A/N: Thank you for the reviews!

Dear Aaron,

You slept through that night and woke with a smile, making little noises. You had two fingers in your mouth, tasting them. You are starting to suck on things other than the bottle. You like sucking on my thumb or finger and rejected the pacifier we bought. You made a "yuck" face and spit it out when you realized nothing's coming out for you to drink. It's in the waste bin now. At least you don't have teeth yet to bite me.

You also decided you liked to be held facing outwards when awake. I guess you don't want to miss out on anything. You give people a toothless grin sometimes when they talk to you or me. I couldn't ask for a better baby as your new Mommy. You have Mommy Claire's sunny personality. She's cheerful, friendly and easy going, like you. I decided I will buy a baby book to keep track of how you're changing and fill it with photos. Hopefully she can see it someday.

Jack and I woke after you did, hearing your little noises and waving your hands around. He offered to feed you while I showered as long as I take care of the diaper after. I reminded him you already had a wet diaper on and the new rule: The first one that picks you up in the morning changes your super soaked bottom. He laughed softly, shook his head and looked at you asking "What are we going to do about your Mommy Kate?" It was a sweet moment. I wished I could have captured it to look at when I needed something to make me smile.

I was in my birthday suit when he asked. After he said that to you, I jumped in the shower so he couldn't ask me anything else.

The flight was in the morning. We were taken to the Tambolaka Airport, a small place that looked like a local strip a private owner might have for a Cessna 152. That's a 2-seater airplane. Grandpa Sam's ex-army buddy had one.

When I was little, he took Grandpa on flights sometimes when Grandpa was on leave. They would fly over our house. Grandpa would tell Grandma Diane what time to send me out to look for them. I would hear it before seeing it. The plane would fly low enough for me to see them waving at me, arms out the window. Diane would stand on the porch, but I would run and jump while waving, wanting to see if I could keep up with them. It was exciting to me to see my Dad in the sky.

That was before he packed up and left, but it wasn't his fault.

We boarded a "puddle jumper," a small airplane with one person on each side of the row, to Bali. I think it had 40 seats at the most. The men, especially Jack, had to stoop to get in the door after climbing the metal stairs and stoop over when walking to their seats. The ceiling was low.

Sun and I could walk upright. It wasn't full flight. The pilots had to balance the passengers weight on each side and stagger everyone throughout the plane. I felt bad for Hurley. He's a sensitive guy and I didn't want them to offend him. Jack intervened when they first asked Hurley weight questions. In a low voice, he suggested he and Sayid would counterbalance him on the opposite side. That seemed to appease the pilot and avoided an issue.

I got to sit across from Jack thankfully. The flight was a mild form of torture. It was an older model plane and I could faintly smell fumes after we took off. Nothing was burning but it made the air unpleasant. We were sitting in the middle over the wings. I had to hand you to Uncle Jack and pull out the barf bag. It was too bouncy and the smell was giving me a headache. I started to think black rafts are a better option.

Sun sat 2 rows behind and across from me. She looked green and her eyes were closed. I couldn't believe she was able to keep her food down. The fume-laden flight was less than an hour. I sucked in air like a drowning person when I exited the plane.

I think you found the flight soothing because you slept, two fingers in your mouth, on Uncle Jack's shoulder. I wish I had a camera to capture that too, but it would have been blurry and I was clutching the barf bag tightly, just in case.

Next, we were escorted to first class on an international Oceanic plane. It was much bigger than the plane to Sydney. Karen Decker and her assistant traveling with us and made sure we were settled and approved our seat arrangement. They sat in the front row together. There was nobody else in first class except for our group. It must be on purpose to keep us from interacting with passengers or them bothering us.

Was our rescue on the news yet? I tried not to think about that or what's ahead. I needed to stay calm. Letting my mind race ahead into unknowns made me anxious. I had spent a long time trying to fly under the radar. I never wanted to be on the world stage, especially after making "America's Most Wanted" thanks to obsessed Ed who tacked on charges and allegations to escalate my case.

It was a long flight with 3 meals and snacks. We flew from Bali, Indonesia to Oahu, Hawaii. From there we were going to be taken by plane to Honolulu, Hawaii for the press conference and to meet family members that came. The time change would make it the next day when we landed.

