A/N: More suicidal Regina in this chapter.
I don't usually do the whole suggesting music to go with the story sort of thing, but if you're so inclined, "Stay" by Rihanna and "Everytime" by Britney are good choices.
Tinkerbell had been happy to learn that she was considered non-essential to Snow White's education. A few of her tutors traveled with the girl to provide lessons wherever they went, but the majority were left behind.
Tink spent the morning attempting to work on what she could of the princess's portrait without the girl in front of her. She studied the room, the wall that would serve as the backdrop, the chair Snow posed in. It was tiresome work, so after lunch she wandered, paying visits to the garden, the library, anywhere else Regina might be.
But Regina was nowhere to be found, and her usual seat at the dais was empty during dinner. Tink sat with the other tutors, listening to them complain about the raucous courtiers at the other end of the room.
"I thought the Queen stayed behind," she mused after wondering about Regina's absence for a while.
"She doesn't mix with the rabble," the music tutor, Alaric, explained to the laughs of the others. "Her Oh-So-Very-Highness doesn't leave her room unless there's royalty in the castle."
Tinkerbell cast her eyes back down to her food, suddenly wishing she hadn't asked.
"Besides, she's very busy," added Irina, the etiquette tutor. "Between devouring the souls of children and entertaining her gentleman callers, she can't manage to make dinner."
At that, the riding tutor leaned across the table and whispered conspiratorially. "From what I hear, her callers are gentlewomen," he told them, and Tink looked up at him, startled. "When the King was last away, some of the stable boys saw her heading towards the village with some girl. Clearly a prostitute, based on her costume."
"Unnatural, but at least it explains why she's so cold to her husband," Alaric said, raising his glass. "To the Ice Queen of the White Kingdom, may she melt in hell."
Tink pushed aside her worries about having been seen with Regina weeks before. "But she's your queen. How can you say that about her?"
"Queen Eva was a real ruler, bless her soul," Irina said, raising her glass towards the portrait of the late queen that hung over the hall. "She deserved better than to be succeeded by a common tramp. Eva loved her husband, her daughter, and her people, but Regina only loves herself."
Tink knew better, that Regina didn't love herself much, if at all. "She seems sad to me."
"Just don't let her get her claws into you," Irina cautioned. "As I said, she devours the souls of children."
The former fairy took a swig of her drink. "I'm no child. I'll take my chances."
As always, her so-called family's departure left Regina feeling conflicted. She was happy, of course, to have a few days out of Leopold's grasp, a few days when she didn't have to fake pleasantries with Snow.
She didn't want to go with them, but the fact that she'd never once been asked to join them hurt anyway. Just another reminder that she was worthless. And that she was trapped. What she wouldn't give for the chance to pay a visit to another kingdom, to ride freely.
Without her husband, Regina was confined to the castle and, more often than not, confined to her room. She'd tried during the first few months of her marriage to interact with the courtiers, but when not under the watchful eye of their king the women were cruel and the men were rough. They resented her, this nobody who had swept in and become queen. They hated that Leopold had overlooked them, or their sisters or daughters.
They called her the king's whore, and today Regina was inclined to believe them. After seeing her husband and stepdaughter off, she had returned to bed. She was still there now, still sore from the previous night and utterly abandoned. Utterly alone.
The sun was setting beyond the window, and Regina reluctantly dragged herself from bed and called for the servants to draw a bath. That was one luxury she wouldn't pass up. She'd ignored meals and everything else the servants offered, but she was willing to leave the sad comfort of her bed for the chance to wash away the previous night.
The young queen stood in front of the bathroom mirror as servants came and went with their buckets of hot water. As always, she could hear her mother's voice echoing in her head when she looked at herself. You look tired, Regina. And pale, and I don't know why you never do anything with your hair. Honestly, how do you expect to hold down a husband when you look such a mess? And then, when she undressed, you're far too skinny, Regina. It makes you look like a peasant. Like you're starving. You certainly don't look like someone who is likely to produce strong heirs.
Her mother would not have commented on the partially healed cut from the night before, or the finger-shaped bruises on her hips.
