Author's Notes:
Thank you to everyone who took the time to review chapter 3! Since many of you are guests, I can't reply directly, so I wanted to clarify a few things here:
1. Why haven't we seen Meredith yet?
Meredith is going to play a huge part in this story. I've already said this is MerDer eventually. We haven't seen her yet for several reasons. First, most of this story has taken place in New York. Meredith is trying to survive her first week of intern year in Seattle. Second, I know she's in Karev's intern class, but he barely knows her. He went to Derek immediately after his first shift, and he isn't one of Bailey's interns. Third, this Derek is having a hard time accepting that a) he had a one night stand in the first place and b) that he slept with his intern. He comes around, but that's why you haven't seen/heard much yet.
Meredith is mentioned in this chapter, and she might appear in chapter 5. Honestly, this story is basically writing itself most of the time. I want her in chapter 5, but for all I know I'll blink and be at 10,000 words with no mention of Seattle. I know you all want to see her, I do too. We're getting close.
2. "This is mostly a Derek story."
Yes and no. Right now, it is absolutely a Derek story. But it's also a Mark story, an Amelia story, an Alex story, and an Abby story.
One of the things that angered me the most about Grey's is that Derek was always the bad guy, especially in season 11. I am trying to make him a person in his own right, with friends of his own and the family relationships he supposedly had, so when things get rocky (which, yes, they will) he has his friends too.
It's my own personal way to get over the fact that I apparently spent 10 years watching a show for Patrick's two minutes of screen time.
Now, rant over. This chapter is a bit heavy at first, but I absolutely love the end. It's my favorite part of the story so far. Enjoy :)
Old Scars, Future Hearts
Chapter Four
Lesson number one in Derek Shepherd's teacher playbook: It's our job, our responsibility, as surgeons to fight for our patients. If your patient is still breathing and their heart's still beating you had better be fighting like hell to make sure they stay that way.
He's 33 and already a surgical God.
A large part of the God of Neurosurgery lore is because he doesn't say no. He fights and he fights hard. If you or someone you love ever need brain surgery, he's the guy you want holding the scalpel. No questions asked.
Lesson number two: Even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying.
Derek believes in going above and beyond. He believes in doing the absolute best he can and then some. Even when it's risky. Even when others have said it's impossible. Because, sometimes he wins. And although he takes the loses hard, he still takes the risk. Because sometimes he wins.
Lesson number three: Nothing we do can stop death. We can hold it at bay every now and then, but everyone dies. And that's not on us.
I learned all three of these lessons well while I was a medical student working under him at Seattle Grace. I know Alex has already learned number one. Knowing my brother, he's probably slowly learning number two.
I am praying with everything I have that he doesn't have to learn number three. Not today. Not in this hospital. Not with Abby.
- Amelia Shepherd
"Try again!" Alex demanded.
"Karev," Derek said softly. "We've already tried three times."
"Try. Again." He insisted, glaring daggers at Derek.
When Derek didn't move to shock her, Alex decided to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed the paddles and turned to Amelia.
"Charge to 450."
"Karev, stop," Liz said gently. "I'm sorry. Amelia, don't do it."
Amelia didn't know what to do. She looked towards Derek. He looked like he was about to be sick. He was giving up.
Her brother knew what he was doing. He never gave up on his patients until all hope was gone. If he was giving up, who was she to doubt that?
Derek saw the terror in Alex's eyes. He felt sick to his stomach. How was he supposed to tell Mark that Abby was dead?
They were so close to completing the surgery. He had been putting the skull cap back on. What the hell happened?
He knew exactly what happened. She was four years old and her body decided it couldn't take anymore. Her heart physically couldn't handle anymore.
They had already tried to resuscitate her three times and each time they failed to bring her back. In any other patient, he would be calling time of death. However, Abby wasn't any patient. He was pretty sure she was gone. If he had to make a bet, he would bet this fourth attempt wouldn't bring her back. It would take an absolute miracle to bring her back.
But what could it hurt to try?
He nodded at Amy. Go ahead, his eyes said. Try.
"Charging." she said, completely avoiding Liz's eyes.
