Krytens day is almost done, but he's not best happy at the crews cooking.

19:00hrs – Kitchen

Kryten leant over the cookery book and began to read. "Take one egg." He looked up at the supplies, which didn't include any eggs. "Oh dear, never mind what next. Now add the onions." He scanned the supplies again, no onions present either. "Hmm what next, now lightly simmer adding a dash of yoghurt." He didn't need to look up he knew there was no yoghurt either.

"Oh bother." He said, closing the book and reaching for one of the instant curry in a bag meals again.

"How is a droid meant to expand the crew's palette if all he has to work with his two hundred tins of beans and seven thousand bags of rice."

The cooker pinged and he opened the door. "Right that's all done." He said putting the curry onto a plate and adding the fake garnish that he new Lister would pick off with that face of disgust as usual.

As he walked towards the sleeping quarters his nasal sensesors picked up something in the air. "Hmmm, slightly oily with a hint of ketchup, I know that smell." He then walked into the sleeping quarters and found Lister, Rimmer and the Cat all sitting at the table tucking into a massive bag of Chips.

"Aright Kryten, fancy a chip?" asked Lister waving a long thick cut chip at him.

Krytens brow broke into more lines than a tropical beach front. "Where did you get those? I've made you your normal sirs." Said Kryten holding out the plate of Curry and rice.

Lister chewed on the chip. "Microzapped um man, you can leave that there, I'll get to it in a minute." Said Lister dipping another large chip into a bowl of brown sauce.

Kryten set his tray down and looked over at Mr Rimmer. "Sir, why are you eating chips, you never eat?" asked Kryten.

Rimmer stopped chewing and grinned. "You know, sometimes you just have to live a little. You should try it sometime Kryten." Said Rimmer.

"But sir you know the mess it leaves behind when you switch back to soft light, it's like a fresh Jackson Pollock every time you swallow." Said Kryten.

Rimmer just shrugged and dipped his next Jackson Pollock master tool into the red sauce.

Kryten shook his head and left them to it, sometimes he just didn't get humans.

19:30hrs – Krytens Closet

Having decided that he was not needed he returned to his closest to catch up with his favourite soap. Placing his mug of hot oil next to him and flicking on the vid screen he sat back and began to watch his favourite soap.

"Arrrh now this is the life." Commented Kryten as he placed his hands behind his head and leaning further back into his chair.

A voice behind him interrupted his viewing pleasure. "Hey baldy, get your big flat head out the way of the screen, some of us would like to watch to you know." Exclaimed spare head three.

Kryten shifted position slightly and was relieved this resulted in no more complaints from behind him.

The titles to his favourite show began to fade away and Bret the mechinoid actor filled the screen. He was leaning against a bar in a mech cleaning bar and greeted another mechinoid who had just joined him.

"Alright Bruce." He said.

The second mechinoid was slightly shorter and with a much larger vacuum unit smiled.

"Alright Bret, what's happening." Said Bruce.

Looking deeply into his glass of cleaning fluid Bret said "It's Sheila, she's left me."

Bruce ordered himself a large box of soap powder to go and looked at his friend. "What, not again, what's it about this time mate." He said.

Kryten did not take his eyes from the screen but reached out and placed a single chocolate into his mouth.

"She caught me interfacing with that fax unit again. I feel such a fool, I knew I should have emailed, but I wanted a bit of vintage, you know something with class." Said Bret.

Bruce pats Bret on the shoulder. "I know mate. You know just the other day I nearly hooked up with an analogue modem."

Bret looked up at Bruce his circuts working overtime to show surprise. "What, but your happly contracted mate."

Bret grinned. "I know, but she was beautiful, her tones were like something else. She had a 33.6 baud rate and everything."

Bret whistles.

Kryten tuts at the screen and is about to break his one chocolate rule for the third time this week when he notices a card being poked under his door.

He reaches down and opens it.

Dear Kryten, we're sorry about the chips and to make it up to you we would like to invite you to a Dinner party.

Time: 8pm

Place: Tex Bar

Attire: Nothing posh

"Oh how nice, a dinner party, what shall I wear?" Said Kryten.

"Oh great, leaving us again are you Mr dinner party swanky pants." Said Spare head three.

"Yes I am, and you know what, I am glad, because this way I don't have to listen to another evening of you coughing in my ear." Said Kryten getting up and leaving his room to the tones of spare head threes racking cough.

