A/N – As an apology for the 18 month wait, I am posting the next (and actual last) chapter right after I post this one. I'll have a very long and hopefully informative and entertaining author's note at the end of that one. So very sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy.
The (M)End
Part 1
It comes in the mail barely a week before they are due to return to school. For several long minutes, he stares blankly at the two heavy badges that fall out of the thick envelope. He picks up the first, familiar, badge, and is unsurprised to find that he has been reinstated as Quidditch Captain. He did, after all, mostly avoid getting in any sort of trouble for the majority of the year. He sets the Captain badge down on the table next to the regular letter detailing all of the equipment and books he will need for the year.
Then, shaking his head in bemusement, he skims the letter that accompanies the second, completely unexpected badge. He is Head Boy. This is no joke or mistake; the badge and letter clearly were not inserted into the wrong envelope seeing as the letter is plainly addressed to James Potter and details the expectations that Professor Dumbledore has for him.
He is to report to the Prefect carriage on the train where there will be another, more detailed packet of information awaiting him and the Head Girl, who are expected to work together to help the teachers ensure that the school year runs as smoothly as possible.
His mind is still reeling with shock at finding the badge and letter, so it takes him a few minutes to notice the line at the bottom of the letter, added as if in afterthought:
If you would like to contact the Head Girl and begin planning ahead of time, I have appointed Miss Lily Evans as your counterpart. I trust the two of you to work well together and balance each other's practices.
Yours most sincerely,
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore
At this, James's mouth falls open in outright shock. He is expected to work professionally and respectfully with Lily Evans? He suspects that any screaming matches between the two of them will be strictly frowned upon. Forcing his mouth to close, he frowns when he recalls their last encounter wherein he told her to keep her distance from him. He had said such awful things to her - true things, of course, but awful still - and she had looked so shocked and, he realizes now, hurt.
He can only imagine what's in store for him on the Hogwarts Express.
Fuck if he isn't doomed.
—
They are early to the train station because James wants a moment in the Prefects' Carriage before Lily arrives so that he can look over the information - he will need more time than she to absorb all that they are going to be responsible for this year, after all. Sirius is grumbling as he carts his heavy trunk along behind him, cross at James for making him wake up earlier than was strictly necessary.
"You didn't have to come with me, mate," James points out, rolling his eyes as he hefts his own trunk across the gap onto the train.
"I couldn't stay when Mum and Dad were following you." Sirius glares at his trunk and attempts to kick it onto the train so as not to strain himself more than necessary, but it doesn't budge.
Frowning at his parents over Sirius's shoulder, James reaches back onto the platform and pulls Sirius's trunk onto the train for him. He doesn't bother to reassure Sirius that Potter Manor is his home now, too, just as Mr. and Mrs. Potter are Sirius's parents now. He knows that Sirius understands this. James suspects, rather, that Sirius wanted to come along so that he could spend a bit more time with their parents, and because he was probably worried about them making the long trip to the station.
"I didn't ask them to come, either." He and Sirius are seventeen now, and both have their Apparition licenses, so it really wasn't necessary for his parents to tag along.
"This is the last time they'll see us off on this thing," Sirius says, following James's gaze. The corners of his mouth turn down even more. "They wouldn't miss that for anything."
"I just don't think they should still be Apparating." James shrugs in an effort to disguise his worry. "Not at their age."
Sirius only grunts and lifts a shoulder in a careless sort of shrug which James understands as a sign of reluctant agreement. Sirius is always the first one to defend his parents' capability and the fact that he isn't now makes James's heart sink. It means that James hasn't been imagining his mother's sudden frailty or her persistent, lingering cough. It means that Sirius may have also noticed the fact that his father definitely got lost on the way to the loo the other day and ended up in the study instead, gazing around in confusion at the house that he had lived in his whole life.
James sighs and shakes his head when Sirius looks at him. "Let's find a compartment to put our trunks in, yeah?"
"Sure." Sirius walks to the nearest compartment and throws the door open, striding in and looking around with a nod. "This'll do."
James smirks and follows his best mate into the compartment. It is a sign of how eager Sirius is to get settled in so he can go back to sleep that he takes the first compartment he comes across. Sirius has always been the pickiest Marauder when it comes to train compartments, insisting that they need "the perfect compartment in which to start off the year" and carefully inspecting every compartment before settling on one that seems to meet his undisclosed standards.
Instead of struggling to physically lift their trunks into the overhead storage, James and Sirius levitate their trunks so that they are settled neatly over their heads, their names facing outwards so that anyone who pokes their head in, looking for a compartment to claim, will see that this compartment belongs to them and leaves immediately.
Once they are satisfied that the position of their trunks will be deterrent enough, they head back onto the platform to find their parents. There are a few more people on the platform now than just a few moments ago, but nowhere near the amount of people there will be in little more than an hour. They find their parents quickly and are almost immediately swept up in their mother's worried embrace.
When she releases her boys, their mother lays a worried hand on James's forearm, the other on Sirius's cheek.
"You boys take care this year. Don't get into any trouble," she says gravely, giving Sirius a stern look before shifting that same gaze onto James.
"We won't, Mum." James covers the hand on his arm with his own hand and leans forward to place a kiss on his mother's forehead. He remembers the comfort he used to feel as a child from her doing the same to him many years ago, before he towered over her and made it impossible for her to kiss him at all when both are standing. "We'll be good, and we'll stay safe."
"Yeah, my best mate's Head Boy; what trouble could I possibly get in this year?" Sirius grins at their mother and wraps her in a warm hug; James feels her hand slip away from him to return the embrace.
Over their mother's shoulder, Sirius winks at James and their father and James can't help but chuckle quietly. His father – taller by far than his wife, but still significantly shorter than his son – rests a hand on James's shoulder to catch his attention. James looks at his father, who leads him a few steps away from his mother and Sirius and leans forward to speak quietly. A little way beyond his father, James can see Sirius and their mother bickering, though the gleam in Sirius's eye and the fond smile on his mother's face tells him they're both only playing.
"Your mother worries too much." The serious look on his father's face tells James that this isn't going to be one of the mock-private jokes the two men used to share at his mother's expense. "However, I believe, and I know you do as well, that she has a right to be so worried now."
"Dad…" James begins to interrupt, but his father cuts him off with a stern look and continues speaking.