This was exactly why Liz hadn't wanted either of them in the OR. They were too close to the situation to be objective.
"Derek, stop this!" she argued, tears falling from her eyes. "She's gone, you know that!"
"Sinus rhythm," Derek breathed out, his eyes widening as he looked at the monitors. "We have sinus rhythm."
Stepping back into position at her head, he said a silent thank you to whoever was watching over this little girl.
They had gotten her back.
"I was giving up too," Derek said quietly to Liz.
Liz had darted out of the OR the moment he finished. He asked Alex and Amelia to bring Abby to recovery, then went off in search of his sister.
He eventually found Liz crying in the attending lounge. Derek knew exactly how she was feeling. He felt the same way. If he had his way in there, Abby would be dead.
For the second time in two days, Alex Karev had fought for Abby. For the second time in two days, Alex Karev had saved her life.
His respect for the young intern had skyrocketed. He was a great doctor, and he was going to make one hell of a surgeon.
He made a mental note to have a talk with him about retaking the boards as soon as he could. Alex Karev was too good to walk away.
"At least you agreed to let them try," Liz sobbed, burying her head in her hands. "I saw you give Amelia the okay. I begged you to stop them. I gave up."
"In any other patient, I would have called time of death after the second try," he muttered, leaning his head back against the wall. "I tried the third time because of Mark. I only said yes to the fourth because Karev looked like I killed his puppy. I never imagined it would work."
They both sat in silence, wallowing in self pity for a while.
"What the hell is wrong with you two?"
Derek's eyes widened and he scrambled to sit up. Liz just groaned. Not now. They did not need this now.
"It looks like the two surgeon Gods aren't so perfect after all."
Nancy. And their mother.
Hadn't this day sucked enough already?
"Why did you have to bring her?" Derek asked his mother, glaring daggers at his least favorite sister.
"Mark called," Carolyn said. "And she has a name, Derek."
"Yeah, No help Nancy," Liz muttered, earning a laugh from Derek and a sigh from Carolyn.
Carolyn sat down on a couch across from where two of her children were wallowing.
"I take it something happened in the OR?" she asked gently.
While she wasn't a doctor herself, she had raised six of them. Surgery and medicine had taken over most of her conversations years ago. Besides, she knew her kids and one look at Derek and Liz told her they were devastated.
"Clearly everything turned out fine," Nancy rolled her eyes. "Amelia said she's in a recovery room. She's going to be okay."
"She flatlined," Derek snarled. "And it took 4 attempts to bring her back."
Carolyn gasped. Four attempts. She had been a nurse all her life. Surgeons didn't typically make four resuscitation attempts.
"I gave up!" He hissed, standing up, fury and pain evident in his voice. "After the third time, I gave up. My intern and Amy insisted on one more try, but I almost didn't listen and she would be dead."
"Oh Derek," Carolyn said softly. "Sweet heart, anyone would have given up at that point. You can't blame yourself."
"Yes," he said angrily. "I can blame myself. If my intern wasn't a hot headed kid who doesn't listen to a damn word I say, she would be dead."
Liz snorted. That was the best description of Alex Karev she'd ever heard.
"Your intern?" Nancy asked mockingly. "This isn't your hospital, Derek."
"Yes, his intern," Liz shot back. "Alex Karev is an intern at Seattle Grace. Derek brought him with him."
"So your intern convinced you try again?" Carolyn asked. "Your intern, who you brought with you from Seattle. That was your choice, Derek. You chose to have him come with you and you chose to have him in your OR. Those choices saved Abby's life."
"You aren't God, Derek," she said seriously. "I know it's easy to let your success go to your head, but you aren't God and anyone that expects you to be is an idiot. You are a human being. You are going to make mistakes. Luckily, Alex was there and Abby lived. There was no way you could have known that a fourth attempt would bring her back."
"Abby lived," Liz agreed. "But what about all the patients we have given up on? What if one more try would have saved them?"
Derek nodded his agreement. All the patients he had lost were flashing through his mind.
Nancy sat down beside her mother. "None of us are God. We do the best we can and we use our best judgement. When patient's crash, when they flatline, they die. Failing to bring someone back from the dead does not make us lesser doctors. That's what you did today- you not only removed a brain tumor from a four year old girl, you brought her back from the dead."
