Kokoro Kara

By Lady Callista

AN: See full notes at the beginning of the first chapter.

This fic is rated M, cause I know it's gonna have K&K lime and lemon goodness. If you are underage please go enjoy some of the other wonderful stories on this site.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, or anything relating to it, and have the utmost respect for all the people who created these wonderful characters. The quotes at the beginning and end of each part were all found on the Internet, mostly listed as anonymous. If anyone knows of one that actually belongs to someone please let me know. The few that are by famous people I've said who they're by.

Dedication: This part is dedicated to a great author, who sadly has passed on to the next world. He inspired many readers and writers alike, and will be greatly missed. My love and prayers are with him and his family. Rest in Peace, Robert Jordan. "May you shelter in the palm of the Creator's hand. The last embrace of the Mother welcome you home." -Rand al Thor, from Jordan's "The Wheel of Time" series

Chapter 4: Hajime

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"We are alike in many ways, you and I. There is a darkness in us. Darkness, pain, death. They radiate from us. If ever you love a woman, Rand, leave her and let her find another. It will be the best gift you can give her."

-Lan Mandragoran, from Jordan's "The Wheel of Time"

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"I want almost more than anything for you to smile." Kenshin stated, his hand still on her cheek. "But more than that, I want you safe. You are not safe at my side." Although his hand stayed on her face, and his voice was gentle, there was a frightening finality to it, as if he'd already made up his mind and nothing would change it.

"But I'm not happy anywhere else." Kaoru said just as gently. "Don't you see that it's my choice to make?"

"But that choice could get you killed." Kenshin said, his face showing pain again. "I couldn't bear to lose you like that…"

"Demo, Kenshin, it's my life." Kaoru said, placing her hand over his. "And I know you'll always come for me. I know you'll always save me. I may go on living if you leave the dojo, but I won't be alive."

"Kaoru…please…ask anything of me but this." Kenshin whispered. "I can't…"

"On the island, Enishi was going to let me go." Kaoru whispered back. "Once he had his revenge on you, once he killed you, he would have let me go. I didn't have to step between you and the gun, Kenshin. Nothing forced me to risk my life for yours. But in the instant I had to decide, I realized I'd rather be dead than lose you. I'd rather die than watch you die. Please, let me make this choice."

"I, also, would rather die than watch you die." Kenshin replied, sitting up so that he could look her in the eyes. "But I still say I would rather never see you again and know that you're alive than have you die because of me."

"You didn't see what I was like when you left me to fight Shishio." Kaoru whimpered. "I wasn't alive. I didn't eat, I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything; I just existed. And I wasn't even sure I wanted to do that. I know it sounds pathetic, and I know many people would say I was acting like a child, but I just didn't know how to live without you. There didn't seem to be a point to life if you weren't in it."

"That is how I felt when I thought you were dead." Kenshin admitted, feeling like they were just arguing in a circle. Kaoru said she would die without him, but he was afraid she would die with him.

Kaoru waited for him to say more, but he didn't. Like him, she'd realized that unless one of them changed the other's way of thinking neither of them could win this disagreement. "I don't know what else to say, Kenshin." She whispered finally when she realized he wasn't going to speak more. "All I can ask is that you respect what I want, and at least think about staying. Trust me, the same way I trust you."

"You know I trust you." Kenshin immediately. "I just don't know if I trust myself with your life. What if, the next time, I don't make it in time?"

"And what if, tomorrow, a horse runs me over and I die?" Kaoru replied as she stood. "There are no certainties in life, anata." She smiled as she said for the second time the word she'd wanted to call him for so long, and she headed towards the door. "Life is just what we make of it. I'll see you in the morning."

Kenshin watched as she opened the door, passed through, and slid it shut behind her. "Sleep well, koishii." He whispered into the stillness when he was sure she was gone. He laid back on his futon, knowing he wasn't going to get any more sleep. His heart and his head were about to engage in battle, and he wasn't sure which one would win. He wasn't even sure which one wanted to go and which one wanted to stay.

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Although it was the hardest thing she'd ever done, Kaoru didn't look in on Kenshin at all the next day. She wanted to give him whatever time he needed to work everything out, because she knew that the next time they talked, he would have decided, and nothing she could do at that point would change his mind.