"These are dark times, son. Everyone is terrified and no one knows what is going to happen, but everyone knows – though some may not advertise – what they personally believe to be right." His father pauses for a moment and seems to consider his next words carefully. "It takes a great wizard with the courage to stand up for what he believes in to make a change. You're a great wizard, and you also happen to be the most courageous person I know, son; make Gryffindor proud."
"What are you two nattering about over there?" James's mother calls before James has a chance to really process what his father has said.
"I'm only telling my boy how to find a woman as beautiful as you," James's father says as they rejoin his mum and Sirius. "Obviously he needs a bit of help, eh, Sirius? I was already married at his age."
"Oh, really? Well, maybe you should share your wisdom with our other son as well, seeing as they both seem to be hopeless in that area." She lifts one grey eyebrow at her husband in a clear indication that she does not believe for one moment that he was giving their son advice on girls.
"Come on, Mum. Dad's come to terms with the fact I'll never settle down; we're all just waiting on you to realize it." Sirius laughs and wraps an arm around her shoulder, leaning in close to her in a show of affection he never would have given his own flesh-and-blood mother.
"You'll meet a girl, Sirius," their mother says shrewdly.
James meets Sirius's eye and knows that they are both thinking the same thing: Sirius already has met a girl, the girl, in fact, and it didn't work out. Neither of them say anything to this effect, though, and after an almost imperceptible pause, Sirius forces a laugh and gestures to their father. "Go on, then, Dad. Share your wisdom; what is the one quality James and I should look for in a bird?"
"First of all, you should refrain from calling women birds as I hardly think they appreciate the term." Sirius makes a face and James laughs. One corner of their father's mouth pulls up as he looks between his two sons before he forces a grave expression and fakes a sigh. "The one quality you should look for in a woman… is fire."
Sirius snorts derisively at this, but James frowns at the image that flits across his mind: red hair, hot blood, and an explosive temper.
"No, really, your mother is full of fire, boys. Keeps me on my toes, keeps me falling in love with her more every day." Their father only laughs and catches the hand that his wife swats at his chest. He leans forward and kisses her softly.
James watches them, marveling at the tangible love between his parents and tries in vain to suppress the errant thought that that is what he wanted with her. He shakes his head, a little annoyed that he can't keep Lily Evans out of his head. If not for the fact that he spent most of his summer thinking of her, he thinks he might almost be able to convince himself that she's only on his mind today because he knows he only has three hours maximum before he will have to speak to her again which reminds him that he is on a time limit if he wants to get into the Prefect carriage to look over his duties and sound somewhat knowledgeable when he and Lily address the Prefects.
He waits – as patiently as he can – until his parents and Sirius reach a lull in their conversation and interjects as kindly as possible in the short pause. As soon as silence falls, James steps in and hugs his father once more, kisses his mother, and wishes them well.
"I'll write," he promises his mother when she asks, then cracks a smile, nodding to Sirius. "I'll try to make this one write, too, but you never know with him."
"I love you." His mother reaches out to him, and fishes the Head Boy badge out of the pocket of his Hogwarts robes, which he normally wouldn't be wearing so early, but his mother had nagged him into it. Before he can protest, she pins the badge to the front of his robes with tremulous hands. After smoothing the front of his robes, she pulls James's head down to press her lips to his cheek, then releases him and turns to kiss Sirius goodbye. "Both of you."
"Be safe, boys," their father says, resting a frail hand on each of his sons' shoulders, "and be courageous."
James and Sirius wait while their parents turn slowly on the spot and disappear with two soft cracks. Only once James assures himself that they haven't splinched themselves do he and Sirius turn and make their way back to their compartment. Sirius has only just closed the door behind him – more out of habit than a need for privacy – when it is flung open again to reveal a peeved-looking Peter.
Sirius takes the chance to begin teasing the smaller boy for showing up at an ungodly hour when he really had no reason to. When Peter snarls back that his mother was driving him mad, Sirius laughs and James decides to make his way to the Prefect compartment.
He is about halfway there when he hears raised voices from just outside the open train doors. A glance outside tells him that two sixth-year boys, one Ravenclaw and one Gryffindor, are currently in the middle of a raucous row. The Gryffindor boy growls and shoves the Ravenclaw, who stumbles a fair distance, and James gazes on in mild amusement – it doesn't even occur to these boys to use their wands – as he awaits for an authority figure to come break up the altercation. After a moment, he realizes with a start that he is the authority figure he's waiting on.
James frowns and steps back onto the platform once more, squaring his shoulders as he faces his first test as Head Boy. He opens his mouth, but for perhaps the first time in his life, he is quite unaware of how to announce his presence. Past Head Boys, he remembers, have been fond of shouting their title as they made their way through crowds of onlookers, but it is still too early in the morning for a crowd to have formed and James simply cannot imagine himself ever shouting "Head Boy coming through!" even if there were one. He may be a bit proud at times, but pompous he is not.
As it is, he does not even have to announce himself with words seeing as the Ravenclaw recovers himself and shoves back, sending the Gryffindor boy careening backwards straight into James. Not quite having it in his heart to let the boy fall flat on his arse, James catches him by the biceps and rights him quickly, but holds onto him to keep him from retaliating once more. The younger boy looks back at him, his angry snarl freezing for a moment on his face before softening into something resembling relief when he sees who's got a hold of him and James recognizes him as one of the boys he tutored in Transfiguration last year. Dark skinned, with bold blue eyes and militantly cropped hair, Erik Gardner is a bright boy, if not particularly gifted at the practical side of Transfiguration, and James enjoyed their sessions together immensely.
"All right, Gardner?" James questions mildly as the boy pulls away from him and straightens his shirt-sleeves. The younger boy nods jerkily, but still looks upset as he turns to face the Ravenclaw once more. James readies himself to catch him if he lunges, but Erik seems calmer than he was when James stumbled upon them. Slightly reassured that Erik won't be attacking for the meantime, James splits his attention between the two boys, glancing speculatively between them. "What exactly is going on here?"
"Stay out of this, Potter," the Ravenclaw boy sneers. "It's got nothing to do with you."
Erik glares at the other boy, but nods his agreement anyway, and turns back to look at James briefly. "It's under control, James," he says, then freezes and turns around to face James more fully.
