Healing

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Aang asked Katara, regarding her in the full length mirror situated on the back of their bedroom door as she adjusted the collar on his ceremonial robes and solicitously smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles. He twisted at glance back at her. "What if this is too soon, too fast?"

Katara made a face at him. "And what if you worry too much?"

Aang grunted at the mild reprimand in her tone. As far as he was concerned, he had ample and very valid reasons to be worried about her. The last few months had been harrowing for Katara to say the least. Not very long after her miscarriage, Katara had fallen into a deep and lingering depression that had left her irritable and withdrawn. It had proved to be an extremely uncertain time in their marriage, especially so for Aang.

In the very beginning after the loss, Katara's moods had been ridiculously volatile. She would often veer back and forth between anger and tears, indifference and despair. She was up then she was down. She was happy and then she was sad. She was cold and then she was hot. Aang couldn't be sure from one moment to the next which Katara he was going to get. Consequently, he was frequently at a loss as to how to comfort her because no matter what he did or said, it was always wrong. In addition to that, Aang also found himself the unhappy target of her frustration most days. Needless to say that it had not been a happy time.

Of course, in hindsight, Aang could admit that he hadn't reacted in the best way. Despite Kanna's knowledgeable insistence that women who suffered miscarriages sometimes experienced extreme hormonal shifts that affected their dispositions, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Aang began to take those mercurial rebounds in Katara's mood personally. As a result, when faced with what appeared to be a no-win situation for him, Aang inevitably resorted to the tried and true Airbender tactics: evade and avoid.

He immersed himself in his work and, when not working, his children, but Katara he gave the wide berth altogether. Not surprisingly, his doing so only worsened the tension between them. Katara resented him for the time he spent away from her while conversely resenting him when he was around her as well. It seemed to Aang that he was condemned no matter what he did.

It wasn't very long before the two began to fall into a dangerous cycle of non-communication that threatened to choke, not only their marriage, but the foundation of their friendship as well. For the first time since meeting Katara, Aang began to feel uncertain about their future together. He certainly didn't love her any less. He didn't want her any less. But he had seriously begun to doubt he could make her happy anymore and that was the most painful realization of all.

However, one particular night when Aang finally gave into his despair over the fear that he would lose his wife, matters between him and Katara finally came to a head. He had gone up to the temple rooftop to weep out his misery in solitude when she had come to him. She had knelt before him, her feet bare, her hair unbound and her expression the most vulnerable he had ever seen it…an exact mirror of his own. She had tentatively brushed away his falling tears with the tips of her fingers even as she let hers flow unchecked. And then she had asked in a voice choked with emotion:

"Am I driving you away?"

Aang hadn't expected the question and, consequently, countered with one of his own. "Do you want to drive me away, Katara?"

She kissed his hands tenderly, her falling tears meandering through his fingers. "Aang, I need you. I love you. I don't know what's wrong with me."

He reached out to stroke her hair. The action was almost seemed like a battle for him; as if touching her physically pained him while at the same time filled him with aching need to never stop touching her. "I love you too, Katara…more than anything," he sighed, "But I don't know what you want anymore."

"I want you," she insisted, "I know I haven't been very good at showing it lately, but that is honestly the only thing I know for sure these days."

Aang leaned into her then, his forehead resting against hers. "I feel the same."

"Then how do we fix what's wrong between us?"

"I don't know. I've tried to get close to you, Katara. I've tried to help, but you keep pushing me away."

"I…I know that," she whispered mournfully, "I don't know why it happens, I just do. I push you away when all I really want is to pull you close and never let go. I can't explain what's happening to me. Nothing makes sense."

"Is that because you're hurting still…you know…about the baby?"

Katara jerked a nod. "I've experienced loss before," she considered, "I've felt that pain before and I've dealt with it. I lost my mom and, for a brief time, I lost you. But I've never felt anything like this. There's this hollow place inside of me…like something died and I don't know how to get that part of myself back."

"Do you blame me?" Aang asked in an agonized whisper.

She looked away, whisking away fresh tears as she did. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

Katara recoiled a bit at the hurt in his tone. "Aang, you're the Avatar. There is no one in the world more powerful than you. I've seen you do incredible things…things no one, no Avatar has ever done before you. You restore hope and peace and balance when it almost seems impossible to do so, and yet even with all the cosmic energy in the world at your command you couldn't…"

"I couldn't bring our baby back," he concluded for her quietly, "Is that what you're saying?"

She hung her head with a miserable sigh. "I know I'm not being fair to you."