We would lose time, not that it mattered. I didn't wear or own a watch anymore. I hope we have stamina after three flights. We survived the island from hell and its dangers, sometimes when sleep-deprived. I thought we would be able too, even if dog-tired except it would be hard on Sun. I don't know about you, doodle bug.

You're a great little traveler for being so tiny. Thank God you aren't a baby that cries on planes. It would have been miserable for everyone in earshot. I was concerned about that. Jack said the flight could hurt your little ear drums, something that worried me. I am so grateful he knew these things.

He took the initiative to take care of you, sweet baby, instead of handing you to me with verbal instructions. He seemed more comfortable and confident. He fed you a bottle at takeoff and when we landed so your ears wouldn't pop. He said the sucking helped stabilize the ear pressure.

Jack wasn't just being a doctor. I saw the tender way he looked at you and touched your cute face or nose. I heard how he softly talks to you, telling you things when he thought I wasn't listening. Sometimes he put his pointer finger in your palm and watched how tightly you gripped it, even when asleep. Your tiny fingers barely encircled it. It amused him how strong you were. Sometimes he couldn't get his finger back without starting to pull you up too. He loves you, little bug. We all do.

During the flight, we had seats that converted into private beds. We had two flight attendants with Karen overseeing them. That must have been intimidating for them. I saw Karen giving them crisp instructions and their body language. I wouldn't want to trade places with those ladies.

I've never flown first class before or seen seats that convert to beds on a plane. I loved it. Most of our group each had their own row of two seats that convert into beds or one bigger bed. Jack and I shared a row with you. Jack was on the aisle. He chose it purposefully.

I noticed when we sat together at a restaurant, he positions himself closer to the entrance and faced it. He preferred me to be seated beside him further from the door if we were in a group. If I sat across from him, I caught him glancing up whenever someone comes in. It's a way of protecting me and is very subtle. He also did something Grandpa Sam did when we walked side-by-side. That experience was limited to Sumba and the Bali airport so far.

My Dad, Sam, and I would walk on Main Street in downtown Ames after parking. It was a small town with locally owned stores. We would go there if he needed something. He would always stop and get ice cream for both of us and talk to the owner of the place. He made me walk to the right of him closer to the stores and not on the curb.

I wanted to balance on the curb but Dad wouldn't let me. He didn't usually curtail that kind of fun for me so I asked him why. He said long ago, there were horses and carriages using the streets but the streets were mud, not paved. A man did that to protect a lady's from getting splashed with mud or dirt and also shield her a bit when people passed by, going the opposite way on the walk.

I don't know if Jack did it instinctually or if he learned it. Did his Dad or Grandfather teach him that or was he just born a protector? It's charming and romantic. I don't have to be protected all the time, but won't say that to him. I knew this was what he did and I let him. It's chivalry from an era long ago.

I raised the divider to make one bed when we were tired. I put you in the middle and we slid the curtain, locked it, and curled around you when we were needed sleep. It's a nice feeling, like we're a little family in our own little cocoon and world.

Jack made a comment we should take an adult-only vacation in one of these someday and quietly be a part of a certain mile-high club. He said we wouldn't be the first. Only he would tempt me to risk some fun with people so close. And he's a respectable doctor! It must be that hardcore side of him I teased him about. I don't know how serious he is but I like this side of him. He was running his fingers along my face, arm, the dip of my waist and hip as I faced him in the bed. We discussed it in whispers.

The hours went by quicker than I anticipated between sleeping, caring for you and the meals they fed us. They had vegetarian food for me and the desserts. God, the desserts were pure ecstasy in my mouth. It almost made up for no adult time on this flight. I had two helpings of the red velvet cake with cheesecake as icing.

When we reached Oahu, we were taken to the Oceanic Executive Club to rest and freshen up. Karen put us in a private room in the back that had to be unlocked. It was nicer than the regular Executive Club. There was food, drinks, chairs, computers, larger lounge chairs that convert to beds, plush blankets we could keep and a staff member outside the door to assist us.

