Author's Note: …wow.

Yes, that's really all that I can say. Profound, isn't it?

Well, it's obviously been quite a while since I decided to "grace" the fanfiction world with my presence (or, rather, disrupt it), but I'm back! I was getting too many reviews to just give up, and I finally realized that tonight. It's taken me hours to write up a rather lame and uninspired chapter of fanfiction-y cheesiness, but I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't abandoned you, and that I am still alive…surprising as it is.

Thanks to all who reviewed! I'd write up personalized responses to your reviews, but I am simply too tired to do so. Just know that you all are my inspiration, and, without you, this story would still be collecting dust.

I hope that you enjoy this chapter, even if it is rather…boring. Give me ideas of what you'd like to see next. I can't guarantee that I'm going to write it that way, but I love having outside input, and this story is really for you guys. So, give me ideas!

And enjoy!

—

Disclaimer: It's freakin' 1:45am. What do you expect me to do? Write up a whole legal statement about how I don't own the very thing that I'm writing about?

Pfft.

I don't own Black Cat, Anything for You (the song), Father Away, or My Immortal. Deal with it.

—

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But, you still have all of me…

—

Chapter IV: Farther Away

—

It was a cold night. Kyoko hated the cold, and she always had hated the cold. She had never really stopped to think about why she had such a deep-seated vendetta against cold weather, but she supposed that it didn't really matter. All that she knew was that she hated being outside when it was cold, and, consequently, outside was the last place that she wanted to be on that night.

But she knew that she wouldn't be any warmer if she was inside. Even sitting in front of a cozy, blazing fire, she would have been just as chilled as she was outside in the freezing weather—she would have been cold from the inside out. After everything that had happened in the past few days…she wasn't able to feel warm anywhere. No feelings or warmth nor feelings of safety managed to make their way into her heart—no rational and emotionally-detached sentiments managed to permeate her steadily troubled stream of consciousness. She was shocked to find that she was more unhappy than she had ever been in her entire life, and, even though her feelings didn't make any real sense to her, she knew that it was all because of Sheldon.

He had left her so long ago. After he had run out of her life, leaving a broken and desolate wasteland in his wake, she had been alone for years and years—and she had survived, albeit barely. Everything and everyone told her that she was ruining her life…that she was needlessly wasting it and frittering it away on sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. More accurately, she was wasting her life by focusing on the problems that she would never be able to fix, and running away from a past that she simply could not escape. People had told her to leave the past in the past, but they had never really understood. Kyoko knew that there was nothing that she could do to change what had happened between her and Sheldon, and she knew that the most healthy thing that she could do was to let it go and move on with her life, but…knowing has never been the same thing as believing. You can know something with all of your mind, but, unless you believe it with all of your heart, your life will never change because of it. There was no one in the world who knew that better than Kyoko did, and there was no one in the world who would have been able to understand how much she loathed herself because of it.

Blowing out a breath, she watched the water molecules form into ice in the frigid night air and then fade away into nothingness. She remembered hearing someone say once that man is nothing but a vapor—a flower born to blossom and then to perish. How she wished that it was time for her to perish. Had she even been given the opportunity to blossom? Her entire life had been completely and utterly pointless. What had she ever done that had ever benefited anyone else? What had she ever done that had made a difference in the world…for the better? She had been a member of a dangerous terrorist organization, and she had killed countless people in the pursuit of…well, whatever it was that Creed had wanted to accomplish. She had taken away the dreams of countless people, and she may have even stolen the love of someone else's life and crushed peoples' hopes into oblivion because of her senseless murder. No, her life hadn't been pointless—it had been much worse than that. The things that she had done…they were despicable, and she knew it. If there was any way that she could go back in time in order to erase all of the terrible things that she had done, she would have taken the chance in a heartbeat. Mistakes aren't made to be fixed, however, and the past is meant to remain in the past.

