CHAPTER IV: MY FIRST WALKER

"You lose!" I said laughing. "No, you've been smashed, baby!"

Glenn shook his head, leaving the cards on the table.

"Oh my," Maggie said. "She just kicked your ass, honey."

"I know." Glenn answered. "I suck at poker."

I smiled moving my shoulders in a little dance of victory.

"I told ya! Don't play poker with me; I paid my bills thanks to this game!"

Glenn laughed and retired from the game.

"I guess I'll leave it too…" Carol said but I shook my head.

"Don't be afraid, sweet Caroline." I smiled "I'm going to the guard tower. I gotta replace Dixon."

"I'll go in a second." Rick said. "I'm replacing Andrea tonight."

I nodded.

"Sure. See you there. Slumber party time."

They laughed as I went out the cafeteria where we were playing poker. Rick was beat up in the first round, so he and Carl were watching us while I kicked everybody's ass. Carol, Hershel, Beth and Lena and Charlie, the last two were Woodbury people, stayed playing as I went to my cell. Katie, the little two year old girl, daughter of Lena, was sleeping in my bed.

"Hey, sweetie, what you're doing here?"

"I tried to found you. Or Dar. But I can't."

"Well, that's 'cause I was in the cafeteria with mom. And Daryl is in the guard tower. He'll come in a minute, huh?"

The girlie nodded and closed her eyes. I took my guard riffle, and went away. I looked around in front of the guard tower, trying to find Rick, but he hadn't arrived yet. I sighed. Well, I guess I'll have some fun time with Andrea. Yay. I started going up the stairs, but I stopped when I heard my name from above me.

"So, what's your thing with that Alicia girl?" I heard Andrea voice asking. I bit my lip and kept in silence. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself from hearing Daryl's answer.

"Well, she's nice."

Oh. That's all?

"I don't think so."

I rolled my eyes. I already knew that, Andrea.

"May I ask…" Daryl said. "What's your problem with her?"

Andrea sighed.

"It's just… I think she's dangerous."

"What?" I muttered.

"Huh?" Daryl asked.

"She's impulsive and merciless and stupid. She would kill the walkers that would surround a person just for fun, not for helping. She thinks kill is a fun thing. Jesus, she was Merle's friend, for God's sake!"

Daryl cleared his throat.

"Merle was my brother. And she's ma friend."

Andrea sighed.

"Sure, but he treated you like shit, Daryl."

"And how did he treat her?"

"Quite well. They were always together. I didn't understand it, but I guess she had something to give him as recompense…"

"What ya mean?"

"Well, I guess he protected her and she gave him warm nights in return. He saved her a lot of times, and I doubt he'd do that for free."

Daryl puffed.

"Ya know, I'm starting to understand why Ali hates ya so much. Ya're a bitch."

"Daryl!"

"Yeah, ya know nothing about her. I'll bet my arm she never slept with Merle, she's not like that. Ya know nothing. Nothing. Not a fuckin' thing, Andrea."

Wow, he was angry. I smiled.

"Daryl, you know how Merle was!"

"Yeah, and I know how Alicia is. Both of us know that Merle was often a pain in the ass, but was family anyway. He was my brother, and then her brother. If Merle saved her, good! That would be one of the few good things he ever made. If she had the ability of knowing him, how he was, what he was capable of, and still by his side, fuckin' good too! That means that Merle had a damn good friend. And I'm glad. Cause thanks to he was her friend, she came to me and became my friend too. Cause she wanted to. And ya don't have the right to say a fuckin' single word 'bout it, not 'bout Merle, not 'bout Alicia, and not 'bout me, 'cause ya don't know a fuck!"

I sighed silently. I never heard Daryl talking that much and he seemed so angry… I was glad I couldn't see his face, because I was sure that having Daryl that angry with you must be horrible… and for defend me. I almost giggled.

"I didn't mean…" Andrea started, but I heard something hitting against the banister.

"Listen" Daryl said. "If I ever, EVER, hear ya tellin' her stupid again, I'll shove this arrow so up your ass you'll taste it in your mouth. We're finished now." He said, and I heard footsteps coming to me, so I started going up the stairs making real noise and clearing my throat. We met on the top of the stairs.

"Hey." I said when I looked at his face. He was angry, her face was red and a vein was palpitating in his neck. I was so grateful at him I couldn't help to smile him.

"Hi." He said almost puffing.

"You ok?" I asked, pretending I didn't hear them. He shook his head.

"Yeah, sure. Just argued a little with Andrea."

I rolled my eyes.

"Why that doesn't surprise me?"

He sighed.