"But you're being honest, Katara, and that's all I really wanted. For you to be honest with me."

"I don't mean to sound so hateful." She dropped her face into her hands, but Aang gently peeled them away, refusing to let her cringe in shame when the shame should be his own.

"You don't sound hateful. You sound like a woman who is grieving and, unfortunately, has a husband who has been too selfish and self-involved to give you the patience and understanding you needed to work through your pain. I'm sorry I failed you, Katara."

"Don't say that. You didn't fail me, Aang. I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately and I don't blame you for running away. I probably would have too."

"No, you wouldn't," he argued, "and that's why you're a better person than me…and that's why I'm so lucky to have you as my wife."

"You can say that even after I've been such a pain in the neck lately?"

"I'll say that for the rest of my life," he vowed.

Her mouth curved in a small smile that was tempered with bittersweet uncertainty. "Are we going to be okay now, Aang?" she wondered tremulously.

"I want us to be."

"Good," Katara whispered, leaning up to brush his lips with a tender kiss, "So do I."

That night had marked the start of Aang and Katara's first steps back towards solidifying their friendship and their marriage. Although there had been a series of fits and stalls, both had been so equally committed to repairing their damaged relationship that progress was certain. Kanna had likened them to two people who had begun climbing on opposite sides of the same mountain. She told them that, while they had begun their journey far apart from each other, as they ascended towards the peak, climbing higher and higher, they also inevitably drew closer together. Aang had not truly appreciated that insightful analogy until he and Katara finally reached that figurative summit as partners, strengthened and renewed.

In gradual stages, the constant fights and angry silences that had permeated their marriage for the past three months were replaced with easy smiles and sweet words of endearment. The wounds finally began to heal, the scars began to fade and Katara and Aang fell in love with each other all over again. After weeks and weeks of anguish, they had found their center once more and rediscovered one another in the process.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Aang pressed again when Katara finally finished fiddling with his collar. He pivoted to face her. "You can call it off. I'm completely okay with you calling it off."

"Why do you keep asking me that?" Katara laughed. "You don't think I can handle a few kids?" She arched a single brow in challenge. "I handled you, Toph and Sokka just fine and when I was just a kid myself."

"Yeah, but multiply me, Toph and Sokka times ten," her husband deadpanned, "Not only are you proposing to watch our children during this council meeting, but Zuko's two kids, Sokka's three boys and Toph's newborn! Just thinking about doing it makes me want to run for the hills."

"So the mighty Avatar can't handle a few screaming children?" Katara needled with a smirk. She tsked him. "How disappointing…and shameful. So very shameful."

Aang refused to be cowed by her ribbing. "You're painfully outnumbered, sweetie. There's no shame in retreat."

"Will you stop it?" Katara giggled, "I'll be fine. Besides, it's not like I'll be on my own. Gran-Gran is here. She can help me."

"That's your backup?" Aang balked incredulously, "Your Gran-Gran? No offense, Katara, but the woman needs a nap after a trip to the kitchen."

Katara emitted a mock gasp of affront and darted out a quick hand to pinch his side. Aang squealed in amusement. "I'm going to tell her you said that!" she threatened.

"I'm being serious, Katara," Aang maintained, despite his affable grin, "I don't want you to be overwhelmed. There's no reason that Mai and Suki can't stay behind and help you hold down the fort. These are their kids, you know!"

"And they didn't ask me to do it. I volunteered."

"So un-volunteer."

"Aang!" Katara sighed in exasperation, "You know that Mai and Suki need to be present for that meeting. Officially declaring Republic City and the United Republic of Nations an independent state from the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation despite the fact they kind of belong to both nations is a very big deal. Mai is the Firelord's wife and she needs to be at his side. And Suki is a council representative for the Earth Kingdom. Neither of them can blow this off."

Aang had no valid case and he knew it. "I hate it when you're reasonable," he grumbled.

"And I hate it when you worry," she countered archly, "You know that if I run into trouble that I have plenty of air acolytes to help me out…since apparently you believe my Gran-Gran isn't up for the job."

"We don't need to repeat that to her."

"I'll just bet we don't," Katara chuckled wryly.

"Okay…well, how about this," Aang began, abruptly switching tactics, "Why don't you let the acolytes chase the kids around today and you can come into the city with me?" He plucked at his collar proudly. "Good idea, huh?"

Katara favored him with a deadpan expression. "You are so extremely transparent, Airbender."

"I have no idea what you mean," Aang brazened.