"You can sit there and wallow in your own self pity and your own guilt, but it's going to eat you alive," she said quietly. "Derek, you removed an inoperable tumor today. You saved her life. Think about that. Remember that."
"Removing the tumor would have been pointless if we didn't get her back!" he shot back.
Nancy rolled her eyes. All this talk about a different Derek in Seattle? She didn't buy it. He was still the same pain in the ass that he always had been.
"Fine," she sighed as she stood up. "Be that way. I'm going to go find Mark. Enjoy your pity party."
When she found Mark sitting down outside of Abby's recovery room, tears streaming down his face, her heart lurched. Yes, she did have a heart, regardless of what Derek seemed to think.
"What's wrong?" she asked gently, sliding to the floor beside him.
"She's going to be okay," he whispered in disbelief. "I've spent the past month preparing myself for the likelihood that she was going to die and she's going to be okay."
"Oh, Mark," Nancy felt awful. She couldn't imagine going through this with one of her kids.
"Where's Derek?" he asked, wiping at his tears. "I haven't seen him or Liz yet."
"Derek," Nancy bit her lip as she thought through what to say. "Derek is wallowing."
Mark's eyes filled with fear. "Why is he wallowing? Karev and Amy said she is going to be fine."
"She is!" she said hurriedly. "Abby is perfectly fine."
Suddenly it hit her that Mark might know what happened in the OR. Shit.
"Abby flatlined in there," she eventually said. "Derek's taking it hard."
"I know she did, Amy told me. But they brought her back," Mark said in mild disbelief. "Codes suck, but they brought her back. Her heart couldn't take it, she's four. He expected it, that's why he wanted Liz there too. What is he wallowing about?"
Nancy sighed. "It took them four tries to bring her back, Mark."
From the look in Mark's eyes, he realized what had hit Derek so hard.
"I take it Alex or Amy demanded the fourth try?" he asked. "And he hates himself for almost giving up too soon?"
Nancy nodded.
"Where is he?" Mark asked angrily.
"What?" she asked in surprise. Nancy hadn't expected Mark to be angry.
"He needs his ass kicked," he said in annoyance. "Where is he?"
Amelia was worried.
Alex hadn't said a word to her since they told Mark Abby was in recovery.
"You saved her, Alex," she said softly. "Liz had given up. Derek was giving up, and I wouldn't have argued with him. Abby's alive right now because of you."
"I don't think I'm cut out for this," he said angrily, ripping his scrub cap off and throwing it across the on call room they were in.
Her eyes widened. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Alex scoffed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! We almost lost a four year old girl on the table. Two of the best surgeons in the country were about to call time of death."
"But they didn't!" she protested. "Derek gave permission to try again."
"Because he thinks she's Sloan's kid!" Alex yelled. "If she was a random kid, she would be dead right now. The only reason your brother got on that plane was because she was Mark's. The only reason he let us try again was because she was Mark's. We all fought like hell for her because we know her. We should fight like that for everyone."
"Derek does," Amelia said with a sigh. "Derek gives everything he has to every patient, which is why he is so devastated by what happened in there."
She let him sit in silence for a few minutes before she tried again. "You think it's crap that not every kid has a Derek Shepherd to save their life? So do I. Which is why, even though this job really sucks sometimes, I still come here everyday. Derek is one man, he can't be everywhere. You want to save the kids who get a bad break? Then you stay in this and you become the very best surgeon you can so that we have one more surgeon in the world that will fight and fight hard."
"Walking away doesn't benefit anyone. It's the easy way out, and I never pegged you as a coward."
"I'm not a freaking coward!" he snapped. "You don't get to judge me. You are brilliant and perfect and come from a family of incredible surgeons. It's been hell for me to get this far."
"I am the last person in the world that would ever judge anyone," Amelia countered. "And considering I am a recovering drug addict, I wouldn't throw the word perfect around when talking about me."
Alex's eyes widened.