But…what about the present? What about the future? Did she even have a future? Suddenly finding it difficult to swallow due to the large lump that was rising in her throat, she choked back a sob and placed her small, trembling hands on the railing in front of her—staring over into the black, swirling depths of the ice-spotted water below. It would be so easy to just end it all right there. She could throw herself over the edge of the bridge and just…finish it. No one would really care that she was gone. Hell, it was probable that no one would even notice. She would have no funeral, no weeping family or tormented friends who simply wished that they could have done more to save her. No, it wouldn't be that way; no one cared that much about her. The police would find her body and would identify her, but, since no one would bother to claim her body, she would merely be sent off to some university for the "betterment of science." Maybe she could accomplish in death what she was never able to accomplish in life—perhaps she could prove that she was useful in some way, shape, or form.

Wincing visibly, she mentally smacked herself for trailing off on such an utterly outrageous and unthinkable tangent. Even though she hadn't spoken to any members of it for several years, she still had a family, and she knew that they still cared about her in some way. Sure, they weren't the cheeriest and warmest family in the world, but…they were still there. She knew that she had a couple of friends that would undoubtedly miss her if she were to suddenly disappear. Even though the people that she spent her time with weren't the most plainly affectionate people in the world, she knew that they still cared in their own strange way. If she died…if she gave into her grief and hormonal angst and tossed herself over the edge of a bridge into a freezing river…then she would let down anyone and everyone who had ever believed in her. She would be letting down her family, her friends, and…

Her knuckles turned white as her grip on the bridge's railing tightened. No matter how hard she tried to forget, she couldn't help but remember how it felt to be near Sheldon…to press her body up against his and feel his soft, perfect lips descending upon hers. It had felt so…so warm, and so right, and so safe. She had felt safe for the first time in years. She still loved him, and she couldn't deny it any longer. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't manage to deceive herself anymore about the issue. Everything that she felt and everything that she thought was simply undeniable—so she gave up trying to rationalize herself out of loving the man who had abandoned her so heartlessly. That didn't mean, however, that loving him felt good. In fact, it felt quite the opposite. Loving him was tearing her heart apart—it was ripping every shred of sanity that she had left into tiny little pieces. She had thought that the shattered pieces of her heart and her consciousness couldn't be broken any further, but she had been proven wrong. When he had reappeared in her life after so many years, after so many years of broken hearts…everything fell apart all over again.

Deep down, she knew that she would never love anyone in the same way that she loved Sheldon. Deep down…her heart told her that Sheldon was the proverbial "love of her life" and that she would never be able to get over him or forget him. He was in her heart and in her mind to stay, and there was nothing that she would ever be able to do about that fact. Almost every single ounce of her being wanted to go back to him…to feel the love and the security that he made her feel. Unfortunately, she couldn't just forget everything that his absence had put her through, and she couldn't just forget everything that he had done to her. She couldn't forget being abandoned, and she didn't want to go through it again.

He had kissed her, but what did that really mean? He was a male. She had found that kissing didn't mean much to them. But, then again…it hadn't meant much to her, had it? The only time that physical intimacy ever had any meaning for her was when she was with Sheldon, and that…well, it was perfect in so many ways, but she knew that she couldn't let it continue. That's why she ran away from him after their "encounter." That's why…that's why she felt that she needed distance. She needed to get as far away from him as possible, because she knew that, if she was close to him, then she would probably ignore her restraints and lose control.

That was something that she couldn't let happen. No matter what, she had to remain in control.

No matter what, she had to get even farther away from Sheldon.

—

Cerulean eyes had never looked quite as troubled as Sheldon's. It was a cold night, and he couldn't help but wonder where Kyoko was and what she was doing. She had never liked the cold, so he doubted that she was outside on such a miserable evening. Apparently, most other people in the town shared her sentiments, for the streets were very nearly deserted, and the night life had died down significantly. Most people were, quite probably, at home, snuggled under some warm blankets next to a blazing fire with a steaming cup of tea in their hands. Perhaps they were even with the people that they loved, if love was even a thing that managed to survive in such a racy town. Sheldon didn't bother trying to get warm, because he knew that, regardless of what he did, he would never be comfortable.

The truth was that he hated himself more than he could ever hope to express in words. He hated himself for everything that he had ever done to Kyoko: all of the cold looks that he had given her, all of the impatient words that he had said to her...everything. But, even though he hated himself enough for those things, he hated himself even more for the things that he had not done to—or, rather, for—Kyoko. He had never told her that he loved her. He hadn't even had the decency to explain why he was leaving her and to give her a chance to say goodbye and to let go of him for good. He had just…left. In her darkest hour, he had abandoned her without so much as a word. How would she ever be able to forgive him for that? He was beginning to believe that she would never be able to forgive him for all of the terrible things that he had done, even if he managed to win back a piece of the trust that he had so mercilessly broken. He knew that he didn't deserve to be forgiven of his sins—they were much too deep and much too harmful. After everything that he had done…how could he expect her to let him back into her life?

