Chapter 4: Crossing the Line
Flashback Part 1: Delaney's first solo hunt.
July 1st, 1999 Delaney:18 The Roadhouse
"That's not fair! Why does she get to hunt?" Jo demanded, following Ellen around who was bustling about The Roadhouse, getting things ready for opening hour.
The place had been cleaned pretty well so far but Ellen believed in keeping the place spotless and neat. Or, as neat as they could manage.
Delaney didn't understand why the hunters couldn't just respect the work they did on the place. By the time it was closing time, the place smelled like a trash can and didn't look any better.
Bobby had called Ellen, telling her to send Delaney over for her first solo hunt. She'd been waiting for a long time for that moment. To prove she had some pretty good hunting blood in her. She was nervous and slightly scared but above the rest, she was excited.
"Jo, I'm not her mother or her guardian so I only have a limited amount of control over her." Ellen didn't face her daughter as she pulled down the chairs on the table. Jo, realizing she resembled a puppy tailing its mother, stopped moving and leaned against the arcade shooting game Ellen had in the corner of the place.
"That's what I've been trying to say for a while now." Delaney piped, seated at the bar. She was wearing a short-sleeved bright orange t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts she'd made from a pair of old jeans. She didn't necessarily like the color orange but it brightened her outfit up a little, she supposed.
"You still live under my roof and if Bobby weren't such a stubborn son-of-a-bitch you wouldn't be going anywhere right now. But apparently, he thinks you're ready for your first hunt. I'm not so sure myself because to me, you're still the same stubborn little girl that walked in three years ago." Ellen sighed, rubbing at the juke box in the corner of the room.
"That's not true. I matured. A little." Delaney smiled, jokingly. She tugged at the braid on her shoulder and watched as Jo sent a dirty look in her direction.
"All in all, I guess you did. I still don't think you should be out hunting on your own." Ellen shook her head.
"I could go with her?" Jo had made her way back behind the bar, knowing her mother wouldn't let her go hunting solo like she was willing to let Delaney. She eagerly straightened up in her place behind the bar, when she caught of glimmer of hope that her mother might let her go if she wasn't alone.
"Absolutely not. You're not a hunter and won't ever be. You hear that?" Ellen snapped, turning to Jo. She dropped her hand on the table next to her, the cleaning rags she'd been using to wipe the dirt and dust off of the tables, still in her hand.
"Why? I'm good and you know it." Jo demanded, her chin was jutting out slightly and her eyes were held firmly on her mother.
"I don't think you should go either, Jo." Delaney said, for the first time being serious. Not because she wanted to do this alone, even though she had been looking forward to it. She cared about Jo and she didn't want her in between her hunt. Delaney was confident she could deal with it, but just in case something went wrong, she didn't want Jo there.
Delaney should've known Jo wouldn't take it good because when she intervened, Jo snapped at her.
Jo looked like she'd been slapped in the face. "You're not anyone to say where I should or shouldn't go!"
Delaney retreated, holding her palms up in a sign of surrender. She continued to slurp from her coke, watching the onslaught of events, worriedly.
"I am. And I'm saying you're not going." Ellen gave her one of those angry mother don't-argue-or-you-won't-like-what-I'll-do looks. "So, you're going to go put the beers in the cooler and after that sweep the place. You got that?"
Delaney could tell Jo was struggling not to go off on her mother and Delaney was silently praying she wouldn't. It wasn't going to be a pretty sight.
Over the three years she'd been there she'd had more than enough times to see the pair go at each other like she'd never seen anyone before. It was mostly about Jo's accusations of house arrest and Ellen's refusal to let Jo become a cheating lying messed-up hunter of the supernatural.
Delaney usually just tried to blend into the wall during the arguments but more than once Jo had tried to drag her into the middle of it. Usually to use Delaney as the first exhibit of unfairness. Ellen had always retaliated with, "She's not my daughter, you are."
Jo's face was already slightly flushed and her face looked dangerously blank, her hands were clenched around the edge of the bar.
