Chapter 3:

Ryan felt bad. He felt really bad. Why did Kirsten's parents get involved in this, too? He easily could have taken a cab. He knew how to use those yellow vehicles. This was a bad omen which was crying out for trouble. Unfortunately, Seth didn't want to go home. He was an arse. He made use of the situation and played the role of the role-model-son to impress Ryan's Dad. Ryan was sure as hell that, when his Dad came home, he'd have to listen to the worst lecture ever. But for now he was stuck at the home of Rose and Caleb Nichol, since nobody of them had the keys to Kirsten's home. Ryan doubted that his life could get any worse.

"Here, I hope you like chicken sandwiches," Rose said as she offered him a plate with several sandwiches piled up on it. Ryan didn't feel like eating. It was actually the last thing on his mind.

"Thanks, …but…I'm not really hungry," Ryan mumbled. How could his father possibly have done this to him? Dragging him to the other side of the continent without even asking him? Ryan couldn't imagine living together with Kirsten and Seth. How was he supposed to deal with Seth's constant malice towards him? How was he supposed to warm to Kirsten who obviously saw him as mere obstacle? How was he supposed to become happy here? And what would his father do if he found out that Ryan couldn't meet this expectation? There was so much trouble about to come up to him. Suddenly Ryan felt too tried as if capable of dealing with it. He couldn't. He had no energy left.

"But you need to eat. You barely touched your dinner," Rose said putting a gentle hand on his arm. Ryan remained mute. He couldn't do this. He couldn't stay here. His Mom was still in New York. New York meant his Mom. He couldn't leave her without even saying goodbye. His Dad managed to take one more remaining piece of his mother away from Ryan. His father knew how much his Mom meant to him, regardless of what she did do or didn't do. How could he do this to him? If his father could leave everything behind just like that, then fine. However, Ryan wasn't like his father. He couldn't leave his life behind as if it meant nothing to him.

"I can imagine that all this must be a little too much for you right now, but you need to take care of yourself, too," Rose told him rubbing her hand up and down his arm. Why was she doing this? Shouldn't she be more concerned about her grandson, Seth?

"I know how difficult it is to get back to a normal life after such a long time revolving only around treatments and doctors, but no matter how hard it seems you need to start having proper meals if you want to make a fast recovery," Rose started to tell him. This caught his attention. He looked at her.

"I was diagnosed leukaemia eleven years ago. I still remember the day when the doctor told me as if it was just yesterday. My world collapsed and I was afraid, but not of the possibility of dying, but because of what you hear about chemo and radiation. I was so glad having Caleb. He really did a good job supporting and helping me during all that time. Still, after they told me I was cancer free, I thought I was through with it. I never thought it'd be that difficult to get back to normal life, since this had always been what I wished for," Rose explained to him and somehow, although Ryan felt sorry for her having to go through the same shit, he felt some sort of welcoming connection growing between them. He wasn't sure whether it was right, since Rose was Seth's Grandma.

"Rose, I think what the boy needs now is some cheering up," Caleb entered the kitchen interrupting their conversation.

"I know, I just wanted to let him know that, if he feels like talking to someone who might understand him better than the others, he can come over here, anytime," Rose added. Ryan's head shot up in surprise. Nobody had ever offered him a sympathetic ear and especially not when it was about his…condition or however one wanted to refer to it. Ryan would never consider turning to Rose, though. It would only complicate things if Seth found out that Ryan and Rose had something in common. On the other hand, the idea of having someone who really understood was awfully tempting, but Ryan would resist as he always did.

"Do I see chicken sandwiches?" Caleb asked sheepishly. He took one, and immediately earned a slap on his hand from Rose.

"These are for Ryan. He needs to eat something," Rose admonished her husband grinningly. They really seemed to be a couple in love and Ryan tried to imagine if his parents could have been able to overcome their difficulties to become a couple just like that.

"That's true. Maybe he'll develop an appetite if we just changed the topic. How about talking about the national wide music contest you won with your crew," Caleb mentioned out of the blue causing Ryan to blush. This was seriously nothing he wanted to talk about right now.