The one thing that he could never blame himself for, however, was her descent into hopelessness and uselessness. Even though the things that he had done to her had been terrible and crippling, the only person that she had to blame for her current situation was herself. She was the one who had let her life get so out-of-control, not him. He may have been the match that served to light the fire inside of her (quite an appropriate metaphor, really), but he was not the one that fanned the blaze and caused it to spread like poison in her veins. She was going to kill herself eventually, and he knew it. Even if she didn't mean to kill herself…it was going to happen. The crowd that she spent her time around was much too dangerous, she drank far too much alcohol, and it was quite likely that her promiscuity would eventually serve to afflict her with a rather debilitating disease. Could she not see how everything that she was doing was only serving to kill her even further? Could she not see that? Or…did she simply not care?

Gritting his teeth, he slammed his hand against the hollow metal of a lamppost on the street—causing a low ring to sound out across his desolate path. Even if he wasn't fully to blame for everything that had happened to Kyoko, he couldn't help but feel that much of it was his fault. He hadn't been there to save her…he was never there for her when she needed him the most. And, when they came to a rather critical moment in their confrontation, he decided to act like the damned fool that he was and kissed her. He kissed her! Instead of explaining his actions to her, instead of denouncing his fears and telling her that he loved her and had loved her for years, he kissed her. Obviously, the thoughtless act had sent her running off, and he really couldn't blame her for that at all. It was the most unthinkable and inappropriate thing to do, and he had done it. He was a damned, blasted fool, but he knew that he couldn't help it. He loved the girl with all of his heart and all of his soul, and he just wanted to save her, no matter what it took.

A slight sigh tore itself from his lips as he shoved his cold, red hands deep into the pockets of his khaki trenchcoat. His head was completely uncovered, his golden-blonde hair still in a low ponytail at the back of his neck, but he didn't seem to mind. There wasn't much wind blowing, so there was no extra wind-chill to worry about. He could stand the cold—hell, he could stand most anything. He had been trained to withstand torture and serious injuries, but the one thing that he had never been trained to withstand was the pain of a broken heart, however cliché that might sound. He wanted to do everything that was within his power to help Kyoko…to save her…but how could he help her when he couldn't even manage to help himself? All of the rationalization in the world seemed to fly out of the window when it came to Kyoko, and he didn't know how to change that. He didn't like feeling that he wasn't in control of a situation, but, sometimes…you simply cannot take everything into your own hands. Sometimes, there are forces at work that people cannot even begin to understand. Sheldon was beginning to see that, while he felt that he was his responsibility to take care of Kyoko, he couldn't save her unless she wanted to be saved—and that was something that she didn't seem to want very much.

The only thing that he could tell that she wanted was to get as far away from him as humanly possible. Even then, being that far away would probably not be enough distance for her. He knew that, no matter how far away she went, he would always be with her—even if he wasn't physically with her, he would still be present in her heart and in her mind. He knew Kyoko better than anyone else, and he knew that she was constantly tormented by painful memories. If something hurt her, then she was never able to forget it, no matter how hard she tried nor how valiantly she fought. She had just been so much more cheery in the past…so much more innocent. It broke his heart to realize that she had lost all of that. All of her childishness had been stolen from her…stolen by the world that she had chosen to submerse herself in. Everything that had happened to her was ultimately her fault, but he found that he just couldn't blame her for it. The only person that he could blame was himself.

With every passing moment, he felt even more terrible about what he had done to her. He knew that she didn't want to be anywhere near him, but he had to see her. If nothing else, he needed some closure. He needed to tell her everything that he had failed to tell her in the past, and he needed to make sure that she understood his intentions and his reasoning when it came to absolutely everything. If he didn't bare his heart and his soul to her, then, well…it would kill him from the inside. Even if she somehow found it in her heart to forgive him, he would never be able to forgive himself, and he knew it.