"I'm waiting for your 'yes, ma'am'" Ellen demanded, deciding she didn't need to continue glaring at her daughter. She returned to adjusting the tables that were too far from of their original places.
Jo was silent for a moment, Delaney shot a warning look in her direction. Jo had always been much more fearless with Ellen and she knew Delaney usually preferred the way out with her mother so Jo just impatiently shook her leg and quietly muttered, "Yes, ma'am."
Before Ellen could answer Jo exited the saloon to the back room, the clack of her cowboy boots fading quickly.
Delaney watched quietly as the back door closed, expecting to hear Ellen call something to Jo. She adjusted herself in her stool and finished the rest of her coke.
"She seemed pretty pissed." Delaney eventually commented after she knew Jo couldn't hear.
"Yeah. She'll cool off after a few hours. Enough to actually ask me where something is or answer me. In a few days it'll be like nothing happened."
"You're not going to talk to her?" Delaney slid off the barstool and placed her empty glass behind the counter. She ran her hands over her thighs, letting the small crumbs that she'd dropped fall from her lap. Ellen's peanut butter cookies were enough to make Delaney work even more than she already did. But since Ellen rarely had enough time to make them, Delaney only worked her shifts.
"It's best to leave her alone when she's like this. I don't want to end up being overly harsh with her. She just…" Ellen stopped cleaning the table closest to the door and sighed, "She wants to hunt so bad. I don't understand why anyone would want that life. Most hunters I know, and I know a bar-full, hunt because they got nothin' else to lose. Why would Jo want to give up what's she's got to get her ass-kicked every day and run around from town to town like some wanted felon? She ain't got much but she's got a choice. She's got what most hunters would have given anything for."
"Maybe you should ask her. Maybe she's wondering why you don't understand her motives for wanting this." Delaney advised, taking a step closer to Ellen. "You're doing your best, Ellen. You're a good mother and a lot teenagers have a hard time seeing that what they want sometimes isn't the best for 'em. That's why we have mothers."
"I guess. Can you go check on her for me?"
"Of course." Delaney nodded, heading for the back room. She pushed in a stool that was in her way and just as she was going to place her hand on the knob, Ellen called to her.
"Delaney?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you, hon. For all the help around the place and for trying to help me back there. And on that hunt… you be careful, okay? I'll give you the details after lunch."
"You're welcome, Ellen. Okay."
Delaney proceeded to the back room to find Jo angrily removing beers from the packaging they had come in. She was sticking them in a crate so she could pull it outside and stick them in the coolers. She was struggling to move the crate farther to the left, by the cartons of beer.
"What do you want?" She muttered when the door swung closed behind Delaney and she saw Delaney's flats on the floor in front of her.
Delaney watched Jo's hunched over form for a moment, searching for the best way to tell her what she wanted to. She finally settled for the easiest approach that came to mind, "You're kind of hilarious, you know that?"
Jo stopped opening and dropping to look up at Delaney through her hair, "What?"
The aggressiveness in her voice didn't scare Delaney away. She knew Jo could get violent and she hoped she'd be ready for her when she stroke Jo may look like a pretty can-do-no harm seventeen year-old but since Delaney had seen the force behind the punch Jo had given the barfly a few days after she had arrived, she had made sure not to rub her the wrong way.
But this situation called for some rubbing. Even if it got her a black eye.
"I said… 'you're kind of hilarious, you know that?'"
"You think this is funny? Try being the one who doesn't get a damn choice! The one who gets everything done to her to keep her put, except… well, getting locked in the basement!" Jo stood up straight and gave Delaney a pissed off glare.
Delaney gave a disbelieving scoff, "The one who doesn't get a choice? Now that-that's just some funny material, there. And anyway, you guys have a basement?"
"You're such a damn sissy, Delaney. And a big jerk." Jo stalked past her, the torn carton of the beer containers in her hands.
Delaney's eyes followed her form turning her body to be able to keep her eyes on her, the faint light of the back room only leaving enough light to see her form and the Snoopy figurine on the back of her shirt. When she turned around, Delaney could still see her face clearly but not good enough to see the imperfections everyone had. Jo and her had been lazily waiting for the other one to change the light bulb and as far as Delaney knew, it wouldn't be worth it once Ellen found out that they hadn't changed it. The light bulb should've gone out by then but it hadn't and Delaney was okay with it. She'd been lucky Ellen rarely went to the back room. She'd usually send one of the girls to fetch something or leave something there.
