Writer's note: 15 more prompts to go! This idea was a result of wanting Calhoun and Gene on the verge of killing each other. Have fun!
Things You Said at the Kitchen Table
"Well, isn't this dandy; the three of us sharing a warm meal and good times."
Neither of Felix's two supper companions budged from their death glare war that was being fought across the circular table. Felix pouted. The other day he'd come across his lovely wife and the mayor of Niceland having a yelling match outside the apartment's entrance. He'd tried to find out exactly why they were arguing, but Tamora was too steamed to even talk to. Gene flat out told Felix that his wife was the most disrespectful, infuriating woman ever created (then jerkily marched off, slamming the entrance door behind him).
Felix had stood there, mouth hung open like a fish, wondering what intarnation happened. Gene could be rather persnickety, and Tamora wasn't called a dynamite gal for no reason. So, the handyman took it upon himself to mend the hard feelings with a pleasant supper together, which so far had resembled a game of Mortal Kombat fought with angry stares.
"Will you pass the meatloaf, Felix?" Gene pointed to the platter on the other side of the table.
"Why don't you ask Tamora?" Felix answered slyly with a nod to his wife. "The meatloaf is closer to her."
Gene's mustache twitched, annoyed. "Pass me the meatloaf, Ms. Calhoun."
Felix sighed inwardly. Out of all the Nicelanders, Gene was the only one who didn't call Tamora "Mrs. Fix-It". Tamora could care less, but Felix secretly did.
"You missed a word, caterpillar."
"I - what?" Gene stuttered.
Tamora peered at him through squinted eyes. "Please" she emphasized as if talking to a child.
Gene's hand was just about trembling from indignation when he reached for his martini glass and downed the whole thing. Felix watched, wide-eyed, suddenly realizing that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. When Gene downed a whole martini, things were about to get hairy.
The martini glass slammed into the table top, and Gene was suddenly standing up on the chair. "You know, Sergeant Calhoun," the rant began, sneering Tamora's name in disgust, "you are the most confounded, disrespectful person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. You have the audacity to walk around on your military high horse. Well, woman, this is my game, not yours, and you should act accordingly!"
This whole time, Tamora was eerily quiet. She was never on the other end of the spectrum, and always had the right and authority to yell at whoever she pleased. She finally stood, towering over the table, eyes shooting invisible fiery darts at her adversary.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but whose name is in on the cabinet, Gene?" she said sarcastically, "Oh, that's right, MY HUSBAND'S. You can take your self-righteous bull and shove it up your-"
"Tamora-" Felix squeaked before she could go any further, because potty mouths were not allowed at the table and Tamora respected the rule (even if she had to be reminded of it every now and then).
"How dare you corrupt Felix!" Gene continued, not skipping a beat. "Before you came along, he always had time for the citizens of Niceland. Now he's off having adventures with you or staying in - with you!" He scrunched up his face in disgust and said lowly, "Don't even get me started on the banging."
Felix's mouth dropped open. Oh good golly, where was this going-
"I can hear through the walls; all the banging and yelling and crazy noises that come from your apartment while other proper folks are trying to get some sleep!"
Felix's cheeks were glowing red as he pulled his cap down over his face. He was mortified. He never thought once that the Nicelanders could hear his and Tamora's marriageable activities through the walls! In the heat of passion, he wasn't thinking to keep it down and Tamora surely wouldn't (and he definitely didn't want her to anyways).
"At least Felix has someone jerking him off instead of him having to jerk it himself!" Tamora countered. Felix didn't think it could get any worse, but jiminy, it just did.
Gene's eyes grew as big as quarters. "How do you-" he stuttered.
Tamora leaned down and murmured, "I can hear through the walls too, Big Gene."
"OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Felix shouted, inserting himself between the two and pushing them both back to their sides of the table. He gave them each a reprimanding look before seating himself again. "I think we all just about had enough of the TMI crossing this table. It's about time for an intervention."
Felix shrunk back when two sets of burning eyes turned on him. He was about to turn tail and get the H E double hockey sticks out of there when the two advisories faced each other again.
"Stay the fun away from me, mustache," Tamora snarled.
Gene planted fists on his hips. "With pleasure, G.I Jane!"
Tamora took a step up to Felix, jabbing him in the chest with her finger. "You're building me a house." With that, the sergeant stormed out the front door leaving Felix flabbergasted.
"Jeepers, I haven't seen Tammy this mad since Ralph went turbo." And that had been a good year since, which made him fear that she'd come back and knock Gene into the next game cabinet. Because if he knew Gene, the martini-sipping mayor would stick around to do some more complaining that Felix did not wish to hear anyway. "You better leave for she comes back."