-1The Lost Years: Chapter Four

Author's Note: Yay! Many thanks to all of the wonderful people that reviewed! D

I'm glad everyone liked it so far! Hopefully you enjoy this chapter too! I've been in such a writing mood lately! ) Well, here it is! Chapter Four!

And since Amy told me to, the pink razor finger cutting incident in Chapter Three was inspired by my own idiocy. P

And just to clear up where I'm going with this…I'm planning on the entire thing being around 20 chapters or so, going through the 7th book with an Epilogue. )

Thanks To Michelle who pointed out a bunch of typos and malfunctions in the plot! D

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Let Downs and Transformations

Just Remain Calm Remus….Remain Calm. Brush my bed and go to teeth? What? Why would you say that? Remus had gone quickly from Tonks' overly-girly room to his own, shaking his head and muttering while looking like an old fool the entire way. He shut his door, locked it for extra measures, and sat on his bed to think about what had just happened. So he had gotten what he wanted. A perfect kiss from Tonks that seemed to have come out of nowhere. And he enjoyed it so much! Though he couldn't be distracted by one moment of bliss. He had to remained focused. He couldn't see how he was going to reject her now. Apparently she liked him or something. Why, he didn't understand. He would have to ask her that the next day. It baffled him to no end. Why on Earth would she choose me over the plenty of other men out there- No. Stop. No more of this nonsense. The question is, what do I do about it now?

There were a multitude of things he could do about the "incident". He could forget it again and avoid Nymphadora completely, though he didn't think that would work out extremely well. He could accept that she liked him and maybe start an actual relationship with her. Ugh, he shouldn't even think that that. That wasn't even an option. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't. There was no possible way that he could ever even date someone like her, knowing that he would have to break it off eventually to save her from himself. He sighed, lying back in his bed. Why must things like this be so difficult? Why couldn't he use magic for these types of things? There must be some spell out there that could tell him what he needed to do, what the solution was to this awful problem. Why couldn't life be that simple? He groaned, finding his migraine had returned. He got up, brushed his teeth, and not like his bed like he had said, and went to bed. He was exhausted and had decided that he would again try and talk to Tonks again tomorrow.

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"La la la laaaaa…" Tonks was happily flitting about her room, singing loudly and very off-pitch. She didn't care, in fact, right now she didn't seem to have a care in the world! Finally something had gone right. She hadn't tripped or made a fool or herself in any way and had done something somewhat gracefully shockingly. She was overjoyed that everything had gone right, much better than she could have ever imagined! Remus was the one that was stuttering and making a fool (Although he wasn't a fool at all to her) of himself! It was so unlike him, though she did like the sort of power the kiss had over him. She giggled contently and flopped on her bed, releasing a blissful sigh. Now everything would be perfect. She could make things work with Remus now and actually have a nice relationship, and there was nothing that could stand in her way. Now if only she could go to bed at a decent hour…

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The Next Morning At Breakfast

"Morning Everyone!" Tonks exclaimed cheerfully to each person she saw on her way downstairs. She skipped care freely down the steps and to the kitchen, where, not surprisingly, she saw that Remus was already there making breakfast. "Hi Remus!" She said, plopping down at the table.

Oh No. Nymphadora was here already? He had hoped that she would have taken a little longer to get downstairs to breakfast, then he would more time to prepare himself for what had to be done. There was no one around, the rest of The Order were off on jobs or duties or quests elsewhere and it appeared that they were alone in the Kitchen. What perfect timing. He took a deep breath before turning around to face her. It nearly broke his heart to see her so happy, knowing what he was going to say to her. She looked more gorgeous than ever, as she did with every passing day, with her usual bright pink hair though he noticed a certain glow about her. Ugh…if only he didn't have to do this. Maybe they could become something? No. No. He had to stop dreaming and face reality. This was the only way, no matter if it hurt.

"Tonks?"

"Yesssssss Remus?" Tonks asked in a sing-song voice with a bright smile.

Remus winced, why did she have to be so difficult? And without even trying too! "I…" He sighed and sat down at the table beside her.

Uh Oh. This was not a good sign. What on Earth could Remus have to say now?

"I think it would be best if we forgot about last night as well."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Tonks asked, her face falling and paling dramatically at his words. How could he say such a thing?

"I'm sorry Nymphadora-"

"It's Tonks."

"…..but this just wouldn't work out between us. It isn't…"

"You, it's me right?" Tonks finished for him through gritted teeth.