"What are you talking about?" Rose looked confused.

"About the brilliant piece of music Ryan composed. I have to say, you won quite rightly," Caleb added.

"It's…nothing. I didn't even play. I just arranged it," Ryan tried to downplay his achievement. After his father's statement Ryan didn't think it was such a big deal as he had first thought it was.

"You what? Your Dad must be pretty proud of you," Rose beamed of …pride? How could she do that? She didn't even know him. Ryan was confused. These people barely knew him and though they treated him as if he was one of them

"Yeah…no…he's not really into music. It was rather my Mom's thing," Ryan tried to rescue his father.

"Oh and there I hoped someone could explain my husband the reason for an early education in music," Rose sighed jokingly.

"Letting Kiki try the violin was an awful idea, but Hailey…oh dear. No, they definitely didn't inherit your musical genes," Caleb teased his wife.

"That's sad but true. Unfortunately, Seth doesn't have a sense for music as well, but with our new family addition, I finally got someone who understands the effect of classical tunes. Do you even play an instrument?" Rose asked full in anticipation. Ryan felt the urge to pretend that they were talking about someone else. He really didn't like being in the centre of attention, but he couldn't lie to her.

"The piano and…the guitar, but that one just a little," Ryan replied shyly. He had difficulties talking about music since his mother died. Every time it felt like this shortly healed wound was opening up again, leaving a burning and searing sensation on his skin.

"Why so shy young man? That's nothing to be embarrassed of," Caleb said noticing Ryan's uneasiness regarding this topic.

"Only because I'm no man of music, it doesn't mean that I don't like listening to the one or other tune," he added. Ryan knew how it felt to be confronted with the total opposite of that one. His father not only was no man of music, but he seemed to even hate it. Ryan never found out the reasons, though.

"I hope I don't appear obtrusive by asking, but…would you mind playing for us? It's been years ago since someone played our piano," Rose asked kindly. Usually Ryan would have denied such a request, but this time he just couldn't.

Rose's POV

Rose was amazed by the young man's way to play. Not only listening to the music was a joy but also watching him. His fingers seemed like long-legged spiders running over the keys playing the presto, but then again they seemed like feathers brushing the keys when he played pianissimo. She rarely had felt so touched listening to music, but Ryan really did move something insider of her. He put so many emotions in his way of playing the piano she had never heard before. She did notice his reluctance to talk about music and his achievements though. But the wounds his mother's death had left were still fresh and being reminded of her probably still hurt. She felt sorry for him. His life has turned upside down twice within short time: first he lost his mother and then he lost his home. It was no wonder that Ryan did react the way he did to the news his father had opened to him just hours ago. On top of all it Ryan was still sick or at least not recovered yet. He probably was awfully overtaxed and needed some time to rest. Of course it was a good feeling that Sandy loved her daughter that much that he was willing to change his life for her and just moved to Newport only to be with her, but she wished he had considered his son's needs, too. She feared that this might be the hint showing that Sandy wasn't a good father. But then again, they all knew how love could blind you and it didn't stop when you grew up or reached an age beyond twenty. When hormones were involved the head remains mute.

After Ryan had played two songs for them Rose decided it was better to relieve Ryan of his burden. She didn't want him to hurt anymore under her roof. This would be the place for both the boys to retreat, because they needed it now. Still, Rose was amazed at how easily Seth seemed to accept Sandy around him. Sure, Seth has had time to get used to Sandy being around. Ryan's father had been over for a visit several times before and it was obvious that Sandy understood Seth's situation well. He treated Seth carefully and with respect, accepted it when Seth claimed his space and didn't try being a father but rather a friend. In this respect Rose had trouble to understand what made it so difficult for Sandy to act the same towards his own son. From Kirsten she knew that Ryan's and Sandy's relationship was awfully strained and these evening's events had been the proof. Rose also knew that Kirsten feared what was behind their issues and that it might affect her relationship to Sandy. Rose saw some of the reasons for these issues. Cancer was a crucial test for the bonds of a family and not every family passed this test. During her own time in hospital she had seen families first fighting, then crying and at the end falling apart. Added to that, both men had to deal with the loss of a beloved person. She was sure that this was enough to push a father-son-relationship to the edge.

