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Leila POV

I followed Alice down the stairs a little apprehensively. I didn't know what exactly I should tell them. Some of my actions thus far were bound to make them unhappy, I was sure. I definitely did not want Edward to know about what I had done to the man who… well, I wasn't even going to think about that.

Alice turned and smiled at me. "It's going to be fine. Don't worry. Everyone loves you." For some reason that little comment struck me funny and I giggled nervously. "I don't know if everyone 'loves' me Alice. You hardly know me."

"Trust me, Leila. I know you more than you think and believe me; everyone will love you." Her smile was superior as she led me through the empty living room into the dining room where her whole family was seated around a large oak table. Only one seat was empty between Esme and Jasper. I eyed it suddenly feeling wildly unsure. What was I supposed to do! Was this a test? Did they want to see if I would give the seat to Alice or be rude and take it myself? Ugh! Why did things have to be so difficult!

I noticed Jasper's eyes tighten and felt very peaceful all of the sudden. Whoa! I realized he had done that, as my mind was perfectly clear and I knew I didn't suddenly make myself feel better. I was still wondering what to do about the one chair! Carlisle smiled at my hesitancy. "Why don't you sit with us Leila?" I looked unsure at Alice. She smiled before I could say a word and replied to my unanswered question. "Oh I don't need a chair. I'll sit with Jasper."

I felt my face wrinkle in confusion. "How did you know what I…" She laughed in her tinkling voice and laid a friendly hand on my back. "I saw what you were going to ask. Now come sit down." I allowed her to guide me and seat me in the available chair. She leapt lightly into Jasper's lap, as if it were her favorite place in the world to sit. When I looked around at the seven vampires I realized only the blonde woman was missing.

Before I could follow that new train of thought my attention was recaptured by Esme. She took my hand and squeezed it lightly as she smiled warmly at me. It was very reassuring and made me feel peaceful in a way I knew was real.

"Leila, would you be able to tell us about yourself?" Carlisle asked in a gentle voice.

I looked at him. "Like, what kind of stuff do you want to know?"

He smiled kindly. "Well, do you know how long it has been since you were changed?"

I froze as the remembrance of fire assailed me. No, no, no! I wasn't even going to think about that. Forcing the panic that accompanied the memory of pain I bit my lower lip and looked down. "Uh, could I ask you something first?" My voice was a timid whisper.

"Of course. You can ask anything," Carlisle sounded like my dad when he answered. I took a deep breathe before asking in a rush.

"What am I?" My question hung in the air. No one breathed, no one spoke; there was utter silence. I was almost sure I already knew, but since I still wanted to deny it, I wanted absolute confirmation.

"What do you think you are?" This came from Jasper and I turned to look at him. His serious demeanor and ramrod posture was at odds with Alice draped across his lap, her arm slung around his neck. I narrowed my eyes as I glared at him. "I wouldn't have asked if I knew, would I?" I asked scathingly. Somehow his question had really irritated me.

Across the table Emmett smirked and raised his eyebrows. "Feisty, feisty!"

Carlisle gave him a look and put a hand up to quiet him before turning back to me. "What did your sire tell you when you woke up?" I looked at him in utter confusion. "Huh? What sire?" Did he mean my dad? What would my dad have told me even if he had been with me?

I was staring at Carlisle completely bewildered when Edward answered my unspoken question. "Your sire is the one who changed you. Not your father."

Changed me into what? I didn't know who changed me into whatever I was. I felt discombobulated and like nothing made sense. Everyone was looking at me, making me feel very insecure. Why wouldn't they stop asking me stupid questions and just give me a clear answer?

I saw a look pass between Carlisle and Edward before Carlisle nodded almost imperceptibly. "Leila, we're vampires."

I sucked in a breath. I knew it! Oh shit. Seriously! I didn't think vampires actually existed! Oh my god, I was going to have to kill people to eat forever? What about food? I love food!

