Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from NCIS. But I obviously daydream about it a lot.
The next chapter has a lot of hurt/comfort cliches, but with my own spin. I kind of like it, and I hope you do to.
My medical knowledge is limited to episodes of House and a little internet research. Please forgive any mistakes; the situations are only meant to move along the plot.
Gibbs ran a hand through his silver hair and crushed the empty coffee cup in his hand. Throwing the mangled Styrofoam into a trash can, he paced over to a window and stared out at a dismal parking lot glistening in the rain. There were many things in his life that he had reason to regret. His recent relationship with Tony was one of those regrets.
He had worked with Tony for almost ten years--longer than he had partnered with anyone else, including Mike Franks. But over the last two years Gibbs knew he had grown distant from the younger man. Jenny's death had effected them all, but Tony had blamed himself, and truth be told Gibbs had held him somewhat responsible, too. Logically, the senior agent knew that Jenny had wanted her life to end the way it did, on her own terms, and no one could have prevented her from getting what she wanted. But he had needed someone to blame, and Tony had been a convenient target. Even after Tony had returned from being Agent Afloat, the two of them had never discussed Jenny's death. They simply ignored it, and tried to go on as if nothing ever happened. But the relationship, the friendship, had been different. Tony had been different. Gibbs couldn't count the times he had almost said something to Tony, had tried to get it all back on track, but he had never found the words. Although it had been easier recently, with "cowboy style" steak dinners and an old sense of camaraderie finding its way back into their lives, he still hadn't done enough to alleviate his friend's guilt.
But if Tony didn't come back from this, if he died, Gibbs would not forgive himself for never saying the words.
"How about a refill?" a feminine voice asked as a fresh cup of coffee appeared out of the corner of Gibb's eye.
He took the cup, sipped, and asked, "What are you doing here?" He turned to face M. Allison Hart.
She sighed and sipped her own coffee. "I heard about Tony and wanted to see if you were ok, if you needed anything." She offered a thin smile, "I was concerned."
Gibbs turned to face her. "I thought you might be trying to gather some more intel for your boss. Maybe let him know if he needs to show up and try to kill Tony himself," he challenged.
"Gibbs," she started, struggling to find the right words. "I really didn't know what Bell planned to do. He said that you had him falsely imprisoned and he wanted me to see if we needed to pursue legal action against you. Once you and I met, I quickly realized that you would never have sent Bell away without cause." She took a breath, "I only found out about what he did to Tony a few days ago. By that time you were already in Mexico having him released."
She locked gazes with Gibbs, "Will Tony be alright?" she asked.
Gibbs looked out the window again. "He's hanging in there," he replied. "You can do something for me," he said abruptly, turning back until his blue eyed gaze met her own. "Take a message to your employer. You tell him this isn't over yet. When I take him down this time, he won't be getting back up." Gibbs words were soft and threatening.
Hart tentatively placed her hand on the older man's shoulder. "Be careful, Gibbs. Bell is capable of anything. He'll hurt anyone to get his revenge."
"So will I," Gibbs thought menacingly, the memory of Tony writhing in pain still fresh in his mind.
As she turned to leave, Gibbs reached out to stop her. "Would you be willing to help me put Bell away? For good this time?" he asked, not sure if he should trust this woman, but at this point the had little else to go on. "No one else can get as close to him as you."
Hart considered his request, noting the lines of pain and worry crossing Gibbs face. "I'll see what I can do," she replied.
Before the agent could say anything else, she hurried through the door and was gone.
NCISNCISNCIS
Gibbs looked over as McGee and Ziva re-entered the waiting area carrying cups of coffee for themselves and for him. He silently took the steaming liquid and sipped it despite the burning on his tongue.
McGee shifted nervously and asked, "You heard anything, boss?"
"No. Ducky just went to see if he could get some news," Gibbs explained.
McGee looked at the floor, "You know, I really wish I had a chance to talk to Tony after you brought him back. While he was gone I realized that, well, Tony…..Ah heck, I don't know."
Ziva patted his arm, "I'm sure we all have thought of things we would like to tell Tony. It is easy to forget that for all of his bravado he is probably more sensitive than any of us. And he has always been a true and loyal friend, even when he is teasing us without mercy." She smiled sadly, "I think we have taken him for granted."