"Yes but…" Remus sighed again and avoided eye-contact with her. "It's true. It just wouldn't work out. I'm far too old…too poor…and far too dangerous for you."

Tonks snorted, "Dangerous? Please! You wouldn't hurt a mouse!"

Remus forced a sad half-smile and shook his head, placing his hand gently on her's. "There's too much you don't know about me."

Tonks glanced down at their hands. What did that even mean? It was like he was trying to comfort her. Shelter her from the hurt of his words. Like his hand would just change everything. "Then why not give me the chance to learn?" She questioned and flipped her hand over so that it held his.

Remus gently took his hand back and stood up. "I'm sorry, it just can't happen."

"Why not? What are you afraid of?" Tonks snapped, though anyone could easily tell that it was just a cover to hide the sadness in her voice. She had been so happy! And she had adored Remus for so long. Why couldn't anything ever go right for her?"

"I'm not afraid of anything." Remus said, more roughly then he wanted to. "It just can't happen. I'm sorry." Again he avoided looking at her. He could sense the sadness in her voice and there was no possible way that he could do anything about it now. As much as he just wanted to apologize and swing her up into his arms. He couldn't.

"No you aren't. You aren't sorry!" Tonks scowled, narrowing her eyes at him. "Well fine. If you don't want me around, you won't be seeing me. And if you want me to forget…well, I will! It wasn't that great anyway." With a huff she stood very quickly, nearly knocking over the table and walked to the door. She paused there and sighed, trying to regain her composure. She glanced over her shoulder briefly and down at the floor. "I'm not going to give up." She said quietly. She glanced back at Remus again, who was looking at the floor, and then walked out the door, tripping on her way down the hall.

Remus sighed and dropped into a chair, shaking his head. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. He wondered if there were anyway he could have done it better, If only… Though it was done now, and he couldn't take his words back.

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Two Days Later

It had been rather quiet lately. Tonks was busy fulfilling her duties as an Auror at the Ministry, while Remus had continued to search for a new job. He had been looking for two years with little success, and now that Umbridge had all of the regulations about werewolves all over the place it was nearly useless. It was the morning before the full moon, and Remus was packing up to go elsewhere. He would go to a woods far off, the place he always went. Far from people and towns, and most importantly, far from Nymphadora. He packed his things quickly, it was best to be gone before she got home from her Auror duties, that way she wouldn't get a chance to question him. He packed his things and stuck the vials with the potion Snape made him inside and put on his ragged coat, heading downstairs quickly. He walked hurriedly down the stairs and was pleased to see that no one was around and the door was in plain view. He swung it open. Yes! He had made it all that way through the stairs, thanks to his perfect planning, without seeing Nympha-

"Hello….Going somewhere?"

So…so close. "Oh Yes. Just for a little while. Now if you'd excuse me…"

"Oh…sure. Where are you going?" Tonks questioned, raising an eyebrow, though she stepped aside.

"Oh...you know. Just a few places. I'll only be gone a few days. Nothing special. No reason at all really, just a vacation."

A vacation, huh? Tonks knew full well that Remus did not have enough money to spend, let alone pay for a so called "vacation". Remus didn't even like vacations, he seemed as if he would rather sit around the house all day than actually do something! It was very suspicious. "Oh…I see. Well, bye."

"Goodbye Nymphadora."

"It's Tonks." She said, slightly irritated.

"Right, right. Well….goodbye!" With that Remus went down the stairs and down the sidewalk. He couldn't Apparate to where he was going. First, he didn't know the exact location, and Second, he didn't want the Ministry or anyone being able to trace his whereabouts. So he walked.

Tonks gave him a good start and began to slowly follow him. If he were going on a so-called "vacation" he would have just apparated. There was something extremely strange going on and she needed to know what that was. She continued following him stealthily, dodging behind someone each time he glanced around, until they reached a dark forest that seemed to have endless trees and land. Why on Earth is Remus here? She asked herself quizzically. This was very puzzling. She continually followed him until he finally stopped and she hid behind a very large boulder a suitable distance away from him.

Remus set down his bags and sighed. He took out a vial and drank it, then put the bottle away. He set his things down on top of a fallen tree branch and sat on the ground, his head in his hands. He groaned, he hated this time of the month. Sure, he had grown used to it over the years, but he hated it nonetheless. He had to be away from his friends, when he had friends around, and all that he enjoyed. And it was painful. That was one thing that would never change. The transformations were excruciatingly painful and took sometimes over three quarters of an hour to complete. He shuddered at the thought. Maybe tonight it would be less painful, and he would be less bloodthirsty and no one would get hurt. He could only hope.

