Beavis and Butt-Head Finally get to South Park
Will not be seen tonight so we can bring you The Beavis and Butt-Head and Cartman Canadian Special!
"You are going to jail, friend!" the Canadian Mountie exclaimed, as he slapped handcuffs onto Buzzcut's wrists. He fastened a rope to the handcuffs and attached the other end to his sheep.
Buzzcut screamed, "YOU CANADIAN ASSHOLES ARE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE! I WAS TRAINED FOR THE CANADIAN/AMERICAN WAR! I KNOW HOW TO STOP YOU!"
The Mountie nodded at Van Driessen and took Buzzcut away.
"I can't believe coach Buzzcut was a child molester. Now children, it's okay to talk about if Buzzcut did anything harmful to you. Beavis, I know your underwear was found. Do you want to talk about it?"
Butt-Head looked at Beavis quietly for a moment and uttered, "Uhuhuh, you were touched."
Beavis screamed, "I was NOT Butt-Head! Shut up fartknocker!"
"Now Butt-Head, your friend was abused and you need to comfort him in this time of great difficulty. Now you two discuss things while I speak with Principal McVicker about how to get out of Canada after that wrong turn."
Cartman wasn't paying attention to the exchange between them, and was enthralled that his underwear plan didn't completely fail. Getting Buzzcut arrested heightened his mood after having to be stuck in stupid stinky Canada again. At least this time he wasn't missing Christmas. He noticed Beavis and Butt-Head walking away from the class, muttering something about scoring with Canadian chicks. He hurried to catch up with them, hoping that this didn't extend their stay in Canada.
Terrance paced in his cell. He had been captured earlier by Saddam Hussein, for purposes unknown. All that he knew was it couldn't be good. He heard footsteps down the hallway. A new prisoner was being dragged in. He was obviously of Texan origin from his appearance.
Saddam walked into the room, smiling evilly. "Hi buddy. I heard you molested some Texan child. That gets me HOT! Wanna come over here and have a little fun?"
Buzzcut stared at his arch nemesis. Finally, he had a chance to prove himself to his country. Using his enormous strength, Buzzcut broke his cuffs and grabbed Hussein by the neck. Terrance farted.
"I DID NO SUCH THING, YOU DISGUSTING CANADIAN MAN! I OUGHTA KILL YOU RIGHT HERE!" Buzzcut screamed at Saddam.
Saddam struggled in Buzzcut's grip. "Hey guy, let me touch those sexy muscles! Ohhh yeahhhh!"
Buzzcut let go of Saddam, wiping away the disgusting sweat Saddam had secreted onto his body. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Saddam looked unsurprised, but disappointed and said, "Come on, guyyyy. You'll like it, I swear! Besides, wouldn't you rather be more comfortable with me, instead of stuck in the cell with Mr. Farts-a-lot over here?"
Buzzcut channeled his frustration and pure rage into brute strength as he grabbed the bars to his cell. He managed to bend them enough to slip through, and his fist immediately met Saddam's face. Saddam let out a sound that could fall somewhere between a cry of pain and a sound of orgasm as he fell to the floor. Buzzcut didn't stop and began kicking Saddam over and over until he quit moving, dead once more.
After the deed was done, Buzzcut looked at the lifeless body with satisfaction that his mission was complete. He had protected America and its Canadian allies. Suddenly he heard a noise from behind him as Terrance farted again.
Buzzcut put his foot down. Enough was enough. He kicked Terrance so hard in the ass that it actually stopped him mid fart, causing Terrance to lose the ability to pass gas. "YOU CEASE THIS CHILDISH BEHAVIOR THIS INSTANT!"
Terrance was dumbfounded. How was he unable to fart?! He kept pushing and pushing but nothing happened. What would he and Phillip do without him? What's more, what would Canada do without him?! He needed to find Phillip even faster now. "What do you think you are doing, buddy?!"
Buzzcut didn't care to chat with Terrance, but he needed to get back to his class, and Terrance was a Canadian. "LISTEN UP, CANADIAN VERMIN! YOU WILL HELP ME GET BACK TO WHERE I NEED TO GO, AND YOU WILL NOT PARTAKE IN FLATULENT ACTIVITIES!"
Terrance did not want to team up with this loud, cruel man, but felt he had little choice in the matter. "Okay, friend, but first I need to find Phillip. He will know what to do."
Buzzcut sighed, and accepted his fate. He would help this damn Canadian find his companion but he wouldn't like it.
In their quest for hot babes, the trio came across a dashing young Canadian whose radiant golden locks greatly impressed them. Cartman instantly recognized him as Phillip, after hearing a sudden fart. He walked up to his idol and greeted him. "Oh wow, hey Phillip, been a while."
Butt-Head stared wide-eyed at Cartman and muttered, "Woah!" realizing that Cartman actually knew a famous person. "So you're like, famous and stuff. Can you like, help us score with some hot chicks?"
