, the hole in her chest ripping open, leaving her with nothing but her drowning body that was screaming for oxygen. By now, the voice in my head was screaming as well and I still didn't listen. The water disappeared and she lay on the forest floor while the rain streamed down on her. Every drop of water that touched her skin caused a burning fire to consume it. The pain of it made her welcome death with open arms.

This was wrong, all wrong. I didn't want to see this. It was sick. The perverseness of these gruelling images were twisting my stomach. With all my might I pushed them back, clearing a path for my screaming subconscious to finally make itself heard. Gasping, I broke out of my hypnotised fascination and reality kicked me squarely in the face. I remembered again what had happened today - how I'd seen Bella for the first time, how I'd called Carlisle as I realised she was sick, how she'd started hyperventilating as soon as she'd seen him, how she slept and I'd thought I'd seen her dreams, how she'd said that she jumped off a cliff to hear my voice and how we'd encouraged her to take a bath. I remembered how I had waited outside the bathroom door for her, hating to leave her alone, and how I had ripped the door off its hinges as soon as I'd heard a faint stir in the water and fear had suddenly - inexplicably - gripped my heart, feeling that something was wrong. I'd been entranced by seeing her thoughts and dreams while Bella lay in the bathtub, completely invisible beneath the white water but for a cloud of long brown hair floating ghostly on its surface.

I knew what was wrong now. She wasn't breathing. And I was doing nothing.

Cursing myself, my hands plunged into the water and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her up. For a moment, I worried whether I was too late; I had no idea how long she'd been under. But as her head broke the surface, she immediately opened her eyes and drew a deep breath. My fears for her life temporarily evaporated, but were replaced by a deeper, darker dread.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

Her eyes skimmed the bathroom before coming to rest on me. She seemed confused by my question, as if she didn't remember anything that had happened. I shook her shoulders, their fragility scaring me as I searched her eyes, looking for clues as to what could possibly be going on inside her mind. After a while her gaze became questioning and a bit defensive, as if she was silently asking me why I was touching her while she was naked in the bathtub. I might have been embarrassed by this during happier days, but now I had no intention of releasing my grip on her shoulders. Chances were she'd slip right back. I wasn't going to risk that. I leaned towards her, bringing my face mere inches from hers while I looked straight into her eyes.

"Don't do this again." The reproach sounded harsher than I'd meant it and sadness filled her eyes at my words. She nodded mutely. "Don't hurt yourself, Bella," I said in a slightly softer tone. I didn't know if this latest development in the day's dramatic events had been a conscious attempt on Bella's part to take her life or if it had been nothing more than an unfortunate accident, but she was obviously not to be left alone from now on.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, her voice still rough.

"It's all right," I said. She looked so small, as if the tub could accommodate four persons instead of only the one it did. "Just take care of yourself, okay?" Her eyes widened then, like something had startled her, but there came no more response.

Not knowing what else to do, I lifted her by her shoulders to stand with her feet on the bottom of the tub. I looked into her eyes as I reached for her bath-robe, which I'd placed on the radiator before she'd taken a bath, and wrapped it around her, gently tying the cord and careful not to get it wet. Then I reached down and gingerly lifted her out of the tub. Her dramatic loss of weight only now became fully manifest.

When I set her on her feet again she swayed slightly, so I increased my hold on her, fearing she might slump to the ground if I released her. With one hand firmly around her waist, I reached for a towel with the other and started drying her hair, looking at her face all the while. She stared back, her expression unreadable.

"I can do this myself, you know." My hands stopped in their tracks. The sudden animosity in her voice was palpable, filling my heart with another wave of sadness.

"I know." I looked back into her eyes. "I'm done." I took a step back. She pulled her arms through the sleeves of her robe and looked around her, her gaze coming to rest on the bathroom-door that hung limply off its hinges. She stared at it for a moment, then looked back at me. I stood there rather awkwardly, holding the towel.

"So," she began, and paused, looking so tired. "How are you?"