What was that strange bottle? And why was Remus in the middle of the woods? She wanted to walk up to him and confront him about his lies, though she wanted to wait and see what happened first. She pondered the possibilities. Maybe….maybe this was a meeting spot for some secret group of people? Maybe he was meeting a secret lover! Yes, that had to be it. Her face fell and she pouted, then everything would make so much sense.

Remus stared up at the sky, waiting and preparing himself for the full moon to come into view. The sun had set and the moon was rising, and he could feel the change coming, coming quickly. He let out a pained howl, dropping his head down as the full moon rose overhead. He whimpered and whined loudly, clutching his hair and writhing on the ground. He shook and trembled as his flesh morphed into layers of thick, dark fur and his teeth grew into sharp fangs. His nose and mouth elongated into a wolves' muzzle. His hands and feet grew pads and turned to pause. This creature was no longer Remus Lupin. In his place was a muscled and ferocious lycan instead.

Tonks couldn't even begin to fathom what had just happened. Had her eyes deceived her? Was this a cruel prank to deceive her? An illusion? A trick? Anything but the reality! Precious, sweet Remus…a werewolf? Oh no…no! It all made sense now. "…and far too dangerous." It made sense! Was he bloodthirsty and cruel like she had often heard werewolves were? Was he dangerous? Would he find her? Was he still even Remus? Her breaths grew quick and shallow and she held onto the boulder as if it were her lifeline. This all was just too unreal!

The werewolf threw back his head and howled at sky. He rose to two legs and then crashed to the ground with a cruel snarl. He could smell something. The scent was strong and close. It was the scent of a woman, that much he could tell. A very frightened woman. A wolfish sneer emerged on his muzzle. Fresh meat.

Tonks remained where she was, she closed her eyes, trying desperately to calm herself down. Was it true that animals could smell fear? No, Remus wasn't an animal. This was still him, she couldn't get herself worked up. Remus wouldn't hurt her, not purposefully. She took a last deep breathe and remained still, though she kept a firm hand on her pocket. She didn't want to hurt him. Would she risk hurting him if her life depended on it?

The wolf moved skillfully through the forest. The scent was sweet smelling and pure, inviting and growing stronger. The wolf could not resist such temptation. His pace quickened and he rounded the corner with a snarl to come face to face with his latest victim. A human. He could smell her fear and her worry, and he would take advantage of that fear.

Tonks gasped at the site of him up close and the fear had returned just as quickly as it had left. "R-Remus?"

The werewolf seemed to be amused by this. His human "counterpart" he despised that weak, sniveling, worthless excuse of a human. The wolf lifted his front claws up to rest on the boulder behind Tonks and snap at her neck. She shrieked and dodged, though the wolf managed to graze part of her cheek.

Tonks gasped and tried her best to crawl away from him, though before she had the chance to the wolf snatched her up by a large claw and jerked her back. The wolf enjoyed playing with his food. It took up time after all, and it gave him something fun to do.

Tonks' eyes quickly filled with tears and her eyes overflowed with them. What was happening? There had to be Remus somewhere in there! Somewhere behind the beast, he had to be in there! "R-Remus…please!" She begged, clinging to the wolves' front "leg" desperately. She searched his eyes and tried to find him somewhere, though all she could see was the wolves' eyes. Cold, piecing golden eyes. She looked again, there! She saw it. There was a glimpse of warmth there, just a flash only for a moment. She saw it! "Remus…Remus please! Let me go." She whimpered, clinging to the wolf and staring into his eyes.

The wolf stared at her quizzically. What? What was this. For a moment he had felt Remus take over, for a minute he felt sympathy and a strange liking for this girl. Why, he didn't know. Instead of letting her go, the wolf held to her tighter with a fierce growl, rising onto his back legs. He held onto her by one strong, beast like claw and walked to the place he had been before. He sat then, much like a common household dog and hesitantly set her down in front of him.

Tonks' first instinct was to run, run for her life and forget about this. She remained calm and stayed in one place. Instead of running, she put out a hand timidly and caressed the top of the wolf's head. The wolf melted under her touch and his ears laid back against his head. Obviously, the wolf was not at all accustomed to being pet. He did seem to enjoy it though! Tonks smiled, feeling much more at ease. She no longer saw the cruelty of the wolf, but a mixture of the beast overtaken by Remus' soft gaze. She stroked behind the ears of the wolf and he rolled over onto his back with a loud thump, wagging his tail. Tonks giggled and pat his stomach, shaking her head. Why, when he was calm he was no more than a little puppy!

