Chapter 4: Realizing her loss
After securing a spot on a ship heading to Alexandria to retrieve Cyrene and Eve, Xena returned to pack her gear.
"How could she do this me!" she started to grumble. "All these years, how could she just walk away, after all that we have been through." Xena was in shock and disbelief.
"Don't follow me, she says" Xena mocked, remembering the line from the letter. The first thought she had was to track the bard down and ask her what was wrong. Gabrielle tore that idea away with one line. Xena would respect her wishes. No matter how badly she wanted to resolve the problem right now, she didn't want to make the bard angrier than she already was.
She smiled when she thought of a clever work around. She then asked the locals for a good tracker. A tracker named Amun was recommended more than once. She found Amun and gave him specific instructions on not letting her out of his sight. The information she provided him would be enough."She is about this tall, has short blond hair, her weapons of choice are sais. She has beautiful green eyes and her nose crinkles when she laughs or smiles." Xena continued. Amun probably had enough info to go on when she described the blond hair, because not many women in the area had blond hair, but he let her tell him whatever she felt she needed to. He jotted all the information he needed down. Xena paid him with some dinars and left him the details of where to reach her in Amphipolis. "Send me info as soon as you find her," Xena instructed. Amun nodded and left the palace promptly. She packed her gear quickly and headed to the ship on its way to Alexandria.
While on the ship, Xena's sobering loneliness broke into her consciousness. She hadn't been without Gabrielle in a very long time. She recalled many times that Gabrielle had always stuck by her side, in the face of death, and even in betrayal. She remembered their shared promises of always being by each other's side. Her anger and disbelief faded when she suddenly was hit with a sad realization. 'She must have been really unhappy or angry with me to leave. Great going stupid warrior.' she scolded herself and spent the rest of her boat ride to Alexandria feeling remorseful and empathetic toward Gabrielle's unhappiness.
She arrived in Alexandria at late night and met Cyrene at the inn she and Eve stayed in.
"Xena, how did it go?" Cyrene asked, then adopted a stricken fearful look after seeing Xena's demeanor.
"Where is Gabrielle?" Cyrene asked frightened. Xena tried to maintain her stoic nature, but with her recent body changes, her emotions took a leading role.
"Oh Mom, she left me!" Xena cried, finally having someone to open up to. Xena soon adopted a guilty countenance.
"Daughter, what did you do?" Cyrene asked while calming Eve, who also began to fuss, possibly sensing her mother's unease.
"Well Mom, you know how when you want to find out if someone is interested in you, you try to see if they get jealous when you flirt with another person?" Xena began.
"Why yes Xena, but what does this have to do with where Gabrielle is?" Cyrene wondered.
This wasn't the ideal way in which Xena wished to be outed of her attraction to Gabrielle, but circumstances were more than extenuating. "I tried to make Gabrielle jealous. If I thought my seduction would backfire like this I would have just put the pinch on Antony to get what I wanted. I just wanted to make her a little jealous to see if she maybe felt the way I felt about her. It was just so intoxicating to feel desired, that I took it too far. Now I don't know if she was jealous, or she was just mad at me for indulging on my seduction plan." Xena spit out.
"I think I've made her unhappy and now she hates me." Xena confessed.
Surprised but not judging the current revelation, Cyrene responded, "Honey, Gabrielle could never hate you. Why didn't you just tell her instead of playing games?"
"I don't know Mom, I guess I was just scared to tell her. I'm so confused. I think I should just tell her the truth. Maybe she will forgive me. Or maybe she might be shocked and disgusted and leave again." Xena overreacted.
Cyrene, understanding the aftermath of just having a child, played it calm and collected despite Xena's distress. Although she didn't fully approve of Xena's attraction to women, the fact that it was Gabrielle didn't surprise her.
"Xena, tell me all about it and we'll see what we can do." Cyrene offered. The fact that Cyrene thought there might be something to do, eased Xena's fear of hopelessness.
To be continued in Chapter 5