Everything was understated, high quality and elegant. There were spacious men's and women's executive bathrooms. The stalls had teak wood walls from floor to ceiling. There was even a shower in each and amenities for that. These rooms are probably for the rich and famous.

It looks like they rolled out the red carpet or this was the best way to hide us.

Karen returned briefly. She had manila envelopes for each of us with new passports, copies of U.S. driver's licenses if anyone had one, and something for you, Aaron Samuel Austen's birth certificate copies. I was listed as your mother along the details Jack provided for date and place. He had signed the form earlier for Karen to expedite and file. I left the space for father blank. I wasn't going to make up a name. If I married, I would hope my spouse would adopt you if Mommy Claire and our friends are truly gone.

We will be a package deal, little man, and he better be all in or no husband for me. I don't want anyone that can't put your needs first and give you the love and nurturing you need. I already went through that. To say it was damaging would be an understatement. I have secret hopes but don't count my chickens before the eggs are hatched. I have felt bonded to Jack since the day I sewed him but don't know what will happen when we return to civilization.

We stayed in close proximity while relaxing so nobody would hear our conversation. I said in a soft voice I think they are trying to keep us from interacting with the public. Sayid agreed and saw the same thing, same as Jack. Sun was resting and was glad we weren't dealing with crowds.

Hurley wondered if and what people knew about us and if Oceanic was trying to prevent us from being mobbed or giving out information? Karen Decker hadn't talked to us about the news except the press conference. Was that going to be the big reveal that we survived?

Hurley turned on CNN to answer our questions. Sure enough, each of our names were scrolling across the bottom of the screen including "5-week-old Aaron Austen, son of the ex-Most Wanted List fugitive Kate Austen, suspected of murder, arson..." he listed the charges. The blood drained out of my face as I heard that.

A picture was being shown that someone took when we were all barely out of the raft after arriving at Sumba. We looked exhausted, filthy and tired. You, little man, were barely visible. I was holding you closely wrapped in the blue blanket so only the crown of your tiny head was showing.

It felt invasive, like a picture of a private moment between all of us. I knew that this must be the big story now, playing over and over in a loop.

Then he went on about my being a fugitive believed dead but was rescued with my baby that I gave birth to on the island. He said I was deemed a danger to the public before and questioned if I still was. He asked when authorities will pursue charges and apprehend me. The whole time the newscaster speculated, my old mugshot was displayed next to him from when I was initially captured by Marshal Ed before I escaped, kicking him out of the car that rainy night.

I felt angry and my heart hammered as I held you close. Would this change things and put pressure on the legal system to do something? Jack's neck was flushed and red. He snapped and told Hurley to turn it off. Hurley quickly did and tossed the remote like it was poisonous. He looking disgusted.

Sun patted my back and Jack rubbed my knee. I wanted to tell them I'm okay so they wouldn't worry, but the words wouldn't come. I wasn't ready to deal with this. Nobody told me I was on the news, my mugshot and alleged and exaggerated crimes being listed.

I was starting to lose control of my legs and arms and needed to be alone. I didn't want them to see me upset or weak. I also didn't want the people closest to me to view me like that newsman, who doesn't know me or what really happened. He was dry, talking about me flatly like I was a serial killer.

I felt Jack's intense stare on me, even though I was bent over at the waist. The panic that was gone a few days, those glorious days we were ignorant and living in the moment, was clawing its way back up through my body and squeezing my chest tight in its fist. Jack took you quickly and handed you to Hurley. You were wide awake and beginning to fuss.

Without thinking, I bolted for the ladies' room, forgetting my shaking legs were too unstable to outrun anyone. I heard Jack quickly tell Sayid to not let anyone in. I wanted to hide before I cried, to save them from see me like this, weak, unworthy, and painted as a monster by the news.

Jack cut me off when I stumbled against a chair. He grabbed me from behind, wrapping his arms around me and pinning them to my side so I couldn't get away. That's when I threw my head back and to scream and cry. I struggling in vain to get free and push him away. I started to kick and thrash, forgetting in the moment who held me.

My body acted like a car speeding with no driver. A detached portion of my brain wondered where my self-control and poker face went?

I was whipped with the belt buckle side leaving cuts and stripes on my legs and didn't cry. That started when I was 8 years-old.