No matter how far away Kyoko tried to run, he would find her, and he would apologize for making her life a living Hell. Even if it killed him, he would find some way to tell her that he loved her.

—

Kyoko hated bus-stations almost as much as she hated the cold. They were always so dirty and full of people pushing and shoving their way to the front of the disorganized lines. Buses came in screeching and left with a jolt, making the bus-stations much noisier than they should have been. She especially hated it when she was pulling a lot of luggage through the crowds of inconsiderate people. It was far too easy to trip, and she definitely had a tendency to make a fool out of herself in front of large crowds of people. It was one of her hidden talents, of a sort. It was one of the hidden talents that she would have been happy to do without…but she had to take what she could get, right?

It had been several days since she had seen Sheldon, but the anxiety and the pain weren't wearing off at all. In fact, it only seemed to get stronger as the days went by. She was convinced that, if she got out of town and traveled far, far away from Sheldon and all of the memories that came with him, she would be fine and would manage to recover from whatever mental and emotional illness he had inflicted upon her. That was why she was at the bus station: she was running away.

Sighing lightly, she leaned the right side of her body against the wall of the bus-station's office. She had just gotten her ticket, but hardly remembered where it was that she was traveling to. In the end, she didn't really care much about where she was going; the important thing was that she was leaving Sheldon behind, for a change. She wasn't willing to let herself fall for him all over again, only to get left behind for a second time. She knew that she wouldn't be able to take it a second time, and she really would kill herself. The thought of losing control in that way made her shiver visibly, but no one really cared to notice. Everyone was mulling around, trying to get their tickets or trying to get on the buses. In a crowd of that size, she was invisible, and that was exactly what she wanted. She wanted to be invisible…to blend in with everything and everyone around her so that she wouldn't have to stand out. If she stood out, and if people began to notice her, then she would only be attracting attention once again, and that was the absolute last thing that she wanted to do. If no one bothered to notice her, then she didn't need to bother to notice herself.

The minutes dragged by more slowly than she ever thought that they could. Two minutes seemed like two hours, and she was getting incredibly antsy. She kept telling herself that she would be fine once she got on the bus and began driving away from all of the terrible things that had come to be associated with the town that she had once been so fond of, and she couldn't wait for her bus to come. It was taking far too long, and she was beginning to become a bit irate because of it. She knew that she was being completely and utterly irrational and childish, but she couldn't help it. She needed to get away; she needed distance as soon as possible.

When her bus finally pulled into its designated stop, she let out a rather loud sigh of relief. She lifted her hand to grab ahold of her suitcase…only to find another hand on top of hers. A bit taken aback, she blinked and looked up—her large violet eyes widening significantly when she saw who was standing next to her suitcase, directly in front of her now-trembling body.

Sheldon. The last person the world that she wanted to see. The person that she was doing everything in her power to get away from. Sheldon. He was there.

She was too tired and too upset to be angry with him and act stone-cold towards him, so she merely backed up a few steps and shook her head in slight disbelief—causing her loose, messy black hair to fall over her shoulders in a disordered manner. "No…please…" Her voice came out as no more than a strangled whisper, which was exactly the opposite of the quality that she wanted her voice to have. She cursed herself for being so weak, but…with him right there in front of her…how was she going to be strong?

"Kyoko, please…please listen to me." Sheldon took a step forward, watching her pleadingly. He looked just as disheveled as she was, and she could tell that he was in a lot of inner turmoil, as well. Shockingly, she found that recognizing that fact didn't make her angry. She was too weary to be angry with him. He had managed to catch her at a time when her guards were down, and he could tell from the frightened look in her eyes that she wasn't able to put up much of a fight. That meant that he could finally say what he had been waiting to say for so long, and then the choice of staying or leaving would be hers. He would leave absolutely everything up to her, but…he had to say his piece first, or he would never be at peace with himself. "Please…I only want to talk to you." His voice was soft and reassuring; he didn't want to scare her away again.

Kyoko attempted to swallow the large lump in her throat, but found that her throat was simply too dry for her to say anything. All that she could do was stand there and nod while staring at him dumbly. She would listen to what he had to say, but nothing could change the fact that she was getting on the bus and driving away…far, far away.