Such a normal question after everything that had happened that it took me off-guard. It seemed utterly absurd to be talking about my life and what I had been doing during our separation while she had nearly drowned twice today and, judging by appearances, had been subjected during that time to a number of other ordeals that I didn't even know about. How could she want to talk about these things?

And really, how was I? My whole mind was whirling with all these devastating impressions her countenance had made on me that it seemed impossible to go along with such a trivial conversation. I would try my best though, and hastily scrambled in my mind for an answer that would sound fairly light-hearted.

"I'm better, you know, now that I'm here." That would have to do.

"Oh." She averted her eyes. "Well, that's... good." Her voice drifted off slowly on the last word.

"How are you feeling?" Her eyes shot back to mine and I instantly regretted asking. Like hell, obviously. Stupid question.

"I'm fine."

Of course she was fine. That was the only word she'd ever given as an answer when asked about her well-being.

"So... how's Charlie?"

"He's fine." And of course Charlie was fine as well. I was growing exasperated; this must be the emptiest conversation we had ever had. It was going around in circles, carefully avoiding the topics that mattered the most. Even when we had been trying to get to know each other, and small-talk had been mandatory, more had actually been said. I didn't want to scare her away though, so perhaps it would be best to plough on.

"Where is he, by the way? I haven't seen him."

"He's on a fishing trip, with a colleague of his." She hesitated. "He'll be back on Sunday."

Right, it was spring break here. I'd been so absorbed in my own misery these past months that I had completely lost track of time. When I'd called Carlisle yesterday to ask if he would accompany me back to Forks - like the coward that I was - I had had to ask what day it was. Carlisle's thoughts hadn't been very sympathetic towards my recent solitary expeditions into the middle of nowhere when he'd answered, in an uncharacteristically dry voice, that it was Tuesday. Nevertheless, he had been with me when I had arrived, only two days later, in the town I'd thought I'd never see again. Now, however, Carlisle was nowhere to be seen or heard; he had gone back to our house when Bella had climbed into the tub.

She cleared her throat and I snapped out of my silent reverie. She stood there looking embarrassed, causing me to suspect I'd been silent for too long and hadn't followed the usual conversational maxims I normally applied when talking to humans. I'd never had to follow them when I was with her before, but now I felt that I did.

"Um, I'm just getting dressed," she said in a rather scratchy voice, looking at her feet. She made for the door, still not commenting on the damage I'd done to it, and I stepped back, allowing her to pass and following her towards her bedroom. Her smell drew me in as she padded down the small landing, stopped at the door post, turned around, looked at me for a few precious moments, and closed the door in my face.

oo000oo

Once again, I kept silent vigil right outside her room, this time paying better attention. I listened for the faintest sounds that could indicate anything was wrong; I listened to the rhythm of her breathing and of her heart, listened for any bumps or scratches or any confrontations of her body with any sharp objects. I might have been overreacting and overcautious, but I would do anything to keep her safe. I just couldn't trust her anymore to do the same.

She had promised though. When I left, she'd assured me she wasn't going to do anything stupid. A promise she obviously hadn't kept, couldn't have broken more thoroughly in fact. Cliff diving. For God's sake...

The hinges of her wardrobe creaked as Carlisle's thoughts entered my mind. He came in through the front door and slowly made his way upstairs, hands in the pockets of his coat. Out of the bath already? he thought, raising his eyebrows slightly as he surveyed the empty bathroom and its damaged door.

"I pulled her out," I whispered, making sure she wouldn't hear. The softest scratch of clothes hangers scraping against each other issued from her room. "Her breathing stopped so I broke down the door to get her out. She was completely beneath the surface."

Carlisle frowned, staring at the closed door, listening to what was happening behind it. I did the same. Fabric rustling against skin and a gentle swish as her robe fell to the floor.

"You think she did it on purpose?" Carlisle broke the silence. My eyes snapped to his.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "She didn't move at all when she was in the tub."

Carlisle stared at me for a minute, mentally debating the case, then asked me the question I had dreaded since the day I left.

"What did you tell her when you left her, Edward?"

