Disclaimer: I own nothing . . . but the tubs of angst I liberally spread onto this story. (I got them on sale at Wal-Mart)
Big thank you goes out to: my awesome beta, Aylienne, everyone who reviewed/subscribed/added my story and, finally, my bud Meg for giving me a few pointers while watching WHAT NOT TO WEAR! Honestly . . . butt-length dreadlocks? Yech.
~BELLA~
I had lived as though he was dead. If I had known he was still alive, would I have sunk deeper because he abandoned me or would I have stayed afloat, knowing that he was out there, somewhere? Was I being selfish for thinking he abandoned me? Did he think I was dead?
Did he still love me?
For his sake, I hope not, because I wasn't sure if could love him again.
"But he's dead," Jasper says lamely. He pulls me closer, like a reflex. I can't help but notice he's shaking – his fright is driving my own deeper into my chest.
"Did we ever find the bodies?" I whisper. I'm too shell-shocked to be scared, or worried, or any of that crap. I had just smelled Edward, my lost love, the person I had thought was dead. He had killed a woman. "Did we ever find the bodies, Jasper?" I repeat when Jasper doesn't answer.
Jasper breaks out of his trance. "We didn't," he murmured. "We saw them . . . we got separated . . . then the Volturi . . . came and told us . . ."
"The Volturi." I force the word out of my lips. "They told us that they were all dead. What would they have to gain from it?"
"They always wanted to break the Cullens," Jasper continues. His eyes are stricken, betrayed. "What do we do, Bella?" he asks me, and he sounds so . . . broken . . . I can't help but hold him even tighter.
"Bella! You found him!" Rosalie says as she darts into the clearing. Her hair is mussed and she isn't wearing any makeup. Her clothes look . . . plain. Sweats and a tank top. What happened to the gorgeous vampire beauty I had envied? "Don't you ever run off on me again, Jasper," she says sternly, but I hear the false note in her voice.
"Rose . . . it's Edward."
Rosalie freezes. "You're kidding."
I shake my head and she plops down onto the ground, head in hands. I had never seen her so defeated. Today was a day for seeing vampires I had thought unbreakable break down into base emotions.
Jasper lets go of me and goes to Rose, heaving her to her feet. "C'mon, chin up."
"We've got to go to Carlisle," I say, quiet yet loud enough for the vampires to catch. Rose wipes her eyes even if she hadn't been crying – it must have been a reflex. Jasper grabs me before I can react and swings me onto his back so that I can curl my arms and legs around him piggy-back style.
"You know the drill," he tells me as he begins running to the Cullen house.
Trees whip past us at speeds too great for me to take them in properly. Rosalie is just a blur leading the way.
We come to a halt in front of the imposing house. It has changed – before it used to look beautiful, now it looks cold. Like the vampires inhabiting it. Rosalie and Jasper lead me into the house, and I detect a certain . . . caution in their movements.
"Carlisle, we're home," Jasper calls out. Is that hesitation I hear in his voice? My eyes dart around the open, stylish entrance and land on the marble staircase.
The blond vampire is staring at me like I've grown wings. "Bella?" Carlisle asks incredulously. I'm sure that, if he was a human, Carlisle would have bags under his eyes. He looks exhausted – more in his slumped posture than in his flawless features.
"Hi," I say, shuffling my feet timidly. Jasper shifts closer to me and I feel a wave of calm wash over me.
"Bella, you've changed," Carlisle tells me, eyes taking in my overall appearance. I must look like some kind of junkie to him, all bones and haunted eyes. At least I'm wearing a baggy long-sleeved t-shirt so that he can't see my scars.
"Yeah." Lame and awkward. Great.
"Carlisle, there's another vampire in Forks. We think it's Edward," Rose interrupts. Carlisle's features freeze and he stays like that for several minutes – not blinking, breathing or even twitching a finger.
"Are you absolutely certain?" he asks, pronouncing every word slowly and clearly.
