Asura: … (staring at Ch. 3 in amazement) Wow… I have… issues… Yes, I am just realizing this, but no, I'm not admitting to doing anything… No drugs were involved in the making of this fic… Now ice cream and lots of caffeine? Um… yeah… Huh…
Anyway, here's the fourth chapter of DRD, not to be confused with the chapter's title DDR. Enjoy. :D
Warning: ... Dude, insanity, hints of yaoi, yuri, and all of the above. Plus, OOCness and cussing. Enjoy the crackheadedness.
Disclaimer: … If I owned Kingdom Hearts, the world as we know it would cease to exist with all the nonsense I would come up with.
Chapter Four: DDR
By: Asura Mori
Leon: (in the closest) Nobody loves me… (sobs) … I'm so lonely… I'm Mr. Lonely… I have nobody… I'm all alone… WHOOO-OOOO-OOOH!
Xigbar: (who is near the closet at that moment) SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FUCKING EMO! NOBODY FUCKING LIKES YOU!
Leon: FUCK YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU! EVERYBODY MISUNDERSTANDS ME!
Xigbar: You want misunderstood, hippie? I'll give you misunderstood!
Leon: Make up your fucking mind! Am I a hippie or an emo? … Not that I'm either, but still…
Xigbar: (ignores him and pulls out his sniper rifle) DIE FAIRY! (shoots closet and Leon to holy hell)
Leon: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (sobs) I'M NOT A FAIRY! (passes out in tears)
Xigbar: Thank god… now, back to my sexy stripper dance. :D
Roxas: (looks over at him) … Sexy isn't the word I would use…
Xigbar: (glares at him and lifts rifle) You wanna be next?
Roxas: Um… actually, I think I hear Axel calling me… (runs)
Xigbar: (smiles in satisfaction) Now that the idiots are gone… (starts stripping and doing that weird throat noise) Mpst, mpst, mpst, mpst…
Xemnas: (who is still chasing Riku, stops and stares) … WOW. (walks away, covering his eyes) I'm disturbed.
Riku: (still running, yells back) OBVIOUSLY!
Xigbar: NOBODY FUCKING ASKED YOU! (keeps stripping, finds pole, and dances around it) MPST, MPST, MPST, MPST!
Luxford: (glances over from his gambling table, eyebrows raised in amusement) Interesting… (turns to Lexaeus) I bet you ten bucks he gets killed first tonight.
Lexaeus: … (nods)
Luxford: … (sweat drop) You're supposed to bet against me, damn it…
Lexaeus: … (shakes head) I'd lose.
Luxford: … You actually talk?
Lexaeus: ……
Luxford: ……
Roxas: (walks by) Su-spi-cious… (walks away)
Luxford: … I really hate that kid.
Saix: You ain't the only one.
Luxford: … And where the hell did you come from?
Saix: … (walks away)
Luxford: Well, that was rude. (looks over at Lexaeus, who is staring at him, and sighs) … This party sucks…
Lexaeus: … (nods)
Luxford: Damn you…
Over where Cloud and DiZ are…
Cloud: Take that you fucking pansy! (stabs at him with Buster Sword)
DiZ: (screams like a little girl and runs)
Cloud: (chases him) WHO'S THE BITCH NOW, HUH? WHAT NOW?
DiZ: (runs around the corner, still screaming)
Cloud: (follows… and freezes when someone wraps their arms around him) What…?
Sephiroth: Hello lover.
Cloud: … FUCK.
Sephiroth: (hums) Just what I was thinking.
DiZ: JOKES ON YOU BITCH! HA! (runs off laughing maniacally) MY REVENGE IS COMPLETE!
Cloud: … I really hate that guy.
Sephiroth: (hums again and drags a screaming Cloud into a dark corner)
Sora: … (watching with disbelief) That kind of thing happens in real life?
Kairi: I wouldn't categorize this as "real life," dear.
Sora: … huh, true.
Xemnas: (stops in front of Sora, breathless) Have you seen Riku…?
Sora: Not recently, why?
Xemnas: Cause he somehow gave me the slip… (suddenly stares at Sora)
Sora: (fidgets) Um… did I do something…?
Xemnas: It's because of you… (shaking)
Sora: Eh?
Xemnas: IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT RIKU WON'T ACCEPT MY LOVE! (points at Sora dramatically) I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL YOU BASTARD!
