Chapter Four: Questions

After the night he had told me he was going to try to take over Bullworth for the second time, my stomach never sat right when I was around him. I always felt like he would snap at any moment and freak out and get sent away to Happy Volts.
Funny how he did even though he hadn't lost it completely and for once was actually keeping to himself. It's odd how things work out like that, almost as when things are finally going good, you get a slap in the face. Even though I am not the one locked up, I feel like I was also gave the metaphorical slap. He was the only person that truly talked to me, so why was I also getting punished?

When he told me about his plan, the next few days were weird. I made an effort to avoid him even though he was pretty much my only friend. Jimmy was practically the king of the school and even though he said he wouldn't, he ignored me because I wasn't popular. He tried to make me the Head Boy, but it didn't last long. I was the Head Boy for maybe a day and then I realized that it just wasn't the job for me. It seemed like too big of a deal for me to handle because it was . . . different. People had begun to notice me and started coming to me for questions about homework or friend drama. It just wasn't a pressure I could take and told Jimmy the day after that I couldn't do it.

So, I had gone back to being quiet and glue to Gary's side, Jimmy too good to talk to me and the rest of the school simply unaware of my small existence.

It feels weird as I think about that kinda stuff. I mean, you see it in the movies and what not. The nerdy kids being ignored and not even socially on a ranking board. But, living it is a completely different thing. Most of the time in the movies the kid becomes a under dog for some reason and then everybody turns and respects them and they get the totally hot crush that they have been drooling after.
No, living it is different. Living it sucks.

You don't get the girl you want if you do get a girl at all. The jocks make jokes about you when you do get noticed and nobody really says much to you. You eat alone and always get the best grades because you have no friend to distract you in class and cheat off of in a test for fun.
You have nobody. You walk alone and wait for the year to be over so you can stay the rest of your time by yourself in your room.

I'm not asking for sympathy, but just stating facts.

Gary, I must say, never did actually show any effort in trying to rule the school once more. God knows how much he planned with him always thinking, but I never got a chance to see a real attempt. I think maybe he had just gave up because after that night he never said a word more about it.

Maybe that's for the best.

When he was took to the asylum, I really didn't understand why. Hell, I still don't understand why. As far as I knew he kept his head down like me and didn't do anything that was too big of a deal besides his out bursts and sometimes getting kicked out of class, which most of the Jocks did anyway.
Unless he did something behind my back that I don't know about, I don't have a clue to why he would be in custody.

. . . What if his capture was just a mistake? What if they meant to grab someone else and he was just the person that they had mistaken the real lunatic as? . . . But then who would they have been going for instead?

Questions fill my mind and I'm not so sure what to do about it except the obvious that I am scared to confront. Is it really even a possibility? Am I REALLY considering going to Happy Volts and getting these answers for myself?

Why ever he is there, maybe it is the right place for him, as sick as that sounds. Gary isn't exactly stable, but it didn't seem like he was harming others.

Maybe he was harming himself. He did wear his thick brown leather band around his wrist and I've never seen him take it off. That could be a reason they took him, if that was the case. Maybe he was captured because he was hurting himself and someone saw it and snitched.

Or maybe I'm being paranoid.