AN: Okay so this is probably one of the best Chapters. It was one of the most fun ones I've written so far. There is a character in here that doesn't go with the games but she has been created by my friend.

Disclaimer: I Do not own Resident Evil in any way shape or form. Nor do I own Kit she belongs to my friend littlewesker617

Chapter 4

Crouch Fire, Coffee and the Bible

I don't want to be an American idiot, one nation- the alarm was cut off as a guy with spiky brown hair hit the off button. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and out on a clean shirt. He went down stairs and trudged into the kitchen.

He stopped and turned the lights on and went to the cabinets. He pulled out a mug with a funky design on it. He grabbed the coffee pot and poured some coffee into the mug. He walked into the other room and flipped the lights on too.

Chris sat the coffee mug in the coffee table in front of the couch. He turned on the T.V. and sat on the couch. But the couch was strangely lumpy and was hitting him.

"Get off me you-

"Hey no need for name calling this early in the morning."

"You didn't let me finish." Chris sighed

"Fine."

"Get off me you fucking piece of monkey ass smeared with monkey shit that a dog lick and then threw up because it was monkey shit off of a monkey's ass! Damn it! Get the fuck off of me asstard!" The girl Chris had sat on yelled and she hit him with each word she said. Chris sighed and got up.

Kit sat up and got her blanket out of the way and Chris sat down.

"Hey Kit-ow." Chris was interrupted by Kit as she slapped him in the shoulder, clearly not listening to him. She looked distracted and concentrated on something else.

"Do you smell that?" She asked

"Oh great what-yeah, smells like smoke. Oh craps don't tell me…" Then the smoke detectors went off.

"Ah shit! He couldn't have waited until noon!" Kit exclaimed, as she jumped off the couch and headed up stairs. Chris was right behind her. There was a high pitched scream that Chris almost mistook as Claire's. He pushed past Kit and stood at the door. He kicked the door down.

"What the fuck did you-" He started yelling but he stopped when he saw the scene. "Oh." A ginger haired boy was running around the bed room with his crotch on fire. Chris looked to Claire who was in the bed.

"What the hell were you to doing?" He asked being over protective big brother. Kit stood behind Chris laughing at Steve.

"We where reading the Bible I swear!" Claire said. Chris crossed his arms over his chest and raised and eyebrow. "Okay it's too early to be making excuses!"

"Don't mind me. You know I'm just a BOY WITH HIS CROTCH ON FIRE! Oh don't bother putting it out. It's just normal for guys' crotches to randomly light on fire!" Steve yelled from the ground.

Kit was on the ground too, but she had her hand clenched on her stomach, laughing.

"Don't' pu….don't put it out." She said between laughs. She managed to get up off the floor and went to go get a fire extinguisher. Steve sat up.

"Ahhh…that's better." He said, with the fire randomly out. He got up off the floor and Kit came back with the fire extinguisher. She looked from Steve to the extinguisher in her hands and then back to Steve. Kit shrugged and threw the fire extinguisher at him. It hit him in the crotch making him yelp. Then his crotch caught fire again.

"Oh come on!"

After things settled down, the four of them were sitting at the table to eat breakfast. Breakfast consisted of pancakes, bacon and what ever was left in the fridge-which was green and covered in fuzz.

"I think we should get rid pf some of this food? I mean this isn't looking real good." Claire said poking at the lumpy green fuzzy thing on her plate.

"Pfft, It's perfectly fine!" Kit said. Then she looked down at her plate and the fuzzy green stuff on her plate started to move. "Okay, maybe you're right." Kit said as she stood up. She pried the unknown substance into the trash can. "Ok-

"Wha wha wha wha wha wait! Shush!" Chris said looking at the T.V. His brow furrowed and he turned up the volume on the T.V, The reporter on the T.V. started to talk.

"From a rinky dink little shi-" He paused. "-town. There have been a bunch of mysterious killings. Most bodies have been found with just puncture wounds to the neck. A few others have turned up completely mutilated. Reporting from Sunnydale California back to you Tom." The reporter said and Chris flipped the T.V. off and looked to the others. Kit sighed.

"Ugh do we have to?" She groaned

"Yes." Chris answered. "Alright, we'll pack and leave bright and early Saturday morning." The others sighed and went to start packing. Chris pulled a laptop out of a black messenger bag. There was a frustrated cry from upstairs

"REALLY AGAIN!"