I drank. And drank. And drank. All night long.

My head pounded and my body ached. I thought to myself, "Why am I feeling so sick?" I looked around the room and I remembered.

I was in Dally's room at Buck's place. Last night, I had attempted to drink away my feelings, but waking up this morning, or afternoon (I didn't know what time it was), has brought all of the angers and sorrows back to me. Still feeling drunk, I could barely stand up. I looked up at the dresser and saw an old photograph of a much younger Dallas holding me as a baby. Between the tears, the taste of alcohol, and the hangover I was going through, I couldn't handle it anymore. I came crashing to the floor and closed my eyes, painfully remembering the last time I was in this room.

I was almost thirteen. That was over a year ago.

I see myself climb up the rope ladder hanging from the window in Dally's room. My face burns, the wind blows, and I nearly fall. I pound continuously on the window until it cracks and I am able to open it. There he is, my brother, Dallas, lying on the bed. I don't want to wake him, but this is too important to wait until tomorrow to tell him. I crawl next to him and bury myself under the beer-stained covers, snuggling close to my brother for feelings of safety.

His breathing gets heavier, but he still doesn't notice me next to him.

"Dallas," I whisper, trying to be gentle because he may be sleeping through a rough hangover. "Dal, wake up. Please, it's me."

No luck; he doesn't wake up.

"C'mon Dal, don't be this way ..." I give up and begin flicking him on the cheeks until he wakes up. He rubs his eyes and rolls over, almost crushing me. "Dally!" I say, hardly being able to breathe with the weight of a (then) sixteen-year-old boy weighing on top of me. "Dal, please. Wake up, for God's sake! This is real important!"

Dally, with his eyes dark and wide, seems confused. "Huh? Who are you?"

"Dal, it's me. It's Dandy, your sister... Look, Dal. I know it's hard, I know you want to sleep and I understand that you're probably drunk and you can't think straight, but please just try to listen to me. There's something I've really, really got to tell you." I look straight into his eyes and begin crying. Almost instantly, he snaps and seems sobered up.

Dallas remembers who I was, and having never seen me this upset before, pulls me into a hug.

"Quiet down a bit, will ya? Buck will kill me if he finds out a little girl like you is in his party house... Now, tell me, Dandy, what's troubling you? Huh?"

I don't want to tell him, I can't possibly... But I have to tell him, or else he'd... Damnit! Oh, why oh why has this happened? I should have just walked home; I knew it was suspicious that I was just standing around there. But I didn't have a blade with me. Oh, what was I thinking! Dally's done so much to protect me, to keep me safe and away from my parents, now I'm getting taken away from him. I was going to tell Dally, I had to, even if it took all of the energy I had.

"Dandy? C'mon - what do you have to tell me?"

I sighed, filled my lungs with air, and opened my mouth. "Dally, yesterday, when I was waiting for a ride after school from Two-Bit, he was running a little late. I didn't mind, I just sat on the sidewalk and began to carve things in the dirt with my fingers-"

Dally stopped me. "Did you have a blade with you?"

"No, Dally..." I didn't want to talk about that, though. I knew he'd just freak on me and scold me for not carrying a blade. I took a quick breath, and kept the focus on the rest of the story. "So, I was waiting on Two-Bit, and some strange lady drove up. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was waiting' for my ride. She asked my name, and said she'd drive me home. I was real confused, you know? And she just kept insisting that she take me home. She said she was from some child services place, I can't remember the name. You know me, never able to remember details unless they're 'old news'. I had no idea who she was, I didn't want anything to do with this creep, but it's not like I had a choice... So this lady, she puts me in her car and drives me home. She just sits with me in the gravel that's supposed to be our driveway, and she won't let me out of the car. You can hear Mom and Dad screaming at each other, then a bottle of vodka flies out the window in the front. The lady hesitantly drops me off, with an apologetic smile, and puts a letter on the porch. She told me that I'm going to a girls' home, Dally. A girls' home. And there ain't anything I can do about it. Not until they find me a substantial guardian. She doesn't know that you take care of me, Dal. If she did, I bet she'd let me stay with you. I'm going tomorrow, Dal. I'm leaving and don't know when I'm coming back..."

I knew I hadn't explained it in full detail; I had no emotion when I told him. What was I supposed to do? I'd probably throw up if I gave him the whole story, what the lady has said about him. I couldn't do that to myself, or to Dally.

For the first time in my life, my brother, Dallas Tucker Winston, was getting teary-eyed. He claimed for it to be the stinging of the alcohol, but I knew that wasn't the case. Dally couldn't handle it. Not even the hangover numbed his feelings or kept the tear stains from his cheeks...

"No. No. Shit, no. Quit joking, Dandy. That ain't something to joke about. You hear me?"

I wasn't sure if he was lying to himself because he didn't want to hear it or if the alcohol was making him delusional, but I was on the verge of screaming when I said, "Dally... You know I'm not joking. I don't want to leave, I can't even think about all the times you've saved me, and how now I can't come crying to you... It breaks my heart not having you as my brother anymore, Dallas. But I have to go; at least I'll have a chance of seeing you after this. If I didn't go, I'd probably never see you... I promise to come back, I promise. And I don't break promises, Dal. You know that."

Dally sensitively pulled me in for a hug and just held me there, "Shh. Dandy, now don't talk like that. I'm still your brother, I still - I, I still - I'll still love you, Dandy. And you know that. I always have, and I always will. I want you to know that. When I turn eighteen I'm going to get you out of that girls' home, I'm going to be your guardian and I'm going to make sure you're safe. Until then, I'm gonna sober up, I'm gonna quit partying around, and damn, I gotta quit smoking... If you get even one problem at that place, you make sure to run out and come right back here to me, okay? And Dandy, don't forget..." But it was too late; I had already cried myself to sleep in Dally's arms.

Leaving the next morning was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life.

Turning my head side to side, I heard echoes of soft music and felt myself bumping all around. I opened my eyes up, and then realized that I was in the back of Steve's pickup truck. Soda was sitting next to me in the back seat.

He kissed my forehead; just like he had the day before, letting me know that everything was alright. "Hey, Dandy... Stay lying down, quit moving so much. Everything is going to be all right. Just drink some of the water; it will help with your headache."

The painful realization came that it wasn't my head that ached from drinking too much, it wasn't my stomach that ached from not having any food - it was my heart that ached with emptiness. I had lost the most important person in my life. And the thing that killed me inside was that I wasn't even there to say goodbye.