Regina turned away from herself and sank into her bath, grateful for the way the hot water soothed and comforted.
She closed her eyes, hesitated for a moment, and then slipped beneath the surface.
Tinkerbell made certain not to be seen when she went to Regina's room that night. The queen's detractors certainly didn't need any more ammunition. Although it eased her mind to know that there were so many rumors that no one would pay attention to just one more.
She let herself in, not finding Regina in the usual places. But the bathroom was well-lit, and when Tink peered in she saw Regina's dark hair over the lip of the tub. She kept her distance, wanting to give the queen some privacy, but was paying such close attention to Regina that she instantly noticed the moment that dark hair vanished.
Tink waited, eager to see Regina again, but the brunette never came up. After what seemed like an unnaturally long time, Tink put propriety aside and rushed over to the tub to see Regina submerged. She reached in, water sloshing all over as she yanked Regina up roughly. The queen's eyes snapped open as the movement jerked her to attention, and she slapped Tink's hands away as she coughed.
"You always have such perfect timing, don't you?" Regina snapped as soon as she'd filled her lungs again.
Tink shrank back at her anger, shocked to realize that this was on purpose. Regina had denied that she'd deliberately jumped from her balcony the night they met, but now the blonde knew she'd been lying. Regina had tried to die again tonight. "Maybe that's because I'm meant to save you."
"Need I remind you that you lost your wings?" Regina stood and grabbed a towel. "I'm no longer your concern."
For one glorious, guilty moment, Tink saw the entirety of Regina's bare body. And then it was wrapped in that towel, and she looked back up into the brunette's tired eyes. "I care about you," she said. "That's why you're my concern."
Something softened in Regina's eyes as she stepped from the tub, although she fought it back down. "Nobody cares about me."
Before Regina could brush past her, Tink stopped her with a hand on each shoulder. "I lost my wings for you. I gave up everything for you. So yes, Regina, someone does care about you."
Regina shook her head. "Why don't you hate me like you should?"
Tink had asked herself that question many times, and there was no answer. She just didn't. She just couldn't. Her love for Regina was so much more than she could understand. Instead of answering, she wrapped her arms around the brunette, not caring that she was getting her already wet dress even more soaked. After a moment, she hugged Tinkerbell back.
"I'm going to finish what I started," Tink promised. "I'm going to help you."
At that, Regina pulled back and stalked into her bedroom. "By finding me a boyfriend? Not interested."
Tink followed, surprised when Regina took two nightgowns from her closet and handed one to her. "I was wrong to think the answer to your problem was belonging to another man," she admitted. "You were right. I am a terrible fairy. But maybe as a human I can help you find some sort of happiness."
Tink was shocked to see Regina's lips twitch into a smile. "You're a terrible fairy, but you're a good person."
Regina turned her back to change into her nightgown, and Tink did the same as she peeled off her wet clothes. Before she could put the borrowed nightgown on, however, Regina gasped, and Tink held the garment to her chest as she turned to see what was wrong.
The young queen was staring at her, horrified. "Is that…" She touched a hand to Tink's back, between her shoulder blades, between the two scars that marked the places where her wings had been. Tink winced, her skin still tender even though she'd had more than a week to heal. "Is that what I did to you?"
"What the Blue Fairy did to me, technically."
"Hold still." Regina brushed her fingers over one of the scars, murmuring a healing spell, but nothing changed.
"They can't be healed," Tink explained. "They're punishment, to remind me of what I did for the rest of my mortal life."
Regina pulled back and Tink slipped on the soft nightgown. "I'm so sorry," she said once Tink turned to face her. "Is there anything at all I can do?"
Tink took Regina's hands in hers and squeezed them. "Live. Fight for the happiness you deserve."
"What about your happiness?" Regina surprised Tink by squeezing back. "Now you're trapped here, catering to a spoiled princess. This can't be what you want."
"Your happiness is my happiness," Tink said, blushing at the words that went unsaid. You are my happiness.
And then Regina shocked Tink even more by embracing her. "Stay tonight."