Blowing out a breath, Sheldon raked his fingers through his loose blonde hair and switched his uneasy gaze from Kyoko to the ground, then back to Kyoko again as he set his jaw firmly with resolve. It was time for him to tell her the truth. "Kyoko, I…I told you that I didn't leave you because you were a burden to me, and I was telling the truth. However…when I said that you have to trust me on this and not shut me out completely before you take the time to consider what I say, I was telling the truth, too. I can't make you believe me, but I can hope that you will." He paused, swallowing heavily, before continuing—his voice a bit more strained than before. "I don't deserve your attention, Kyoko. I don't deserve any of it. You should be angry with me. What I did…it wasn't right. I thought that I was doing what was best for you, but…I was also looking out for me, and that was something that I foolishly denied."

As a bit of fire returning to her previously dead eyes, Kyoko opened her mouth to comment on his selfishness, but he quickly cut her off—putting a forefinger to her lips and using his other hand to grip her strongly, yet gently, by the shoulder. "Don't say anything yet. It's time for you to listen."

Kyoko didn't seem happy with that, but she folded her arms in front of her chest and remained silent…for the time being. Without loosening his hold on her, Sheldon continued.

"Since you seem so impatient to retort, I'm going to get to the point. Kyoko, I didn't leave you because you were a burden. I left you because my pride got in the way of what was right. I had a mission that I needed to accomplish for myself, and I didn't want you to get hurt because of my selfishness. You did get hurt, and you will never be able to understand how much I hate myself for letting all of this happen to you, but it was never my intention. I was trying to protect you…but I was also trying to protect myself."

By that point, his voice was beginning to crack a bit, and Kyoko's eyes softened slightly. She could feel the pain and the self-loathing radiating from his being, and it was resonating with the pain and self-loathing that she felt herself. In that moment, she felt as if two hearts were breaking inside of her instead of just one, and she felt much more empathetic towards him than she had ever felt in her entire life. For a brief moment, she stopped hating him. For a short period of time, she felt whole inside again.

"I had to protect myself…from the feelings inside of me. You made me feel things that I didn't even know existed, and that scared me more than I can ever say. I thought that leaving you with the Black Cat was the best thing for both of us. I thought that you would have a better life, and I…I would fight alone, as I had for so long."

"I didn't want you to be alone!" Kyoko managed to choke out before being silenced by Sheldon again. Her breathing was beginning to quicken some, and tears sprang to her eyes. All that she had wanted was to be by his side…forever. Why had he not been able to see that?

"I know, Kyoko. I know." Sheldon gritted his teeth slightly, feeling a surge of anger rise up inside of him. He wasn't angry with her, he was angry with himself, as he had been for quite a long while. How could he have been so blind? Was he really that stupid? Obviously, he was. "You were so sweet and so…innocent. You loved me, but I was too blind to realize it. If I had realized it, then…" He trailed off, because the end to that sentence was far too obvious. Then none of this would have ever happened. It took him a few moments, but he finally regained his composure and was able to admit what he had been attempting to admit all along. "Kyoko, I loved you, also. I still love you. I…I want to help you, but I can only do that if you let me…if you trust me. I don't deserve it, Kyoko, and I know that…but…please…let me help you."

For what seemed like an eternity to both parties, Kyoko stared vacantly up at Sheldon. A million thoughts and a million emotions were tearing through her consciousness, and she couldn't make any sense of any of them. As the moments passed, her appearance became more and more frightened; she appeared as a deer stuck in the headlights of a semi-truck. She knew that her demise was right there, standing in front of her, but she was too afraid to move. As the color drained from her face, the hope drained from Sheldon's heart. It wasn't the reaction that he had been hoping for—in fact, it was the reaction that he had been fearing.

The only thing that managed to snap them both out of their miserable little reveries was the last boarding call for the bus. Kyoko's head snapped to the side, and her breathing quickened once more—but, this time, it was out of renewed anxiety. "I…I have to go." Before Sheldon could react, she grabbed her suitcase, but then hesitated for a few moments. Her expression was tormented as she stood there, watching Sheldon, and a few tears managed to escape from the corners of her eyes and trail down her cheeks. "I-I…I'm so…so sorry…"

With that, she quickly made her way to the bus, leaving a shocked and grief-stricken Sheldon in her wake.