"I know failing the boards sucks," she pressed. "Again, I've been there. You didn't fail because you're stupid or because you aren't cut out for this. You failed because instead of studying you were researching brain tumors and fighting for Abby's life. You put your patient over your future, and if that doesn't say a lot about the great surgeon you're going to be, I don't know what does."
"You have got to be kidding me," Mark growled when he finally found Derek and Liz at the bar across the street from Mount Sinai. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"
"I'm not the drunk one," Liz sighed, standing up. "Our idiot brother is. And I need to get home. The kids are driving Dan up the wall. Can you make sure he gets to a bed somewhere?"
Derek was drunk. Fantastic.
"Go home," Mark told Liz tiredly. "I'll deal with him. It has to be tough being the God of Neurosurgery when you think you killed all your patients."
"Who told you?" Derek moaned. "I need another one!" he shouted at the bartender.
"Don't give him anything else," Mark ordered. "Derek, get up. You are being ridiculous and you are drunk as a skunk. We're going back to my place so you can sleep this off."
"I'm a failure!" Derek protested. "Don't talk to me, I'm not worth it."
Mark huffed. "I am in no mood for your self-depreciative crap tonight, Derek."
"You pulled off a medical miracle," Mark said after a moment. "Stop wallowing."
"I gave up!" he groaned. "I don't give up, that's why everyone thinks I'm so great, but I gave up!"
"Screw everyone," Mark insisted. "I think you were a hero tonight, Derek. You removed an inoperable brain tumor that was going to kill Abby. Karev made you try again. You both saved Abby's life. You share this win with an intern, so what? Your patient lived. You still won."
"But what about all the patients before tonight?" he insisted. "I failed them."
"Everyone dies," Mark said softly, placing a hand on each of Derek's shoulders. "And that is not on us. We aren't miracle workers. We do the best we can. Your worst is better than most surgeon's best. The patients you've lost wouldn't have lived if they had another surgeon. You are people's' best shot. We all lose patients. The fact that you take it so hard makes you a better surgeon."
"Good speech," Derek said with a smirk. "How did you get so smart?"
Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm not feeding your ego. It's plenty big enough as it is."
He vividly remembered Derek's speech to their first group of interns. It was very similar to what he had just told him.
"Stop wallowing," Mark repeated. "Come home with me and get some sleep. Mom's staying with Abby tonight. We'll come back in the morning. When you're sober."
"I still don't like you," Derek informed him. "And I still think you are a jackass. You slept with my wife."
Mark silently counted to 10. He didn't want to talk about this with a drunk Derek. He definitely didn't want to talk about Addison with a drunk Derek.
"Yes," he eventually said. "I did. And I am very sorry for how much that hurt you."
Derek stared at him for what felt like hours, but was really only a minute.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Mark asked in disbelief.
"You were a jackass five years ago, I've been a jackass for the past month," Derek shrugged. "We've both apologized, so okay."
"Okay?" Mark repeated.
"Are you sure you aren't drunk too?" Derek asked suspiciously. "You aren't usually this thick."
"Are you really going to talk about thick right now?"
Derek snorted. "For the record, I'm not that drunk. I know what I'm saying. You slept with Addison because you were in love with her. I'm not blind. You didn't do it to hurt me, and you clearly regret it."
"But you did hurt me," he added. "You're my brother. We're supposed to have each other's back. You stabbed me in mine."
"I really was in love with her," Mark said quietly. "I tried to fight it, Derek, I really did. I knew what it would do to you, and I've felt horrible about it for five years."
"I don't know that I can forgive you for that," he said quietly.
Mark felt punched in the gut. Subconsciously, he had been hoping that Derek coming here and calling him his brother meant they were going to be okay.
"I want to move on from it," Derek said after several moments of silence. "I don't think I'll ever forget it, but I'm tired of being angry and I'm tired of running. I want my brother back. I need my brother back."
Between Abby surviving the surgery and Derek admitting he wanted Mark back in his life, Mark felt like he was living on some sort of high.
It would burst, he knew that. Soon, he was going to have to tell Derek that Abby was his daughter. And he had absolutely no clue where to even start.
When Derek woke up the next morning, everything that happened last night hit him like a ton of bricks. He was a bastard.