"So I'm a vampire too, right?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes; although you seem to have a few anomalies." Anomalies? What did he mean by that? Was he saying I was a freak? That I wasn't as good as them? What was wrong with me that made me so different from them?

"You are a vampire for sure, but you seem to still have your heartbeat. It only beats every thirty-six seconds, but it is there." I frowned as he said this.

"Is that bad or just weird? Will I be okay if my heart beats or is it what made me sick?" I needed to get out of here. I felt confused and claustrophobic for some reason. I longed to just run free and feel the wind as I hurtled through the forest.

"Honestly, I don't know what made you unwell. I have never seen a vampire with any sort of ailment before." Carlisle looked almost uncomfortable to have to admit not knowing what could possibly be wrong with me. "If you would so desire, we would like for you to stay with us. I must admit, I am most fascinated to find out more about you."

"Honey, who created you?" Esme asked from my right.

I looked at her, panic flashing through my mind like neon lights. I didn't want to think about him! I couldn't remember his eyes and the inherent evilness I felt from him. It was terrifying! I didn't want to remember the pain that followed my 'encounter' with him. Oh God! It was like I was reliving it every time I thought of it.

My thoughts raced as my breathing sped up to the point of hyperventilation. I anxiously tried to slam the lid down on the thoughts flooding my mind with horrific images and feelings. Suddenly a cool hand closed over my left hand and I felt pervasive peace infuse my entire being. It was so thick and heavy I could barely keep my eyes from closing.

I turned my head and looked at Jasper. "What are you doing to me?" The words were clear but I knew without the superpowers of vampirism they would have come out slurred. I was so lethargic and almost sleepy. It was a little creepy because a part of me knew for sure that it was coming from someone other than me. I was pretty sure it was Jasper.

I looked at Esme. "I don't want to remember that. It hurt too much. Can I go lay down, I feel really tired." I needed to get away. There was something wrong. I couldn't think clearly with so many people around me. What was wrong though? I was dying for lack of people just days ago and now I needed to escape them if even just for a few minutes. I wanted to cry. I didn't feel like a big girl. I felt like a little child that didn't understand why everything had to change so suddenly and horribly.

If not for Jasper's hand and the calm I was convinced his touch was bringing I would be a quivering mass of hysteria right at the moment. As it was, all I could do was think around it.

Esme brought me out of my reverie with a hand rubbing my back. "This must be very difficult for you, but it would be really helpful to know more about you." I yanked my hand from under Jasper's. Helpful for who? I thought suspiciously.

"Don't think about the pain," she continued. "Why don't you just tell us about what you have done since you woke up." Her smile was sweet and motherly.

Okay, that's not very hard. I thought back to the moment when my body was finally, blessedly pain free.

So I told them every little boring detail of every inane, boring moment of wandering the forest. I told them of seeing them and the thrill of coming around their house. Of going up to Canada, and coming back down because for some crazy reason I had missed them without ever having met them.

I did not tell them of exacting justice against my attacker. I didn't want them to know that… yet. It was just self-preservation, I had to know them first before revealing my capabilities.

"I miss my family," I whispered after telling them of my adventures. "I went back and looked in my house after a little while. I was scared what I would do to them if I went in, so I watched for a long time from a tree. I had seen a newspaper so I knew every one thought I was dead."

I looked down at my hands. "All I want is to talk to them one more time. I want them to know I'm okay and not to be sad because I'm not really dead." I played with the edge of my shirt. "That's probably stupid huh? That I care so much about them thinking I'm dead?"

"Leila, how much time did you spend around your family's house?" This was from Edward who sat directly across from me. He had a slightly dazed expression on his face. I shrugged and answered quickly.

"Just a few hours. I left before dawn. Why?"

He looked at Carlisle directing his answer to his father rather than me. "I have never seen such vivid, full memories of a human life. It's as if they haven't faded at all." Looking to me he asked, "Have you had a hard time remembering anything. Has anything been just a vague picture rather than a full color memory?"