"What, have you heard, anything?" Abby demanded, rushing into the room while wringing her hands.
Gibbs took his forensic scientist into a hug, "Not a word since he had the seizure."
"But Ziva said he stopped breathing…." Abby's voice shook with fear.
"I am happy to report that the doctors now have young Anthony stabilized," Doctor Mallard interrupted, stepping into the ICU waiting area. The members of the team visibly relaxed at his words.
Knowing they wanted an explanation for Tony's condition, the diminutive ME continued, "Tony did stop breathing following a grand mal seizure resulting from a subdural hematoma. The bleeding in his brain must have been occurring slowly since the event which caused his concussion…."
Gibbs face darkened with concern, "Bleeding in his brain?"
"Yes, Jethro. The condition is not that uncommon with serious head trauma, which is why a concussion is always monitored so carefully. The blood has now collected between the layers of the brain and caused significant swelling which is the reason for the seizure you witnessed, as well as the respiratory distress," Mallard continued.
"What now," Ziva implored, "Will he recover?"
"Now," Ducky said, "We wait on Tony. The hematoma could dissolve on its own over the next few hours. If it does not, surgery can be performed to drain the area and reduce the swelling. However, there is no reason to suspect that he will not recover fully." Mallard paused, "In order to assist with his breathing Tony has been placed on a respirator for the time being. It should be removed as soon as he regains consciousness and the swelling is resolved."
"How long do they think that will take?" McGee asked tensely.
"Approximately 24 to 48 hours. Until then, we should all remain strong for Tony. He has just returned to us, and we will not let him down now," the doctor declared firmly.
NCISNCISNCIS
Gibbs was once again sitting in the uncomfortable chair beside Tony's bed. The past 24 hours had shown some change in the young man's condition, with the doctor's reporting that the swelling had started to diminish and the hematoma appeared to be resolving without the need for surgery. Gibbs was concerned since Tony had still not regained consciousness. The sight of the normally hyperactive man laying completely still, attached to more tubes and wires than Gibbs could identify, was extremely disconcerting. The constant and consistent whoosh of the ventilator droned in the background. Gibbs exhaustion overtook him and he fell into a fitful sleep.
"Well, this is weird," Tony thought, standing in the doorway of the ICU room and watching Gibbs fall asleep in the chair. "I look like crap," he said out loud, observing himself lying inert in the bed. Doctors and nurses continued to walk by without noticing him.
"You're right Tony, you do look like crap," that voice, he thought, it can't be.
"Kate?" he asked, turning around.
She was standing by the nurse's station, wearing a provocatively short nursing outfit unbuttoned dangerously low. She glanced down, following his eyes to her cleavage. "DiNozzo! Why do your fantasies always have to turn x-rated!" she snapped. She walked over to him, glaring in his eyes, "You never change, do you?"
Tony looked down at his former friend and partner, hardly believing that he was talking to her again. A part of his mind acknowledged that this couldn't be real, but another part felt this was just as real as anything else that had happened over the last few months. "Kate," he said again, his voice thick with emotion, and he hugged her tightly. Kate returned the gesture, finally pulling back but continuing to hold his hand. "I've missed you so much," he said. "You were always able to help me keep my head on straight. Things lately, it's been…..hard."
"I know, Tony," she said, walking through the door of his room so she could watch Gibbs sleep. "I've been keeping an eye on everyone." Tony followed her into the room, as she stopped by Gibbs and brushed his hair back into place. Gibbs stirred, but didn't wake.
Kate turned to Tony and smiled, "There is someone I want you to talk to. A new friend of mine I think you'll like." She took Tony's hand again and led him out of the room. Stepping through the door, Tony found himself outside, standing in a small park. Everything was bright and lovely, with morning dew glistening off the green lawn and swaying trees. A dark haired little girl was playing on a swing while her mother watched. A short distance away, a slender woman stood by a bench, her back to them, watching the mother and daughter. Tony took in the short spiky red hair and immediately knew who Kate had taken him to see. "Jenny!" he cried, and moved toward her.
Former NCIS Director Jenny Shepard turned to greet him, a large smile bursting onto her face. "Oh, Tony," she said, taking his face into her hands before kissing him on the cheek. She stepped back and focused on him. "DiNozzo," she said, "You look like crap."
