Female Hawke mage, eventual Fenris romance. Rated M for language, violence, sexual content, and suggestive themes. This is my first piece of fan fiction, so reviews are welcome and hoped for. Hawke meets Anders. Hawke gets high. Bioware owns all…
Tranquility
Anders knew trouble when he saw it, and it just walked through the door of his clinic. A stranger group he had never seen - a dwarf, a guardswoman, and a former soldier, unless he missed his guess, but it was the woman who led them that held his attention. She was young to be in command - especially over a guard and a soldier, but it was clear who held the authority. Her brilliant green eyes darted around the room, searching for potential threats, scanning for exits before settling on Anders again with an intensity that made Justice rise to the surface, clawing for control.
She's dangerous. She takes a harsh view of things such as we. Justice warned him.
Anders ignored him. This woman was a mage. A powerful mage. She hadn't reached her potential yet, but Anders could feel the mana rolling off her in waves. There was something about her face that tickled his memory, but it was too far away to reach. Justice had gone very still.
The dwarf - Varric, he said his name was, did most of the talking. They wanted maps to the Deep Roads.
"Any information you have could save people's lives." The mage pleaded. Her voice had a soft, almost musical quality that Anders found incredibly appealing.
"I would die a happy man if I never had to think about the blighted Deep Roads again. You can't imagine what I've gone through to get here. I'm not interested-" Anders cut off abruptly as he noticed the staff the woman was carrying. There was only one staff like that, he was certain. "Although…" he continued, "A favor for a favor. Does that sound like a fair deal? You help me, I'll help you?"
"Let's be more specific." she said. "I don't do anything involving children or animals." She didn't have a lot of rules, but those two were concrete.
"I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend. A mage. A prisoner in the wretched Gallows. The Templars learned of my plans to free him. Help me bring him safely past them, and you shall have your maps."
As he suspected, she did not question him. A familiar fire blazed in those green eyes and she said, "I would help any mage in such circumstances, map or no."
Anders released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I welcome your aid. I have already sent word to Karl to meet me in the Chantry tonight. Join us there, and we'll ensure that no matter who is with him, we will all walk away free." She grasped his hand in a firm handshake, then turned to leave. Anders' hand tightened on hers, not letting her go. "You're Hawke, aren't you?" he asked, softly.
"I am." Her eyes looked slightly amused as she pulled away from him and left the clinic.
The rescue was a disaster. Karl had been made Tranquil. Remembering the monotone of his friend's voice made Anders want to vomit up everything he'd ever eaten. Equally horrifying, he'd exposed his nature to Hawke. She had fought the Templars beside him, but he was uncomfortable with her silence on the walk back to his clinic. When they reached his door, Hawke sent the others home with quiet warnings that loose tongues made for unpleasant bedfellows. Who was this woman who threatened her friends so casually?
She followed him inside, pacing furiously, but allowing him time to make himself comfortable. As if he could. He sat nervously on the edge of his cot and, flinching when Hawke directed her glare his way, he said the one thing he hoped might stop her from killing him. "I knew your father."
Hawke opened her mouth to respond, then changed what she was going to say. "Do you mind if I smoke?" She didn't wait for him to answer. Instead, she pulled a pipe from her pouch, stuffed it with some herbs, and lit it with a small fire from her fingertips.
"What is that?" Anders asked, wrinkling his nose at the smell.
"If you really knew my father," Hawke said, coldly, "you should know that it's sativa flowers. He smoked it to think calmly and rationally in high pressure situations," Hawke took a long drag. "And so do I…Which is most of the time. So you've made one mistake already. Tell me what you think you know of my father. Then we'll talk about what I'm going to do with you."
"You look like him." he said, softly. "Your eyes and your hair. I wasn't sure at first, but that's Malcolm's staff you're carrying. There's only one staff like that. He told me he made it himself. Since you have it, I assume he's gone?"
Hawke sat next to him on the cot and hit her pipe again. "Templars took him four years ago. They claimed it was darkspawn, but everyone in Lothering knew the truth. None were willing to stand up to the Templars, though." Her voice was bitter.
"I'm sorry, Hawke. Malcolm was a good man. I've never met his equal." If Hawke had looked at him, she would have seen tears shining in his eyes. Malcolm Hawke had been a good friend to Anders. "You know, your father helped me escape from the Circle in Ferelden. He supplied the First Enchanter with herbs and smuggled me out in a wicker basket. I was just sixteen, then. I thought it was a grand adventure. That would have been ten years ago, now." Anders cut off when he notice Hawke staring at him.
"What would he say if he saw you now?" she asked him, in a quiet voice. She seemed to have gotten over her initial rage, now her voice was heavy with disappointment. Anders wondered if he might prefer her anger. He had to make her understand. He didn't think of himself as an abomination.