I froze. It seemed only fitting that Carlisle, the man who had always believed in the goodness of my soul no matter what kind of atrocities I had committed, would be the one to hear the answer. It would finally prove him wrong. I whispered my reply, unable to meet Carlisle's gaze.

"I told her I didn't want her. That she's not good for me." I could feel the air shifting as Carlisle's hand jerked slightly in my direction, but he immediately controlled the movement. He carefully restrained his thoughts as he processed this new information on how I had mistreated the woman I loved, and then he spoke again.

"And she believed you?"

"I could see it in her eyes that she did."

We both stared at the closed door again. Bella coughed, but her breathing resumed its usual rhythm after a few seconds. I'd seen her faith shatter.

"Well, then you'll have to prove her wrong."

"Yes," I acquiesced, though I had no idea how to do that. I doubted she would believe me if I just told her I loved her. Nothing of her was left undamaged; at the other side of the door an underweight, possibly suicidal and literally drowning woman was fighting to make it through the day. She looked like she could never be whole again and her pain was the result of my disastrously wrong decisions. Because of my blasphemous lies, she thought I didn't love her. I truly was the most disgusting creature on earth, a parasite sucking the life out of everything true and honest.

Carlisle seemed to know what was going on inside my head.

"Don't, Edward." His eyes were cold as they stared into mine. "We are just as much to blame. We should have refused to go. Reasoned with you."

I couldn't agree with him. Interference from the rest of the family wouldn't have made much difference, probably. I had been so convinced that my decision was the right one, I doubted I would have listened to reason.

"By the way, I notified the family," Carlisle whispered while taking of his coat. "Esme will be here in a few days, with Alice and Jasper. I took the covers off the furniture, so they'll be able to move back in without too much trouble. Rosalie and Emmet might stay a while longer." I nodded. Rose obviously wouldn't have been overly enthusiastic when she heard that the rest of the family were returning to Forks.

A squeaking mattress.

"I spoke to Alice," Carlisle went on. "She can't see anything definite, but she's sure Bella can come back from this. She's stronger than she looks, you know."

I nodded again. The fact that she was still alive when she looked like this was proof enough of that. I wished I'd never have had to see how strong she really was.

"Did Alice see her jump?" I asked. I hadn't thought about that before, but I was sure she would have called me if she'd seen anything like that, even though I'd told her not to look.

"She didn't." I wondered about that as well. "She told me she hasn't seen her for months. Only when you came back did she start seeing flashes of her future. She can't really make anything out." Carlisle thought about it for a second, then started to fix the bathroom door. Cotton caressing silken skin...

I didn't like this. Alice always used to see the same future for Bella, regardless of my opinions or plans about her mortality. The vision she'd had in which Bella was a newborn vampire had always been incredibly clear, like nothing could prevent it from happening. I hadn't wanted that for her at the time, but now, when her future consisted of nothing more than a few flashes and a lot of emptiness, it seemed like the lesser of two evils.

The thought brought back the memory of the flashes I had seen today. Up until then, I'd resolved not to tell Carlisle anything about Bella's dreams, but as I came to terms with the importance of what had happened, my resolve wavered.

"I saw her dreams", I blurted out. Carlisle froze, standing in the doorway, looking at me. His thoughts were a mash of surprise and barely contained curiosity.

"What did you see?"

"Water. Lots of it. She drowns and when she sees my face in the water she stops swimming."

"She gave up," he muttered softly, as if to himself. "You still can't hear her thoughts, though?"

"No. Just her dreams, or whatever they are. I doubt she was sleeping in the tub."

"Perhaps you can hear her when her mind is at its most vulnerable? When she retreats inside her dreams and leaves the waking world behind?"

"I don't know," I mumbled. Carlisle's words were ringing in my ears. She gave up... Was the Bella I came back to really suicidal? What the hell had I done to her?

"Edward." I looked back up at Carlisle. "I'm glad you're back." Then the door creaked, and Bella appeared in the doorway, and I could hear her heartbeat, and see her eyes, and smell her hair, and for the first time that day I was glad to be back too. I was home.

I rather struggled with this one... so please let me know what you think! Next chapter, Bella's POV. She might tell them what's what then ;-)