"Welcome to Glaceon the Critic where bad fanfiction burns," Glaceon exasperated, "Oh boy, where do I begin?"
Fennekin's Chance
"The author, for reasons unknown, deleted the fic some time ago," Glaceon sighed, "I wonder why?"
Warning: Don't read if you actually like Serena the way she is in the anime. Also, anti-Amourshipping, obviously. And implied character death.
"What scares me is the 'obviously' part most of all," Glaceon said.
"I wonder where Serena went…" Bonnie looked around, confused by the other girl's absence.
"Who knows?" Ash, who was playing with his Goomy, spoke. "I'm just glad she isn't here to pant after me or something."
"OOC," Glaceon groaned.
"What do you mean?" Clemont looked up from another invention of his.
"What do I mean? Didn't you notice how her eyes sparkle when she looks at me?"
"What is Ash on," Glaceon said, "And for you information Rio the Ice Queen, if she eye-sparkled every time she looked at Ash, she'd go blind due to the strain."
"Can I burn it now," Flareon said off stage.
"We're getting paid by the word, so no," Glaceon answered.
…Ash looked uncomfortable. "She also kept telling everyone that we met in the city that we were on a dating.."
"Ketchup boy has clearly overdosed his medication and exposed himself to way too much car exhaust because this did not happen in the slightest," Glaceon continued.
"…while all I was doing was trying to buy her a gift for her debut. This is why I don't fall for my female friends, it just gets… awkward."
"SCREW THIS STUPID FANFIC," Glaceon shouted losing composure (like the guy had it in the first place), "You didn't buy her the gift. You got it by chance and willfully gave it to her. Did you even watch this episode?"
"Don't you like that Misty person?" Bonnie wondered, petting Dedenne. "I heard you talking about her in your sleep."
"Other things Ash mutters in his sleep: Excuses for wearing the same underwear everyday, Pokémon, when is he going to arrive at the next town, his lines when Team Rocket arrives, Pokémon, and more Pokémon," Glaceon listed.
"That was a crush." Ash said. "I didn't think she'd like me back… but now when a girl actually like me… it just feels off somehow…"
"OOC."
"I'm only ten and all and putting romance over my dream sounds… weird."
*Ding*
"That's the new OOC counter," Porygon said, "I thought it may come in handy."
"Oh, yes," Glaceon exasperated.
Serena run crying, falling on her knees sniffling. "He… h-he…" she gasped when she heard rustling behind her and looked around to see a Pangoro.
Wh-what?" The behemoth raised it's paw and struck down.
"Grammar," Porygon snapped.
"That's far from the only problem," Glaceon sighed.
"Let's go Fennekin!" Bonnie told the fox pokemon, holding Pancham's pokeball in her back. "Serena will catch up to us for sure!"
"Yeah." Ash spoke, his Pikachu on one shoulder and his Goomy on the other. "Like she always does…" he muttered, as the three children began to walk toward the next town. Fennekin looked back into the dark forest for the last time before catching up to her new trainer, Ash.
THE END
"It's over and THANK GOODNESS," Glaceon declared, "I don't need to be an English teacher to know the intent of this story, to kill Serena. Ash was way out of character, details from the anime we're screwed over, and it is clearly just to bash a ship. Flareon, get the Sacred Fire of Ho-oh to deal with this filthy abomination."
Flareon walked down a dark and rather well decorated hall. He first passed Xernas and Yveltal, snickering and mumbling Organization XIII jokes. Then he passed Zekrom and Reshiram. Then Dialga and Palkia. Then Groudon and Kyogre. Then Ho-oh and Lugia. The fire was between them, and Flareon moved one of the sticks he had brought and took some fire.
A rather short piece of paper that contained the story was positioned in the middle of eighteen different stones. The other Eeveelutions basically began to sing "Hellfire" as Flareon moved the torch onto the piece of paper … and then there was much rejoicing.
I'm still open to suggestions for bad Fanfiction to burn.