Writing today was hard, after "City of Angels" last night, who watched it? my heart broke with the flashbacks..but it reminded me how important fics are. This is angst filled but I think this is the chapter most of you have been waiting for. I miss you Cory, more then anything in this world.

She's better then me, in the two weeks we've been hanging out, I know that she's so much better then me. I don't know what to call us all I know if that when I wake up I either have a text from her or I text her, I hate when it takes me along time to text her back because my dad had a bad night and I had to pay the price. She's amazing though she never questions me about why sometimes I can't come out, I told her one time when she went to hug me and I flinched that I'd tell her about me one day. She stared at me like I was most beautiful thing she had ever seen and she pushed up on her tip toes and pressed her soft lips on the corners of my lips. I knew she understood somehow, and one day I do plan on telling her I think out of everyone in my life, she is the only person I can tell. She's everything I'm not, and somehow it works. She has these moments were I only see pain in her eyes, I don't know why but I don't want to push her, I figure that one day she'll trust me and let me in. I hate the days that I can't be around her, when I talk to her I can hear the saddest in her voice.

Friday was one of the biggest games of the year, and as usual I'm so nervous I can barely breathe. If we lose I don't have to only answer to my team mates, it's the town and my dad. He doesn't accept failure, and if I'm not the best then I'm making our family look bad. I always wonder what the town would think if they knew what kind of man my dad was really. The game was tied but at the very end we won by a point.

We went out to celebrate, and before I knew it I was drunk and sitting in a car that smelt like coconuts. I was too dizzy to open my eye, but I heard her humming and that enough calmed my nerves. When we stopped the only thing I could get to come out was " don't walk to the door with me, ill text you tomorrow" I kissed her on her hand to thank her silently and dragged myself out the car. I put all my weight on the door and turned to waved, to signal it was alright for her to go. I could hear him yelling on the other side of the door, more than anything I wanted to run after Rachel and never walk through the door of my house. Before I could finish my though the door can flying open and I went tumbling to the floor, I might have been drunk but I knew what was coming next. I don't know if it was the alcohol or what, but i could feel the tears burn my eyes, with every blow that he landed I could see her staring back at me. I knew he was screaming but all I heard was her humming how she was doing in the car, I don't know how long it had been before it became unbearable to breath and I saw red as blood dripped into my eyes. He stopped yelling and I could hear my mom crying when he grabbed me by my arm and dragged my almost lifeless body up the steps before throwing me in my room ,my mom trying with everything in her power to push pass him and get to me before he grabbed her by her arm and shut my door. I heard the thunder and then the rain started to fall, I don't know if it was the hits I had just taken or my exhaustion but before I knew it everything around me was dark and I didn't hear or feel anything anymore, I was thankful.

It's been three days since I dropped Finn off after the party, he had gotten so drunk. That by the time I got there Puck was holding him up and trying to get him to drink water. I had already decided I was going to was going to wait for him to tell me about his dad when he opened up and told me one day he would tell me about himself and I already knew what he meant. I knew when he didn't want me to walk him up to the front of his house that it had something to do with his dad, maybe he grounded him. I called Puck earlier and he said he hadn't heard from him nor had he came and got his car from his house.

I could feel my nerves bubble over everytime I woke up without any calls or texts from him, it was like my heart was being ripped out, at that moment I didn't care about the consequences I just knew I had to see him. I grabbed my coat and stormed out my house, I'd just walk to his house. I was half way down the trail when I started to get nervous, I heard my ringtone and I knew exactly who it was.

"Hello ..Rach?"

"Don't Rach me Finn Hudson, where have you been.. I'm literally on my way to your house I was so worried I couldn't wait for you anymore. And then after 3 days you call and all you have to say is 'hello' are you fuckin' serious?"

It was a awkward silence, I didn't mean to yell at him just the fear that something had happened to him was so overwhelming that when I finally heard his voice it was like I could breathe again and apparently I breathe fire because what I said burned and I could tell by how shaky his voice was.

"I-I'm so sorry, I want to see you..you said you were on the way to my house, don't come here..can you meet me tonight though when the sun set and my dad goes to sleep in the wood were we first met?"

I wanted nothing more then to tell him no, run to him and never let him go.

"Yes, I'll see you tonight Finn. Bye"

"Bye Rach..and thank you ..for everything"

I walked back to my house to yet again wait, waiting was hard. But for Finn I'd wait forever.

I watched the sun fall as I walked through the woods to the spot that I was when my life ultimately changed forever, as I walked closer I could see him walking toward me with a flashlight in hand. When it became to agonizing to wait, I started to run and I wrapped my arms around his neck and I could feel his flinch. I pulled away not wanting to hurt him, I looked in his eyes and I didn't see that spark that I had seen for the past few weeks. He looked like someone that had been beaten into submission, I hated it. I know what it feel like to have no hope and be the victim of you own life, I couldn't see him going through it anymore. Tonight I'm going to make him tell me, I don't care how mad he gets anymore.

"So.. where have you been Finn? Puck said you haven't contacted him or got your car from his house?" I could tell he was questioning me having communication with Puck, but that wasn't important right now so he'd have to get over it." And why are you flinching when I touch you? You were fine when I got you from the party?" I didn't know how he was going to take that but I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle whatever lie he came up with. " My dad and I were moving some furniture and we slipped and it fell on me, i'm okay don't worry about it." He lied right through his teeth. "So you can move furniture but you could answer a phone call or text?" it was like my blood was boiling, I know what it's like to want and protect your father but he has to stop, at least he has the option. "It's complicated Rachel not everything is black or white, I was really busy and don't you think that if I could have been with you or talking to you, that's exactly what I would have been doing? I would have been with you every moment of everyday, but I couldn't." I could feel the tears lining my eyes. "Yes you could have Finn, you chose not to be." His eyes narrowed and I knew I had moved him from vulnerable and open to angry and closed off. "What does that mean? You think I wanted to not be around you? Seriously Rachel you must not know shit about me, being around you is the only good thing in my life. But if you think I don't-" I don't know what happened next I guess you can call it word vomit, I was just so mad he was lying to me and he looked so broken I couldn't stop myself. "everyone has secrets Finn, including me.. the only difference is I know yours and I have to listen to you lie about it every time you have a new bruise or cut, I know about your father and if I meant as much as you claim I do, you'd tell me and let me help instead of lie to me and cover for his ass." When I was done his eyes were as wide as I think eyes can go, I wasn't afraid I knew Finn would never hurt me, but I was scared this would be the last time I'd ever speak to him. "I'm sorry Finn, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Yes, I do know and I've found a lot of ways to help you but I wanted you to tell me on your own time."

It felt like forever before he said anything again, "You know? So what is this for you Rachel? Charity? You want to help the poor boy that looks like he has it all and in reality has nothing? Well Rach.. I did have something.. I had you, but not anymore. Your right we do all have secrets, you don't think I notice that when were out and someone brushes against you, you jump? But I didn't push it, but I don't know what's worse you knowing and not saying anything so you could watch me lie to you and hate every minute or that you obviously don't see me how I see you." He started to walk away, It felt like he wasn't just breaking my heart but my soul too. "Please Finn stop! Talk to me..don't shut me out." I grabbed his arm in hopes I could get him to stay. " I have nothing else to say to you Rachel." He snatched his arm away and like that he was gone, it happened so fast that it was almost like he was never there.

I needed Finn Hudson, he had become a part of me that I couldn't just let go, and no matter how long it took. I'd get him to see that, I have to show him I trust him and the only way I can is to just tell him everything.

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