CHAPTER FOUR
Bobby Goren leaned back in the front passenger seat and closed his eyes. The last weeks had been an emotional rollercoaster, and since his life frequently resembled a thrill ride without a safety harness, Bobby Goren knew something about emotional rollercoasters.
"Ok?" Alex asked from the drivers' seat.
"Yea…" His eyes remained closed for several minutes while he tried to comprehend that Alex Eames cared for him. He opened his eyes and looked at Alex, who drove the Mustang much better than he ever did.
"Maybe," he said. "I should sell you this car since you're about to be gainfully employed again."
Alex smiled. "Maybe you should keep it since you're also about to take a new job."
Bobby stretched. "I don't know…Nothing definite yet and this car's an expensive proposition."
"You can't afford it, but I can?"
"You have other sources of income. But mostly it's because you drive it a lot better than I do."
"You flattering me, Goren?" Alex's eyes remained on the road, but Bobby saw the corner of her mouth move into a smile.
"Is it flattery if I'm telling the truth?" Bobby's left hand hovered over her shoulder. He was still adjusting to the idea that he could touch her.
"Don't know…It may depend on your objectives."
Bobby yawned.
"You still up for dinner with Rodgers?" Alex asked. "I could always go by myself."
"I…I'd like to see her…Let her know…Unless…Do you think I'd upset her?"
"Bobby…I don't know if it's a sign of your ego or your inferiority complex that you think you'll upset everyone you meet." Alex shook her head.
"Good point," Bobby said wryly.
"You won't upset her," Alex said. "She told me she'd like to see us both."
"She…She knows we've both left the Department?"
Alex nodded.
"She…She knows about us?"
"I…Bobby…We didn't know about us until yesterday." Alex smiled
Bobby laughed, laughed in a way Alex hadn't heard him laugh in a long time. "You're right…You're right…There must be something very wrong in us being so happy when we've just lost our jobs and a good friend."
"It is weird…"
"Rodgers and Ross…Where were they? Were they dating?"
"I'm pretty sure they were trying again," Alex said cautiously.
Bobby's mood darkened. "That damn DNA test…"
"Is that the ego or the inferiority complex talking? Bobby…That wasn't the only thing giving them trouble. His kid, his ex-wife, his job, her job…"
Bobby stared out the window.
"And this morning wasn't your fault either." Alex knew Bobby could blame himself for every bad thing in the world. "That was Mike, being a jerk."
"But…What if other people in your family…Alex…I know your family means a lot to you…I'd never want to…I couldn't…Can't…Come between you and your family…"
"Look," Alex said calmly. "I know you have this great opinion of my family and that the idea of a family is really important to you. But…But you know family isn't always what it's supposed to be…"
"If anyone knows that, it's me," Bobby acknowledged. "But your family…They're good…Especially Nate…"
"Don't worry…You heard my brother-in-law. And my sister is certainly on our side…"
"Our," Bobby thought. "Our side."
"I think even my Mom is leaning towards you," Alex continued.
"But…There's so much they don't know," Bobby said. "And if they did…"
Alex touched him gently on the arm. "They know that you're a good man. They know how you treat Nate. That Nate adores you…" She gently pressed his arm. "Why is it you always expect people to dislike you when they get to know you? If anyone gives you a chance, they always like you."
"I just don't want to hurt your with your family."
"You don't and you won't," Alex declared.
Bobby wasn't entirely convinced, but he didn't press the issue. "Where…Where are we meeting Rodgers?"
"A place near her apartment where we shouldn't meet any cops," Alex said.
"We're eating out a lot on the first day after we lost our jobs," Bobby said.
"But Deakins picked up lunch…Said he could deduct it," Alex said. "We can pick up Rodgers' dinner…It'll even out…"
"Yea…" Bobby stared out the window for a few minutes. "Uh…Alex…Would you…Would you like to go to Minnesota and meet my cousins?"
Alex felt ridiculously triumphant. Bobby trusted her. "I'd love to do that," she said. "I haven't been west of Ohio except for one or two times in my life. I'd love to meet your relatives."
"I…I don't know them that well," Bobby said. "But…Meeting them…It helped me…I've got a standing invitation to visit…And they'd like to meet you…I told them…A lot of good things about you…"
"Even if we take the jobs with Deakins' firm," Alex said. "We'll have a couple of weeks. I know we should do other things…And maybe save the money…But we've had a tough time lately, and I think we deserve a break. Maybe a road trip?"