Phillip responded by farting and then giving his signature laugh. "I have scored with many a hot chick, buddy, but I would never reveal my secret. Oh okay, you've talked me into it. You need to spread your ass cheeks and…" he trailed off, and then farted right in Butt-Head's face.
Butt-Head ecstatically took the advice to heart, realizing that only by farts, would he score. It was solid advice. "That's pretty cool." He stated.
Beavis was a little jealous that he did not get farted on by this cool celebrity that so clearly knew how to pick up chicks. "I need to score with chicks, too. Yeah."
Phillip stared deeply into Beavis's eyes. Suddenly, Beavis farted in Phillip's face and asked, "Is that about right?"
Butt-Head laughed and said accusingly, "You wanna score with a dude."
Cartman also laughed at Beavis. "Fuckin' gay, dude. Now you have to reverse the gay polarity. Kyle told me about that."
Beavis confusedly picked his nose. "Ummm, what?" Beavis ignored that and moved onto business: finding a chick to score with.
Suddenly the Queef Sisters ran towards the group. Katie began ranting about Iranian or Iraqi soldiers. She wasn't sure which. She claimed that she had barely escaped the soldiers and that they weren't sure what they would do. It was at this precise moment when Buzzcut kicked Terrance, causing his inability to fart.
Phillip looked into the sky and said quietly, "There is a disturbance." He gazed into the distance before farting. After sharing a good laugh with the group, he stated what needed to be done. "We need to find Terrance. Now."
Butt-Head looked at the group and said, "This sucks. Let's get out of here Beavis!" He began to walk away, back towards the bus, uninterested in the problems of the sisters.
Beavis, however, was still focused on scoring. He was planning just how to fart on one of the Queef Sisters.
Meanwhile, Katherine was staring him down. She didn't like these boys and hoped their presence wouldn't disturb the plan. She stood there and took it while Beavis came up to her and ripped ass right in her face. "Oooohoooohooo, how impressive!" she muttered, humoring him.
Beavis was stunned on the spot. He impressed a chick. "Woah...really?"
Butt-Head was in denial. How could Beavis get a positive reaction from a chick, and right in front of him? It didn't make sense. He was going to tear Beavis down here and now. He smacked Beavis across the face. "No way, buttknocker. No chick would be impressed by you."
While Beavis rubbed the sore spot on his face, Cartman was busy laughing loudly and openly at the situation, but suddenly noticed a soldier rushing towards them. "Look out you guys!" He yelled as he tried to use them as a human shield, believing that Butt-Head's large head would protect him the most. He jumped on Butt-Head's shoulders, but his weight pulled Butt-Head backwards to the ground, flat on his ass. Beavis finally got to laugh at his expense.
The soldier readied his weapon but Phillip quickly reacted by farting in his face, knocking him out with chemical warfare. He bent down to inspect the fallen soldier. "This looks like one of Saddam's men. He must want to capture me too. I guess that's where Terrance is." After his moment of insight, Phillip let out a loud fart.
Butt-Head noticed that the soldier was a girl. He decided that he would try to use Beavis's technique to seduce her. She was waking up already, and Butt-Head farted quickly in her face, returning her to her gaseous slumber.
When he was finished laughing, Phillip stood tall and put on a pair of sunglasses. He declared, "Let's go get Terrance. I fear something dreadful has happened to him." Then he farted once more, for good measure.
Saddam awoke in Hell. It wasn't anything new for him, but he had urgent business to attend to on Earth this time. He hurried to Hell's exit, hoping that his ex-boyfriend Satan didn't notice him sneaking around. Satan showed him the exit a long time ago and it was heavily guarded. Saddam needed to hurry to enlist more direct help from his new lover if his plans had any hope of becoming reality.
The group made a brisk jog to the nearby town of Vancouver, since there was a weapons shop there. They needed to be armed if they were to save Terrance from the clutches of Saddam and his evil regime.
Beavis walked up to the counter and requested a flamethrower as he chanted the words, "FIRE FIRE!"
Butt-Head wanted something more exotic. "Uhh, do you guys have any nachos?"
The Canadian store owner looked dumbfounded at Butt-Head and asked, "What are nachos, friend?"
Butt-Head froze, horrified that someone could have gone their entire life without knowledge of nachos.
Beavis just felt anger at such a thing. He began screaming at the shop owner. "What is wrong with you people?! How do you not know about nachos!? Dammit! Nachos are like, the greatest food to ever exist you know? And we like, hold them in our hearts, what it truly means to be human. Before nachos existed, mankind didn-"
"OK dude, Jesus, nachos are pretty great but I want to get a sweet wizard staff already," Cartman cut him off. He quietly added, "Or maybe some raccoon claws…"
The Queef Sisters were satisfied with the weapons that everyone had chosen and they rushed towards the oncoming battle. Walking down the only road, Eric Cartman carried a large wooden staff, prepared to bash anyone who opposed him. Beavis carried a flamethrower, quietly muttering the word fire to himself. Butt-Head walked in the middle, leading the charge. He was the obvious leader, eating Canadian nachos and heading to an obvious victory. Phillip followed closely behind, ready to provide his own chemical warfare abilities, if needed. Together with the Queef Sisters, they formed a formidable force.