The night rolled on until both the wolf and Tonk's were exhausted. Tonks laid down to rest near the fallen tree branch with Remus' things and curled up.

After hunting down a few dear, the wolf returned, a rabbit in his jaw. He grunted slightly and laid it on the rock near Tonks as an offering for her. Seeing that the girl was asleep he laid down beside her, snuggling up against her and enjoying the warmth. This had been a good night after all.

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The Next Morning

The Sun rose the net morning and Remus had returned to his human form. He groaned and rolled over, only to bump into something there. What The… He opened his eyes, coming face to face with a blissfully sleeping Tonks. His eyes widened with fear as he saw the large gash on her cheek, which hadn't quite healed yet. His eyes drifted to the rabbit offering left nearby and back to her. How did she get her? Had she followed him? How much had she seen? Had her hurt her badly? First there was anger at her for following him here, then embarrassment because she had seen him at his worst. This was followed by relief, because she was alive and apparently had escaped with nothing but a scratch. But how? How had she managed to stay alive? She must have some sort of power over the wolf! That had to be it. No one else had ever escaped more than an hour with the wolf, let alone an entire night! And only a scratch! It was baffling.

Remus reached over and grasped his bag and quickly dressed in suitable clothing. His old clothes were ripped and completely ruined. He hastily moved the rabbit some place else and came to sit beside Tonks again. He didn't want to wake her, though he must know answers. He shook her shoulders lightly. "Nymphadora?"

"Yeah Yeah Mom…I'll get up a minute." She mumbled, rolling over.

Why must she always be so incredibly difficult? "Nymphadora please, it's Remus. Wake up."

"Hmmm…oh…fine." Tonks said, yawning and sitting up. She glanced around and frowned. She looked puzzled at Remus. What was he doing in her room? She raised an eyebrow and thought a moment until she remembered the previous nights events. Had it all been a dream? Apparently not..

"Are you hurt very badly?" Remus asked softly, motioning to her cheek.

"Oh…no. It hurt t first. But it's not too bad. I'm sure I can heal it." She insisted with a light shrug, as if getting mauled by a werewolf was an everyday occurrence.

"Why did you follow me here? And how…how did you make it…how are you alive?" He asked, tenderly touching her other cheek.

"Well…it's just…I was worried about you. And you're a terrible liar you know." She said with a light smile. "I don't know how I made it here. All I know is that you saved me somehow. Somehow…somehow the wolf changed. I could see you in his eyes."

No. That was impossible. There was no possible way that he could have overtaken the wolf. The wolf was always in control. He frowned at her and shook his head. "I don't think so. If you had, it would have only been for a second or two."

"It was! But I saw it. Something happened. I'm sure of it." She said stubbornly.

Remus took a deep breathe and dropped his hand from her cheek. "If you had been hurt…I couldn't ever forgive myself. You shouldn't have followed me here." He said sternly, taking on a protective tone.

"I know I shouldn't have. But I did. And I'm not afraid anymore. I know it's you inside of there. And the wolf didn't hurt me. Maybe now we don't have to forget. Maybe now we-"

"No. Don't even say it. I'm far too dangerous for you." He said quickly, shaking his head continuously. "And you deserve much better."

"But I want-!"

"No." He said, stopping her mid-sentence again. "You're going to apparate back to Grimmauld Place right now and you are not ever, ever going to follow me again. Do you understand me?"

"….Yes" Tonks said, sounding defeated.. She stood quietly and gathered up her things.

"Good. Now take your things and go. I'll…I'll see you later tomorrow at the manor." He said, staring down at the ground. He sighed and quieted for a moment before saying, "If there ever was anyone who could tame a beast…it's you… Dora."

Tonks smiled back at him and then looked back at the ground. "When you change your mind about us, come find me. Alright?"

"I won't change my mind, Nymphadora…"

"It's Tonks!"

"……I won't change my mind, Dora."

Tonks sighed and shook her head. She pulled out her wand and murmured something under her breathe before disappearing.

Remus smiled softly, looking at the ground. He glanced back up at where she had disappeared. "I love you Dora." He mumbled to no one. No one but himself would ever hear those words. And that was the way it should be.

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Author's Note: Whoa! -imitates Biology teacher- (Don't ask) Action packed/fluffy goodness! Leave me a review! Flame it, tell me how much you love it, tell me anything! D