I nod, and three sets of eyes flick to my face. "I . . . uh . . . know how he . . . I mean, I remember how he used to . . . uh . . ." I stutter, blush decorating my cheeks.
"Smell," Rose finishes for me.
"Ah," Carlisle murmurs. "But we saw –"
"No, we were told," Jasper says fiercely, amber eyes blazing. "We were told by the Volturi that they were dead! What if they aren't dead? What if the Volturi was lying to us?"
Carlisle's eyes are kind, almost forgiving, as he steps towards us and puts a marble hand on his son's shoulder. "Jasper, are you absolutely certain . . ."
"Yes!" Jasper snaps, stepping away from Carlisle. The vampire's hand falls lamely to his side. "Who do you believe? Us or Aro?"
~JASPER~
Carlisle's doubt clouds everything but his work. He works tirelessly over intricate plans and blueprints and tests. He goes weeks without feeding, but it doesn't seem to bother him in his tireless search for a cure. While Rose secretly admires his bravery, I admire his naïveté.
Now he is forced to look me in the eyes. "You," he answers. I know the shame and guilt emanating from him comes from his reluctance to doubt the Volturi. They are, after all, royalty. But isn't it always the royalty, the people in charge, that lie the most?
"We need to talk to the werewolves," Bella interrupts. My eyes flick to her, and she looks down at her feet, cheeks colouring. The old Jasper would have salivated at the blood flowing to her cheeks -but my control has been fine-tuned to perfection. I had promised it to Alice, and now I am finally grateful for it.
"The wolves?" Rose asks. Even Carlisle can hear the doubt in her voice.
"Yes. They lost two of their own," reminds Bella, "and they might help us . . . y'know . . . find them." The last part of her sentence is mumbled, but, as a vampire, I hear it clearly.
Carlisle accepts, and the potent cocktail of hope and despair flowing off of him makes me want to gag. Rosalie is resigned, even grudging. "We'd better go," I say, offering my hand to Bella. She turns pink yet again and accepts it.
~BELLA~
Feelings churn within me. Take it or leave it? This new . . . fondness for Jasper. It is different to what my love for Edward had been. More . . . alien. I'm not sure if it's that's a good or a bad feeling.
The air in La Push is heavy, even if the humans carry on with their daily lives like nothing had happened a few months ago. Jasper, Rose, Carlisle and I walk up the streets, wanting to appear normal, unthreatening. There's a distinct distance between Jasper and I that I cannot ignore.
We get a few strange looks – a group of haunted-looking white kids, with a lost-looking adult trailing behind – but we ignore them pointedly as I lead the group to Billy's house.
Here too is heavy with sadness. It's the most visible in the peeling paint and untrimmed lawn. "You sure you want to do this?" Jasper asks, more out of habit than necessity. He knows what I want to do. I ring the doorbell and wait, anxiety building within me. My heart is pounding and Jasper sends waves of reassurance my way, but I can still feel my unease just below the surface.
"Hello?" The door is yanked open revealing a very battered-looking Embry. A cigarette dangles from his lips as he takes us in. "Vamps!" he spits, backing away and stubbing the cigarette in an unseen ashtray.
I glance at Carlisle, waiting for him to start explaining, but he just stands there looking bewildered. I step forward and begin to explain. "We've found evidence of one of our dead brothers, Edward. We're wondering if maybe, since Edward's alive, Seth and Jacob might be-"
"How do you get off, calling him your brother? He's a vampire. You're a human," Embry interrupts, eyes narrowed. Jasper places a hand on my shoulder, calming me but glaring at Embry all the same. Rose isn't showing that much restraint – her lips are pulled back into an almost feral snarl.
"We're a big family," Carlisle says weakly, but the attempt at light-heartedness fools no one.
"That's not the point, meathead. Your packmates might be alive, and we're wondering if you care!" Rose snaps. The only comparison to the look in her eyes now is that of Medusa before she turned someone to stone.
A scarred and exhausted face appears behind Embry. Sam. "Come back when you find evidence," he growls and slams the door shut.