"I don't need you to keep an eye on me," Katara told him. "I'm not going to fall apart the second I'm out of your sight, Aang."

"I'm not trying to keep an eye on you." But the denial was weak. He knew it and she knew it.

"Listen to me. I'll be fine," she reassured him, "I'm healing. It's been slow and painful, but I really am starting to heal."

"But what if the children tire you out?"

"Are you kidding? Have you seen your daughter with them? She's already got them all falling in line, even Bumi."

Aang choked out a laugh, unable to dispute that laudable fact. "Yeah, I peeked out into the courtyard a while ago and she had them on their toes." He placed his hands on his hips and flipped his nonexistent ponytail, affecting his best impression of his precocious 11 year old daughter. "Okay, you lily livers, from now on you answer to me," Aang mimicked, "You will do what I say, when I say! You're on Air Temple Island now! My world, my rules!" He chuckled at the picture Kya made in his mind. "She even had Honora shaking."

A snort of laughter bubbled from Katara's lips over that statement and the antics that had preceded it. "Our little Kya is quite the bossy general, isn't she?" she remarked wryly, "She certainly didn't get that from me. I guess we have Toph to thank for that."

"Oh yeah, right. She definitely gets her bossiness from Toph." However, the meaningful look he directed at Katara said otherwise.

His rolling sarcasm was met with yet another pinching attempt, but this time Aang was quick enough to dance out of her reach. "Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me," he sang.

Katara lifted her chin with a haughty sniff. "You are such a child!"

"You're just mad because I'm too fast for you."

"Whatever," she volleyed back with a dismissive wave before flouncing over to the bed. "Don't you have people waiting for you in our living room?" she grumbled with a good-natured smile, "Get out of here before you're late for your meeting."

"Fine, I'm leaving, but… I'll miss you."

Her counterfeit scowl softened into a smile. "I'll miss you too," she murmured, "Come over here and kiss me goodbye."

"With pleasure."

Aang eagerly crossed the distance between them and bent forward, intending to drop a quick kiss onto her mouth before he departed. Katara, however, had other plans. The moment his lips made contact with hers, she framed his face in her hands and transformed Aang's brief peck into a long, lingering kiss. Pleasantly surprised and mildly confused, Aang drew back to survey her with a speculative stare. The unspoken invitation was evident in her eyes, dark and swirling and seductive. Although it had been some months since he and Katara had shared any real sexual intimacy, it hadn't been so long that Aang had forgotten how to recognize the signs Katara put out when she wanted him. And she definitely wanted him right then. He swallowed hard and whispered her name.

"Kiss me again," she urged, already curving her fingers around his nape to pull him closer.

With a soft groan of need, Aang did as she asked, dipping his head to kiss her again, longer and deeper this time. Katara whimpered a moan against his mouth, twisting her fingers into the loose material of his tunic, pulling him closer and fitting her eager body to his. They tumbled back into the bed together, frenetically tearing away restrictive clothing and tossing it away in their demanding impatience to be skin to skin, suddenly impervious to the fact that Aang was supposed to be leaving soon or that he had nearly half a dozen people waiting for him in their living room. Their bodies arched and tangled, hands gripping and grasping as they fused their mouths together again and again.

Katara's world was reduced to a single point of pure sensation where nothing else existed beyond Aang's mouth, his touch, the weight of him against her body and the undeniable heat of his naked flesh pressed to hers… But then, without warning, she was abruptly deprived of that heat, left shivering and frustrated with Aang's sudden retreat. Before she could process his intentions, he was twisting out of her arms and sprinting over to their bedroom door. Katara reared up onto her elbows to regard him with a disappointed frown, her unbound hair hopelessly tousled, her lips swollen from his fervid kisses and her torso bare.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"What do you think? I'm locking the door," he replied, doing exactly that before pivoting to face her with a feline smile, "We wouldn't want to have any awkward interruptions."

Katara returned his smile. "No, we wouldn't."

"So…" he drawled, almost shy, "You ready to pick up where we left off?"

"Don't you have a council meeting in half an hour?" Katara reminded him, blinking up at him with an expression that was far from innocent. "Zuko won't be pleased. You know how he feels about punctuality."

Aang slowly approached the bed, pushing his trousers down over his lean hips and kicking them away as he did so. "He'll get over it." He climbed into bed, grinning in approval when his wife came readily into his arms, entwining her limbs with his own. "Besides, you know how quick and efficient I can be," he added, stifling her answering giggle with his lips as he pressed her back into the bed, "all I need is five good minutes…"

~End~