"Last fling in the Mustang…First fling with you," Bobby said.
Alex smiled.
They'd arrived at the restaurant. Alex managed to find a parking spot not too far away. "One thing I'll miss about the job," she said. "Being able to park almost anywhere."
As they walked to the restaurant, Alex's arm slipped through Bobby's. "This is nice," she said.
"Being able to touch each other?" Bobby asked. "Yea…It's very nice." He struggled, as he often had, to not kiss her. The fact that he could now kiss her somehow didn't make things easier.
Alex stopped just outside the restaurant's door. She gently took Bobby's face in her hands, pulled it down to her own, and kissed him.
"Thank you," Bobby said huskily after they finally separated. "For doing what I was thinking about."
"I wonder if she's already here," Alex said as Bobby opened the door for her.
They found Rodgers seated at a table with an open bottle of wine on it. A half full glass rested in front of her. Her hair was pulled back, and she wore a red blouse and black slacks. Bobby realized that aside from a few moments in court, he'd rarely seen Rodgers out of her scrubs or ME uniform. It was disconcerting to see her in civilian clothes.
Rodgers stood uncertainly as Alex and Bobby approached the table.
"Liz," Alex said warmly. "How you doing?" The two women embraced as Bobby awkwardly stood by.
"I should ask you that, Alex," Rodgers said as they separated. "And you, Goren…"
Bobby and Rodgers hugged, at first awkwardly, and then with greater ease. Rodgers leaned into him, and Bobby felt oddly happy that he could provide her with some support.
"I hope you don't mind," Rodgers said shakily as they sat down. "I ordered a bottle of wine."
"Thank you," Bobby said as he poured a glass for Alex and himself.
"I heard from Mike Logan," Rodgers continued. "He's angry about what happened. When I told him what happened to the two of you, I was afraid he was going to go to One PP and take on the Chief of Ds. He said he'd be in touch with both of you."
"He's a good guy," Alex said.
"Yea," Bobby said, and thought of all the small, kind gestures Logan had made towards him.
"So, what's the official word?" Alex asked quietly. "Are we pursuing other opportunities?"
Rodgers sipped her wind. Alex and Bobby were reassured that she didn't seem to be trying to drown her sorrows. "I'm not sure…I know less about NYPD politics than Goren."
Bobby smiled wanly. "Unfortunately, I've had to pay a lot more attention to them recently."
"I've picked up some of the rumors, though." Rodgers turned to Bobby. "You are either in hospital somewhere or working for the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, or some agency so secret no one knows its name."
"All at the same time?" Alex said. "I'm impressed, Bobby…I really am."
"And you…" Rodgers turned to Alex. "You've gone with Goren, or you're about to head up a top secret squad that's investigating the Chief of Ds."
"I wish that was true," Alex said with an unpleasant glint in her eyes.
"Part of it may be," Rodgers said. "There's word some of Chief Moran's past may be catching up to him."
Bobby didn't want to think about the Chief. "Everyone…Everyone knows that Ross…That he was clean?" He felt as if he didn't have the right to speak Ross' name.
"You would worry about that," Rodgers said. "Yes…Everyone knows he was a good cop….That he was working undercover. No word on the specifics. Nichols said we had to trust on this. That you two told him that." Rodgers looked at Alex and Bobby. "The bastards really made you fire…"
"Yea…" Alex said.
Rodgers shook her head. "I can't believe it. All the amoral jerks and corrupt cops floating around and you two…God…Maybe I should resign…"
"Don't do that," Bobby said. "We've both got lines on jobs with Deakins' company, but I don't think he's got a spot for a pathologist."
Rodgers ate little of her dinner, and Bobby less, but Alex was very hungry. It was difficult to tell who was comforting who at several points. Bobby had the unhappy familiar sensation that he was on the edge of a conversation in a language he didn't quite understand. He knew Ross; he admired the man; but it was clear Alex knew and cared much more for their late Captain.
"Of course," Bobby thought. "There were those six months when I was suspended. Alex wouldn't let them partner her with anyone. She probably worked a lot with Ross then…She was close to Wheeler, and Ross was Wheeler's mentor…" Bobby took a drink of wine and realized that he and Rodgers had drunk most of the bottle.