I stared at gun barrels pointed at me when on the run and didn't flinch.

I could escape almost anything.

I screamed at him to let me go while sobbing and twisting to get out of his arms. I ended up bent over and a sound came out of me that I didn't recognize, some kind of deep wail.

I went limp in brief resignation, still crying and angry. I wasn't aware of much except Sun's shoes. She must have said something to Jack because he let go of me. I scrambled and two seconds later I was in the oversized bathroom show stall. I curled up in a ball and facing the corner while keening, knees to chest and rocking myself automatically.

Uncle Jack wouldn't leave me alone. He came in slowly, like I was a wounded animal and tentatively draped his arms around me.

My panic was continuing to escalate because my mind was running 100 miles per hour. Between sobbing, and keening, words poured loudly out of my mouth in a stream punctuated by coughs from my throat tightening.

I had officially lost my mind.

I yelled that I didn't want them to see me like this. The press is going to roast me alive. Everyone would hate me. I didn't do all that stuff. Marshal hated me. He pressed his body against mine and said things. He set me up. The police killed Tommy. Jack would hate me. All of my friends will hate me. They will abandon me. Everybody abandons me. Nobody would love me. I can't deal with no friends again. I don't want to be alone. I can't do this anymore.

It was a torrent that slowed as I choked out Aaron's name. My airway was then cut off, silencing me. The panic finally squeezing off my words, sobs, and air. Then, the vomiting began.

Jack spun me to face the drain. He sat beside me, pushing head between my knees and held back my hair. I was vomiting nothing but bile with barely a coffee straw full of air in between. I panicked from the lack of air. I saw grey spots and slumped against his leg, my heart flopping in my chest like a fish and my brain convincing me everything was slipping away: No air, no friends, no baby, no Jack.

I felt my body being lifted and heard him shouting but don't know what he said. Feet came in. Wheels. You wailed. Sun cried. Voices. More yelling.

I was fading and hated myself for hurting my friends. I clawed my throat weakly while suffocating. A canister appeared. Familiar fingers placed cannulas under my nose. Something stung me. That's the last thing I remember I before everything went black.

I heard steady, soft beeping noises. I was in a bed, covered. I felt the blanket under my fingertips without moving. Soft voices spoke and a curtain rustled. My arm hurt. My throat was sore. I dozed a bit, then heard voices. Whispers. Like the jungle.

My eyes opened quickly in alarm. I blinked several times because of the light and had no idea where I was. My throat was dry.

A large, warm hand covered mine and I heard wheels squeak as a chair slid over. I could breathe. Jack's face came into view. My mind felt groggy. He looked at me, my eyes and face, his brown eyes tracing them with love and concern. His brows were knitted together with worry. He stroked my hair back on the top of my head. I tried to focus on him. I moved my left arm and winced.

He told I had an i.v. and said we were still at the airport in an on-site medical facility. He insisted they treat my panic attack there and not transfer me to the public hospital.

My brain felt fried. I started to drift, then opened them, worried, wondering where my little man was. I tried to say your name but my voice was raspy. It both throat hurt and tickled when I talked. I coughed. He told me not to talk. He got a cup of water with a straw and told me to take a little sip while he talks instead.

I wanted to shrink and cover my face. I started to remember that I lost it big time, the worst episode ever. This time it was in front of people I cared about, trusted, respected, and considered a kind of family after all we've been through together. How could I face them now? I felt so stupid. How could they love or respect me after seeing that mess and the news? I was beyond embarrassed and looked away.

He stopped talking and asked me to look at him. I couldn't. I loved him but how could he love me now, especially back home where he's an important doctor? The news woke me up to reality. I might ruin his reputation by association.

I didn't do all of those things but I am not innocent. I felt low, like I was I dirty and tainted most of my life. I had regressed, but I didn't care as much back then like I did now. I had more at stake and my heart was on the line. Tears welled up as my heartrate accelerated.

Jack sighed and stood. I could see him glance at the monitors. I felt him his hands on each side of my face, but closed my eyes. He kissed my brow, then my mouth softly. That forced me to open my eyes. I wondered why he did that. He put the straw in my mouth again so I could sip and then took the cup back.

