Chapter 4 – Whatever Gets You Through Today

Two weeks later

Meredith gave a brief smile to her last patient as she finished her rounds. She spotted Cristina at the end of the hall and walked towards her. Then she heard footsteps behind her. Heavy, familiar footsteps. She sped up, attempting to get to Cristina before he caught her, but he lengthened his steps and grabbed her wrist.

"You've been avoiding me."

"I haven't been-," she stopped. What was the point of denying it? "I didn't want to talk to you."

"You said to come talk to you when I figured out what that night meant."

"Be quiet! People are going to hear you!" She looked around. "Come on." She walked over to the stairwell, and they both stepped inside. "Talk."

"All right," he said slowly, watching her face. "Did you hear that Addison and I are getting divorced?"

"I heard," she replied, her face expressionless. He couldn't tell if the news made her happy or not.

"It should be finalized in about a month or so." He watched her. "I realized, after that night, that I couldn't be with Addison anymore."

"Because you had cheated on her?"

"Not because of that. I mean, I know it wasn't fair to her, for me to have cheated, but that's not why I couldn't be with her anymore. I realized..," he cleared his throat and looked down. It wasn't easy for him to lay himself open like this. "I realized that I couldn't be with her because I'm in love with you."

Her face was still blank. "Weren't you in love with me when you chose her?"

"When I chose her I was - I was still in love with you"

"Then what's changed? Nothing's different now, Derek."

"Everything's different. I realized that I couldn't keep up a charade of being in love with her and being friends with you. When she said was that I pretended to be love her to fill my need of being a good guy- she was right. And I thought that I couldn't just walk away from 11 years of marriage. I was wrong. I should have left her to be with you."

She shakes her head, her expression weary. "What do you want from me, Derek? What exactly is it that you're trying to say?"

"I love you Meredith. Only you. And I'm hoping that you'll forgive me and we can try to make this work."

Meredith started to shake her head slowly, and Derek's heart sank. The shrill sound of her cell phone ringing startled them both. She pulled her phone of her lab coat and looked at the phone number on the front. "I have to take this."

She turned away from him and answered the phone, and Derek stepped closer as he tried to hear the voice on the other end. He wondered if it was Finn, not having heard that the two of them broke up. Meredith's voice cracked a little, and he stepped closer.

"I'll be there as fast as I can." Her voice shakes, and she closes the phone with a snap. She turns to him. "Family emergency. I have to go."

In his mind, he runs over everything he knows about her family. He realizes his knowledge is sadly lacking. "Is it your mother? Is she all right?"

"She's… she's dead Derek." She lets out a small sob. "I have to go." She pushes past him and goes down the stairs. He starts to follow, but she turns around and looks up at him, her blue eyes cloudy with tears. "Let Bailey know where I've gone. And tell the chief what's happened."

"Wait! Let me get one of your friends. If you don't want me to go with you- I'll go get one of them for you." He moves closer. "Or I can go with you. Nobody will care that you left once they know what happened." He moves as if to hold her, but she stepped back, unable to accept any comfort.

"No… Just tell Bailey and the chief. I'm sure my friends will hear what's happened. I can't talk to anyone now – I have to go." She flies down the stairs past him. This time he lets her go.

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