He sent an intern and second year resident to talk to Mark while he wallowed in his own misery and self-loathing. Then, as if that wasn't enough, Mark had to track him down at a bar and drag his sorry ass home.
On top of that, he decided to inform Mark he'd never forgive him for sleeping with Addison.
Ass. He was a selfish, stubborn ass.
"I've taken just about all the Derek brooding I can take this week," Mark warned from the doorway of the guest room. "Please don't turn into a whiney girl again this morning."
"I seem to be apologizing a lot this week," Derek said quietly. "I was a jerk last night. I handled things horrifically. You should have heard what happened in my OR from me, not my resident. You definitely shouldn't have had to drag me out of a bar."
"I don't care about that," Mark shrugged. "Yea, it would have been nice to hear about the surgery from you, but it's not like Amy's just some random resident."
"I've been where you were last night," he said softly. "And it's taken Mom, Kath, Rob, and Liz to pull me out of it. That's what family is for. Just because they call you the God of Neurosurgery, Derek, it doesn't mean you can save everyone."
"Everyone dies," Derek sighed. "I know that. I know it was nothing I did."
"I would have given up too," Mark admitted. "I would have told you to stop. If I was in the OR, or the gallery and I'd seen it, I would have stopped after the third attempt. You can't beat yourself up for that."
Derek hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear that. "Thank you."
"I'm heading back to the hopsital in a bit," he said. "Want to come with me or do you want more sleep?"
Derek grinned for the first time since Abby's surgery. "I'll be there in a bit. Rob texted me, the store by Columbia has ferry boat scrub caps. I know a four year old that requested one."
He would tell him Abby was his, he would. Just not right now. He couldn't bring himself to tell him now.
Mark was so screwed.
It was nearly 10 am before Derek found his way back into the hospital, still furious with himself for how he acted the night before. He wasn't wallowing anymore, but he was allowed to be mad at his actions. His mother was right. Nancy was right.
He hadn't wanted to hear it.
Abby had stolen a piece of his heart, and just the thought that he had almost given up on her physically hurt him.
Though it was tactless and crappy timing, he was glad for his talk with Mark at the bar. He would probably never forgive Mark for wrecking his marriage, but he was coming to terms with it. Mark made a mistake. Derek made mistakes in spades. As his mother had reminded him last night, they were only human.
At the end of the day, coming to New York made him realize how much he missed having his best friend in his life.
Abby was alive and tumor free. They were running tests now to determine if the cancer was gone. If they were lucky, she wouldn't even need more chemo.
Derek hoped they were lucky. Mark and Abby had been through enough.
Amelia had told Alex that Derek was having a hard time the night before, so he was a bit surprised to find a smiling Derek Shepherd waiting in line for coffee holding a gift bag.
"What's in the bag?" he asked curiously. He wasn't going to mention what happened in the OR unless Derek did.
"Abby liked my scrub cap," Derek said grinning. "So I bought her a matching one."
Just what Abby needed, something that would make her look even more like her father. How Shepherd hadn't noticed that she was his clone, Alex had no idea.
"Karev," Derek called as he was about to walk away. "We need to talk. Wait for me, Liz said we can use her office."
Alex's eyes widened. What did they need to talk about?
His nerves were about to make him sick by the time they reached Liz's office.
"Take a seat," Derek said gently. "So, you saved Abby's life last night. How does that feel?"
"Uh," Alex frantically searched for an answer that wasn't going to get him in trouble. "Good," he settled on. "It feels really good."
"You have incredible instincts," Derek said. "Better than most surgeons I've worked with. You have guts and you fight hard for your patients. I've never been this impressed by an intern after only a week before."
His jaw dropped. Derek Shepherd was impressed by him?
"Thanks," Alex muttered, his face turning red. He wasn't used to praise.
"I spoke with Dr. Webber this morning," Alex's eyes widened. "And I told him what you said to me in my office the other day."
Crap.
Derek smirked at the horrified look on Alex's face. This was kind of fun. He was starting to understand why Mark enjoyed torturing his interns so much.
"We've agreed that your attitude needs a major adjustment. It is unacceptable to speak to a superior the way you spoke to me. It is also unacceptable to go against the orders of an attending." Derek said seriously.