He told me to breathe deeply. He looked at me carefully, then leaned back a bit to relax. My surge of panic subsided as he told me that you were perfectly fine. That caught my interest. He continued on to say that your Sun had you. He watched me for a moment, gauging my reaction.

He talked slowly, his words seeping into my brain. I had a major panic attack and was in crisis. I was doing better but needed rest. He wasn't surprised with all I've been through.

He said he wouldn't be surprised if everyone in our group did at some point from the island or have some trauma-related issues that would come out later.

He paused while it sank in and to make sure he still had my attention. I met his eyes finally.

He told me our friends wanted to have a group talk with me. My eyes fell at that. What would they say? Was I going to be excluded and be an outsider again? It was something I was familiar with growing up. Now that I experienced something better, despite the circumstances around it, I didn't want to be on the outside anymore.

I looked at him with the question in my face. He said to not talk and gave me another sip. He reassured me it would be good, maybe healing and not just for me. He told me they all cared about me. It doesn't matter what the press or world thought. Those people don't know us including me.

He sighed and leaned in closer. He took my small hand into both of his and stroked the top gently. He said that he loved me. He knew I had carried a big burden including the legal stuff and asked me to let him help get me through it.

The fog was just beginning to lift from my brain. He asked if I was okay with him talking or if I wanted to rest. I told him to talk.

He said I gave everyone a scare including him. He was leaning in and whispering by then. He had checked again to make sure nobody was around. The group already knew about the panic attack I had when Karen talked about my legal issues but didn't realize how bad it was. This one was much worse and the second time that Oceanic triggered it.

He reminded me I had panicked on the island and asked me if I remembered. I frowned and shook my head slightly. He mentioned the first time the smoke monster chased us and he heard me screaming his name. It was in my voice. He said I was panicking when I was trying to get away from him in the jungle and we ended up having our first kiss. Another time was when he was telling me to leave him over the walkie. I was panicking.

He said it can come from fear, stress and anxiety, triggering bad memories or trauma. Lots of people panic or have attacks get but usually milder than the one I just had. He's panicked. An example was when he cut the 16 year-old girl's Dural sack. Fear made him panic.

He looked at me and asked if I had panic attacks before the island as bad as the ones in the past week. I shook my head and told him never. Not even growing up. He considered the information and said we need to find a way to control and stop them if they continue. We can do that in the States.

He gave me another sip. I tried to clear my throat. I asked him to remove the i.v. He smiled wryly and said no, I was dehydrated. They also needed it as a medication port. I was given something to relax. I didn't like that. I asked slowly how I was supposed to take care of Aaron, but he cut off my sentence, putting his finger on my lips. He said they had to give me medicine. He made them and approved what it was and the dosage. Jack made sure I received what I needed, nothing more.

When I stopped breathing, my body couldn't move air and my blood oxygen levels were dropping fast. Body tissues start to die without oxygen in the cells. The medicine relaxed my nervous system and muscles, helping me rapidly during a critical time. It prevented them from putting a tube down my throat and using a bag to help me breathe. My throat was probably irritated from the acid in the bile.

I asked about the press conference. He laughed softly and put his palms together in front of his mouth, elbows on his knees. He said Karen Decker rescheduled it. He wiped his eyes with his fingers and resumed, saying she had apologized profusely for not telling us about the press release and felt responsible for what happened to me. It was also wrong of her to assume we could do one after such a long trip, flying almost 14 hours so far on 2 flights.

She came racing in when Jack was yelling at the medic to give me the damn drug first and stop trying to put a tube down my throat. He demanded to know how much medical training the guy had. He said our entire group blamed her and Oceanic. She's our handler and liaison so she was front line.

Karen was visibly upset for the first time about the domino effect. She had the new mom in crisis and passed out. The other pregnant survivor was crying and angry. The men were angry and baby was crying. It was probably her worst nightmare.

The reins she held tightly had escaped her grip and the horse had run away.

Jack excused himself for a moment but said he had more to tell me. I heard him walk away and talk to someone, probably about my being awake. A man in scrubs with a clipboard showed up moments later wheeling a thermometer cart and blood pressure. He said hello politely and said I gave them quite a scare. I gave small nod only. He took my temperature and b.p., and wrote notes after looking at the monitor. He left quickly.