For a moment, James is bewildered by the stunned look on Erik's face until he remembers the shiny new badge his mother pinned to the front of the clean (if not unwrinkled) Hogwarts robes she had cajoled him into wearing this morning. It's situated just to the right of the Quidditch Captain badge he gladly pinned on himself. It's a small badge really, they both are, but at the moment, James feels as though the understated badge – which just reads HB – is the most ostentatious item he's ever worn. He ruffles his hair and meets Erik's gaze coolly, expecting some sort of smart remark about how completely unsuited for the position he is.
To his astonishment, Erik grins at him. "Nice one, Potter," he says. "Well done on that."
"Thanks." James's answering smile is slow, but full and relieved. At least here's someone other than his parents who don't think he'll fuck it up royally.
"It's not real, is it?" The Ravenclaw stares at the badge contemptuously, clearly believing that it should have gone to a boy from his own house. "I mean, it really belongs to Lupin, right, and you're having a laugh."
And there, James thinks with a sigh, is the reaction he expects most people to have: doubt, disbelief, and suspicion of a prank. The mention of Remus gives him pause, though; he hasn't actually told Remus that he is Head Boy. He wonders how he will react and hopes he doesn't feel as though he has been cheated out of what is rightfully his. He can't dwell on the thought, however, as he still has a situation to resolve.
"I assure you…" He pauses for a moment to frown at the boy, whose dark brown eyes are narrowed at him in derision. "I don't think I caught your name, actually."
"I didn't give it," the Ravenclaw says, looking put out that he knows who James is and James has no idea who he is. Though, to be fair, James thinks, there aren't many people at Hogwarts who don't know him after all he's gotten up to in previous years. When James doesn't say anything, but continues to wait patiently, the boy frowns and adds begrudgingly, "Reginald Belby."
"Damocles Belby's brother?" James asks, recognizing the surname. Belby nods and James suddenly understands his extreme hostility. Damocles Belby is a Seventh Yeah Prefect out of Ravenclaw, so in his younger brother's eyes, not only was his house robbed of the badge, but his own family as well. The elder Belby brother, while slightly overbearing as some Ravenclaws can be, is nowhere near the ponce his younger brother seems to be, however.
"Well, Belby, I can assure you that the badge is perfectly legitimate and it does indeed belong to me, if the personalized letter that accompanied it – composed by the Headmaster himself, no less – is any indication of legitimacy." James makes it a point to keep his voice cool and detached. He frowns when he realizes that he has already managed to sound like a pompous ass and he's barely had the badge on for ten minutes. "Now, it's time for one of you to tell me what's going on."
To his left, Erik sighs, but Belby's expression hardens and he glares at James, who merely raises an eyebrow.
"As I said, Potter, none of your business."
"Debatable – as Head Boy, I could argue that everything that goes against school rules is my business. Fighting, be it in a Muggle or Wizarding fashion, is against school rules." James pauses to give Belby a chance to scowl over the insinuation that he and Erik were dueling as Muggles do, then continues with a serene smile. "Regardless, I didn't ask if it was any of my business; I demanded to know what's going on here."
"We were fighting," Erik says shortly.
James gasps sarcastically. "No! You hid it so well."
Erik rolls his eyes at him, but expounds with a scowl in Belby's direction. "About a girl."
James can't help the smirk that comes to his lips, but he attempts to keep his nod sage rather than mocking. "Ah, I see. Well, lads, I hate to break it to you, but fighting for a girl's honor can't impress said girl unless she's there to witness."
He doesn't get a chance to elaborate that, in his experience, it rarely works in any case before Belby interrupts, indignant.
"We're not fighting over the same girl!"
"He insulted my girlfriend," Erik explains in a low growl. "But only because she's not here to defend herself. He's too much a coward to insult her to her face!"
Belby scoffs. "As if I'm afraid of a mudblood."
This time, James almost doesn't even bother to restrain Erik. But Erik seems to have gotten over his bizarre urge to settle his differences in the Muggle fashion and reaches for his wand. Belby does the same and James frowns; he can't have any hexes or curses going astray in the middle of the station. In an instant, his wand is in his hand as well and he wordlessly casts the disarming charm. Two wands fly up into the air and James stretches out a long arm to catch them both effortlessly in one hand. He glares harshly at both of the boys before him and has the satisfaction of seeing that Erik, at least, looks properly chagrined even if Belby still looks mutinous; James doesn't mind that too much as Reginald Belby is now officially a useless twat in his book.
"Are you two mad?" James glowers at them. "Fixing to hex each other in the middle of a platform teeming with children who don't even know how to produce a shield charm yet, not to mention the muggles here to see their kids off."
Eric looks around, eyes wide to find that there are indeed quite a few young children running around behind them, probably first years or younger siblings of older students. He turns back to James, remorseful. "I'm sorry, Potter. I just…" His jaw clenches and he glances at Belby who looks at least slightly ashamed of himself. "I wasn't thinking clearly."
"Obviously." James puts as much scorn into the word as he can. "You should use your head more in the future; I would really hate to dock points off my own house."
Erik ducks his head, even more ashamed at that, but James can see the glare he is shooting the other boy. James turns to Belby. "I'm not quite as averse to docking from Ravenclaw, but I would rather not start off the year with any of our esteemed houses in the negative."
Belby rolls his eyes, but wisely remains quiet.
"Now. Seeing as term hasn't actually begun yet, I don't feel quite right giving out detentions either." Of course, there is also the fact that he doesn't know if he's even allowed to issue detentions yet, but these boys don't need to know that. James steps forward so that he forms the point of a triangle, facing the two younger boys.
Belby grumbles under his breath, something about over-confident-under-qualified Head Boys thinking they can give advice, but Erik looks at least somewhat relieved to not have to spend his first night back at Hogwarts in detention.
"I would warn you that, after six years of detentions and countless docked points, I am a bit of an expert in both areas and will not hesitate to prove it to either of you." James smiles blandly at the two boys before him and then turns a condemning frown on Belby. "And I would advise you to watch your tongue. There are serious problems in the world, and we don't need to make them even worse."
Neither boy seems to have anything to say to this, so James ushers them onto the train. Erik offers one last parting glare at Belby before he sets off down the train corridor; James puts out a hand to hold Belby back for a moment. When the contemptuous Ravenclaw looks at him, James steps close to him. He may not be muscled beyond belief, but James has known since he hit his growth spurt in fifth year that, when paired with his already established talent for dueling, his height can be incredibly intimidating.
He is not disappointed when Belby takes a full step backwards before he catches himself and cranes his neck to glare up at James.