"I know that's a ridiculous thing to say after your doing so saved Abby last night…"
Alex was glad he bit back his retort.
"But it needs to be said. You were right last night, but odds are you won't always be. There is a difference between what happened last night and most other situations you will find yourself in. I need you to understand that."
"I do," Alex said quietly. "I was desperate last night."
"I'm sure you've heard that I didn't take what happened very well," Derek said.
"Amelia mentioned it," he replied. "You do know that you can't be perfect all the time, right?"
Derek snorted. "You're the sixth person to tell me that in the past 12 hours. Yes, I do."
"Being a surgeon sucks sometimes," Derek admitted. "Last night, when I thought we lost her, I was questioning why the hell I did this. I know it was nothing I did, her body had just been through too much in too short a period of time, but when I lose a patient I take it really hard. They tell you in med school you won't save every patient."
"But knowing that doesn't make it any easier when you lose one," Alex agreed.
"No, it doesn't." Derek nodded. "I've seen many surgical interns in my career. I used to start every year with this speech. I meant to do it this year, but I had a rough day when you all started."
Alex hid his smirk. Rough day? Sure, if that's what you'd call finding out your one night stand was your intern. He figured Shepherd would murder him if he brought that up though, so he stayed quiet.
"Can I hear it now?" Alex asked instead. The road to becoming a surgeon wasn't easy. If someone like Derek Shepherd had advice, he wanted to hear it.
Derek nodded.
"If you are in this for the money, get out now," Derek started. "Because this job will suck the life out of you. It will beat you to the point you can barely breathe, and it will kick you while you're down. You need to have a reason to get up and go to work every morning, and I can tell you honestly that wanting the money will not be enough."
"If you are like me, you wanted to become a doctor because you want to help people and because you want to save lives." Derek took a deep breath. "We aren't miracle workers. We can't save everyone. People are going to die. We are human. We are going to make mistakes, and those mistakes could kill someone. We call it malpractice and we talk about mistakes to keep them from recurring, but calling it malpractice doesn't help you get up in the morning."
"The first time you lose a patient, you will feel like you're drowning. That feeling will never go away. The surgeons that take their losses hard are usually the best surgeons. They will do anything and everything they can to prevent losing a patient, even if it's only so they don't have to feel that way again for a little while."
"When you feel like you're drowning, when you don't know which way is up, I want you to remember something- none of us are Gods. People die every day. We can't stop death. We might be able to hold it at bay for a while, but everyone dies. And that's not on us."
Derek Shepherd must have been one hell of a Chief Resident, Alex thought.
"It's easy to forget that," Derek said after a moment. "I forgot that last night, and I needed my mother, my sister Nancy, and Mark to remind me before I accepted it."
"It's good that you have your family for that," Alex agreed.
Liz told him that Alex had been in far too many foster homes as a child, which had been the thing that drew him to Abby in the first place.
"Come find me," Derek said suddenly. "When you forget, when you feel like shit and you can't remember why you put yourself through this, come find me. And I'll remind you."
"You're assuming I'll stay at Seattle Grace," Alex muttered. "Assuming that I'll pass the boards."
And finally, they had reached the main point of the discussion.
"If you walk away, you are an idiot," he said bluntly.
Alex gaped at him.
"I think you have what it takes to be a great surgeon. Not many people do. Sure, you have a temper and you don't listen and you piss me the hell off sometimes. I have a temper. Mark doesn't listen to anyone and he's been pissing me off since we were 5. Don't walk away from this, Alex."
"You told Webber I basically threatened you!" Alex protested.
"Basically?" Derek asked in disbelief. "You tried to blackmail me. And so what? I've said plenty of stupid things to Webber in my day. I didn't do that to get you fired, I did it to justify why I wanted you reporting to me and why you'll be working the pit for the next month."
For an intern, being assigned to the pit was the ultimate punishment. He tried not to show his frustration, though. He had tried to blackmail the Head of Neurosurgery. He was lucky to still have a job.