"When I was in Amaranthine, I met a spirit of Justice who was trapped outside the Fade. We became friends, and he recognized the injustice mages in Thedas face every day."
Hawke didn't say anything for a long minute. She'd had her own experience with spirits and demons, and knew you could starve a mouse on the difference. It was nearly impossible to convince other mages of this, though. Spirits offer help rather than power, but that didn't mean they weren't just as hungry as demons to gain a foothold in the mortal world. Still, this Anders seemed to be a good man with a just cause. Hawke couldn't argue with mage freedom…And her father had worked to free him. She needed more to go on.
"This spirit sounds like a useful friend to have." she said, cautiously.
"He was far better to me than I have been to him. To live outside the Fade he needed a host. I agreed to help him. We were going to work together to bring justice to every child who was ever ripped from his mother to be sent to the Circle. But…I guess I had too much anger in me. Once he was inside me, he…changed."
Again, Hawke didn't say anything for a long time. She took another hit from her pipe, then offered it to Anders, who declined with a wave of his hand. He could feel Hawke's eyes on him, weighing, measuring. He wondered if she'd reached a decision yet. It was terrifying to bare his soul to someone who admitted she might kill him for the truth she demanded. Anders felt a tear slip unchecked down his cheek. He was too shocked to say anything when he felt Hawke's feather-light touch brush the moisture away. She seemed as surprised by the action as he was.
"This is obviously difficult for you." She said, understanding lacing her voice.
"I thought I was helping my friend. He would have died, I guess…If that even means anything. And he wanted to help me. He knew what mages have suffered. But my anger, when I see Templars, things that have always outraged me but I could never do anything about…He comes out. And he is no longer my friend Justice. He is a force of vengeance. And he has no grasp of mercy."
Hawke suspected that Justice had always been Vengeance, but she did not voice this aloud. She knew she couldn't kill him now. He reminded her too much of her father. His conviction, his absolute belief that mages should be free. He was like her father, like her. A warrior for the cause, a potential brother-in-arms.
"Is there anything I can do?" she asked, knowing there wasn't.
"You are the first person I've ever told this. Thank you for not running away. My maps are yours - as am I if you wish me to join your expedition. I thought I was done with the Grey Wardens, but if you have need of me, I will be here."
Hawke took the maps with a nod. "Have no fear, Anders. I will not force anyone on this expedition who doesn't want to be there." She stood to leave.
"What about-" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.
"It appears you've earned a stay of execution."
"Why?" His voice was incredulous.
Hawke raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, Anders thought she wasn't going to answer. "A tool in the hand, Anders. A hammer can be used to build a house, but you could also use it to bash someone's skull in. In fact, the skull-bashing would be considerably easier. I will wait to see what you and this Justice make of each other. You seem to be a good man, Anders. My father didn't rescue just anyone. He saw something in you worth saving. Perhaps in time, I will see the same."
"I'm sorry, Hawke. I'm sorry for putting this on you. I figured a willing host, a friend…it had to be better than playing the demon and haunting some corpse."
"We can't always predict the outcome of our actions. We can only make them with a true heart." That was a lesson Hawke had learned well.
"Kind, wise, and beautiful. You must have made a deal with some demons yourself." Perhaps you shouldn't have just said that Justice warned him, irritably. "I'm sorry I shouldn't presume. It's just…We've hardly met and I feel like I know you. Am I making you uncomfortable?" Hawke had gone very still.
"Not uncomfortable, exactly." Hawke said, carefully. "But it would probably be better for you not to think of me that way."
"Strictly business, eh?" Anders was surprised how much the rejection hurt. Then he wondered why he had even tried. She'd been ready to kill him not fifteen minutes ago.
"I would like to learn more about you, Anders. In time we may become friends. Until then, allies will have to suffice." Hawke turned away from him and left the clinic.
Anders stretched out on his cot, staring at the ceiling. All things considered, it hadn't turned out too badly. It wasn't good by any means, but the thought of having an ally (if not a friend) was comforting to him.
You must kill her before she turns on us. Justice warned.
Where is the justice in killing a woman who spared my life?
Your life wouldn't have been in danger if you'd turned her away in the first place.
Anders frowned. Justice was not usually so hostile toward other mages, but he had gibbered in fear during the exchange with Hawke.
That one will always do what is right. And in this situation, in her mind, the right thing is to kill us. She stayed her hand, but it will not last.
Are you certain? She is caught between two things that are right. Mage freedom, and killing abominations. I represent both to her. She's giving us a chance to prove ourselves. We would be foolish to waste it.
She will not choose you.
You make a lot of assumptions. How do you know so much about her?
Justice did not answer.