Before the pour.
Before the pour, there is nothing but the black clouds that swim in the sky; waiting for their time to let it pour, on my life.
Only if, I knew that my down pour was going to come with the loss of the one person, I can't live without.
On that day, it seemed to as though there was a waterfall over my car and my shoulders that were slumped from the sight and the sound of the heart beat; disappearing from my lover.
As the hair that covered my head stuck to my face, I looked to the sky to see the black clouds that roared with anger and sorrow, that laid in my heart.
The sight made my throat clog and my mind flash of the memories of my lover.
Their smile, that was as bright as the lightning that filled the sky and light like the white clouds that would arrive when the storm went to sleep.
The laughter they gifted the world, and warmed my cold heart when we first met.
Eyes of the most wonderous gems in the world.
And the love that disappeared from their eyes when the heart beat vanished. Never did I wish to see the sight of their body going limp, and the pale skin that covered the body that I kissed and shared, but here I was. Staring at the rain and the clouds, that covered the sky that echoed the happiness as the heavens welcomed them... as they welcomed the love of my life
Butterflies.
Happiness.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Beautiful.
Bright.
Those were the words that came to mind when I met him, when I met the man who was going to make my last few years worth living. I know there was many more words that described the sergeant, but they were nothing compared to the sight of his sculpted body that stood in front of me. " Ah! Rukia-san, you have met my idiot son!" was sang in my ear.
Shaking my head slightly I looked over at the tall man, with his black beard and playful brown eyes. The only words that came to mind when looking at the man, was his name, Koursaki Isshin, a playful and loving father of three. Married to the most beautiful woman, I have ever seen in all my life, but also the man that gave me him. But, I didn't know that yet. " Isshin-kun, I don't believe he is an idiot" I managed to say.
" Thank you, kid" a cold shiver went down my spine at the name, kid. I am 23, who-the-hell does he think he is calling me a kid!
My anger got the better of me, and my fist went into his stomach causing his wondrous body to crash to the ground. I glared daggers down at him with my violet orbs and growled slightly " Listen here, bud! I'm no kid! Got it!" I screamed. My glare dropped when I felt a small sweat forming on my back and the feeling of exhaustion coming over my body. I didn't know, I was that bad.
" Jeez! What the hell was that for, midget?" he roared. I would have spat something back, but I was too tired to do so. With a hand I waved him off, before sitting in an empty chair as the kitchen table. " Oi, midget! Answer me" he growled, with my tired eyes I looked over at the tall structure, muscular chest that was covered with a tight shirt, his long large legs hiding under those blue jeans -that clearly scream, stamina-, the large hands which were clouding my mind of dirty thoughts, tanned skin - I wanted to lick, bright amber eyes -that made me think of Carmel and sweets- (mouth watering), and then the bright mop of orange hair on his head which only reminded me of the illness that was killing me.
" Koursaki-kun, I wish to not argue with you at this moment. I am rather tired, for some reason -which I wouldn't like to discuss -would you please, just leave me be for a moment or two, so I can control myself" he seemed to tense at my words. I tried not to pant in front of him but, I couldn't hold it in any longer and allowed the tiny gasps of air exit my lips.
Closing my eyes, the sound of my heart beat was in my ears; it sounded like a drum solo that made fans roar with happiness, but not for me. A warm hand covered my back causing me to look over to meet amber eyes, making my heart stop and a rush of heat filled my cheeks. What was this? " It's Ichigo" he told me.
I wanted to speak but my wind-pipe seemed to be clogged with something, called nervousness and air. Turning my head to the side quickly I looked away from him, trying to get my composure back from his touch " What?" I managed to choke.
" You called me " Koursaki-kun", it's Ichigo" his voice was like silk to my ears, and his touch was like rose petals that warmed my skin. I nodded at his voice before trying to hide my blush.
" Rukia. Kuchiki Rukia" I told him. My hand went to the water that Karin had given me when I got to the house. I stood from the table only to have my body bump into Ichigo's causing a tingling sensation overwhelm my skin. " Excuse me" I whispered before heading to the stairs.
As I headed up the staircase to the washroom, I heard the sound of feet following me. Looking over my shoulder I saw no one, and shrugged it off as my imagination getting the better of me.
With a hand I pushed open the bathroom door to see the regular bathroom, with the usual things: a shower, sink, toilet. Closing the door as I entered, I walked towards the sink and leaned over with my face looking down at the drain.