"You would do well to refrain from throwing around any terms of hate, Belby. The Head Girl happens to be a muggleborn who can be incredibly lethal with a wand. Trust me, I'd know." James smiles when Belby only blinks at him, surly. "Besides, I know your brother; Damocles isn't one to tolerate hate speech as it reeks of ignorance, which, obviously, is not acceptable for Ravenclaws. I imagine he'll be so disappointed in you when I tell him what you've said."
He doesn't have any intention of actually tattling to Damocles about his idiot brother, but James doesn't feel even the least bit remorseful when Belby's expression shifts to one of dread. With a slightly feral smile, he steps past Reginald Belby onto the train and continues on his way up to the Prefect carriage in the very first train car.
When he arrives, he is half relieved and half disappointed to find that he is the first to arrive. On the one hand, he really has no idea what he is doing, so it might be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of. On the other hand, it is possible that the next person to arrive may be Lily, which would prove quite the awkward situation. He hopes that Remus is the first to arrive, and soon.
Looking around the large, empty compartment, James spots a scroll of parchment sitting on a table that appears to be magically secured to the floor in the center of the compartment. Settling himself in a seat at the head of the table, facing the compartment door, James unravels the scroll and sees that it's a list of all of the topics the Headmaster suggests they cover in this first meeting.
He has just finished reading the list for the second time when the door slides open. James's gaze snaps up and his heart rate immediately begins to even out when he sees Remus step over the threshold.
Remus must see the relief in James's eyes because he makes a show of looking around the all-but-empty compartment.
"Oh, am I the first one here?" he asks with a flippant smile. "Maybe I should leave and come back later."
"Get your ass in here, Moony," James demands, rolling his eyes when Remus laughs and comes to sit on his right.
"Don't worry; I know how you hate solitude," Remus assures him jokingly, then reaches over to snatch the parchment from James's hands. "Now, what are your instructions, my most illustrious Head Boy?"
"You knew already." James watches Remus's face carefully for a moment after he reaches out to take the parchment back from him.
"Sirius owled once you told him. Guess he knew you wouldn't do it." Remus meets his gaze and James can tell that he isn't upset with him, per say, but there is something less than happy there. "You should have."
James looks away from Remus, averting his gaze to the list in front of him. It takes a moment for him to respond, and when he does, he hates the shame in his tone. "I didn't know what to say."
When Remus doesn't say anything for a few seconds, James looks back up at him, surprised to see that Remus is grinning at him.
"You prat," Remus says fondly and chuckles when James's eyebrows furrow. "You thought I'd be upset that it wasn't me, didn't you? Prongs, I don't want Head Boy. I never have. Hell, I never even really wanted to be a Prefect. Granted, there are some perks to the job, but it would be nice to not have to endure those damn weekly meetings or patrols."
"You're not mad at me?" James says.
"Only that you didn't tell me yourself. And not much at that," Remus says. He rolls his eyes when James starts to repeat that he didn't know what to say. "For fuck's sake, Prongs, all it would have taken would have been 'Dumbledore's gone round the bend and made me bloody Head Boy."
Both of them fall silent for a few minutes, listening to the voices shouting outside the window. James glances over his shoulder to see that outside the train, the platform is beginning to fill up with families come to see the train off. He looks back over at Remus and sighs.
"Moony?"
"Prongs?"
"I think Dumbledore's lost his fucking mind. He's made me Head Boy." Remus laughs at that; James smiles ruefully and shakes his head. "I don't think I'm cut out for this."
"You don't even know what 'this' is all about, mate," Remus points out.
"Exactly!" James tosses the parchment down on the table in front of him and gestures to it with disgust marring his features. "All this says is crap about patrols, which everyone knows Prefects do, and making schedules, which I don't know how to do, and common room passwords, which we four always figure out anyway. And I know there's more to this whole Head Boy business, but this damn list doesn't spell it all out for me!"
"James, you're going mad over nothing." Remus makes another swipe for the parchment James is glaring at, but James grabs it first. "And why the hell won't you let me look at that?"
"It's got passwords on it," James says with a sheepish shrug. "Only Lily and I are supposed to see all of them."
"Well, that's stupid. You just said yourself that we always figure out the passwords anyway," Remus says, then grins at him. "Look at you, though. Already being a stickler for the rules. You're well cut out for the job."
James rolls his eyes and dramatically collapses facedown on the table, his arms thrown over his head. "Just help me, Moony."
Remus laughs heartily at him, but begins to tell James what he knows of Head duties. About half of what Remus tells him, James is fairly certain, is an outright lie, but he is able to pick out a number of responsibilities that he thinks might actually be his this year.
Alongside Lily, James will run Prefect meetings and lead the Prefects in their duties, arrange patrol schedules and help all of the Prefects with any problems he finds himself capable of handling and report to the staff with any problem he feels incapable of dealing with. The Head Boy and Girl are expected to plan Hogsmeade weekends and any school activities, and help any younger students who need assistance learning the castle. This, James thinks, is at least one area in which he will excel. No one, not even Dumbledore himself, probably not even the House Elves, knows the castle better than he and his friends do.
James is just beginning to feel a bit more settled about this whole thing when the train gives a sudden jerk and begins rolling. Almost immediately after that, the compartment door slides open once again and the Prefects begin to trickle in. Every single one of them looks at him suspiciously, but no one comments on his presence.
By his judgment, about half of the Prefects have arrived by the time Lily comes skidding into the compartment, red-faced and beautiful and out of breath, already dressed in her school robes and wearing her Head Girl badge, just like James. The almost pained feeling in his chest at the sight of her catches him off guard and he averts his gaze when she looks at him.
"All right, Lily?" Theon Ramsay, the seventh year Hufflepuff Prefect, says.
"Yeah. Yes, sorry," Lily says with a slightly embarrassed laugh. "I meant to be here ages ago, but my parents were running late this morning and I barely got here on time – it's a ridiculous story; you don't need the details. Let's just say I should have insisted on Apparating here like I originally planned. Then, I was on my way here when I was stopped by a group of second year girls who needed help reversing a nasty Bat Bogey Hex; I think some third year boys were pulling a prank, but I couldn't get any of the girls to implicate them."
Her voice draws nearer to James as she speaks and he feels the seat to his left shift as she sits down. He watches as her hand reaches over into his line of sight and realizes she is reaching for the parchment that was left there for them. "May I?"