The Queef Sisters led the way to Saddam's fortress, which thankfully wasn't too far away now. They all arrived by sundown, and decided to rest outside the area and form a plan of attack.
"Hey Butt-Head." Phillip spoke. "Do you have any more of those things? What did you call them, nachos?" He farted after he spoke, and the group erupted in laughter before Butt-Head responded.
"Uhhh, no way dillweed, those are mine!" Butt-Head uttered, appalled that someone would want to take his precious nachos.
Cartman couldn't believe that anyone could use that tone of voice with one of his idols. "Butt-Head, seriously, I swear to God, if you don't share your nachos with Phillip I'll make you eat your parents." He raised his staff threateningly while staring Butt-Head down.
"Uh, my mom sucks. I want my nachos." Butt-Head said, tired of the discussion.
The Queef Sisters began to get impatient. Katherine spoke up, "Just share your nachos so we can hurry into the fortress already!"
Butt-Head ignored her and kept eating his nachos. This set off Cartman, and he hit Butt-Head in the face with his staff several times.
"What did you do that for asswipe?!" Butt-Head said, obviously pissed. He grabbed Cartman by the front of his shirt and slapped him across the face.
Katherine took this distraction to speed things up and swiped some nachos in the confusion, giving them to Phillip.
"Thanks, babe," Phillip told her before eating the nachos. He was enamored with the nachos, and everyone stopped and stared once he released an extra powerful fart due to them.
The group was undoubtedly ready for battle, but still had not decided on a plan.
"Um, I think we should go in through the back door. I remember seeing a good way to get in there when we escaped!" Katie said matter-of-factly. Since nobody else had any suggestions, the decision was unanimous. They quietly crept around Saddam's fortress, easily avoiding capture, as Butt-Head chewed his nachos.
"When do we get to burn stuff? I want to use this thing!" Beavis said, becoming angry that he hadn't yet used his flamethrower.
"Calm down friend," Phillip said concerned.
"Phillip, maybe you should let me hold that until he needs it." Katherine said to her husband.
"Yeah, sounds reasonable," Phillip agreed, trusting his wife's judgement.
Holding the flamethrower, Katherine bumped into Butt-Head causing his nachos to plummet to the ground, ruining them.
Butt-Head did not take kindly to this accident. "Dammit, you ruined my nachos." He no longer desired to score with a woman who destroys nachos. His motivation for doing anything in Canada plummeted.
The group easily sneaked into the building, which was strangely lacking in many guards. Shortly, the group came across the holding cells. Katie gestured towards one of them. "Terrance should still be in the back of this cell. Why don't you all take a look?"
Everyone began piling into the cell, with Phillip standing guard near the front. Suddenly Coach Buzzcut appeared and kicked Phillip hard in the ass, clogging it up the same way as Terrance had previously been afflicted. Then the cell door slammed shut behind Phillip.
"Thanks guy!" Saddam said, caressing Buzzcut's large pecs. Buzzcut leaned towards Saddam and gave him a kiss.
Terrance was in the back of the cell, and was ecstatic to see that Phillip was alright.
Terrance and Phillip cried and embraced, touching the hearts of everyone in their group. Everyone but Katie and Katherine Queef.
Shocking everyone, the Queef Sisters began rubbing Saddam's arms, one slowly moving down his body seductively. As they began to pleasure Saddam, they started to merge. Their bodies twisted together horrifically, transforming into Beelzaboot, the Canadian Devil. "It was me, the Canadian Devil, the whole time, buddy! You fell right into our trap!" Beelzaboot shot a jealous glance at Buzzcut but otherwise said nothing, instead farting out a fireball.
Saddam smirked and said, "Hey guys, don't worry about it! You won't live long enough to see me take over Canada anyway! And without your farts, Terrance and Phillip, nothing can stop me!"
"Let us out of here, you stupid Canadian assholes!" Cartman yelled and began smacking the bars of the cell with his staff.
Saddam noticed that the group wasn't entirely unarmed, and asked his lover Beelzaboot about it. "Why didn't you take that?"
Beelzaboot laughed. "Because staffs are gay." He stated simply.
Cartman was outraged. "Staffs are NOT gay! They're fuckin' sweet!" He threw his staff directly at Beelzaboot's head, but missed by a wide margin, effectively disarming himself. "God damn it…"
Beavis looked back and forth like a trapped animal and screamed, "This is worse than when we were stuck in that elevator! We're all gonna die!"