"She's really wrong with ya, Ali. She thinks things 'bout ya that aren't true."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, that's 'cause she never tried to actually know me."

He nodded.

"I guess so."

"That means you've been talking 'bout me?"

He smiled.

"Maybe."

I smiled him back.

"You can go to sleep if you want. I'm replacing you."

He nodded.

"I'll wait. Who's replacing Andrea?"

"Rick."

He sighed.

"Rick? Ya and Rick will make the guard?"

I smiled widely.

"You jealous, Dixon?"

He shrugged.

"Nah. Should I be?"

I chuckled.

"Not at all."

He sighed and caught a strand of my hair that was floating in the air. He put it behind my ear and slightly caressed my face with his fingers. I felt how my skin got goose pimples. We heard someone clearing his throat, and Daryl almost jumped away from me.

"Sorry." Rick said.

Daryl nodded.

"I'm going to bed."

I grabbed his arm as he walked away.

"Go to my cell tonight."

He frowned.

"Huh?"

I smiled.

"Don't freak out, Dixon. Katie was looking for you."

"Why?"

"'Cause her mom Lena has guard tonight, and me too. She told me she looked for "Dar", but she didn't found you."

Daryl rolled his eyes.

"'k. I'll go find her."

I tiptoed and kissed his cheek.

"You're awesome, Daryl."

And I turned around, going to find Andrea. I heard Rick chuckling behind me and Daryl grumbling. I internally laughed. I knew he would feel embarrassed if I kissed him, but I couldn't resist.

"Hi." I said to Andrea. She was leaning against the banister with teary eyes. I sighed. "You ok?"

She nodded, looking at me with dislike.

"You can go to sleep, Andrea." Rick said. "I'm here."

Andrea went away without a word. Rick looked at me raising his eyebrows.

"She argued with Daryl." I explained "But don't tell them I heard it."

Rick smiled and came closer; we both leaned on the banister, looking at the yard. Michonne was walking around, and Hershel was sit beside the door, with a rifle in his lap. Everything was quiet and the woods in front of us were calmed and silent. I felt Rick was looking at me, so I turned my head to face him. His blue eyes looked at me with amusement, a little smile dancing in his mouth.

"What?" I said, hitting him with my hip. He laughed.

"Daryl is a good man."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I think so."

He stood looking at me with that funny look. I laughed.

"What?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing. It's just that is funny."

"What's funny?"

"You both are so… I don't know."

"Difficult?"

He shrugged.

"We can say that. Lonely wolves. And see Daryl with someone like I see him with you… it's great. I'm glad."

I looked away, without knowing what to say. That meant that Daryl only acted how he acted with me. I knew it! I knew he felt the magnetism too. I looked back at Rick, smiling.

"He's jealous of you."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Oh. I… am I giving that impression? I mean, you're really pretty and I'm happy you're here, but…"

I laughed out loud.

"Boss, take it easy. I'm not flirting with you. I like being just your friend." He nodded, relieved. "I'm saying that he's so doubtful… you think I should be the one taking the first step?"

I felt really great to talk about Daryl with someone. I could have spoke with Maggie, but she just could give me typical advices about relationships. That wouldn't do. Daryl wasn't a typical guy and I wasn't a typical girl and we weren't in a typical situation. Rick knew us both, and he always saw it all, always knew what was happening around him. He sighed.

"I think you should give him some time. Daryl does everything when he wants to do it. Don't pressure him. Just… give him some signs and he will follow them. Keep doing the same you're doing."

I rolled my eyes.

"This is incredible. The world has gone to shit and here I am, wondering if I should pounce on a guy or should I let him come to me. I didn't have this kind of problems before. I just went all straight, going directly to the point."

Rick looked at me smiling.

"'Pounce'? Really?"

I laughed.

"You know what I mean."

We started walking around the tower, covering all the outskirts of the prison.

"Well, the world has changed. It's not weird that you changed too."

"I guess so."

"And how old are you?" Rick asked, curious.

"Twenty-one."

Rick puffed.

"God, it's really normal you've changed. Even if the world was still the same."

I nodded.

"When everything started, I thought I would never meet another guy. I would never like anyone. Some nights, in the very beginning, I felt sad 'cause I thought I'll never know how it feels to love someone. I'm not in love with Daryl…"

"Yet." Rick interrupted me.

"Yet. But he's the first man I met I think it'll be great to spend hours and hours with. Well, is the first man I actually spend a lot of time talking with, and I don't get bored or awkward. If you had tell me this when the walkers took my town, I would have laughed at your face."

Rick looked at me puzzled.

"Walkers took your town?"