"Of course," he says, sliding it closer to her.
Lily ducks her head over the parchment and begins jotting notes on another piece of parchment that she brought herself. The compartment fills with chatter as the prefects around them catch up with each other after summer break. James turns to talk to Remus and finds that he already has his attention; Remus is glancing curiously between James and Lily.
When Remus realizes that James has caught him looking, he sets his features in the usual expression of innocence he dons whenever he is decidedly guilty: eyebrows slightly raised, eyes a little too round, the corners of his mouth just slightly upturned. James scowls at him, letting him know that the topic is off limits.
Suddenly, Lily slides the parchment back in front of James and clears her throat. All of the Prefects find a seat and James does a quick count to find that all twenty-five of them, himself included, are present.
"All right. Hello, everyone. It's good to see you all. I hope you all had a wonderful and safe summer," Lily says once everyone is settled in their seats around the table. "To all of the returning sixth and seventh year Prefects, welcome back to our compartment. To everyone else, welcome."
James takes note of the careful way she words her greeting and knows it is for his benefit as he is the only first time Prefect here who is not a fifth year. For a moment, he tries to decide if he is annoyed or appreciative of her efforts, but he quickly gives up on figuring it out when he realizes that Lily has resumed speaking.
"I know that most of us already know each other here, but for the benefit of anyone who may not, I figured we could just go around the table and introduce ourselves." There is a sound of general discontent around the table and James watches out of the corner of his eye as Lily sends what, to his eye, is a forced smile around the table. "I know, I know, it's not the most fun way to kick off the start of term, but we need to function as a unit all year long, which means we need to get to know one another. Here, I'll start off and we'll go around the table."
Lily takes a deep breath and stands up. James makes himself look at her, since it would definitely not go unnoticed if he were to avoid watching her now. The pang in his chest doesn't startle him this time, but it does make him uncomfortable. He clenches his jaw and swallows hard as she addresses the group.
"My name is Lily Evans. Obviously I'm Head Girl. I'm quite good at Potions, but my real passion is for Charms. My goal after Hogwarts is to eventually become a Cursebreaker once things calm down a bit." It's subtle, the way she draws attention to the mounting tensions in the Wizarding World, but James can tell in one quick glance around the room that no one has missed her meaning. "My goal for this year is to make Hogwarts an inclusive home where everyone, regardless of name or family background, can feel safe and is encouraged to thrive and grow in their magical knowledge and abilities. In short, I hope to make this the most peaceful year of school that any of us have yet experienced."
Because it sure as hell won't be peaceful after we graduate.
She doesn't say it, but James knows she's thinking it because in what world would Lily bloody Evans not do everything in her power to help bring the world back into an era of peace? In what world, for that matter, would the knowledge that she would do just that and throw herself in the face of danger in the process not have a little thrill of terror running up James Potter's spine?
"All right, well, I guess that does it for me," Lily says, turning to the girl on her left, apparently intending for James to finish up this little sharing session. "Dana, you can take it from here. James we'll end with you."
James nods as Dana Howell, the seventh year Ravenclaw Prefect stands up and looks around nervously.
"You don't have to say much. Just introduce yourself," Lily suggests.
It takes about twenty minutes for all twenty-three other Prefects to introduce themselves, but before James knows it, Remus is sitting back down on his right and all eyes are on James. He stands up, feeling a bit awkward with the knowledge that everyone looking at him, with the possible exception of Remus, feels he does not belong in the group. James can't say he disagrees with them, but he shakes away the doubt and clears his throat.
"Hello, all. My name is James Potter, but I reckon most of you know that by now what with all the trouble I've gotten up to in the past. I'm Head Boy this year." Most everyone looks around the compartment at this, looking to their neighbors for the proper reaction. James smiles a bit. "The lot of you are probably wondering if this is some sort of sick joke on Dumbledore's part. I would be lying if I said I didn't think the same thing at first. Trust me, I must have read the accompanying letter from Dumbledore about a thousand times before it hit me that it was real, so I understand if the rest of you would like to read it. See, I've still got it here in my pocket, just in case I forget."
Many of them chuckle when he actually removes the personalized letter from his pocket and James feels a bit more at ease now.
"I suppose I'll take my cue from the Head Girl and share with you my aspirations. My main goal after Hogwarts is to help bring an end to this blood war and the ignorant discrimination infecting our society." There. Straightforward. No mincing of words, just as James likes. The raised eyebrows around the table tell James that most everyone else may have preferred a bit more tact, but tactful has never been James Potter's style and despite what's between him and Lily, it is important for everyone to know that the Head Boy and Girl are on the same page in the long run.
"This year, I would really like it if we could all make an effort to reach out and foster friendships with those who may not be from our own Houses or of a similar genetic background. I know I may not be the best example of inter-House relationships as yet, but this year I'll be putting forth the effort and I'd really appreciate it if you all would as well, and encourage your classmates to do the same. It may not seem like much, but I really do believe that our actions while at school may impact what happens after we graduate."
A weighty silence falls around the table and James realizes belatedly that he may have gotten a bit too serious for the very first meeting. He glances over at Remus, who is looking at him with eyebrows raised over amused eyes. Damn it if he isn't already fucking it all up.
"My most important goal, though," James continues on quickly, hoping to salvage the train ride, "is for Gryffindor to demolish everyone this Quidditch season."
His bold statement serves its purpose in breaking the tension in the compartment: the six other Gryffindors in the room all cheer, while the rest of the Prefects either laugh or pretend to be annoyed with him.
James grins and sits back down, trying to ignore the fact that Lily Evans is mere inches from him and he can feel her gaze hot on the side of his face. He reaches out for the parchment that lists the topics they need to cover and clears his throat. It takes a few seconds longer, but eventually Remus and the fifth year Gryffindor Prefects stop their raucous chants of "Go! Go! Gryffindor!"
"All right, now we've got introductions out of the way, lets get down to business, shall we?" James says when they pipe down. "First order of business, I think, will be patrolling the train. We'll need to pair up, as usual, and come up with a schedule."
"In the interest of diversifying friend groups," Lily cuts in, and James can't find it in himself to be annoyed – he isn't sure what he's doing yet, anyway, and Lily seems to be on the same page as him in wanting to present a united front in spite of what happened between them – , "I think we'll shake things up a bit this year. I know in the past, we've usually stuck within our own Houses with patrolling partners, but we'll be pairing up randomly this year."
