Nothing else happened for the next couple of months. Robbie and I just continue to be friends. After the kiss he left. He wasn't in a hurry, he wasn't upset or scared, he was normal. We would hang out about 3 to 4 times a week and he would help me in math. It was obvious that algebra 2 was not my thing.
I kept thinking about that night. Every second of every day, my mind was wrapped around the feeling I got, the warmth that flooded through my body, and the way his lips felt on mine.
It was now December, and the air was a little bit more crisp than normal. Winters in California weren't cold. The average temperature was in the low 50's, but it had to be in the high 30's right now. I put of a coat and scarf and walked out the door, heading over towards Robbie.
Tomorrow was Christmas, and it was a tradition in his family to decorate the tree the night before, instead of weeks before hand. As I stepped out of the car, a cold breeze made my face sting. His house was light up like a gingerbread house would be with candy. It looked very welcoming.
I walked up to the door and rang the bell. I could hear the scampering of claws taping on the floor, and the barking that came from his two dogs. They were the cutest little things in the world.
His mom opened the door to let me in, and the first thing I did was get down on my knees to pet the dogs. My face was covered in dog spit when I got up. Robbie came over to me and gave me a hug hello, so I used the sweatshirt he was wearing as a towel.
"Oh so now I only get dog kisses?" He chuckles and gets a little red. I stand up and hug his mom with a friendly kiss on the cheek.
"If you wanted anything more, you know all you have to do is ask." I laugh and kiss him on the cheek softly.
"Would you give it to me?"
"Maybe…" I giggle a little bit and walk past him to say hi to his dad.
I walk up to him and go in for a hug. He was one of the coolest people I have ever met, and he knew I felt that way. He wraps his arms around me and gives me a bear hug.
"You look great kid. Long time, no see." He laughs knowing I was here two days ago.
"Would you like to eat now, or wait a little while?" His mom asks me.
"I'm starved actually. Now would be fine!" I tell her and she laughs.
We all sit around the table. Robbie was next to me and his parents were across from us. The normal table talk started after we all served ourselves. Just little conversations about school and music.
"So Cat, we can all see your gorgeous," His mom starts to say which makes me blush, "Why no boyfriend?"
I was really hoping she wasn't going to say that, because that's where I felt it was going. I wanted to avoid it, but seeing as though every ounce of blood drained from my face, I figured I wouldn't even try. It was already up in the air.
I look down, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Robbie staring at me. He was just waiting for a response.
"It's quite simple actually," I laugh nervously, but push the words out, "I'm waiting for a certain someone to take my heart."
His mom looks at me and lets out a happy sigh. I look up at him, and I can see the smirk on his face. He was happy. He knew what that meant. He understood that certain someone was him, and that was what I was hoping for.
We continue to out dinner, and finally when all were finished, I help his mom collect and wash the plates. He and his dad go off into the den and I start to hear the strumming of guitar strings. I smile at the fact that he has so much in common with his father. It was cute in a way.
"So a certain someone, huh?" I turn at the sound of that.
"Um, yea…" I chuckle it off.
"Listen, I may be old hun, but I'm not dumb." She laughs at me.
"Is it that obvious, Mrs. Shapiro?" I ask.
"God will you please just call me Susan? I mean, you're going to be my future daughter-in-law one day, so you might as well start early." I never realized how great of a sense of humor she had.
That comment made me laugh, but things got serious again, rather quickly. I look over at her and make direct contact. "Can I tell you something? But don't bring it up in front of him, he might get weird."
"Sure. Anything."
"I kissed him… in September. I kissed him, and he kissed me back. But the next day it just went back to normal. Nothing ever happened." I explain to her.
"I know. He told me." She smiled.
"What happened?"
"Maybe he wasn't ready? Maybe that was the way he dealt with the fact that he was scared. Men like to act all big, rough, and tough, but in all honestly, I think women have more balls than they do. Have you tried talking to him about it?"
"Would it be too cliché to say that I'm too scared too?" I ask her.
I was nervous just talking about it, how could I go up to him and talk to him. What would I say? Hey Robbie, you haven't kisses me since that day. Do I smell? I wasn't going to do that.
"No, it's ok to be scared. Everyone gets scared. If you want my opinion, just talk to him. It's not as scary as you would think it is. It's a lot easier when you actually do it, then when you think about it. Just give it a shot. Not right now. Enjoy your Christmas Eve. Do it later." She tells me, putting her arm around my shoulder and walking into the den with me.
There is a pool table in the back corner, a flat screen TV with a PS4, and some furniture. The entire back wall is lined with floor to ceiling book shelves. I always wondered if all of the books on there were real.
There is a piano in the opposite corner of the room along with 2 guitar stands. The guitars are in Robbie and his father's arms as they continue to strum away even after we walk in. His father was playing the chords progressions while Robbie plucked away at the stings. The song was actually quite pretty.
The finally stop and look over at us. His mom and I start clapping almost simultaneously.
"That was really good! Did you guys just go for it, or have you been working on that before?" I ask Robbie and his dad.
"We kind of just go for it. He starts out with some strumming and I play a melody that sounds good in my head. It always… works." Robbie explains.
"Wow… Reminds me of me and my grandmother. We both play the piano, and before she died, we would sit on the bench for hours on end just playing randomly. I could sit and watch her play forever because the feeling I got when I heard it just made my heart stop. But when I played with her…" I let out a short sigh. "Those were the day I'll never forget."
