Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any Twilight franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 3 - Hurt

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." -Norman Cousins

As rain whispered across the pane, an old man watched his reflection in the window. Every line on his face was deeply carved. A map of everything he had experienced in his long life. His journey from birth was etched along the curve of his forehead. Each loss he experienced tunneled down into the deepening creases around his eyes. Billy didn't understand how it had happened. When had he become so old? When had youth packed its bags and slipped away unnoticed?

The crackle of aluminum was the only sound as he raised a can to his lips in the dark. The beer tasted warm and stale, but it didn't matter. He was trying to kill a memory. All day, every day, all he could think about was them. Images played in an unending loop behind his eyes. First Mother, then daughter, both were now gone. History repeated itself in a sick sadistic loop. Their funerals became intertwined, coffins nailed shut to hide the horrors inside. He wanted to drown his liver in liquor and end it all in a drunken haze.

Everyone he knew went away in the end. His wife, his best friend, his daughter, they were all dead. Sue had even abandoned him. After all he had done for her after Harry's death, she left him here alone, and for what? For Charlie, she left him for Charlie. A bitter laugh fought its way out from behind his teeth. His son, however, was still around. He came over each evening to check on him.

Jacob cursed in the kitchen. "Dad, what the fuck? Did you even attempt to eat the dinner Emily brought over?" Billy raised the can to his lips again. He had to get in as much as he could before Jake came for him. Billy had tried hiding the liquor, but Jake always managed to sniff it out. Suddenly, a snarling voice at his bedside startled him. "Dad, where in hell did you get that?" Jake ripped the can from his hands, sending an arch of liquid in the air. "The kitchen counter looks like a trashy bar at closing time. If I find out who's buying you this shit, so help me God, I will beat them senseless."

Jake manhandled Billy into his chair and wheeled him around the bed to the living room. "You have to eat something Dad. You've lost too much weight. Your blood sugar must be through the roof!" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I won't be able to come every day like this forever. Eventually we will have to move. The Cullens are starting to look too young for their age. "

"The Cullens," Billy spat out the name as it curdled on his tongue. "What do I care about the Cullens? If it wasn't for the Cullens none of this would have happened."

"Dad, you can hardly blame the Cullens for a car crash!" Jake should have known better than to bring up the Cullens. It always ended in a fight between Father and Son. "If it wasn't for Carlisle, Paul would be dead."

"If it wasn't for Carlisle, Paul wouldn't be hurt to begin with. Your sister would still be alive!"

"For Christ sakes, Dad, you're being a fucking idiot."

"Watch your language, young man!" Billy shook his head to stop the room as it rotated slowly around him. "I thought I raised you better than that."

"Funny, I thought you were better than this. I guess we were both wrong, huh?"

"Don't you get it?" Billy ground his teeth in frustration. "If the Cullens hadn't come back none of you would have phased. Sam and Leah would be happily married. You and Bella would be well on your way, too. Rachel would be far away from here. Paul would never have imprinted on her. "Billy lowered his chin to his chest. His stomach heaved as bile burned its way up his throat. He must have had more to drink than he thought. "She wouldn't be dead, son. She would be alive, away from here, safe." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I wish they had come back sooner. I wish they had come back a few decades earlier so I could've led of the pack. I would've enjoyed ripping Edward limb from limb." He glared at his son. "Look at you, you even imprinted on that half breed she-bitch. You are such a disappointment." Jake had let him down. He had let them all down.

Jake sighed as he took in Billy's slurred diatribe. "You know what Dad, I'm done. I'm finished." Jake grabbed a half empty bottle of scotch from the counter and shoved it into his father's hands. "Call me when you come to your senses, unless you drink yourself to death first." He paused at the door. "I'd rather not bury another family member. I love you Dad. I want to help you, but you're beyond my help now. I can't do this anymore"

"Just leave if you're here to judge me. I get that enough from Sue, from Charlie. You may not understand, but Charlie… he knew your mother." Silent tears ran down Billy's face. "Rebecca and you… well, you take after me. Rachel takes – took - after your mother. Losing Rachel was like losing-" he paused, "it was losing her all over again."

"I never took you for a fool, Dad. Look at yourself. Get yourself together. I need my Father back. I miss you."

"Get out."

"Be reasonable, Dad."

"I said, get out!"

Jake hung his head in defeat. He knew there was nothing at this point that he could do. Jake opened the door and found Paul there, standing on the stoop. He looked like hell.

"Paul."

"Jake"

"What is this? Has my house turned into Grand Central Station?"

"Be careful with him, Paul. He's been drinking again." Jake brushed past Paul as he left.

Again? I didn't even know he drank? Headlights curved across living room walls.

"I won't be long, Billy. Sam's waiting." Paul made his way over to where Billy sat, unmoving in his wheelchair.

"It's nice to finally see you Paul. Since you managed to miss my daughter's funeral and all."

Paul sighed. "I know Billy. I wasn't exactly coherent at that point so…"They sat in silence for a few minutes. Paul glanced at a picture on the wall. His nostrils flared. He closed his eyes. When he opened them he found Billy staring at him, a look of disgust on his face. Taken aback, Paul hurried into the speech he had rehearsed on the way over. "I came because I wanted to apologize to you."

"For what?"

"I let her die. I wasn't there," Paul's voice sounded hollow. "I didn't protect her." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring Billy had given him months earlier. He remembered the story that went along with it. It had been Sarah's ring. Billy took every odd job he could find to afford to buy it for her. "I want you to have this back. I know you gave it to me for her, but since... It didn't feel right keeping it."

"Well, now…" Billy looked Paul in the eye for a long time before grasping the wheels of his chair. He rolled the remaining distance across the floor and down the hall.

Paul set the ring on mantle and stood there, surrounded by her scent. He closed his eyes. He could almost feel her there beside him. They had so many firsts in this house. He still heard her laughter echoing off its walls. As he turned to leave, his wolf ears picked up a soft voice from the bedroom.

"Jake may be able to forgive you, but I never will"