You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

Say remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speeds so fast it felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone
- "Fast Car", Tracy Chapman

Spent, Mulder rolls over in bed, on his side now, facing Scully. "Wow Scully," he panted. "That was definitely not something I ever imagined to be in your repertoire."

Scully smirked. "I surprised myself, actually."

He leaned over and kissed her tenderly. She placed her hand on the back of his head, drawing him closer, pulling him on top of her again. Her soul ached for him. It was so weird to be right in someone's presence, and to just burn up in it.

Although neither of them were ready for round two, they kissed lazily in bed until Scully finally put a stop to it. She hadn't showered since her run. In her forty-something odd years of existence, she's never had sex after working out. The notion grossed her out, but today it was a necessity.

Gross or not, it ignited something in Mulder, who now followed her to the shower, unable to stop touching her.

This was fun; it felt like being in the infancy, in the honeymoon phase of a relationship – something they didn't get the luxury of enjoying so many years ago. Now the future, while not uncertain, it held an aire of mystery to it.

After showering, the pair found themselves back in Mulder's study, assuming the usual positions – Mulder at his desk, and Scully horizontal on the sofa.

"Mulder, what are we doing to do with the house while we are gone? We aren't selling it. I can sign up for some unpredictability, but this is our home!"

"Scully, calm down, we aren't selling the house. We can't let it sit though, unless we hire someone to check on things once a week or so."

She toyed with a long crimson lock of hair thoughtfully for several moments. "We have new residents who would probably enjoy living in a nice place so close to the hospital. I could see if we could rent out a few of the bedrooms to them when I go in Tuesday to talk to the chief."

"Hmm, good call," Mulder said, distractedly.

Scully peered up at him after he was silent for several moments

"So what kind of timeline are we looking at?"

Mulder smiled inwardly. Scully would always be the organizer, and there wasn't a sabbatical in the world long enough to break that habit. It was okay though, it kept him in check most times.

"You tell me. Once you are able to get the paperwork in and approved we can make firm plans."

Scully's eyebrows furrowed as she thought silently. She didn't know the specifics of the process but she did know that a colleague of hers had her sabbatical paperwork approved rather quickly. It's all about how you package it. Scully, not one for sympathy struggled with how to even approach it. She did know there were a few PDF forms to fill out ahead of time, which she would do when she went back to work and could print them out from the hospital's intranet.

She didn't go back til Tuesday, but she was considering spending Monday at the hospital, checking in with her boss, the chief of surgery, and getting the ball rolling.

Scully and Chief Jackson had a very amicable relationship. He was a jolly, round, balding man in his early sixties. While many chiefs of surgery Scully had encountered in her career seemed to be stressed out and incredibly unavailable, Chief Jackson was always in good spirits and had a very open-door policy with his stuff. It was on of the reasons why Scully stuck around that particular hospital instead of advancing her career elsewhere. The Chief was quite impressed with her skillset and her unique professional background from day one. The Chief also appreciated Scully's military family history. The Chief's brother was a West Point graduate and was a very talented flight surgeon, until an injury jumping out of airplanes forced him into early retirement.

His guidance was something she appreciated in her time there at Priest River and she hoped the process of the sabbatical wouldn't take too long. She was ready to get moving.

"I think it won't be too complicated," she said finally, stretching her arms over her head and snuggling deeper into the couch. "I know someone who had their paperwork approved in two weeks."

Mulder relaxed at that thought. He didn't want the hospital to drag their feet and Scully change her mind after six months of nothing.

"Well, I want to start looking for places now, just to get an idea of what is available, because once your are good to go, it's going to start moving fast, so best to get the ball rolling now."

"Are our passports good to go?" She couldn't remember when it was they'd renewed them. That would be another six or so weeks if they had expired.

"Yep," he said, distractedly, looking for something in his desk drawer. "Remember when we almost went to Antigua?"

Scully frowned. Mulder wanted to take her to Antigua as an anniversary surprise, he'd planned everything, and she cancelled because of work. It's that kind of stuff that ate away at her forever. She was tired of disappointing him and she was tired of disappointing herself.

Mulder sensed the shift in mood of the room and immediately felt terrible for bringing it up.

"Scully I'm sorry," he said, frowning and resting his chin on his hands, propping himself up by his elbows. "I didn't realize..."