She pushed Yahiko hard in his training, although in some ways she felt it was almost silly for her to be teaching a boy who'd learned several of Kenshin's moves just by watching them. Nevertheless, he was still her student, and she gave him her all. She did still have a few moves left to teach him.

Tired after the day of training, for after teaching Yahiko she'd left for the afternoon to teach at another dojo, she fell into her bath, dried off, and without even bothering to try and make dinner went to bed. She'd kept herself so occupied all day that her mind had barely had time to think of Kenshin, although she did have a very large bruise on her arm from when Yahiko had gotten in a particularly good hit on her while her mind drifted to her rurouni. Exhausted from the day, she quickly fell asleep.

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When Kaoru woke the next morning, it was with the sun and to a completely silent home. Dressing quickly in kimono, she wandered out into the house.

Kenshin's door was open, and he wasn't there. She moved quickly throughout the house, and when no one was there she moved out into the yard, to find Yahiko doing the laundry. Her heart almost stopped in shock.

"Yahiko-kun?" She said softly.

Yahiko smiled at her. "I figured that with Kenshin not felling well, someone had to do the laundry. It was that or the cooking, and I cook even worse than you do, so I figured you could do that and we could all choke down your dinners for a few days."

Rather than finding a random object and hitting him with it, Kaoru could only laugh. "I'm glad you're finally growing up. Have you seen Kenshin?"

"He walked down to the river." Yahiko replied, stopping his work for a moment to look at her. "He asked me to tell you to meet him by the bridge when you woke up."

Kaoru swallowed. This was it. "How did he seem?"

"Well, he still moves like he hurts, but his face was blank." Yahiko replied seriously. "Even more blank than his normal mask."

"I see." Kaoru said as she started to leave. "Arigato."

Kaoru began walking quickly, but found that the closer she got to the river, the more her feet dragged. It was almost easier not knowing if he'd chosen to leave. It was almost better to still have the hope that he'd stay even when she feared he wouldn't than to know for sure. Bucking up her courage, she cleared the small woods and came to the river. Seeing him standing on the small wooden bridge overlooking it, she walked up and stood beside him.

"Ohayoo gozaimasu." Kenshin said quietly.

"Ohayoo." She responded. "Yahiko said you wanted to speak with me."

"Hai." Kenshin turned to her. "The first thing I want to say is thank you. Thank you for giving me time to think. But more than that, thank you for being who you are. Thank you for all you've done for me…"

Kaoru's breath caught as he trailed off, and she was terrified that he'd decided to leave her. Her eyes started to tear up, and she tried to look away, only to have her chin caught in his hand as he turned her eyes back to meet his.

"Thank you for giving me a home." Kenshin whispered. "Sessha has a favor to ask of you. Will you come to Kyoto with me? I wish for you to meet Tomoe-dono, and then I wish for the two of us to return here. Together."

Now Kaoru's eyes did fill with tears, but her face was filled with such joy that it was impossible to misinterpret them. "I would be honored to meet Tomoe-san."

"In a few days then, when I'm better able to travel, let's go there."

"And let's come home together." Kaoru smiled, reaching out a hand to lay it tentatively on his uninjured arm.

He smiled at her, and slid his hand to one side of her face, then leaned in to kiss her softly on the cheek. "I still fear for you, but I don't think I could bear my life without you in it." He whispered in her ear before he pulled back.

Kaoru's eyes slid shut when his lips touched her face, and she felt a tingling go down her entire body. His words registered, but although the words meant a lot to her, the kiss meant more than anything. "And I couldn't bear mine without you." She whispered as he drew back.

"Let's go home." Kenshin said softly, taking her hand in his.

Kaoru beamed at him as they walked back to the dojo hand in hand.

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"A woman who knows the danger and isn't afraid is a treasure only a madman would spurn."
-Lews Therin Telamon, from Jordan's "The Wheel of Time"

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AN: Wow, two new parts in one day. I'm on a role. It'll take a few days for the next part, but I was just inspired and had to get this out since I left the last part at a bit of a cliffhanger. Please tell me what you think.

Japanese/English Glossary (in order of appearance; if it's in the glossary of a previous part it will not be in here, as I trust my readers to have a good memory.)

Hajime: Beginning

Ohayoo gozaimasu: Good morning.