Sora: … Eh?
Xemnas: The prize will be Riku… and the duel…
Sora: (looks at Kairi) … Eeeeh?
Kairi: (smacks him) Stop playing stupid. Namine's the blonde one.
Namine: Fuck you, Kairi.
Kairi: Already did.
Sora and Xemnas: (do a double take) WHAT…?
Kairi: … Did I say that out loud?
Namine: (gives her a "no-duh" look) No, you said it in your head and Sora and the creepy dude are just giving you blank stares.
Kairi: (smiles) Well in that case… (links arms with Namine and the two skip off)
Sora: … That was awkward…
Xemnas: Tell me about it…
Riku: I never knew…
Xemnas and Sora: (turn to look at Riku)
Sora: When'd you get here?
Riku: About five seconds ago, why?
Xemnas: Riiiiiiku… (goes to hug and kiss him)
Riku: (backs away, hands raised in defense) You really wanna do this dance again, asshole?
Xemnas: (sniffles) Why can't you just love me…?
Riku: I'M. NOT. GAY.
Xemnas: (turns and glares at Sora) It's your fault… It's all your fault… All because of that last party…
Sora: THAT was an accident.
Riku: One that will NEVER be repeated.
Xemnas: IT MATTERS NOT! SORA! (points at the brunette) I CHALLENGE YOU… TO DDR!
Sora: … Eh?
Riku: (smacks him) Just get it over with so we can go on with our lives.
Sora: (sighs) Fine… (turns to Xemnas) I accept your challenge, Xemnas… Let's dance.
Xemnas: (snickers) It will be my pleasure.
Five minutes later, in the living room…
Xemnas: (standing on a DDR mat) The song will be… Max 300…
Sora: Pfft, that's easy…
Xemnas: … Backwards.
Sora: … 0_o
Xemnas: Muhahahaha… prepare yourself, Sora… for the darkness…
Sora: … Why does this sound more like a rape fic than anything…?
Riku: Cause Asura is really fucked up in the head…
Asura: (pops in and smacks him) I brought you into this fic… and I can do anything I want with you. :D
Riku: Wait a minute… isn't that quote supposed to go something like "and I can take you out of it?"
Asura: Yeah, but then you'd be begging me to do it, so…
Riku: You suck…
Asura: Being an author does that to you. Ciao. (leaves)
Xemnas: Anyway… where were we?
Riku: (sidles up to Sora) Sora… if you lose…
Sora: Don't worry Riku. I won't let him take you back into the darkness…
Riku: … You really have no idea what it is he has planned for me, do you.
Sora: … He wants you to accept the darkness once again and join his side?
Riku: You're a fucking idiot. (whispers to him the REAL reason)
Sora: ………………… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
Riku: And that's why I was gonna say that if you lose… I'm gonna fucking murder you and then throw your dead carcass to the Heartless.
Sora: (winces) Ouch.
Riku: Ouch doesn't even begin to cover it. (walks away, leaving Sora to duke it out with Xemnas… on DDR)
As the song begins…
Sora: Oh, this isn't so bad…
Three minutes later…
Sora: 0_o What the fuck…?
Riku: 0_o That's the first time I've ever seen something like that…
Xemnas: That was fucking crazy…
Sora: (turns and glares at Xemnas) You didn't even know what happened on this song when you chose it, did you?
Xemnas: I just heard it was really hard… 0_o And they weren't kidding…
Riku: Well, now what… (looking at the scores) You guys tied… in failing…
Xemnas: … I TAKE YOU ANYWAY. :D
Riku: (runs)
Xemnas: … Don't be like that… (chases him again)
Sora: And the chase continues… :D
Xigbar: (runs in naked) STRIPPER TIME!
Sora: (wide eyes, pulls out Keyblade) AGH! I'M NOT 18 YET! (kills Xigbar)
Luxford: Aaaaaand, that's my win. :D
Lexaeus: … Fuck you. (chops Luxford's head off) Cheater.
Luxford: Nuuuuu… (dies)
To be continued…
Asura: Yes, I realize it's been a while. Now that I'm finally graduated, I hope to catch up with everything… But as we all realize, stuff happens in life. Still don't know what's wrong with my hand and hope to find out soon. Otherwise… read and review please. :D