Jack came back a few minutes later with a coffee. He sat, smiling and whispered they are supposed to check me every 15 minutes but have slacked off, either because he's a doctor or because he yelled at them more than once. He started to tell me what I missed out on. I think he wanted to bolster me, not just pass the time.

Sun was upset about the news and what it did to me. They heard every word I said in the shower. I blanched. I didn't want them to. She cried because I said I felt unworthy, thinking she would turn her back on me, her closest friend, and that they would abandon me based on what outsiders said. She didn't know I thought so poorly of myself. She told him this later when she called from the hotel to check on me.

He said during the chaos, Sun turned into a formidable mama bear. She was livid and squared off with Karen, demanding an answer on why we weren't being told about the press release. Why weren't we told what the media was saying about me and about that picture? The world didn't know me, but she and my friends did.

Sun said that Marshal was a jerk and behaved inappropriately with me when I was his captive. He set me up, lied and exaggerated some of the charges. He was a sick, obsessed bastard. Was that in the press release? She stated coldly that we need to regroup and decide if we want to do the press conference with Oceanic.

If we did and the reporters harassed me about charges, we would all would walk out immediately. After that, we would collectively consider our options if we weren't protected, fully informed and shown more respect for what we've been through.

Jack said Sun didn't yell but her voice was raised and firm, full of authority and spoke as the leader. Karen knows her background, her family and Sun wouldn't make idle threats. Sun inferred that things could get ugly but didn't have to elaborate.

Ugly meant attorneys, a lawsuit, Oceanic would lose control of what was being said to the media, that's bad for their company and stock. They risked paying many times over what we might settle for plus our attorney fees. He smiled and said now he understood what I meant when I said people should be more afraid of Sun when we were at the market.

Sayid spoke up too. He said I had already told them the truth about everything and they all believe and will vouch for me as he stated before. I was one of the reasons why we survived. I had survival skills my Dad, a decorated officer in the army, taught me.

My friends knew about my past, that I was a fugitive, and did not care. Our group would protect me and they expected Oceanic to do everything in their power to do the same. The Oceanic crash was the reason why we were all in the spotlight now, something we all despised. We were just lucky to be alive out of the 324 souls on board. Aaron wasn't even on the manifest.

Hurley was standing while trying to soothe you, little bug. You were wailing for the first time in ages. Jack thinks you knew I was upset. Hurley shook his head at Karen and told her "Not cool, dude." She knows he's rich and has time and money to fight. He said he's never seen me this upset ever, or the baby, and how could Oceanic forget there are two women and two babies involved? Why didn't they warn us about the press and what they were saying? Why were they were hiding us from the public? Even if it was for our protection, they should have been honest.

Hurley reminded her we operate as a group and have decisions to make, but I needed a few days of rest. We all did. We were rescued only a few days ago and haven't had time to recover. We don't want to be rushed into a conference this way.

Jack said only a few things to her before I was rushed into a medical vehicle with him. He demanded they keep me on site and said he's going to treat me. He asked what were the geniuses at Oceanic thinking? Did she tell them about what happened a few days ago when she discussed legal issues with me? Did anyone think this negative media blitz targeting me might trigger another attack? Did anyone care I have a newborn baby depending on me? Or that we've all been through hell for 108 days? This makes it 109.

He said Karen is doing damage control now. She seemed to genuinely care and was lining up a few executives for mea culpas. It was part of trying to smooth things over with us. She said the head of marketing wants to meet with us personally, Mr. Press Release, but nobody in our group seems interested in listening to groveling and meaningless words. They are just trying to cover their butts.

It gave me a lot to think on. I can't believe they all defended me. I felt I had let them down by crumbling. I'm supposed to help and protect them and don't want to be the weak link in the group.

As I sifted through the words Jack said, I remembered the phrase about having my back and what it really means, being back to back. They had my back. I had not just one person but several that stood up for me. I was deeply touched. I needed them and they came through. I didn't want to face the world alone anymore.

The panic attack dredged up out my worst fears and demons. I don't think like that on a daily basis. I need to be stable for my doodle bug.