"Thank you for this," Rodgers said as the waitress brought them coffee. "It feels so good to be able to talk about him. I…I feel like I can't talk about him with very many people…"
"I…" Alex held her cup tightly. "When Joe died…Everybody wanted to talk to me…To get me to talk…" She looked at Bobby, who understood that she wasn't comparing him to Joe. "I…I know they meant well…But…But I didn't want to talk with most people…Most of them didn't know enough about Joe or me or us to talk about us…And even with the ones that did…It…It was like if I didn't say Joe was dead, then he wouldn't be dead."
"I…I feel like if I don't talk about Danny," Rodgers said. "It…It's as if we…As if it didn't happen…"
"That…Both of those…Make a lot of sense," Bobby said.
"It…It…" Rodgers said tentatively. "It…Does it get better? Does it stop hurting so much?"
"It does," Alex said after a moment. "But you got to let it…It'll still hurt, but not as much…For a long time, I didn't let it get better…But…But someone helped me…" She glanced at Bobby.
"Oh…" Rodgers said after a moment-. "How long…"
"Just since yesterday," Bobby said. "Or at least…That's when we both…I mean…I…Feelings…Rodgers…I'm so sorry…For us…Now…" He blinked and rubbed the back of his neck. "This is so unfair…"
"No," Rodgers said firmly. "Don't think that way…I'm glad…The two of you…You deserve…You deserve happiness…"
Alex reached out and placed her hand over Rodgers. Tears formed in both women's eyes. Bobby stared at the table and tried to force down a large lump in his throat.
"Thank you, Liz," Alex said when she could trust her voice. "Thank you…"
Rodgers protested when Bobby and Alex picked up the check, and they allowed her to pay for the wine. Rodgers lived near the restaurant, and Alex and Bobby insisted on walking her home. Bobby welcomed the fresh air, which helped to clear the fog in his head.
"Thank you," Rodgers said when they reached her building. "I'll be ok…I promise. Thank you."
"If you need anything," Alex said. "Anything…Call us…Please…"
Bobby nodded. Rodgers looked at him, and then Alex. "You two take care of each other, ok? You're both pretty special." She pulled Bobby into an embrace. Stunned, he stood awkwardly for a moment until he slowly wrapped his arms around her.
"I hope," Rodgers said shakily as she slipped from Bobby's arms. "That you know what a good man you're got here, Alex."
"I hope I do too," Alex said.
Alex looped her arm through Bobby's as they walked back to his car. There was too much to say, and neither knew how to say it. When they reached his car, Bobby handed his keys to her.
"You drink too much wine?"
"Yea…" It wasn't just the wine. Bobby was confused by everything that had happened and was happening. He thought he was a constant thorn in Rodgers' side, and she'd just called him a good man. A strange exhaustion settled over him, as if he'd just run a long race or been in a fight. He collapsed in the passenger seat and closed his eyes.
"Where should we go?" Alex asked.
Bobby opened his eyes and swam in Alex's sea green eyes. The exhaustion disappeared, replaced by desire, need, and love. "My place is closer." His left hand hovered over Alex's shoulder.
She took his hand in her right one and brought it to her lips. Bobby nearly passed out from the emotions flooding over him.
"Your place," she said.
He rested his left hand behind Alex's neck as she drove. He needed to know that she was real. He got out of the car as quickly as he could when they reached his home. He stood just behind her and placed his hand lightly on her back as they walked to his door. He opened the door, let Alex in, and shut and locked it behind them. His keys fell to the floor with a great clatter as Alex reached up for him and pulled his lips to hers. He never remembered a kiss like that in his life. He didn't clearly remember how they got to his bedroom, or how he lost his jacket and shirt. He sat on his bed with Alex standing between his legs. Her kisses and touches spread streams of pleasure on his body.
"Please…" he whispered. "Please…Alex…Please…Wait…"
"Bobby…" He felt her smile against his skin. "We've waited for eight years…"
"I…I know…But…Please…Alex…" His hand roamed beneath her shirt. "I…I don't want to hurt you…"
"You won't…" She shivered as his large, elegant fingers swirled across her skin. "I…I'm ready…" She pulled her shirt over her head.
Bobby breathed deeply and reached behind her to unclasp her bra. "It…It's been a while for me…I want…I want to make sure I know how to do this…"
Alex smiled at him. "It's been a while for me, too. But I'm pretty sure this is like riding a bike. We'll remember."
He stared at her. "You…You're so beautiful…Oh…Alex…Please…This means so much…I want to…I want to remember…I want to remember all of it…"
"Oh," Alex murmured. "Oh…You good, kind, gentle man…Bobby…"
He dove and swam and floated in her soft and warm body.
END CHAPTER FOUR