"Uhh… okay. Is it because I called you hilarious?"
"No, because even after all the talks about hunting we've had you go and take her side! You sure seemed like you wanted me to be there!" Jo kicked the trash can a little to the side. It threatened to topple over but she used her other foot to settle it.
"Jo, I never wanted you to go on hunts. I'm sorry if that's what it came across as but it's something you can definitely go without." Delaney turned one of the empty wooden crate by the metal shelf to the right and sat on it.
"You like hunting, Delaney. Don't you?" Jo spoke more softly, returning to the boxes of beer and pulling out two in each hand.
Delaney rubbed at her smooth legs, bringing the right one under her. She sighed, "Yeah. But only because that's pretty much the only thing I've ever done. I never felt like I was ever much good at anything else. Not school, not sports, not music. This is what I was stuck with."
"That's how I feel, Delaney. You understand what it's like to have this calling, this…" Jo paused, straightening up and searching for the right word. She raised her hand to her chest and when she could find the right word she dropped it, sighing frustrated. "I feel how you do."
"No, Jo. You don't." Delaney shook her head slightly, letting her hands fall to the wooden surface she was sitting on. She rubbed at the rough flat wood. "I know you, Jo. And I learned to recognize the great perks of the job. But what people sometimes forget is the bad stuff. The stuff that makes you wanna scream until you go blue in the face or burst a blood vessel."
"Like what?" Jo leaned against the wall behind her. She crossed her arms and watched Delaney expectantly.
"Well… the food. Every kid dreams of eating burgers or pizza every day, ice cream for dessert every day, right? But after a while it just leaves your stomach so jumbled up you wish you could just have broccoli and carrots forced down your throat for a change.
"You can order a sandwich at the next diner. A salad. A smoothie."
"True." Delaney nodded. "But most of the time you're too tired to give it a thought. Which brings me to the tiring part. Sometimes it's just a little yawn here or there. Sometimes you're so tired your eyes feel like they weigh tons and your legs feel like lead."
"I can handle that."
"Yeah, you're tough. Then there's the lying. Never being able to talk to someone without feeling like a dirty piece of shit. Never getting to really know someone. Having to move around, never sticking to one place for long. And usually when you have to go, its right when you were starting to feel most comfortable." Delaney paused, waiting for Jo to say something. She didn't so Delaney continued, "I was lucky enough to never have been alone on any of my hunts or on any of the car rides but… there's always this heavy feeling left over after you leave a town. I mean, you know you've done your job that you've saved people and that can give you the best feeling ever. It makes you feel…"
Delaney paused and Jo watched her. The soft joy and wonder on her face made Jo stare at her curiously.
Delaney laughed softly, looking at Jo. "It feels like after having a whole life of being worthless at what normal people feel is necessary, essential, you're worth more than they could ever be worth. Like a superhero and for one of the only times, you think it's all worth it. The bad stuff, the giving up everything. It feels nice while it lasts but then, when it fades, you're left with nothing. Actually, you're left with the aches, the physical pain, and the dirty disgusted looks those people you save can't help but give you. And you feel like crap again."
"Like a rollercoaster."
"Yeah." Delaney chuckled, and then sighed softly. "A big fat rollercoaster of emotions. Enough to make anyone burst into tears."
"But I can handle that, Delaney. Most people out there are idiots anyway. They won't ever amount to anything. Hunters… hunters save people." Jo pushed off of the wall.
"Yeah, Save people. I remember when that sounded like such a great thing."
"How can you say that, Delaney? Saving people is about the most selfless best thing you can do. You talk about it like… like it's some curse."
