. . . a world without danger . . .

Don't worry, Konan. Deidara's probably just having tea with the faeries. And by having tea, I mean letting them drink his blood or something. They're very persuasive. AU. Akatsukicentric.

note: From now on, just automatically assume that Konan is going to fire "fuck" at somebody at least once, mkay? I refuse to M this story on that basis.

chapter three.

decipher reflections from reality.

Itachi isn't in school the next morning, but Sasori Sabaku most certainly is, and what can I do but ask?

It's lunchtime, and since Itachi isn't here, I don't have anyone to keep me from confronting Sasori -- that, and Sasori doesn't have anyone to stop me. It's not hard to just walk up to him -- okay, so it's hard, but there aren't any physical obstacles -- and invade his personal space, and bitch.

"Who the fuck do you work for?"

He looks up at me all surprised, his mouth hanging just a bit open, then drops his head back down and stares very intently at the green apple he's got rolling around his palm. He's trying so damn hard to ignore my question -- I should know; I do this to Itachi when he's asking annoyingly logical things all the time -- and I'm not about to let him to this to me. Creep-Kuzu said to ask Sasori who his boss is, and Creep-Kuzu is my best lead on Missing Friend.

"Your buddy Cree -- Kakuzu said that your boss knew where Deidara is. So who the fuck do you work for?"

I think it's a simple question. It still takes him two minutes to muster up the courage -- or the balls -- to look me in the eye. "I -- work for a guy who knows the -- the --"

"Faeries?" I supply, hoping that my voice is laced with the perfect amount of disdain. Apparently, it is, because he almost winces -- I can see the miniscule movement, but I know he's not about to really do it -- and shoves the apple into his backpack.

"Yeah. Those. He knows them -- they trust him. Almost. And he…knows where Deidara is. He could probably get Deidara back, too, but…Pein isn't known for just acting out of kindness. You're gonna have to pay him somehow, or get the faeries to do it for you. I can't see why they'd pay you to take away their toy, though. Maybe if you paid the faeries, he wouldn't have a problem with helping you for free..."

"Deidara is not anyone's toy," I tell him, one of my hands flying to my mouth and my teeth closing around the nails. Pein. Sasori works for a guy named Pein. What the fuck is that all about? It can't be a real name.

Maybe it's an alias, and he's really a drug dealer or a pimp or a Mafia consigliere, and this is all some huge trick just so he can use me as a mule or a whore or a hit --

And maybe I could do with a bit less television and a great deal more reality. "Well, you're introducing me to this Pein guy, and he and I will discuss payment. Wait -- Itachi. Itachi will discuss payment with him."

At the mention of Itachi's name, something lights behind Sasori's eyes, and I'm sensing a definite idea -- which either means he has a better plan to get me into the whorehouse, or he's figured out something that'll help me, Deidara, and Itachi. "Itachi -- yeah, I bet you could use Itachi as payment."

Fuck that! This little bitch is clearly also a pimp, and just because Itachi could pass as a lovely girl -- "Itachi isn't payment! What the hell do you think --"

People are starting to stare -- apparently, this hallway starts to fill up halfway through lunch -- and I assume that's why Sasori snatches my hand and drags me out the front doors of the school. I guess this isn't really a conversation to be having this loudly, but I hate to think that I'm letting a pimp drag me somewhere I can kick, scream, or do anything else moderately useful, Sasori starts hissing things to me almost under his breath and moves his hand to my wrist, pulling me behind him with surprising strength. "Look -- Itachi would not be hurt if you traded him to the faeries for Deidara. Deidara is going to end up getting hurt, alright? But Itachi -- he's special. They'd give Deidara to you for Itachi, and I bet Itachi would be a lot happier, in the long run."