Tony laughed despite himself. "So I've been told," he agreed. He took both of her hands into his, not knowing how much time he had to talk to her. There was so much he needed to say, but all that came out was, "Jenny, I'm so sorry."
The look on Jenny's face was so full of kindness, of understanding, that it nearly broke Tony's heart. She cupped his face in her hand again and said, "Tony, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who needs to apologize to you. I should have never put you in that position, knowing that I had no intention of coming back to DC. I took advantage of you, of your faith in me, and that was wrong. I have watched you suffer and punish yourself for my death, but none of it was your fault. Please believe that Tony. I don't want you to go on hating yourself for my weakness. I couldn't face dying in a hospital bed; I had to go out my own way. I used you Tony, and I'm the one who is sorry."
He reached out and wiped away the tear that fell from her eye. "You were my friend, Jenny, I shouldn't have let you die."
Jenny shook her head, "You didn't let me die, Tony, anymore than you let Kate die. Sometimes terrible things happen to people, but you can't go on blaming yourself. It's time for you to let it go and move on. The greatest gift you could give me is to live your life and be happy."
Tony wanted to believe her, but he had lived with the guilt for so long it was difficult to release. But Jenny's smile was so warm, her words so sincere, and Kate was agreeing--maybe they were right. Tony smiled, "OK, Jenny, for you and Kate, I would do anything."
Just then, the little girl came running over, breathing hard and laughing as her mother ran up behind her. "Jenny, is this my Daddy's friend that you told me about?" the child asked.
Jenny grinned at the beautiful little girl, who was looking at Tony expectantly. "Yes, Kelly, this is Tony. He helps keep your Dad safe," Jenny said.
Kelly ran over to Tony and threw her arms around him, "Oh, thank you, Tony," she said. "I worry about my Daddy sometimes, but Jenny and Kate said that you would never let anyone hurt him. It makes me feel better to know that you're there with him."
Tony bent down to get a better look at the child's bright blue eyes. He could feel the sting of tears in his own. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Kelly. I've heard so many things about you. You are just as gorgeous as your Daddy said you were," Tony declared.
Tony then gave Gibb's daughter one of his mega-watt Tony DiNozzo smiles, the first time he had smiled that way in a long time. The little girl giggled and ran back over to her mother, who said, "We are both very grateful that Jethro has a friend like you, Tony. You and I both know he doesn't always take enough care of himself."
Tony nodded at Shannon, "Yeah, if he'd only follow his own rules he wouldn't get in as much trouble."
Shannon laughed, "About those rules, Tony, you should tell him that you know it was me who got that started. He's taken credit for that long enough!"
"You came up with the rules?" Tony repeated. "I can't believe it! I should have known he didn't think of that on his own!"
"Yeah," Kate chuckled, "I was just as shocked as you are!"
Tony felt so good to be surrounded by all these people who loved him, he was beginning to wonder if they might let him stay. Sensing his mood, Kate took him by the hand again.
"Tony," she said, "It's time to go back." Tony began to protest, "I like it here, Kate, I don't think I want to return."
Kate shook her head, "You have to go back, who'll watch Gibbs six?" Plus, you promised Kelly." Kate knew how Tony felt about their Boss, and he couldn't argue once she played the Gibbs card.
She saw him sigh, "Ok, Katie." He placed his hands on her shoulders, "I'm still not sure if this is real or not, but thank you, Kate. I really needed to see all of you again."
Kate smiled, "I know, Tony. It's my job to watch over you, but I have to say you don't always make it easy."
Tony turned on the 1,000 watt smile again and grinned, "Oh, and before I go, I need to point out that you do look hot in that outfit!"
Kate snorted at the mischievous leer Tony was giving her. "Come on, DiNozzo, let's get you back before you manage to get yourself thrown out."
Tony found himself once again standing in his hospital room watching Gibbs (and himself) sleeping. Kate was gone. He wondered if he actually could choose whether or not to return. He wondered if going back was really worth it. At that moment, Gibbs eyes popped open and he leaned toward the figure in the bed, some small sound having caught his attention. The grizzled marine glanced at the monitors and once again took a damp cloth and wiped perspiration from Tony's brow, moving with a gentleness most would never witness from the man. It was a gesture that DiNozzo could only describe as……fatherly. He thought about Kelly and his promise to her.
It was then Tony knew he had to find a way back, no matter what the cost.