She shook her head. "This is why we're doing this, Mulder. Don't be sorry. Please tell me when I hurt you, tell me every time I do it. I don't always know, and I never want to hurt you. It kills me we've been like this for years, and I was too scared and too proud to take care of it. You deserve better than that."

Feeling guilty and sad, she got up from the couch and leaving Mulder in his study as she headed down to their bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her. She needed a moment - or ten - alone to just waddle in this sadness for a bit. It was self-flagellation in its most basic form. It was like she couldn't stop punishing herself. And in doing that, she was punishing Mulder too. The feeling of guilt was positively overwhelming. How could she have not known, all this time, that he was hurting too? How could she put on the blinders, and go through the motions of life for a decade?

Scully curled up on their bed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it closely. It smelled of laundry detergent and of Mulder, which made her even sadder. Tears welled up in her eyes. She'd officially become the worst version of herself.

About ten minutes passed, Scully didn't indulge herself enough to cry like she needed - she simply stared at the wall listlessly, trying to process how they got to this place.

Mulder stood outside their bedroom door, trying to find the right time to come in. He didn't hear her crying, but he heard a sniffle from time to time, and he knew she was hurting. He wished they could be gone now, so this darkness would go away and stop hanging over their heads like a storm cloud. It followed them, relentlessly, wherever they went. And it was time to face it head-on so they could move on from this.

He knocked softly on the door. "Baby...?"

He heard her clear her throat and then her familiar alto. "You can come in."

When he opened the door, he found her in the fetal position on their bed, hugging a pillow, and staring out the window. His heart broke. Wordlessly, he climbed into bed and crawled up next to her, pulling her small frame to him, tossing the pillow, and cradling her. She clung to him desperately.

"Oh Mulder," she cried. "I'm so sorry. I don't know how or when we arrived to this place, but I never meant to hurt you."

He placed his hands on either side of her face, steadying her, brushing her tears with his thumbs.

"You listen to me, Scully," he whispered in a hushed tone. "I'm not unhappy, I've never been unhappy, and I do not regret our life together. Being with you, in this way… I haven't thought about anyone else in years. And here we are. That's enough for me."

She nodded silently, her heart in her throat.

"I hurt because I know that you hurt. I see it in your eyes all the time. We haven't dealt with anything from the past. I just want to fix this; I want to make you so happy, I don't want you to feel like life has to be so hard. That's all."

Scully buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, closing her eyes. The way she loved this man, she loved him in a way that she didn't think she was capable of at times. She was so scared Mulder was unhappy with her to the point of leaving. Fear never had any logic. And even so, there they were.

"I'm so afraid of messing this up," she whispered, avoiding the innate urge to hide her feelings from him.

"Never," he said harshly, slanting his mouth over hers.

She kissed him back with a fierce reciprocity, vowing to not hide from him anymore.

Together they are stronger.

Later that evening, the pair headed out for what Scully liked to refer to as "date night". Which meant they headed out to eat somewhere in downtown Denver. Tonight's dinner choice was their favorite Irish pub that they frequented.

They slid into the booth their server led them to and perused the menu.

"Can I get you guys something to drink? All draft beer is half off for another half hour."

Scully paused for a moment, considering a beer.

"I'll take a Blue Moon, please."

Mulder raised a surprised eyebrow at her. She didn't drink much, but there was nothing sexier than Scully drinking beer with him, for whatever reason.

"Sixteen or twenty-two ounce?"

"Twenty-two," she replied, without missing a beat.

"Hoo-wee, Scully!" he joked. He looked up at the waitress. "I'll have Guinness, twenty-two ounce."

Their server scurried away to get their drinks. Mulder placed his hand over hers and smiled warmly.

"So what should we put on our itinerary, Scully?"

She paused thoughtfully. "I've never been abroad so I don't know much about the usual suspects – Paris, Rome, London, and so on."

"Is there anywhere you've always wanted to go?"

"Spain," she answered almost immediately. "Germany. Italy. What about you?"

"I want to take you to Paris. I've been all over the UK while I was at Oxford. Maybe the Greek Isles?"

Scully sighed contentedly at this idea. She wished they were leaving tonight. Now.

The rest of their date was spent talking travel plans and relaxing. Scully was beginning to feel like herself again. She realized that they would get through this together, because together they were stronger. The consortium tried this divide-and-conquer method their entire careers. It only brought them closer. Despite their heartaches, Scully was determined that they would be the ones having the last laugh.