"You don't know a damn thing about Itachi," I hiss back, jerking my arm from his grasp, "And I don't know where the hell you're taking me, you freak --"

Obviously, calling him a freak bothers him, because it does make him jerk slightly. However, just a second or two of terse silence between us, and he draws himself up to his full height -- it's not much -- and stares me in the eye, face cool and collected. "I'm taking you to Pein. He'll explain everything to you. We can pick Itachi up on the way, if he's not too sick."

I still don't trust him, but he sounds so sure. Did Deidara trust him? Itachi claims that they were friends…and that's going to have to be good enough for me, because there really isn't any option, is there?

A sigh, and I'm ready to just-maybe sign my life away. "Alright. We'll go see Pein. We'll get Itachi -- wait, how did you know he was sick?"

Sasori's posture and eyes shift just slightly, and I can tell that he's decided it's time to lie. "He wasn't in school today -- c'mon."

So, for possibly the first time in my life, I run down the stairs with a kid I barely know and skip school.

xxx

Itachi's house isn't a far walk from the school, and since the two of us run -- it's suddenly urgent and terrible that I'm not with this Pein guy yet -- we get there in record time.

We're standing, panting on the steps, and Sasori's been pounding at the doorbell for two minutes when the door finally flies open, revealing a rather disgruntled Fugaku.

…just my fucking luck. "Uh, hi, Mr. -- Police Chief Uchiha. Is, um, Itachi home? We needed to…take him with us to the park for a…biology project. On, um, plants."

Sasori gives me a weary look, while I start innerly berating myself -- worst goddamn lie ever -- and Fugaku stares at us suspiciously for a moment. "It's the middle of the school day."

"It's an important project." Sasori offers up, slowly removing his hands from his pockets. Is he afraid of looking like a school shooter in front of the police chief?

It's hard not to tell him too late. "Yeah, a really important project, sir. Is he upstairs?"

Fugaku sighs, but nods, and steps aside to let the two of us jog up the stairs. Judging by the lack of yummy smells and slightly off-key singing, Mikoto isn't home. I doubt she's home as much as she used to be, anyway. The flower shop that's been giving her grief must be a constant opponent in her own little Rose War.

When we get upstairs to Itachi's room and bust through the door like narcotics officers, Itachi is sprawled across the bed teen-angst style, and he's even paler than usual. He also does not look amused by our sudden appearance in his bedroom, and I'm just guessing based on the vicious sort of glare he's giving us.

"Why are you two here in the middle of the school day?"

And here I'd thought he'd be happy to see me. "Rescuing Deidara. We kinda need you to come along. You're not, um, puking or anything, are you?"

Judging by the weary look I'm now getting from him -- those damn things are in anything but short supply -- he is, in fact, hurling today. Joy. "Konan, do I ever stay home from school because I want to?"

"…no, because you're a robot," I say sheepishly, while Sasori tinkers with an artist's figure on Itachi's desk. The kid has some weird thing for action figures, I guess. Or dolls. Or, well, toys. "Look, you know I wouldn't ask if it weren't important --"

He sighs, gives Sasori a sharp glare, and pushes himself off the bed. "Alright. But mind you, I'm only coming because life is, strangely, more peaceful when that idiot's around."

Sasori drops the doll, I manage to call up a grin, and the three of us are off to the slummiest part of town.

Just figures, that our Fearless Savior lives with all the drug dealers. Maybe I should say all the other drug dealers, huh?

Chapter title is "Decipher Reflections From Reality," from playradioplay!

Well. Konan admits that Itachi is the prettiest princess. Sasori is a pimp. Pein is the Pimpmasta. What drama.

…you know, when I dreamed this story up, it was OHEMGEESRSBSNESS. Now it's…crack. Total crack. I have no talent for setting the proper tone. XD

Well, next time, we'll have an especially long chapter -- we'll get to see several more characters. c: And this time, I won't completely forget about one or two existing. Well, I haven't forgotten. One of them just…is inanimate for the duration of this fic.

Anyway. We all know that I'm a useless review whore, so why don't you all indulge me?

--ch has finally written a semi-short author's note, and a slightly longer chapter.