"Mom? Dad?" she heard her daughter call.

"We're in the den," Rose called back. She casted a short look over to Ryan who remained indifferent.

"Hey!" Kirsten greeted them all with a warm-hearted hug. It didn't remain unseen that Ryan stepped back a little when Kirsten turned to him.

"How was the dinner?" Caleb asked his daughter.

"The food was good," her daughter answered with a sigh and Rose knew that the evening had been ruined for her, but hopefully this would be a warning to her to involve the boys in her decisions the next time.

"Is Seth with you?" Rose asked.

"No, but he and Sandy should come here soon, too," Kirsten answered her with an apologetic look which turned Rose concerned.

"So, it didn't went so well with Seth either?" She asked carefully.

"He's afraid of the change. Sandy and he get along quite well right now, but he and Ryan…we have a lot to sort out. Seth…he's afraid of this change," her daughter explained, her face turning into a painful expression. Nobody of the two adults had thought that this change would mean so much to their sons.

"So is Ryan," Caleb answered plainly. Rose shot a warning glare over to him, having realised that Ryan didn't like being in the centre of attention at all. Also she thought that they had no right to intervene. The two small families had to sort it out on their own. They could only play a supporting role in this.

Meanwhile

Sandy sat outside on the patio watching the horizon. He had underestimated the issues which stood between Seth and Ryan. Something he thought which was nothing but a fight between teenagers developed into a serious crisis which was about to ruin everything. Seth told them that it was already difficult to accept Sandy as the new man at his mother's side, but accepting Ryan as a brother he never really wanted was too much to ask for. At this Sandy cringed. Sandy knew that Seth had developed a serious case of antipathy towards Ryan, but he didn't expect it to reach such an extent. Also he had thought that after a long time of not seeing each other their fight was forgotten. It was difficult to really blame the fight the boys had for it. Sandy was sure there was more behind. He had to find out what it was. He couldn't let Seth pick on Ryan. Ryan needed his time to get used to the idea of becoming a family as well.

Seth stepped out. They needed to talk and it was easier talking at Seth's home where he could retreat and felt safe.

"You okay?" Sandy asked carefully.

"Not really," Seth admitted slumping down on a chair across from him

"I know, I mean you and Ryan didn't hide it," Sandy said trying to sound amused whilst in fact he was worried.

"I don't know what frightens you about the idea of Ryan and me moving in with you or your mother. Is it just the change or is there more behind it?" Sandy tried to sort things out between him and Seth.

"I don't need a brother, that's all," Seth snorted. Sandy sighed. They were running in circles with this. All Seth would say was that he didn't want Ryan around and Sandy was unable to detect whether this was all or whether there was even more behind.

"But this is not working without Ryan. I'm not moving in without him and you should know and understand why. Your mother wouldn't do this without you either," Sandy told him.

"Then don't," Seth answered bluntly.

Later on

The atmosphere in the den of Rose's and Caleb's home was thick with tension. Kirsten tried to smooth the waters by talking, but Ryan couldn't forgive her for what she had done. Maybe it was even her who made his father stay quiet about his plans of moving, but Ryan couldn't tell.

"Did Ryan eat?" Kirsten asked her mother. It was a mystery to him why she couldn't direct the question to him since he was in the same room with her.

"He had a sandwich," Rose replied.

"Ryan, you need to eat more," Kirsten reminded him of something Ryan was tired of listening to.

"I would've lost my appetite too, if I was Ryan," Caleb grumbled. Ryan had never thought that this always grimly seeming man would be the one understanding him. The doorbell rang, dragging them out of the strained conversation.

"I guess that would be Seth and Sandy," Rose said and got up to open the door. The knot in Ryan's stomach tightened. He knew it was his turn now. His Dad probably was beyond pissed since Ryan managed to ruin a whole evening. Rose re-entered the den with his father and a sulky Seth in tow.