"I know everyone hates the pit," Derek knew that all too well from personal experience. "But I have my reasons. You failed the boards. The pit gives you the most exposure to the widest variety of medical situations. Handle that, and you'll pass the boards just fine. I want you to pass, I want you to be successful, and I want you to stay at Seattle Grace."
Alex was stunned. Not only did Derek Shepherd believe in him, but he was doing everything in his power to see him succeed.
"Okay," he whispered.
Derek grinned. "Great. You can head to the library and start studying. Start with neuro, I'll be testing you tonight."
Abby had squealed loudly when Derek gave her a ferry boat scrub cap of her own.
She called him Dr. Derek now, and she was holding the brain model hostage.
She told his mother that she wanted to be a brain surgeon when she grew up. He thought Mark would be bothered by that, but Mark had only grinned.
"Of course she wants to be a brain surgeon," he told him. "She's four. You're her new hero, Derek. Kids want to be like their heroes."
Hours later, Mark, Liz, Amelia, Alex and Derek were relaxing in Abby's room. She had worn herself out and was now sound asleep.
Mark was trying (and failing) to convince Liz that he hadn't slept with anyone since getting Abby. Derek didn't blame her for her doubt, Mark's picture was practically in the dictionary next to 'one night stand.'
Speaking of one night stands, Derek couldn't get his own out of his head.
Meredith Grey was an enigma. When she threw him out of her house, or her mother's house rather…
Oh God. He had a one night stand in Ellis Grey's living room. Webber would kill him if he ever found out, and he wouldn't care one bit that he was his Head of Neuro.
She'd refused to tell him her name at the bar, which now that he thought about it would have ended his night before it began. There is no way she wouldn't have recognized the name Derek Shepherd and he would have known she was a soon to be intern.
Maybe their secretiveness was a good thing.
She was going to be the death of him. He was attracted to her. She was beautiful and funny, and from what he heard from the Chief she was brilliant.
If she was an intern, he was almost eight years older than her. That's all he knew.
He needed to know more. He wanted to know everything about her. That scared the crap out of him. She was his intern. It was so wrong. And even worse- he was beginning to think he didn't care.
"Hey, Karev," Derek said suddenly. "What do you know about Meredith Grey?"
Mark's eyes widened as Amelia burst out laughing.
"How the hell do you know Meredith Grey, Derek?" Amy asked.
"Not much," Alex shrugged. "I was only at the hospital for 36 hours and we have different residents."
They had both been on the surgical rotation at Sinai together, but he hadn't really gotten to know her. She was attached at the hip to Cristina Yang, even here. The two met at orientation and became fast friends. Then, half way through the rotation, he met Abby and Mike Gaston and nothing else mattered.
"Oh yeah, before I forget," Derek took a sip of his water. "You're one of Bailey's interns now too, so I guess you'll be seeing more of her."
Other than her friendship with Yang, all Alex knew was that she had a one night stand with Shepherd the night before their internship began. But he couldn't say that. Could he?
He was already assigned to the pit for a month. How much worse could it get?
"Honestly, the only thing I've really heard about Meredith Grey was that you slept with her the night before our first day." he smirked.
"What?" Amy screeched.
"You slept with your intern?" Liz asked in disbelief.
Mark was laughing so hard Alex wondered how he was breathing.
"Derek Shepherd had a one night stand?" Mark's laughter was pushing him to tears.
Derek turned bright red. "I didn't know she was going to be my intern!" he protested, glaring at Alex. "Wait!" he turned towards Mark. "How do you know Meredith Grey?"
He really hoped it wasn't because he and Mark still had the same taste in women.
"Meredith did a rotation here last spring," Amy answered. "Her and one of her friend's nicknamed Mark 'McSteamy'."
McSteamy. God that fit.
Derek's embarrassment gave way to amusement, and he began to laugh right along with them.
"Her friend here was Cristina Yang," Alex supplied. "She's at Seattle Grace too. They've nicknamed Dr. Shepherd 'McDreamy'."
"Oh God," Liz moaned, tears leaking from her eyes. "McSteamy and McDreamy? Really?"
"You can call me Derek outside of work, Alex," Derek insisted. "I think you've earned the right."