Jack told me everyone was at the hotel now. The press conference was postponed for at least another two days. They would push it out more if we weren't ready. The parents are staying in Honolulu at the request of the group.

Jack told his Mom about the attack. He reassured me she won't tell anyone. She used to have anxiety issues and would understand. It also bought us more time. We all needed time to rest and regroup before facing anyone from the outside. That included family.

We sat in silence while he gave me more water. He said Karen Decker may stop by. She did earlier to check on me and apologize again. She didn't think about the other panic attack or how bad the baby hormones are before and after birth. She said they were awful for her and she should have remembered.

He smiled when saying that. He leaned in while clasping my hand, rubbing it with both of his. He whispered to me if we have a baby someday, I will do better. He will keep me happy. In the meantime, he was going to do everything in his power to help me put this all behind me and help, just like I always helped him. I blushed at the mention of us having a baby. Did he mean it or was he just trying to make me feel better? We were careful. I had a calendar now. Careful enough.

I whispered baby as a question. He gave me one of his Jack looks I can't say no to and said we'll talk about that later, but it's one of the things he wants to talk to me about after we get back and settle. He said he loves me and I a great mom to Aaron. He doesn't want to let me go. He kissed my hand and continued to hold it.

The words and thoughts he put in my head were filling up my empty mind and heart and distracting me. It rekindled the hope I was already had for us but was bereft during and after my meltdown. I confess a few wicked thoughts entered my mind about making a baby with him or at least practicing. It's his fault. He knew what he was doing when he said that.

He had a gleam in his eyes and sucked briefly on his bottom lip. I blushed and looked at it, wanting to bite it but was too tired. He said none of that tonight, not until after I am fully rested. I sighed. I was just grateful he is still by my side and wants any kind future with me.

Later, I was discharged with instructions. I tossed them. I had Jack and he had that pill bottle already that I wouldn't need. I was in a wheelchair, another thing I didn't like. We discreetly departed, getting into a waiting limo at an employee exit.

Oahu Four Seasons. My gosh. It was beyond description and Oceanic was paying for everything, no limits. I couldn't stop looking at things, the décor, the parrots in cages. It was overwhelming. I could hear the ocean. He took me up to our room, arm around my waist to support me. We had a prime ocean front suite with a balcony and our friends were in the suites next to us. Jack mentioned the stores, private rooms in restaurants, large cabanas with our own bartender and waiter. I felt a little overwhelmed at the information.

He backed off the amenities and said we can stay in the room too with no clothes on and order in too, but he had one request. He played with my hand, looking at it. He said he wanted me to go with Sun and get massaged, manicures, pedicures, haircuts, anything we want to feel good. He added Sun could probably use it to relax and would enjoy my company. Now I have to go. He knew that I wouldn't send her alone.

He said I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever laid eyes on, inside and out. He wanted me to buy anything that made me feel attractive, here or back home, and would be glad to assist me in the dressing room. He was fine with fancy undergarments too. He gave me a sultry grin. I love playful Jack.

It's late. Sun had you in her room, but Uncle Hurley told Uncle Jack to inform me you are walking now, it's been that long. Uncle Jack rolled his eyes when he relayed that part. I give him crooked smile. It crept up on the right sight of my face. He put his finger on my dimple gently and stroked my cheek with that one finger. His eyes sparkled. He said he loved my smiles. I love his too.

I was exhausted and not hungry but had a stomach ache. He gave me something for stomach acid and a tall bottled water. He made me drink some. He must have made them put together a medicine kit for him. It's from the clinic.

Uncle Jack helped me strip and I fell into the softest bed and pillows ever. I literally felt my remaining energy being sucked away by the bed as it called me to dreamland. I didn't care about clothes. He looked at me and smiled.

He offered to get my baby doll pajamas but I flicked my hand weakly to banish that thought. I closed my eyes and heard him undress and crawl into bed, wrapping his warm, toned flesh around me. I was asleep shortly after.

I'm sorry you cried, precious boy, and I couldn't comfort you. I'm sure you got lots of love from Sun and the few people I trust with you. I can't wait to see you in the morning. Your smiles will cure me faster than any medicine.

I love you my brave little man,

Mommy Kate