The darkness that was down the hole, made is seemed like it never ended but in general it ended, eventually. I noticed the purple and blue markings on my wrist from Karin, then the tender feel in my hands " No" I muttered as I looked at the bruising. This had to be the worse thing that was involved, with leukemia. It looked like you were beaten by someone, if I were married and here just for a visit; everyone would think my husband did this to me.
What was I going to do? If anyone downstairs saw these bruises, they would think someone was hitting me or something bad was happening at work, and I didn't need that today... or ever. Honestly, I didn't want to tell anyone about my illness for many reason but most of them being the irony and tears they would give me. I'm dying slowly, not fast, I wish I was.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
" Rukia? Are you okay, in there?" the voice and the emotion gave me the shivers. It was Ichigo, he was probably the one that followed me upstairs earlier. Either that or he was just coming to see if I was alright, which was sweet of him, but I just needed sometime alone to swallow the fact my life was changing again.
" A-Ah yeah, Ichigo. I'll just be a minute or two longer" when the sound of his feet shuffling on the floor wasn't in my ears, I figured he wasn't going to leave. Such a stubborn ass!
Storming to the door I growled, with the breeze of my strength I pulled the door open only to see Ichigo leaning on the wall beside it, with his eyes closed and his hands in his jeans " I thought you died in there" I heard him mumbled. My eyes softened at the sight of him and then went to the floor as the blush covered my cheeks again. God, get a hold of yourself, Rukia! He's a good looking guy! You're a Kuchiki -a smart one too- don't let your feelings get in your mind! " I thought you might have, fallen in" I froze at the comment. D-Did he just say what I think he said?
Me fall into the toilet? Me! " You know what, Ichigo. I am tired! I am sick! I am dying! And I am getting annoyed with your pity joke about my appearance! If you think you're better than me, then guess what! I don't give a flying fuck! I could care less! Just don't you dare, stand there and insult me when I have bigger things to worry about about! Because I am getting sick and tired of this bull shit!" I yelled. When I was done my ranting, I felt light headed and dizzy almost like I was going to faint. I leaned against the door frame to see the shocked look on the sergeant face from my words. I'm guessing, no woman has ever told him off like I did. Well, he deserved it.
It all happened so quickly that my mind didn't wrap around it until I felt his skin on mine. His large hand pressing me against the wall, he was leaning on earlier. My breath went to a stutter as I looked into his amber orbs, his breath was at my lips as he looked down at me with such intensity -almost with passion- causing my cheeks to heat up and my skin to tingle. " We're all dying Rukia, it's apart of life. We live, breath, smile, laugh, marry, have kids and then we die. I've seen all of those, and if teasing you is such a bad thing then I won't stop, because we all need a little mockery in our lives" his voice was sweet and serious as he spoke. Where did this Ichigo hide from the world? I thought he was nothing but a smart-ass sergeant who enjoyed making fun of me.
" As much as I would like to agree with you. I can't, seeing as many people in my life have vanished from my sights because of events or illness that can't be fixed or cured. So, having kids and getting married, isn't in everyone's life plan or future. Now, will you please let me go downstairs or do I have to make you move" I growled. The flashes of Hisana and her sick body was lingering in my mind, and the sight of my dead parents in my heart as I looked and thought of all the horror in my life. I didn't need his words. Or did I?
" So, you're that type of women" I froze at his words and gave him a puzzled look. I was a type of women? What-the-hell! I wasn't a type of women, I am -just- Kuhciki Rukia. Nothing more or less. I am 23 years old and have had leukemia since I was 9, I wasn't a type of women. How... how ignorant!
" Excuse, me" I was take back. Ichigo chuckled as he pushed off the wall and took a step back from me. I found my eyes on his as he looked at my with questions in his eyes, what did he see in me that I don't see?
" You're a women who looks at the world as a place where everything is waiting for their time to run out. You probably watched several of your loved-ones die and planned their burials. You're strong-headed, bright, playful but childish when it comes to certain things -like your appearance to others- you most likely prefer black or a dark purple, when it comes to attire because it brings your dark side out - the one you hide from everyone you meet- am I right, Rukia?" I snorted back a laughter and covered my face with hand. He was close, but not close enough.
" You're wrong" he tensed at my words and narrowed his eyes at me before looking over my body with his amber orbs. " I am a person who has been through hell on this planet. I take every moment of my life as if it were a precious gem, that is never to be found. I have seen my fair share of dead loved-ones and helped plan their burial, but I never did it alone. I rather wear white and bright colors, so they can bring my day happiness and they bring me back to the good things in this world. My dark side is down inside me, but I am fully in touched with them" I corrected him.