"Now we're complete. Does anyone want something to eat or drink?" Rose offered cheerfully.

"No Mom, but thanks," Kirsten answered. His father's eyes met his, but instead of the feared anger they displayed exhaustion.

"Ryan, can…I talk to you, alone?" his father asked.

"Sure," Ryan replied, suppressing the fears in his stomach.

"I'll show you where my office is," Caleb offered and got up taking them to his office where he left them, closing the door behind him. His father sat down on the leather couch.

"So, this didn't went as well as I hoped," his father started. Ryan stayed mute and watched his father.

"I shouldn't be surprised shouldn't I?" his father went on. Whatever his father was about to say, beating around the bush always meant that whatever it was, it was hard for him. Ryan's stomach clenched with fear.

"Okay, so…I think, since Seth doesn't handle the new situation as good as Kirsten and I thought he would and…since he needs more time to adjust, it was better for us to move in our own home," his father said the words coming over his lips like pebbles. Usually, Ryan would've been glad that his father had understood that moving in with Seth and his Mom wasn't going to work out, but Ryan wasn't, the contrary. What Ryan's father said felt like a slap in the face to Ryan.

"Pardon?" Ryan just asked in disbelieve. Why was anyone concerned about Seth and how he dealt with the news? He, at least could stay in his familiar surroundings, his home. Ryan, instead had to leave everything behind without getting a single chance of making his own cut with his own life, and nobody cared?

"What?" his father countered with a strained voice. "Ryan, I'm sorry, we're not going back to New York. The job offer I got here is way too good as if I could let it slide just like that. It's better for us, and I'm not talking about the money here, but…other conditions: working from home, more room to organise my schedule as it suits us…I,…"

"And I'm not talking about staying here, but the simple fact that nobody seems to care about what I feel," Ryan suddenly blew his top. The rage which had been boiling inside of him since he left the restaurant needed more space and thus escaped. Ryan couldn't control it any longer.

"Ryan…calm down. I'm sorry, it…did come out all wrong…I…of course I do think about you…," his father tried to get out of the mess he manoeuvred himself into.

"Since when? Don't you think I do realise what you're doing all the time? Don't you think that I know that you'd rather be anywhere else than with me?" Ryan couldn't tell where these feelings came from, but they must've been slumbering somewhere in his soul and now thought it was the right time to be expressed.

"Ryan…please? What shall I do…to…it's not true what you're saying. Alright…how about you're going to L.A. have some fun and when you're coming back things have settled," his father suggested, but suddenly Ryan didn't want to go to L.A. anymore.

"Now I am allowed to go? Why? So you and Kirsten can start to set up a nice little family with Seth, while I'm gone and not causing trouble anymore?"

"Ryan…why are you getting me wrong? This…"

"Why? Because this is what you want, isn't it? You want to rid yourself of Mom's mistake and shipping me off was the best thing to do!"

"Ryan, stop this now. It doesn't belong here," his father replied determined this time. He obviously didn't want this issue discussed here, but Ryan didn't care.

"It doesn't belong here? Didn't you tell Kirsten already?" His father shook his head in reply. "Great, so you want to erase this mistake from your life, without her ever knowing, right?" Ryan was short of breath and his pulse was racing because of fury.

"Without me knowing what?" Their fight was suddenly disturbed by a calm, soft female voice. Kirsten stood in the door frame, her face drawn with worry.

"Kirsten, it's nothing. Ryan's just…," his father stammered, but Ryan couldn't take any more lies in his life. There've been too many of them as if he could hear any more of them.

"I'm not his fucking son," Ryan spat, raining on his father's parade.

"What?" Kirsten exclaimed shocked.

"I'm a fucking bastard," Ryan added on top of it and then ran off. He needed fresh air to cool down. He was on the drive way, when a firm but gentle hand grabbed his upper-arm.

"You shouldn't run away from this here. The problem won't solve on its own," Caleb said calmly without accusation.

"This problem will never be solved, with or without me. I'm tired of facing all our fights and problems," Ryan replied. Caleb released his arm and Ryan went off to the beach.