Ok this isn't the best chapter, but I'm having a serious writer's block. I'm trying to come up with a brilliant plot where they find and rescue Clyde Frog,
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Stan and Kyle looked at each other, confused, and then at Cartman who was still grieving over his pubes.
"Cartman…don't you see what happened? You're 3 years old!" Stan exclaimed.
"I know dude, it fucking sucks!!!! I spent so many years growing those!!"
Stan returned to pinching the bridge of his nose. "Those weren't your pubes, stupid. They were Scott Tenorman's."
"Heh, whatever, you guys are just jealous."
"How did this happen?" Kyle said from his corner of the room, with his head in his hands. They both turned to look at him.
"Well Kahl, I have no idea. All I know is now I'm a stupid little kid and it sucks ass. I can't reach anything anymore!" Cartman said angrily, as he was trying to jump up onto the bed.
Kyle grinned and took pity on him, lifting him up and setting him on the bed next to him.
"I swear, if you weren't so goddamn cute I'd leave you out on the streets. That would solve the Cartman problem for sure!"
"I hate you Kahl!!!! I wish I was all beefcake again so I could KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!"
It was the funniest thing, to see Cartman throwing one of his regular fits in the form of a three year old. It even made him somewhat cuter.
Kyle couldn't resist, and pulled him onto his lap and started fussing over him.
"Cartman, why can't you stay like this forever? I wouldn't even care if you were an asshole, at least you'd be adorable."
"Aw, weak, dude! LAME! LAAAME!!!"
"Ok, ok you guys, enough PDA. We have to figure out how Cartman got this way, and how to change him back. This is gonna be the weirdest adventure ever!" Stan said.
Cartman glared at Kyle, who was now playing with his hair. Kyle just smiled widely and pinched his cheek.
"Cartman, do you remember anything unusual from the night before, remember when you were at my house and-"
"EY!!! I don't wanna talk about that!" Cartman yelled, or more like squeaked.
Stan sighed. Of course Cartman would be embarrassed to talk about what happened the night before, especially in front of Kyle.
"Cartman, it's ok. No one's gonna judge you. And the sooner you tell us what happened, the sooner we can find Clyde frog." Stan reassured.
"What happened to Clyde Frog?" Kyle questioned as he fastened the buttons on Cartman's overalls. Kyle had been dressing him without Cartman even noticing.
"Ugh, my stupid skank mom sold him for crack money. So then I came to Stan's house for some reason, and I fell asleep on the couch and had this weird dream. And the next thing I knew, I was this!" Cartman explained.
"Awww, poor baby." Kyle cooed, as he brushed Cartman's disheveled hair, and Cartman leaned back into Kyle's lap, seeming to enjoy the attention he was getting from his enemy.
"Wait," Stan said, onto something. "What was this dream about? Remember all the shit that went down the last time you had a weird dream?"
All three of them had a silent, contemplative moment as they looked back on the time when visitors had come and stuck a satellite up Cartman's ass.
"I guess you're right. Well this dream was totally gay. There was this really hot fairy lady who said she could grant my one true wish. And she was also a mind reader! So I told her to read my mind and grant my one true wish. And I though as hard as I could about ten million dollars, but the stupid bitch must have screwed up and made me a little kid instead!"
"Ah, Cartman? You ever think that maybe your one true wish was to be a little kid again, and not to have 10 million dollars?" Stan said.
"That's impossible, Stan. Cuz I don't want to be a goddamn kid again!!! Honestly, where did she get that crap from?"
Stan figured he would leave Cartman to figure it out himself that it was his unconscious thoughts and wishes of being a kid again that caused this whole mess.