I looked at him strangely. "No, not at all. It's really brutal sometimes," I admitted wearily. "My memories are almost more realistic than before. Like if I close my eyes when I think of things, I can smell and hear and feel things in them." I exhaled sadly, "Sometimes I wish I couldn't remember, it would be so much easier."

Everyone was looking at me in amazement. I smiled self-consciously in the silence. "I don't know why I'm different. I don't know why I got weirdly sick. And I definitely don't know why I was picked by whoever to become this. All I know is I hate it, I hate being alone, but it's almost overwhelming to be around anyone. It's like all my senses and nerves are completely overloaded and about to short circuit. I just want to be happy and safe and not lonely."

Esme took my hands in one of hers and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Oh honey, we want that for you too." I felt love and care wash over me from her.

I wish I could make it all better for her. Her voice echoed in my head. I smiled gratefully at her. She really cared. She was just a natural mother.

"What I hate the most is I can't even eat!" I growled in frustration. "I have to drink those stupid pouches because every time I have tried to eat a… person," I felt a vague sense of shame as I said it, "I can not bite them." All of my frustration at this inability was conveyed in my tone of voice.

Edward's brows were pulled together in fierce concentration. Carlisle cocked his head almost questioningly. "What do you mean you can't bite them? You can't bear to bite a human?" He sounded excited at the prospect.

I shook my head vehemently, my hair swinging around my shoulders in a shimmery river. "Oh I could bear to bite a human," I answered scathingly. "I would love nothing more than to do that." My sight glazed over as I imagined the taste of my pouches, only hot and fresh coming from a live source. I moaned with longing, my throat burning with need at the prospect of food.

"She can't bite them Carlisle. When she tries, her jaw literally locks when her teeth touch their skin." I concentrated once again at the sound of Edward's voice. He was looking at me with fascination in his eyes. "Amazing. I have never seen anything like it!" So apparently he had seen my aborted attempts at eating through my memories. I felt embarrassed for some reason.

"Pathetic, huh?" I asked him.

He just shook his head in denial and wonderment as if it was the most awesome thing he had ever heard of. "Not at all Leila. Do you realize what this means for you? You will never have to feel the guilt of taking a life if you can not take one." I looked at him like he was crazy. Did he even realize how badly I wanted to take a life?

"I know the thirst makes you want it, but afterwards you will feel so awful. Believe me when I tell you this." I narrowed my eyes. 'Whatever,' I answered him mentally.

"Oh, my! I didn't even think." Carlisle spoke in a quick voice. "You must be very thirsty," he addressed me. As he said it my throat burned stronger, yet the thought of drinking again made my whole being cringe and withdraw from the very notion. I quickly shook my head in the negative, not even wanting to contemplate it. "No, I don't want any right now."

Esme smiled encouragingly at me. "It might be good for you to hunt though, Leila. It helps your control if you drink often as a newborn."

I yanked my hands from her. "No! I don't want it!" I just about screamed, shoving my chair back from the table. Alice was up with her hands on my shoulders before I could stand.

"It's okay Leila," she said soothingly. "You don't have to hunt. Why don't we go upstairs and I'll show you all your clothes." I didn't miss the small glance she sent towards Esme and Carlisle or the infinitesimal shake of her head.

I followed her meekly from the room, eyeing the rest of her family both warily and a bit ashamed at my outburst towards Esme. Why was I having such violent mood swings? I wasn't ever like this before. It seemed now that if I felt anything just a little, it blossomed into a full-blown version of the emotion. I would have to get a hold of myself.

Alice started a cheerful monologue of clothes and shoes, accessories and shopping as she led me up the stairs, through my room and into the walk in closet. I half listened to her as I realized that she was doing this as a diversion for me. I shrugged philosophically. Why not forget all the heavy stuff for the moment and enjoy the experience.