19:50 hours Tex Bar

Kryten notices that the lights are all off. "Oh dear I do hope I am not too early?"

He walks in and locates a light switch. Flicking it on he finds the bar empty. Secretly he is disappointed that Lister and the others did not jump out from hiding. He notices a card on a nearby table addressed to him.

Kryten, we know how much you like making Dinner so we will turn up around 9pm and chow down then,

Lister

Krytens face beams with joy. "Oh how wonderful, a whole Dinner party to prepare. How did they know I would wanted such a task." Said Kryten excitedly.

21:00hrs Tex Bar only later

"Kryters, you here man?" asks Lister from the main bar area.

Kryten pops his head round the door from the kitchen, accompanied by a burst of steam. "Mr Lister sir, your early, I was not expecting you for at least another half an hour."

"Well, I thought I would make an effort seeing as you're going to all this trouble." Said Lister looking at the assortment of cutlery on the table.

The Cat wonders over to the table and notices a strange looking knife, with a large flat bit. "Hey, what's this for?

"Err I think it's for opening your napkin?" said Lister

"No Lister you gretting it's for fish." Said Rimmer knowingly.

"Fish?" said the Car twirling the knife in his hand.

"Yes, you know small slippery things, found in the sea." Said Rimmer.

"I don't need a knife to eat my little fishy's I have all I need right here." Says the Cat pointing to his shinny teeth.

"Quite so sir." Says Kryten entering the room with a large platter.

"If you would all be seated." Said Kryten putting the large platter down at the head of the table.

"What we having?" asks Lister holding his knife and fork as if about to knock the ends into the table.

"Well for you sir, I have curry surprise." Said Kryten laying a dish of steaming curry in front of Lister.

"What's the surprise then?" inquires Lister.

"It's not curry, its actually powered eggs with a packet of curry powder thrown in." said Krtyen sounding positive.

"Oh right, cheers." Says Lister eyeing up his dish.

"Hey what's mine, what's mine?" asks the Cat excitedly.

"Are now for you sir, I have done something really special." Said Kryten

"Don't tell me let me guess, is it fish?" guesses the Cat.

"Well Kind of sir, its fish surprise." Reply's Kryten setting down a dish before the Cat.

"What the hell is this?" shrieked the Cat at the sight of a fish shaped pile of yellow eggs.

"Its powdered egg in a fish shape sir." Said Kryten in a very matter of fact tone.

Lister sniffed his food then looked up at Kryten. "OK what the smeg is going on here Kryten, you can cook better than his."

"Indeed I can sir but I think certain people around this table have forgotten that fact." Said Kryten in a hurtful kind of voice.

"What when?" asks Lister looking all innocent.

"Let me see now, for one thing tonight and the chips, then there was that time when I went too all that trouble to cook lobster and you and Miss fancy pants wanted to go off and use the AR, then what about when I cooked you all that lovely meal and you just left it there to go cold." Said Kryten.

Lister looked hurt. "Hey man, that was potato salad."

"Yes but you asked me to heat it up for you." Said Kryten.

Rimmer chipped in. "Kryten you stupid pile of junk, that time there was a ship wide alert, for all we knew the ship was about to explode." Said Rimmer.

"Would it of killed you to sat down and had a little bit of dinner before running off like that." Said Kryten

"Yes, Lister here could have died." Said Rimmer.

"But he didn't, did he. It was another false alarm." Said Kryten.

"True, but we did find that stack of vids behind the flight seat as a result of it." Said Lister.

Lister looked over at the Cat. "Come on man, chow down." He said lifting the fork to his lips.

The Cat followed suite and was about to insert the offending mush when Kryten stopped them both much to the Cats relief.

"I don't know what came over me. Please expect my apologies and I will go dismantle my circuits at once." Said Kryten looking solemn.

Lister swallowed his fork load. "Actually it's not that bad. Got any more?"

Kryten smiled and lifted a large pot from beneath the table.

1140hrs Krytens closet

Kryten walked into the small space and sat down. "Well what a day, I don't mind telling you, I think I'm due a holiday." He said out loud.

"What, you want to go swanking around without us again then that's fine." Said spare head three.

"Actually I was thinking maybe we could all go. I hear that deck nine is nice this time of year, there is a closet down there with air conditioning." Said Krytern.

He leant over and flicked the vid screen back on.

"Everybody needs good robots….." sings out from the screen and Kryten settles in for another night of his favourite soap.

The End.