This was fun, Derek realized. He was hanging out with his intern, Mark, and his sisters and he was enjoying the hell out of it. He really needed to come back to New York more. He missed this.
"Can I call you McDreamy outside of work?" Mark teased in between his laughter.
Derek responded by throwing his now empty water bottle at Mark's head.
Mark couldn't help but smile as he stood at the doorway to Abby's room the next morning.
Derek was perched on the side of her bed, listening attentively as she babbled on.
Abby's speech had returned to normal once the tumor was removed. Derek's professional opinion was that her speech had been effected more by her exhaustion and less by the tumor. Regardless, chatterbox was an understatement.
"Like father like daughter," Amelia had muttered to him earlier that morning after a solid half hour of Abby talking nonstop about her newest obsession- brain surgery.
He still had no idea how to tell Derek Abby was his daughter. Mike Gaston had been a step below useless when he asked for his advice. Mark knew she was Derek's from the moment he saw her, but he was so busy fighting for her life that he never stopped to think about how he would eventually tell Derek.
Abby had died in that OR. She would be dead right now if Karev hadn't demanded one more attempt at resuscitation. They had all talked about it until they were blue in the face, but Mark knew Derek was still taking it hard.
How was he going to feel when he learned it was his daughter he almost let die on his OR table?
"When did you go to Setle?" Abby asked curiously. Derek Shepherd was her new super hero and she was determined to know everything about him.
"Seattle," Derek corrected gently. "Sit up a second, the strings are coming loose."
Abby hadn't taken the ferry boat scrub cap off once since Derek gave it to her the day before.
"My Daddy lives in Seattle," Abby informed him. "Mark said so."
Alex looked up from his review book and tried to catch Mark's eye. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.
"Oh yeah?" Derek asked absentmindedly as he tied the cap tighter at the back of her head.
"Yes," Abby nodded. "He's a docta, he had to go for work. Is that why you went?"
What the hell was Mark playing at? Derek wondered. How could he possibly think telling Abby about her good for nothing parents was a decent idea?
"My Mommy didn't tell him 'bout me," Abby continued. "Cause Mommy and Daddy got unmarried."
Alarm bells were blaring in Alex's head and he tried harder to get Mark's attention. Was Sloan just going to stand there? Shepherd could not find out this way. He would go ballistic.
He wasn't successful in catching Mark's eye, but he did catch Derek's.
"Something wrong, Karev?" he asked. "I agreed you could sit in here and study, but only if you were productive. You've been on that page for 20 minutes."
"Nope," he tried to play it cool, but Mark was still in his own world in the doorway. Abby was going to talk them all right off the cliff. "I'm good."
"Dr. Derek!" Abby whined, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket.
"Yes Abby?" he turned his attention back to the girl who had just about stolen his heart.
"Do you hava wife?" she asked.
Alex kicked the table leg, but Mark still ignored him. Seriously?
"Karev!" Derek said warningly, before answering her. "I used to, but we decided to get divorced a few years ago."
"Divorced is unmarried?" Abby had never heard the word divorce before.
"Divorce is unmarried," Derek agreed, missing the way Abby's eyes had widened.
"And you moved to Seattle then?"
Alex buried his head in his hands. Here it freaking comes.
"Okay, that's enough," Derek snapped. "Get out of here, Karev. Go study someplace else. I suggest you study hard, because you had better be able to actually answer my questions tonight."
"Dr. Derek!" Abby said frantically, her eyes bright with excitement.
Mark finally snapped back to reality when Alex elbowed him on the way out the door.
"She knows," Alex hissed darkly. "And she's about a minute away from telling him."
"What?" Mark paled. This was bad. This was so bad. He wondered if Derek would notice him making a run for it. Where could he hide?
"Yes, Abby?" Derek asked, glaring at Alex. "I mean it, Karev, go study."
Abby quickly thought it through.
Mark had told her that her Daddy was a doctor who lived in Seattle and loved the Yankees. Mark told her that he had gone for work after her parents got unmarried.
Derek moved to Seattle after he and his wife got unmarried- divorced, she corrected herself. He was a doctor and he loved the Yankees.
"Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?"
Kids. They say the craziest things.