"That's what it feels like, Jo. All those things I've seen out there, as best as I might've handled them, scared the fuckin' hell out of me. There's things you can't even imagine. I tell myself it's worth it, all of it, for that one feeling that you get when you make a difference but most of the time, it fades too quickly and the time it takes for the next time leaves you with just the bad stuff. The nightmares and no matter how much you try to forget, it's always at the back of your head. And I know I sound like some bad version of X-Men or something but… I just don't want this for you."
"You think I can't handle it."
"I don't want you to have to handle it. And neither does your mother, Jo."
"Really? Because she's not the one in here telling me all this. She's not the one bothering to speak to me about why I want to do this."
"She's… I don't know, scared? She doesn't know the right way to approach you because you're not keeping your eyes open enough to see what you have."
"What I have?" Jo demanded. She held her arms out, waving at the stuff around her. "Does this seem like something amazing to have?"
"It's more than you are ever gonna get if you decide to be a hunter," Delaney pointed out, standing up slowly.
"Well, no one's leaving me enough room to decide. Around my mom, it feels as good as not having a choice." Jo turned away, beginning to unpack the beers again.
They didn't speak for a while and Delaney watched her silently, running Jo's words in her head. The girl was so blind-sighted as to think what she had could be worse than what she didn't. It was frustrating Delaney.
"You wouldn't want to be something else? You wouldn't pick something over hunting?"
"Hell yeah, I would. If I still had enough time to get used to anything else. But if what you mean is, would I still choose something else, right now… no. I wouldn't. Not after everything I've had to let go of."
"You see? Even you wouldn't change what you have, Delaney."
"Because I'm not going to do that now. Not after everything. You still have other choices, Jo, and a hell of a lot too. You're not in this yet so you're not as committed to it as I have become."
"You think I have nothing to do with hunting? Look around you, Delaney. This place is only some underground hunters headquarters!"
"And that's about the only connection you should have to it!"
"Why, Delaney? Why? Because my mother says so, because you say so?" Jo dropped the can of beer she'd been holding in her hand, into the crate of beers. Delaney had been about to warn her not to fill it too much because then it's be impossible to lift it or drag it out, but Jo was right in front of her now, her angry face inches from hers. "I'm not a little girl and I'm pretty sure one thing guaranteed to you as you grow up is being able to do whatever the hell you want to do with your life and not be some sick little doll that gets put through what other people didn't get to just because of that damn reason! I know my mom wishes she never got dragged into this and that she wants me to be the one to get out but that's not what I want!"
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound? You're not a little girl anymore? I'm pretty sure you throwing a tantrum like one counts as acting like a little girl!" Delaney snapped, not faltering under Jo's piercing glare.
"Screw you, Delaney!" Jo began to turn away but Delaney grabbed her by the arm. Jo tried to rip her arm out of Delaney's hand but she held on tight.
Delaney stepped closer to her, narrowing the gap in between them. She hissed under her breath, "She doesn't want to lose you too, Jo. Do this for your mother. So she won't have to lose you like she lost your father."
Jo glared at her furiously, snapping at her, "Don't you ever mention my father. You never knew him and you never went through losing a father."
She shoved past Delaney, making her stumble, and pushed the door open so hard Delaney heard it slam against the wall behind it then slam closed with the same loud slap.
…
"So, what do you got for me?" Delaney jumped into her favorite bar stool of the bar and waited for Ellen to be done stacking glasses.
"What'd you tell her?" Ellen demanded as soon as Delaney had been seated and she'd finished speaking.
"I tried to talk to her. I tried to tell her that she doesn't want this. That's it." Delaney answered, losing the smile that had been plastered on her face. She'd tried to forget the whole talk gone wrong with Jo throughout the rest of the day and it had been working until Ellen had brought it up.
"From the look of her when she stormed out that didn't seem like all of it. Spit it out." Ellen had a serious furious glint in her eye which Delaney wasn't ashamed to admit, was starting to scare the crap out of her. The guilt didn't help either.
"That was it, Ellen. Wasn't that what you wanted me to say?" Delaney sighed, running a hand through her long hair. It was beginning to reach past her shoulders.