"She sounds amazing Cat. I'm sorry to hear that though." His father tells me, getting up, putting his arm around me and giving me a squeeze.
"Four years ago, yesterday, actually. But it taught me a lot. Never give up on something before it's finished… You know, just stuff like that." I avert my eyes from Robbie, who I was looking at almost this entire time.
"Why don't we stop talking about sad things? It's Christmas Eve. Let's do something fun! Robbie tells me you sing?" His mom starts.
"A little…" I crack my neck nervously.
"Go get on the piano. I want to hear you and Robbie do a duet. Grab your guitar honey." She tells him and leads me over to the baby grand in the back corner.
I lift the lid and sit down, adjusting the bench as I go. Robbie puss up a chair next to me. I show him my phone with the song I wanted him to play with me. He nods in agreement, but with a look of curiosity as to why I picked this song.
"Like I told you earlier, 4 years ago someone special to me died. So if you don't mind this isn't going to be a Christmas song. My grandma and I would always plan my dream wedding. From the flowers to the cake, to the music. And since I was a little girl, I wanted this song to be the one I would dance to with my husband." I explain. Robbie looks at me at that last sentence. I was wondering if you understood what I was trying to say.
I play an introduction to the song that I wrote, so he could hear the chords I was using. My hands move slowly on the piano. Each touch lingered on the keys, creating its own feeling inside my body. Everything felt so fluent.
Robbie begins to follow the pattern I'm playing with his own strumming pattern. It sounded amazing in these first few second, so I decide to start.
(Cat- )
Nothing goes as planned.
Everything will break.
People say goodbye.
In their own special way.
(Both- )
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day
(Cat-)
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
(Robbie-)
Everything will change.
Nothin stays the same.
And nobody here's perfect.
Oh but everyone's to blame
(Cat-)
All that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
And find you in the day
(Both-)
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
(Robbie-)
No I cannot get you out.
(Cat-)
No I cannot get you.
(Both-)
Oh I cannot get you.
(Cat-)
Everything is dark.
It's more than you can take.
But you catch a glimpse of sun light.
Shinin, shinin down on your face.
Your face, oh your face.
(Both-)
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
(Robbie-)
No I cannot get you out.
(Cat-)
No I cannot get you out.
(Both-)
Oh no, I cannot get you.
After we finished the song, the little rush of adrenaline finished and I was back to normal. My face flushed with embarrassment, as his parents clapped for us both. I gave Robbie a kiss on the cheek and a big hug, mostly trying to hide the fact that I looked like a tomato.
"That was amazing." He whispered in my ear. "I didn't know how well you sang, other than that little bit in music class…"
"Thank you. You're pretty good yourself you know."
By this time it was already about 11:45. We all headed into the kitchen to get some hot cocoa before the clock hit 12.
After pouring the cups, Robbie and I went over towards the tree and the fire to talk. His parents left us alone for a little while and did their own thing.
"Can we talk for a second?" I ask him. I put my cocoa down on the table, and take his from him to do the same.
"Go for Santa?" He says in a cute way.
I just stared at him trying to gather my words, but nothing was coming out.
"Hey, what's wrong? Your freaking me out." He says as a little disappointed sigh comes out of me.
"Oh my gosh…" I breathe heavily a few times trying to get the nerve to say what I needed to. "Plenty of things to say, and when the time comes, you can't say them…"
He chuckles a little bit and gives me that one smile I needed to get me through this moment. I smile back at him and let go of all the nervous feelings inside me.
"Um…Its just you and me… Cat and Robbie. Robbie and Cat. A-Alone, we're bold… we're brash, we can move mountains," I pause for a moment to gather the thoughts that were racing around in my head. "And together we're, um…"
"We're safe." He finishes my sentence.
"Yea, and together we're safe…" I finish.
"Yea… I know."
"I want to be bold, Robbie." I say deciding to just get it all out. His hand was resting on the couch, a little more tense than usual, but that's understood. I take his hand softly, just as he did to me that night a few months ago. Nervously and slowly, I intertwine our fingers and let it all flow naturally from there. "But I want to be bold with you."
He looks down at our hands and smiles, "So no more games then?"
I shake my head, "No more games."
"Chips on the table?" He says metaphorically.
"All in." I smile
"All in..." He repeats.
"Tonight." I tell him.
"Tomorrow." He smiles.
"And the day after th-" I try to finish the sentence, but I was cut off by the warmth of his lips on mine. He held me passionately for a moment, refusing to let go, but when he did I was in a sort of shock. I opened my eyes after he pulled back, and stared at him. It took a moment for the smile to kick in, but it did. I was grinning ear to ear.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back in. This time, instead of being a stiff but sweet kiss, it was full of movement and passion. Everything about it made me feel like I was floating, like my feet weren't on the ground.
I finally let go of him and look up at the digital clock on the TV. It was 12:02.
"What a Christmas gift…" I laugh.
"Good, because I didn't get you anything…" He tells me.
"Really?" I say a little bit upset.
"No. I'm joking. Of course I got you something." He says reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a box.
"Cat, I can't promise you that we will be together forever, even though I would love to do so. Things could happen that neither of us wants. But for right now, I promise you that I will stick by your side for however long life will let me. You kind of ruined my first half of the gift, because I was going to kiss you, but I think this is good enough… I love you babe…" He says handing me this flat and long box.
Inside was a necklace. It was a cut out of a heart, and on the inner ring of it said, "As long as life will let me… - R.S."