When he didn't say anything I took my leave and went to the staircase. As I got to the living area, I noticed that Karin and Toushiro were on the couch goofing-around -like normal people. Yuzu was in the kitchen with her mother who was being pestered by Isshin, and then there was Ichigo who was behind me, silent.
" Rukia-san, you feeling okay?" Yuzu asked. I smiled and nodded to the teen, she always had a heart of gold and cared for everyone, but that could be a bad thing for her.
" Hai. Why do you ask?" she seemed to looked over my body and then to her brother as he stared at my back with his amber eyes.
" I-It's just... you look paler than ever" I choked at her words and looked at my hands, they did seem whiter than better, but not that bad. It's not like I was snow-white, right?
" Oh, this is just because I'm a little tired from my run this morning, that's all" I chuckled awkwardly before heading to the table. Taking a drink of my water I sighed as the liquid coated my throat, it was nice. Through the corner of my eye I noted that Toushiro and Karin were wrestling over the remote, typical for teen love.
" What do you do for a living?" snapping my eyes towards Ichigo who sat beside me, I placed my glass of water on the table and gave him my full-attention -trying not to be rude. " What do you do for a living? Seeing as you're not a teenager, and there's no other person here -like a spouse" he restated. Maybe he thought I didn't hear him properly the first time.
" I teach children, down near Karakura High-school. Karin, Yuzu and -once in a blue moon- Toushiro comes to get volunteer hours" I cleared my throat softly and fiddled my thumbs. I loved talking about my work with kids, but today it seemed like a sour subject. Maybe, it was because I wasn't going to be doing much longer -which was depressing on my part. I loved working with the children and hearing them laugh, they were like the family I wanted but couldn't have. They made me complete.
Ichigo seemed unsettled with the fact I was a teacher, that knew his sister from volunteering but he had no right judging me. " Why kids? I thought you as being a business women who lived down the street" I nearly choked at his words. Me? A business women? Now, that was a joke. A true joke.
A chuckle left my lips as I looked at the man and then to the table " Me? A business women? How funny. Ichigo, my family may be regular sticks in the mud, but my brother and sister made sure I wasn't" I chuckled thinking he thought of me as my brother and other relatives that were around. The truth was, when Hisana and Byakuya adopted me into the Kuchiki clan. They made sure I wasn't like the others, with their fancy calculators and numbers popping out of their butts. I was raised differently then all of them, I was the special Kuchiki " I decided to be a teacher, because I really never had a childhood. So, why not watch and educate the time of my life; that I lost"
Since I met Ichigo, I ever saw him with this look in his eyes. The look of hope and kindness. He seemed to see my way of life, for a change of guessing what it was like in my shoes. It was the part of him that made me love me, in the future, even when the worse was in my eyes and the future was clouded with nothing but sorrow.
With his large hand on his chin he thought in silence for what to say to me next, but I started instead " As much as I love life, I never really had one until I was 18 or 19, because of some... personal issues. I lost my only family when I was nine, and my brother-in-law, Byakuya took me in as his own. He was like a father to me, he brought me to school, to the doctors, stayed home when I was sick and read to me when I wanted him too" my eyes sparked with happiness as I thought of Byakuya holding me in his arms, with his head resting on mine and a book in his large hands. " If it weren't for him... I wouldn't know what a parent was like. Before my sister, Hisana past of breast cancer, she tried to be like a mother to me but I wasn't the kind of kids that would behave. I would run around and make a mess, but that all changed when I found out she was dying. The day of her funereal was the day, I became silent and more obedient" I looked over at him to see the sorrow in his eyes for my story. Most people I told about Hisana, were in that state but Ichigo was different. He was more sad, angry, hurt and caring about the passing of my sister. Just in his eyes.
We were silent at the moment, only letting our breath and thoughts linger in the air -besides, the life that was around us- but it was silent and peaceful in our ears. " What happened when you were nine? After Hisana passed" his voice was gentle in my ears. Looking over at him I smiled softly and bowed my head slightly.
" Let's just say... my life was never meant to be easy, like everyone else" I wasn't going to tell him that I had a serious case of leukemia, and the doctor's didn't know what day was my last. I was lucky to survive, seeing as I remember all those child's that died in the same room I was supposed too. But, thanks to Byakuya and the hope he shimmered in my presence I got through it, and survived, even got rid of it. For a little while.