"I wanted you to calm her down not make her as angry as hell. I know you're holding back something sweetheart. Now, you answer me straight or I'll get it out of you." Ellen leaned forward, her face right in front of Delaney's. Delaney really didn't like it when people put their face right in front of hers and Ellen knew that. It made her feel threatened and violated and it usually disconcerted her enough so her hard face broke and she had to give in. Staring someone straight in the eye was a different matter. That she was more than well acquainted with. And winning the stare-offs.
"I told her," Delaney paused, not sure how this had been turned around on her. "That you didn't want to lose her like you lost her father. Now, tell me, is that far off from the truth?"
Ellen watched her closely, giving her the evaluating eye. Delaney could deal with that one. But the proximity of Ellen's face was making her feel nervous.
"God, Ellen! I didn't piss her off intentionally! I didn't threaten her or try to! Frankly, I wouldn't have the balls to! Your daughter is one tough girl and I wouldn't want to get tangled with her or you. And, she's my friend. I wouldn't intentionally hurt her."
"Even then, you stepped over the line bringing up her father."
"It's true! You don't want to lose her, Ellen. Am I wrong? You don't want to have to go through the same thing you went through when your husband died?"
"You don't talk about my husband you hear me? You're under my roof you eat my food so you respect the Harvelle business and you don't throw it around like it can't open wounds. Okay?"
Delaney clamped her mouth shut, the heat running up to her face. Was today just the day she was gonna get yelled and hissed at? She had just been trying to help.
"Okay?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Now go get ready for opening time and lose the attitude. If you don't want to get snapped at, you need to learn how to control that mouth."
Delaney stiffly stood up, releasing a restrained breath and went to the back of theRoadhouse to get ready for her starting shift. Maybe she had stepped over the line. Honestly, she knew she had but she hadn't been sure what other way to handle Jo. She hadn't meant to hurt her or make her feel bad. She had just been frustrated that Jo wouldn't see what she had right in front of her face. That she couldn't appreciate what she had and how jealous of it Delaney was.
She grabbed her pack from the back of the room and changed into a pair of old jeans and an old faded blue t-shirt. She zipped her pack up and stuck it in its place behind the shelf.
…
"Here's the information. Bobby called and said he wants you at his place first to outline what you're supposed to do."
"I already know what I'm supposed to do." Delaney muttered from her place in front of the old arcade game Ellen had in the corner of the bar.
"You can't ever know too much about hunting. You have to keep learning so you won't screw up and I swear to you, you don't know everything. Get going. I packed you some sandwiches and bottles of water. Be careful." Ellen handed her a plastic bag and Delaney took it slowly. She got to her feet and headed into the back room for her pack.
She stood at the doorway for a moment, watching as Ellen bustled about serving people. The Roadhouse wasn't that busy that night so Ellen had decided to let her go earlier.
Ellen looked up from her tray of beverages and food to catch Delaney staring at her. She murmured something to the hunter she had been talking to and bustled over to where Delaney was standing.
"What?"
"I didn't call you."
"Yeah but you were eyeballing me so, what?"
"I was just thinking… how I should apologize for bringing up… well you know what."
Ellen shook her head, "Honey, apologies hold nothing for me. I shouldn't have asked you to talk to my daughter. That was my problem to deal with. And I should have figured your big mouth would start something."
"Yeah." Delaney chuckled, swinging her backpack over her shoulder and liking the feel of its weight against her back. Like she had something to tie her back to the Roadhouse. Like someone cared enough to fill her backpack with food and water and stuff to take care of herself with. And she was immediately warmed by the fact that Ellen was that someone.
"Take care, baby. Don't worry about us."
Delaney nodded; feeling a weight she hadn't known she'd been holding, lift off of her shoulders. She squeezed in between tables heading for the exit. Before she exited she turned to face Jo who was passing out drinks and chatting up the hunters.
"Bye, Jo!" She shouted over the noise and waved. Several hunters looked up at her with annoyed expressions but Delaney ignored them only satisfied Jo had looked up at her as well. Delaney could tell she was still pissed but she waved back.
At least Ellen wasn't pissed at her.
Thanks for the reviews! Leave me some more, no? :P
Enjoy the first part of the flashback!
~Mar98