"We've got an odd number this year…" Damocles Belby points out, glancing not unkindly at James. "We've never had that happen before. Might complicate the schedule. No offense, mate."
"None taken," James says, nodding at Belby. Truthfully, he hadn't given much thought to how his appointment might complicate things such as this.
"It won't be much of an added hassle," Lily says reassuringly. "Since we'll be switching partners constantly, James and I will have to completely rewrite the schedule each week anyway. In the interest of simplifying matters for today, though, we'll just have one group of three, I think, and eleven pairs."
For the next several minutes, James sits back and listens as Lily assigns patrol partners and times for the rest of the train ride. An awful feeling of dread begins to creep into his mind when he realizes that most everyone has been paired up and Lily hasn't called his name of her own yet.
"Remus, you'll be with Brie." Lily gestures to the blond sixth year Hufflepuff girl. "And you two will have the first patrol after we wrap up the meeting."
"Sounds great," Remus says. James doesn't miss the pleased look on Remus's face, or the smooth tone of voice. Brie Holmes is very pretty, James must admit.
"And that leaves James and me to take the final shift." She speaks so casually, but James, knowing what he does, senses the nervous tension in her.
"I thought we weren't going to stick to our own houses," protests Rick Havershom, the seventh year Slytherin prefect, who doesn't seem too pleased to be paired with fifth-year Nick Proud of Hufflepuff and the decidedly unpretty seventh-year Ravenclaw Emma Johnson.
"We aren't, for the most part," Lily says, pointing out that she and James are the only pair who shares a house. "We just happen to both be Heads and we have a lot to discuss as we patrol. That, and we'll be making the rounds to let everyone know to change into their school robes and we'll oversee the disembarking from the train. Besides, it's not as if you'll never be paired with someone from your own house. We're just trying to diversify."
There is logic there, but James gets caught on "a lot to discuss." It's probably immature of him, but James doesn't want to discuss last year and something tells him that Lily does. He would much rather pretend that nothing ever happened between them. He's sure they will have to address it at some point, but his pride and heart both still sting with insult; he needs more time to get over it all.
"Now that we've got that settled, let's move on to the topic of regular patrol schedules. That means curfew patrols and between classes." Lily pauses and glances at James. He shifts when he realizes that she is offering him a chance to speak.
"Right. As Lily said earlier, we'll be rotating patrol partners, so unfortunately we won't have the benefit of the regular patrol schedule that you sixth and seventh years are used to," James says, taking care to sound poised and sure of himself, as if he and Lily had discussed this plan at length already. "That does, however, give us a bit of extra leeway with any scheduling conflicts that may arise since we will be making up a new schedule every week. Obviously you'll need to let us now your class schedules and those of any extra-curricular activities you plan to take part in as soon as you can."
"We'll be meeting tomorrow after classes in the Prefects' common room at, say, seven o'clock? Should that work for everyone?" Lily looks around the room and is met with a general sound of consent.
"Password is …" James says before Lily can continue, consulting the parchment in front of him. "Phoenix. Fifth years, if you don't know where the common room is, it's on the fifth floor, three doors to the left of the statue of Boris the Bewildered. One door to the left of that is the Prefects' bathroom, the password to which is… very fitting… 'unity.' Now, you should be quite excited for the bathroom – it's magnificent – but the common room is more of a password-protected meeting area with a long table and some chairs. Private place to meet, quiet place to study; that's all there is to it."
"Right, thank you." Lily scratches something off on the piece of parchment she brought with her. "Um, so we're operating under the assumption that there will be no extra-curricular meetings during the first week of classes, so we'll work out our first nighttime patrol schedule by the time we meet tomorrow and James and I will pass it on at the meeting. Fair?"
James lifts a shoulder uncertainly, then nods. He's going to need to set a time for Quidditch try-outs, but he supposes it can wait a week, not to mention the fact that he's planning to continue tutoring in Transfiguration. McGonagall isn't likely to already have a list of students in need of tutoring so early in the term, though. Anyone who is desperate enough for immediate help will have to work around his schedule.
"As for patrolling between classes, we will need you to pass on a copy of your class schedule either to me or James, or you can just leave it in the Prefects' common room after your Heads of House pass them out at breakfast tomorrow. Either way, we will need them before lunch tomorrow so that we will have time to work on the patrol schedule before our meeting." Lily looks around the table and smiles upon apparently deciding that everyone is following her gist. "Any questions?"
"What about extra Quidditch practices?" Margaret Thatcher, a sixth year Ravenclaw who doubles as an incredibly talented Beater on her House team, looks at James expectantly. "Sometimes Warren likes to schedule late night practices that might interfere with patrols."
James nods at this; it has always been a bit of a pain dealing with scheduling Quidditch practices during the school week when Rachel Warren, the Ravenclaw captain, has a tendency to hog all the morning and evening time slots. That won't be an immediate concern, but it is something that will need to be dealt with eventually. He glances around to see that Theon, Hufflepuff's seeker, and Jonathan and Sarah Danzey, fifth year twin Chasers on the Slytherin team, are all looking at him as well.
"I'll speak with Warren, Hozier, and Bolton." James grimaces a bit with the last name, not looking forward to a one-on-one with the proud Pureblood Supremacist Slytherin captain, but in the interest of forging inter-House relationship, he supposes he must take one for the team. He makes a quick note on the parchment before him to meet with the other three Quidditch captains. "See if the four of us can come up with a fairly set schedule each month to make things a bit easier on all of us. Obviously, extra practices are scheduled sometimes, particularly closer to game days, so any of you lot can come to me if one interferes with patrols and we'll work around it, all right?"
"The same goes for any reasonable discrepancies with scheduling. We know that sometimes things get to be a bit overwhelming, especially towards the end of term and you just need a moment to yourself. If that happens, you can talk to one or both of us and we'll see what we can do to help you out," Lily says, and James can feel her gaze on him. He nods his agreement, but doesn't meet her gaze, pretending to scan the list of topics they need to cover on the parchment in his hands. Yes, he's definitely being a bit immature, but James knows that he will not be able to hide the conflict in his heart if he looks into the green depths of her eyes. "However, our positions come with a load of responsibility and we have to ask that all of you plan accordingly. We can't leave assignments and studying for the last minute when we know we've got patrols coming up, right?"