" Perhaps, some-day I could help you at the kindergarten school" he smiled. God, that smile made me blush -like a school girl- and pulled my heart like a puppet on strings.
" O-Of course... we always need help" I chuckled nervously as he looked at me with bright eyes. " Plus, it would be nice to have you" my heart fluttered as the words slipped past my lips and into the air. What did I just say that? Shit! Rukia!
He shifted in his chair slightly and raised a brow " Really? Why's that?"
Think. Think. Think.
" Ummm... none of the kids has had a grown male helper in the school before. It would be a nice change for the students" I said quickly.
When Yuzu walked out with dinner she leaned over with a smile on her lips " Nice save, Rukia-sama" she chuckled. My eyes widened at the truth, I snapped my eyes over at the teen and glared daggers at her with my violet hue.
" Yuzu" I growled under my breath as she giggled at me, and the way I was acting with her brother. It wasn't funny, it was rather humiliating for me! I have never stuttered with men -even, Kaien and Renji- this was a first for me, and I wasn't enjoying it one bit. Was that sad?
" Jeez, Rukia-sama. I have never seen your eyes so murderous" chirped Karin as she leaned over the couch, her eyes were glued on me and Ichigo. What were they thinking? " And you said, you didn't want to settle down" she teased with her eyes narrowed at her brother.
" W-What are you t-talking about?" I stuttered. I blinked as she chuckled at my question and then look over at her brother. Oh, hell no! She wasn't think-...Me and Ichigo, never! I can't! That's cruel! Could it happen?
" Oh, don't play dumb, Rukia-chan! You and Ichi-nii, are hitting it off" my body froze at her words, when the warm feeling of vomit was in my throat I stood and ran to the bathroom holding my mouth.
SLAM!
Went the door as I fell to my knee's and held my hair back with my bruised hand. The sound of my vomiting filled the silence of the house. Tears swam down my cheek as the acid flood out of my mouth and into the toilet.
Pause it here. If you didn't really have a picture of my life from here, then I will explain it. Vomiting isn't the only thing I did when I was nine. Byakuya, would find my skin like snow, hollow eyes that made me look dead, bruising that turned my beauty into death. My healthy weight of 110 went to 90 in three weeks or less, my eating habits of breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert; all disappeared and went to an orange juice cup and three crackers. Then there was the vomiting that I did for hours on end, sometimes I would wonder if there was an end to my stomach. Man, was I wrong. My sleeping hours was nothing but the minutes that I had of peace from a bucket or a toilet. That was the childhood that I escaped. Now, it was back.
FLUSH!
As the vomit disappeared I could feel more come, leaning over the toilet was a good idea as the liquid rush and my brain went blurry. I don't want this! I wanted to be healthy, but my wish was nothing but a dream. Why me?
My throat burned as I flushed the toilet and sat on the ground. I moaned and tossed my head slightly to the side. This wasn't fair. I wiped my mouth with some toilet paper and stood weakly, trying not to fall over. When I reached the sink I splashed my face with some cold water.
I patted away the water with a soft towel then placed it at the side of the sink. A pant lips my lips as my eyes stayed closed, this wasn't something I wanted to live with any longer. I was ready to give up. Throw in the towel. Flush the pills. Write my will and be buried.
" This is only day one, Rukia" I whispered to myself as I walked to the door and opened it to hear nothing but silence in the house. Walking down the stairs was almost like being in a hospital, filled with silence and bad news awaiting people at the end of the case.
It was time for me to go home. I needed to get my thoughts straight and my plan ready, if I was going to fight. Was I going to fight?
I froze at the question that filled my mind. Did I really want to give up? Was I ready to die? Maybe. I'm 23, I can't be ready to die, right? Oh, shut up, Rukia! You're not! Placing a hand on my head I thought of what it would be like to give up and not fight. It would be nothing but a ticking bomb, waiting for me to disappear.
What as I think?
My feet seemed to move and brought me downstairs to join the group again. I finally came through when I felt the texture of my purse in my hand. Looking over I glared at the orange book that twinkled in my eyes " Rukia-sama?" the voice snapped me out of my glare with the orange book.
Turning my head the sight of Yuzu and her family at the table was in my eyes. I forgot they invite me to dinner, shit. " Are you leaving?" Karin questioned as she stood from her seat. I knew that if I left she would be the one to drag me back inside, that was the last thing and bruise I needed today. I found my hand rubbing my wrist slightly where the bruise was and the aching muscles went to my brain. " Rukia-sama?" Karin said, I snapped back from my thought of my bruise and looked at the teen.