I nodded.

"Sure. They took everything. Well, you know it…"

He sighed.

"I was in coma when all started. I woke up in a deserted hospital, feeling weak and hungry, and I saw that anybody was there. I was confused."

I opened my mouth, totally shocked.

"That's horrible! How did you survive? How did you avoid the walkers?"

He shrugged.

"Well, the first walker I saw was a head and a torso trying to bite me from the floor. I didn't understand a thing in that moment. A man saved me and helped me, and then I went to Atlanta, trying to find Lori and Carl." He looked at my confused face. "Lori was my wife."

I nodded.

"Oh. I'm sorry. And you went to Atlanta? Who the hell told you to go there? Atlanta fell relatively fast. It was crowded with walkers a month after the epidemic extended."

Rick nodded.

"Well, I though there was a safe place in Atlanta, and when I get there, I was trapped, surrounded by walkers. Glenn saved me, and some others. We stayed in a mall until we planed how to escape from there."

I looked at the sky.

"Oh, yeah. That's the handcuffed-to-a-pipe's incident, right?"

Rick looked to the floor.

"Yes, I think so. Daryl told you about it?"

I shook my head.

"Nuh-huh. Merle did."

Rick sighed.

"We came back for him the next day, but he wasn't there. He cut off his hand and escaped."

I shrugged.

"He told me walkers were trying to get him from the closed door. It was a matter of time, so he did what he thought was the right thing. Anyway, what a crap go to sleep and wake up in this wild world, huh?"

Rick nodded.

"Yes, but I think that live all the panic, the increasing of the deaths and the invasions of walkers neither were a nice thing."

I sighed.

"No, it wasn't pretty. It started with some weird news on TV. Then everybody started talking bout a weird disease… And the Emergency Situation was declared and all the schools and the shops closed. In TV they said that the infected were dangerous, that if we were infected or had some infected people close, we should call at Emergency number." I shook my head. "I went out one night to get some food, and I saw like twenty of those creatures on the street feeding on a woman. I knew then that was no disease. They were monsters. They were dead, and they were walking among us. People started calling them "walkers", just to avoid the word "zombie" that sounded too much like a fantasy in that moment. The people ran away from their houses, taking just the necessary, going to somewhere safe… I stood on my apartment, you know? The first three months I stood there. I stole some weapons from other apartments and I lived there, killing walkers from the roof, and making occasional expeditions to get food. That's when I learnt how to use the axes. I had no choice. The first walker I killed was my neighbor. Mrs. Shaw. She was a nice old lady, she always offered me to dinner in her apartment. She was in front of my door, scratching the wood and groaning with her old housecoat half ripped out, her face…" I shook my head. "I did it without thinking, more for mercy than for fear. I just didn't want to see her like that. Like a brainless monster."

"You were alone?"

"Yes, and I hadn't nobody to look for, so, looking it in that way, my situation was easier. I only worried bout myself."

"Why you decided to leave? Walkers got to your home?"

I laughed.

"Oh, I wish. No, actually, living people got to my home. They beat me up and tried to take all my food and guns. They tried to… well, you can imagine. The world was a lonely place and men transform into animals easily. Those two guys were the first living people I killed."

Rick looked at me with his eyes wide open.

"I don't know how many walkers I've killed, but I can tell how many men I've murdered." I said. "And I can describe their faces too. Walkers are just that. Dead people walking around, trying to feed themselves. But living people are cruel, evil and twisted. A lot of people lost their minds, the way they were, when everything went to hell. I've changed, yeah, like you. But I'm not cruel. I don't like killing people, watching people suffer. Walkers aren't people now. Maybe they were, but not now. And even so, I try to kill them fast."

"You defended yourself. Those guys deserved to die. Its better kill than die or…"

"Get raped?"

Rick nodded.

"Yes. I… I don't understand it. I neither did it before, so…"

"Cause you're a good man, Rick. You'll never hurt someone on purpose just to get some satisfaction or to watch their pain."

We stood in silence and I lit a cigarette.

"How many men have you killed?" Rick asked. I sighed.

"Seven. Just to protect myself, that's for sure. And I've met some others that I would have killed, but I didn't. I regret it. Who knows what they may be doing know."

Rick sighed.

"I've killed some men too. To protect us."

I nodded.

"This is the world we live in. It's nice that we have this little piece of… I don't know, of life. It's nice to have something and someone to fight for. I was tired of being alone."

Rick surrounded my shoulders with his arm.

"I hope that you find nicer to know that there are some people willing to fight for you. People that would miss you."

I smiled.

"Yeah. I think I like that better."