The sixth and seventh years in the compartment make sounds varying from amusement to annoyance and James figures that all of the returning Prefects know exactly what she is referring to and have likely heard the same warning the two previous years as well. Glancing around, he is embarrassed to find that he feels just as nervous at the mention of responsibility and time management as the fifth years around him.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Remus smirking at him and James covertly flicks him off; the bastard knows James too well for his own good. Remus snorts a laugh, tries to cover it with a cough, and ends up drawing the curious attention of the entire compartment.
James clears his throat and glances once again at the parchment in front of him. "Okay, so I think the final topic we need to address is common room passwords. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, you all know how to gain access to your common rooms already so this doesn't really affect you. Once we disband, Gryffindors and Slytherins can stick around to receive their passwords."
He pauses when he senses the discontent in the room and looks up to see that the Slytherins don't look happy. "Not to worry, the passwords will change at midnight tonight –Professor Slughorn will update you there– so Lily and I won't know your password anymore after that."
There is a moment during which James thinks Samantha Garrison, a sixth-year Slytherin, is going to say something horrible to him –not that James can't take it; he definitely can– but then her fellow sixth-year, Alec Stone, shakes his head and Samantha seems to deflate. James realizes in the same moment that Lily seems to, that the Slytherins are thinking of the prank that James supposedly pulled in their common room last year. Of course, no one will ever know that it was actually Lily, and James is surprised at the fact that he isn't even annoyed that he is still being judged for something he didn't do – he did, after all, willingly take credit for it.
"James is Head Boy now," Lily says firmly, not addressing the Slytherins specifically, but it's clear for whose benefit she is speaking. "That means that Dumbledore trusts him not to do anything stupid or irresponsible. We should all give him the same benefit of the doubt. And that, I think, brings our meeting to a close. Anything we didn't touch on, we'll cover tomorrow night. Slytherins, come see me for your password before you leave. James, you'll tell the Gryffindors?"
"Yes." All of the Slytherin and Gryffindor Prefects wait for the others to make their way out of the compartment, but a few Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff prefects linger a bit too long. James notices Remus repeatedly glancing out the door, where he sees Brie Holmes waiting patiently, if a bit nervously.
"Go." James shoves Remus in the shoulder, pushing him towards the door. "I'll tell you the password later."
"Are you sure?" Remus asks, catching himself before he stumbles into the table.
Snorting, he gestures for Remus to leave. "There may only be a slight chance that I'll see you before we reach the castle, but I think we'll be all right," James says sarcastically since they will obviously be sitting in the same compartment when neither of them is patrolling the train corridor.
"All right. I'll see you later," Remus says before ducking through the door to join Brie. James watches as Remus smiles brightly at his partner before they set off out of sight.
James waits another couple of minutes until the last couple of Hufflepuffs amble out into the corridor, then he turns to the group of Gryffindors gathered around him. "All right, everyone?"
"Brilliant." Fifth-year Janice Lopez beams up at him and James smiles absently back at her.
"Congratulations on being Head Boy, Potter," says sixth-year Martin Shore. "Terribly sorry the way the Slytherins acted towards the end there, but what can you do, right?"
"I can try to get along with them," James points out. "And I will. Now, the password is nargle. When the Welcome Feast comes to an end, you'll all have to gather the other Gryffindors and lead them up to the Tower. Pass the password on, kindly explain potentially confusing things to the first years."
"Won't you be there as well?" Garrett King, the other fifth year, asks.
"No. Professor Dumbledore wants to have a word with Lily and me before we head up to the common room after dinner," James says. "We'll be along shortly, though."
A few minutes later, when all of the Gryffindors and Slytherins have headed back to their friends' compartments, James finds himself suddenly alone with Lily again. He is reminded of the last time they were alone; on this train, only a few compartments down from here, he had fucked her and told her to leave him alone from then on. If only he had known that Dumbledore would stick them together like this.
Lily keeps her distance from him, but he can feel her watching him as he steps closer to his previous spot and snatches up the parchment he had recently abandoned.
"All right if I hold on to this? I made some notes on it," he says, awkwardly brandishing the paper at her and still avoiding looking directly at her.
"Oh, that's fine. I brought my own paper," she says softly, and James finally lifts his gaze to her. Her right hand is fisted in her robe and her left is toying with the ends of her deep auburn hair. She's nervous, he realizes. "James, I wanted to…"
"Lily." He cuts her off, shaking his head. "Is this about Head duties or… not?"
There is a slight pause, then he hears her inhale sharply. "Not."
"Then please leave it," he says, and hates to hear the desperation in his voice. "Please. I can't… I can't deal with it right now."
"Okay," Lily says after a moment, her voice barely more than a whisper.
It kills James to think that this is hurting her, too, but he can't open himself up to this conversation just yet. He can't open himself up to even more pain. Sighing dejectedly, James heads for the door. "I'll see you for our patrol."
As he makes his way back down the train to rejoin Sirius and Peter, James catches himself already checking for trouble, glancing in each compartment as he passes. It's amazing, he thinks, how naturally this comes to him when less than a year ago he was one of the biggest trouble-makers at Hogwarts.
He is almost back at his compartment when he catches sight of a familiar head of slick black hair. As if sensing James's presence, Snape's head snaps up and they make eye contact. The smaller, paler boy glares at James through the glass door, sees the badge pinned to James's chest, and angrily flicks his wand at the door. The blinds snap shut and James's view into the compartment is gone.
Try as he might to make friends with other houses, James knows that some people are just lost causes. He's not sure he would want to befriend Snape anyway, given the chance to fix things. Rolling his eyes, James continues on down the corridor.
—
"You should ask out Penelope Greyson."
James looks up in confusion, his mouth full of food, as Sirius slides onto the bench across from him at the Gryffindor Table. Sirius grins at him and wiggles his eyebrows as he nicks a roll off of James's plate.
"What are you talking about?" James asks as he forces himself to swallow the impossible amount of food he has just finished shoveling into his mouth. He glares at his mate and hunches protectively over his plate. "And get your own food, prat."
Sirius ignores him completely and attempts to reach over the table and steal a slice of apple from James, who swats his hand away with an annoyed growl. What with the ridiculous workload all the Seventh Years are struggling with, on top of his Head duties and responsibility to the Quidditch team as their captain, and the fact that he stupidly agreed to continue tutoring in Transfiguration, he has had to skip three meals in the last two days, only getting by on the scraps he's been able to nick from the kitchens and term only started less than a month ago.