" U-Uh... " the sad look that was in her grey eyes made my heartache, I didn't want to disappoint her or anyone. " No... I'm just getting some Advil from my purse" I lied. I went to searching my purse, when I saw the orange pill bottle that Uryuu gave me, I popped the lid and took two in my hand.
" Come on, Midget. I was told you like rice dumplings" Ichigo teased as he pulled out my chair, I walked over and slapped the back of his head with my free hand. " What the hell-"
" Next time you dare to call me, Midget, is the day your family is looking for your will in the Karakura river" I growled at him. Isshin chuckled at the threat and Masaki snorted as she looked at Ichigo's expression.
" You're one evil women" he commented.
" Hai. I'm the daughter of the devil, himself. Got it, Strawberry" I snickered before popping the pills into my mouth and taking a gulp of water that rested on the table for me.
" Oi! My name isn't, Strawberry" he snapped.
" It's on the strawberry box in the store, don't lie to yourself" Masaki was the first to burst out at the comment. Ichigo glared at me and then to his mother who was laughing too hard to notice. Poor women. " Besides, when you have kids, it'll be easy to teach them orange and strawberry"
Isshin choked slightly as he looked at me " Really? How?"
I pointed to his hair and my hatred grew for the color " Hair as bright as yours is probably going to be a curse for your future daughter or son. Your name is on every strawberry product, so you'll be telling your son or daughter in the store 'Go get, daddy' before ya' know it they'll be screaming ' Daddy! Daddy! We found you!' in produce" Ichigo glared at me with hate that turned to care when he heard 'future daughter or son'. It was like he was think of something.
" So, Rukia-chans already thinking of my grand-babies! Oh, Masaki! We'll be grandparents soon! Karin and Yuzu will be aunties!" Isshin yelled as the women smiled at me brightly. I nearly choked on a dumpling and Ichigo was coughing for dear life.
" Awe, look Masaki! She already saving our son, and showing her motherly side!" Isshin sang as I patted Ichigo's back quickly and asked if he was okay.
" Before ya' know it dad, she be in his room keeping him toasty warm at night" Karin commented.
" Please! Isshin-kun is most likely going to have a grand-daughter with tanned skin, aqua eyes and white hair! Ain't that right, Toushiro" I snapped. Karin froze as a blush covered her cheeks, and Toushiro was wided eyed " Or is it a boy with pale skin, aqua eyes and raven hair, Karin!" I sang.
Isshin gasped and looked at Toushiro with bright eyes before hugging the boy " Karin made my second son, a man! And is giving me grand-babies!" I heard Ichigo burst at his father with laughter, as he looked at his red-faced sister as she toyed with her dumplings.
" Karin, you didn't deny it, either!" Yuzu screamed as she looked at her sister. " I thought you would tell me, when you lost your 'V' ! When? Where? Why? How? Now" the Koursaki demanded as she grabbed Karin's collar. I sat down slowly as Yuzu shook her sister for answered but got silence.
" Nice one" Ichigo whispered over to me. I chuckled as Karin stuttered in Yuzu hold, it seemed like my words got her into trouble with her sister. Pay-back is the best meal.
" I knew hormones were better than my idiot son!" Isshin sang as he squeezed the poor white-haired teen. I noticed Ichigo's eye twitch at his fathers words and wanted to jump him, but I held him down with a hand on his.
" Don't he'll start going after you in grand-baby comments. Let it be" I whispered. He calmed down at my voice and relax. " Only your Rukia-chan, can seem to clam him down" was whispered on the other side of the table. Looking over and noticed the only other Koursaki who wasn't in a brawl, and that was, Masaki. She wore a smile on her lips as she looked at I and Ichigo. Not again!
The rest of dinner seemed like a blur in my mind. All that I remembered was Isshin making baby noises towards Karin and Toushiro, who were busy glaring at me. Then there was Ichigo and myself, having friendly conversations that Masaki watched with a close eyes. Yuzu would comment on a wedding for Toushiro and Karin, and what she was planning -only to get a blush from the two teens, I and Ichigo would laugh, until we were red in the face.
If there was a summary of the day I met Ichigo, there would only be one word for it all. Happiness. He made me happy, and not worried about my illness, it was nice for a change. The Koursaki's made me feel like family, especially Isshin, but Ichigo made me angry, happy, sad, quiet and excited for what was going to happen next. I didn't want this day to end for me, and I didn't want to leave the sides all the Koursaki's.