Despite what everyone saw, Cartman didn't have a very good upbringing. The other children envied how much freedom he had, how there were no boundaries and how his mother was practically his slave and let him get away with everything. They didn't see the dark side of this, but it wasn't expected of children their age to understand. Not having a father had a greater effect on Cartman than people thought. No one to play catch with, no one to teach him anything about being a man. These things he had to learn for himself and his mother's behavior didn't help much. Liane tried to be a good mother, but it was obvious she knew nothing about raising a child and simply wasn't ready to be a parent, so she spoilt him because it was the easy way. She knew her son secretly longed for a father, so she began sleeping with every man who paid her any attention in hopes that they would stay and complete their family. Unfortunately this only gained her a reputation as a whore, which added to the list of things kids ripped on Cartman for. On top of that, he was fat and kids could be brutal about any physical difference they saw in their peers. So he dealt with it the way he knew best, which was by lashing out and rebelling. Cartman was simply a product of his environment. His unconscious wish of starting over his childhood the right way had finally manifested itself.
"Ok, so what's our plan? Are we rescuing Clyde Frog or fixing Cartman first?" Kyle asked.
"Ooh Clyde Frog, Clyde Frog!!! Pleeeeease?" Cartman begged while jumping up and down on Kyle's lap.
"Ow, dude, cut it out, you're gonna break my balls!!!" Kyle yelled, which of course made Cartman jump up and down harder.
"Alright, fine. We'll look for Clyde Frog first. But only cuz you're just so adoooorable!!" Stan said, grinning wickedly and tickling Cartman, who squealed and ran under the bed, much to the relief of Kyle.
10 minutes later, they were all ready to set out on their adventure. The problem was, they had no idea whatsoever where to go.
"So Cartman, you said your mom sold him for crack money?" Stan asked.
"Uh huh," said Cartman, who was contentedly licking a lollipop.
"Does anyone have any ideas on how we're gonna get him back from someone we don't even know?" Stan asked again.
Cartman became hysterical. "Waaaaah!!!!! Now I'll never see Clyde Frog again!!!!!" he wailed.
"Shhh, don't worry, we'll get him back. Everything will be alright...just leave it to us. God, Stan, are you TRYING to make him upset?!" Kyle soothed, glaring at Stan.
Stan looked helpless. If the situation hadn't been so serious, he would have laughed. How often did Kyle side with Cartman over his super best friend?
"Well I'm just saying! He could be anywhere by now, our only hope is to go talk to Mrs. Cartman."
"Poor Clyde Frog…he's probably lost somewhere, all alone." Cartman said tearfully, pondering the fate of his favorite inanimate friend. He buried his face in Kyle's jacket and sobbed.
Kyle patted his back and whispered something reassuring into his ear.
"Ugh, come on; let's go before Stan says anything else." Kyle said, still glaring at Stan.
And they were out the door, on their way to the Cartman's house. Cartman had insisted on walking, but pretty soon he realized it was a bad idea.
"Alright, we should be pretty close by now-hey, where's Cartman?" Stan said.
They both looked back to see that Cartman was now sitting down in the middle of the road, and ran toward him.
"Cartman what the hell are you doing?!" they both yelled.
"Uhhh…so…tired…can't go on…"
"I told you that was a bad idea." Stan said, and lifted him up.
"Dude, how are we gonna tell Cartman's mom about what happened to him?" asked Kyle.
"Uh oh. Um, well maybe she won't notice." Stan replied.
"Psh, yea right. She's probably bawling her eyes out right now." Cartman said.
As they neared the house, they did hear crying, but upon closer inspection, they found it wasn't from sadness.
"Aw, sick dude! Goddamn your mom sucks Cartman." Kyle yelled, after looking into the window.
"Your mom sucks more!" Cartman retorted, and began to break into his infamous "Kyle's Mom is a Big Fat Bitch" song.
"Weeellll…."
"Don't do it Cartman!"
"Weeeeeeelll….."
"I'm warning you!"
"Alright, alright fine."
Kyle breathed a sigh of relief, only to have Cartman run out of nowhere and begin singing and dancing. People stopped to watch him and began cheering and clapping.
"You're such an asshole!" Kyle yelled, and began chasing him, which was hard because toddlers can be surprisingly fast.
"Guys! Guys!!! I have an idea!" Stan said. "Let's go to Chef! He always knows what to do."
They raced off to Chef's house, dragging Cartman behind them.