Disclaimer: I do not own twilight...I just make the characters human and put them in shitty situations lol.

Chapter 4: Refusal

I'm burning in the heavens
And I'm drowning in a hell
My soul is in a coma
And none of my friends can tell
That I'm reaching out and getting nothing
This is just a story of a broken soul

Take me
By Papa Roach

BPOV
"Soo, is there something you want to tell me"? Asked Ben as I sat down at our lunch table.

"uhh...no." a shot of panic rose through me as I thought of Edward.

Ben laughed, "Hmm...Okei I'll ask you this then. Since when are you and Cullen friends"? He wasn't laughing anymore...Ben had never done me wrong. He was a great friend even if I was never one back...He doesn't know about my life, but likes to think that he understands why I am the way I I went to the institution in Seattle last summer he would write and call...

He was the only one who did.

He was my only friend.

I'm just sorry i couldn't return the favor.

"Ben I don't know what you're talking about. But I'm sure you're wrong." I was getting sick and tired of this Edward situation. I felt bad for always being so close off with Ben, but I couldn't help it...my guard was always up.

"So why did he defend your honor today against Mike"?

"He what? What are you talking about"? I said confused.

"So the story is that Shmike was rough handling you in the hallway this morning...I guess Cullen saw, and he caught up with him before lunch to tell him that 'if he ever touches you again he's dead'. So of course mike says some smart ass comment on how by the time he was through touching you, you were thanking him. Soo Cullen punches him right in the face and Emmet has to drag him off before he keeps going"! Ben's eyes were animated as he gave me the play by play.

This is ridiculous, Edward Cullen doesn't even know me, were not even friends? So why would he defend me?

"You know Ben you shouldn't believe everything you hear." I scolded him.

"I know and I don't. The reason I know this is true is because I just saw it happen." he said smugly...

Fury began to fill every ounce of my body... Who the he'll does he think he is? I don't need him fighting my battles! We're not even friends.

I don't need to be protected... He probably felt sorry for me so he figured he would do me a kindness? Like I'm some fucking charity case?

"Bella...are you Okei? You look really mad...did mike hurt you"? Ben snapped me out of my thoughts...

I jumped up from my chair and picked up my backpack.

"I'll see you later Ben."

I had had enough of this! I felt bad for leaving Ben but I just had to get away...

What is wrong with him! I don't understand his sudden interest in me and I sure as he'll didn't like it!

He makes me feel like a charity case...I'm just his good deed for the day.

Well fuck him! I don't need to be protected...

Maybe you do...

Said a voice in my head.

I shut that thought up as quickly as it came.

I was now outside away from the stares away from the hushed whispers. I sat under a big tree and wrapped my arms around my legs.

I closed my eyes...

This day had me exhausted and confused. And it's all thanks to Edward Cullen.

"Bella"? I snapped my head up to see green eyes looking down at me...

"Speak of the devil...what is it Cullen? Come to see if I have any more jerks I need you to take care of for me"? I murmured.

The side of his lips twitched and he shook his head.

"May I"? He gestured to the spot beside me.

I nodded slowly wondering where this was going.

"Look I just want to apologize. I shouldn't have watched you like that, even while doing it I knew it was wrong. I should have looked away, and I tried Bella I did... But I just couldn't. You need to know that not once did I enjoy watching you in that state. I still don't understand what's going on... But I want to, and I know that's a lot to ask for but I can't pretend...no madder how hard I try that I didn't see what I did. Bella I can't walk away now..."

"I...I'm sorry I assumed you were a certain way. And I appreciate you not saying anything to anybody. I know you don't understand and I want to keep it that way. It best for both of us Edward. We weren't friends the day before yesterday...and just because you saw some private meltdown of mine doesn't mean were friends now...

You have to let this go."

I pleaded with him...

"I don't even know why we're having this conversation. What exactly do you want from me"? I said in a small voice.

"I want to be your friend." he said determined...

I snorted "I don't have friends Edward as in...I don't want them. And anyways I would be a terrible one."

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration...what normal person doesn't have, want or can keep a friend.

I'm not normal.

I look at him and I wish I could be normal for him...so I could be his friend, if his offer was even sincere...

"Bella I see you eat lunch with that Ben guy every day, why is he your friend"? He said irritated.

"Ben is my friend, yes. But I'm not his..Friends talk, they trust and they tell each other thing...my friendship with Ben is a one way street. Bens always been there for me...no madder what other people said he was always on my side. So as long as he's willing to go on with this one sided friendship I not going to stop him." I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

"I don't want pity friends, Edward. This conversation wouldn't even be happening if you hadn't seen me yesterday."

He was quiet for a long time, and I even opened my eyes to see if he was still there.

I caught him staring at me and I lifted my eyebrows in question.

He sighed quietly and said, "But I did see you... And things do change. Last night I saw you Bella. I saw the pain and the Hurt I saw you fall to the ground and...I...I herd you. How do you want me to not get affected by that! Bella you were so weak and fragile I just want to help you." he pulls his hair with his fingers in frustration and looks at me, waiting for my response.

Weak?

My eyes stung with tears; weak.

Help?

He thinks I need help?

I abruptly got up, picked up my bag and rubbed palms over my eyes...

Then I look down at him.

"You don't know anything. So stop trying to. Not everyone wants to be friends with you; you can't force me to into this. ."

And with that I quickly walked class which I coincidently had with him... It seems as though I can't escape him.

I decided to make a pit stop at the bathrooms. I stood at the sink looking at my face...

I was pathetic. So what if he want to be your friend? He could be like Ben.

But somehow I knew if I became friends with him, it wouldn't be the same as Ben...

I splashed cold water on my face and made my way to class.

When I walked in, I looked around confused.

The desk had been moved so they were now in sets of two all over the room.

"Nice of you to join us miss swan." I heard Mr. Jackson say.

"Sorry, where do I sit"? I mumbled quietly.

"Well since you and Mr. Cullen decided being late was a good idea, you two are now paired up. You will be doing an assignment about each-other. You will be getting to know each-other enough that every month until the end of the semester you will take a photograph of your partner that represent to you who they are. And vice versa. With each picture I want a page description of what is happening what things stand for and so on. But for today just fill out this worksheet with my Cullen."

He hands me a questioner.

I turn towards the now working class and find Edward at the back of the room sitting by himself. I take a deep breath and walk towards him. I pull a desk up next to his and sit down... We both don't say anything and the air is awkward between us.

"What's your middle name"? He says suddenly.

"Uhh, Marie... Why"? I asked

"It's question number one...mines Anthony." he was being very distant and his eyes were hard.

This should make me happy. To see that he's letting it go...but I slightly disappointed that he wasn't interested in my friendship anymore...

You can't have both ways...

I thought.

"Oh...Okei. What's your favorite color"?

And that's how it went until the bell rang. Straight forward and strictly professional. I kept waiting for him to bring up our lunch conversation, but he never did.

And as I watched his back walk towards the door I told myself repeatedly that this was what I wanted. To be left alone.

I've never been a good liar.

A/N: Hoped you like it!
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