"Pete overheard her talking to some birds after dinner last night. Going on about how fit she thinks you are and how you've clearly matured oh-so-much for Dumbledore to have appointed you Head Boy." Sirius flutters his impressively long eyelashes at James in a bad imitation of a flirty girl. James shifts in his seat, moderately uncomfortable with the look his best friend is sending him. "She kept going on about Hogsmeade and how brilliant it would be to go with you."
"Why are you making eyes at Prongs?" Peter asks, looking oddly at Sirius as he slips onto the bench next to James.
"Are you telling him about Penelope Greyson?" Remus asks, sliding in on James's other side.
"You know as well?" James slowly sits up straight, deeming it safe to do so when Sirius turns to the platters of food in the center of the table, and turns to Remus.
"What? That she fancies you?" Remus absently begins choosing food to set on his plate. "She's not exactly subtle about it, is she? Showing up to all of your Quidditch practices, sitting near you in the library, following you to Prefect meetings. Hell, she even asked me to tutor her in Defense and proceeded to spend the entire time asking me questions about you."
"Really?" One of James's eyebrows lifts in contemplation as he looks between his three best mates.
"Yep. She's quite fit, too," Peter says around a mouthful of bread and cheese. "Even Sirius thinks so, don't you mate?"
"She's alright." Sirius shrugs carelessly, which is about as high praise as Sirius openly gives girls.
"Right." James frowns, then sighs and looks down in defeat. "Er, who is Penelope Greyson, again?"
Peter looks at him in disbelief and Sirius only gapes across the table at him. Even Remus looks a bit shocked, but he recovers first. "Seventh Year Hufflepuff? We've had at least one class with her every year since First Year. You can't honestly mean that you've never paid even the slightest bit of attention to her."
"Sorry, lads, I've no idea who you're talking about." James shrugs and shakes his head, looking back down at his plate and picking up a slightly soggy chip. He frowns at it and then pops it into his mouth anyway.
"Long black hair, blue eyes, big tits." Sirius raises an eyebrow as if expecting James to suddenly realize whom he's talking about, but James just snorts and looks away. "No?"
"She's sitting at the Hufflepuff table now," Peter points out. "Talking to Hestia Jones and Benjy Fenwick."
"Surely you know who Hestia and Benjy are," Sirius says sarcastically.
"Yes, I do believe I remember your first girlfriend and the boy who landed us our very first detention," James deadpans. With a sigh, he glances over at the Hufflepuff table and scans the students for their familiar faces. Almost immediately, he spots Benjy Fenwick's shock of white-blonde hair and Hestia Jones's bright, bubbly smile. Sitting between the two of them is a girl he does indeed recognize from several shared classes over the years and yes, perhaps he has spotted her in the library a few times this year, but he never thought that she was going there to catch his attention.
"Well?" Remus asks expectantly.
"She's alright," James says. Truthfully, she is really quite pretty. She's got flawless dark brown skin and a lovely smile and bright, captivating blue eyes and yes, perhaps Sirius is right that she is rather well-endowed. But she's not exactly his type.
"Alright?!" Peter gapes at him.
"James, even I'm not ashamed to admit that she's probably the most attractive girl in our year," Remus says quietly and James rolls his eyes. Of the four of them, Remus is the most promiscuous, even if everyone expects that title to go to Sirius; it's not exactly unthinkable that he would find Penelope fit.
"Oi." James frowns and pushes his food around his plate. "You didn't give Sirius any shit when he said she was alright."
"That's because 'alright' means 'bloody fucking fit' in dog-speak." Remus only smirks when Sirius chucks a bit of bread at him.
"Look, we still don't know what happened with you and Evans last year." James's heart sinks at Sirius's words, but the other boy just scowls when Remus interrupts him quickly.
"And that's fine. You don't have to tell us anything until you're ready," he says diplomatically.
"Yeah, sure," Sirius grumbles, clearly not quite in agreement, but not in the mood to push it at the present time, not like he was that one afternoon last year. "But whatever it was, you've brooded long enough."
"I'm not brooding!" James protests immediately, but if he were to be honest, he would have to admit that he has been brooding at least a little bit. All the same, he doesn't think he's been too pathetic about it.
"Even when you would obsess over her before whatever happened, you would still talk birds with us. You went on dates, you snogged other girls. Now you don't even notice the fittest bird in the entire bloody school who just so happens to be panting after you and you barely talk to us - your best mates in the entire world - at all," Sirius says, frowning. "You didn't even tell me you were Head Boy until we were in Diagon Alley three days after we got our letters!"
"Sorry if I didn't realize you would care." James averts his gaze to his plate and decidedly does not touch on any of Sirius's actual good points. "It's not like you're particularly studious or conscientious of the rules. I thought you would disapprove."
"Disapprove?" Sirius purses his lips, clearly regretting his next words before he even has the chance to say them. He leans in closer to James and lowers his voice in an obvious bid for privacy. "You're my best mate. It's a big deal. I'm proud of you, and if you ever tell anyone I said something so nearly mushy, I'll hex you dead."
"Well." James blinks across the table at Sirius, who is sitting up straight again and already has a mouth full of food. James lifts his goblet and gestures to his best mate. "Cheers, then."
"Cheers." Sirius accidentally sloshes some of his pumpkin juice over the rim of his goblet in his haste to reciprocate. He jerks back away from the minor spill and nearly topples out of his seat before catching his balance and righting himself. The girl sitting nearest him shoots him an annoyed glance, clearly eyeing the puddle of juice not two inches from her hand.
Guffawing at Sirius's momentary lack of grace alongside Remus and Peter, James waves his wand casually and the spill disappears. The girl eyes the group of boys warily before deciding that they don't pose any further threat to her robes and turns back to her friends.
A flash of red captures James's attention and he watches from the corner of his eye as Lily stands from the table and crosses the Great Hall, pausing near the Hufflepuff table to speak briefly to a sixth-year boy whose name James doesn't know. The boy smiles at her and, ignoring the suggestive grins of his mates surrounding him, gets up from the table to accompany Lily from the Great Hall.
When he turns back to his friends, they are all looking at him with expressions ranging from pity in Peter's case, to the exasperation on Sirius's face. Averting his gaze, James shovels a forkful of potatoes into his mouth, staring past Sirius at the Ravenclaw table. Swallowing hard, James sighs and looks around at his mates.
"Penelope Greyson, huh?"