"Blimey, you look awfully familiar, Harry Plopper," Colin Creevey said for millionth time during dinner. He didn't glance at his food once, but opted to gawk at Harry.
"Does not!" Hermione snapped.
"Does too," Ron chimed with his mouth full. Harry grimaced and wiped at his face when a splatter of mush landed on his face from Ron's mouth.
"Are you sure you're not related to Harry, Harry?" Colin asked.
Hermione glared at the younger Gryffindor. "That notion is ridiculous in itself! Honestly, Colin, use that measly—"
"'S okay, Hermione," Harry said as cheerfully as he could. Colin was getting on his nerves, but the boy was much older than him, and from experience with older boys, he'd crush him into a bloody pulp if he so much as looked at him wrong. "No, I have no clue who Harry Potter is."
"What?" a high-pitched voice shrieked. There was a flash of red and then a pale, freckly face stared at Harry in horror. Ginny crouched on the Great Hall table, her foot in a bowl of mashed potatoes, but she didn't mind her foot, or her shoes, as she continued to gape at Harry.
"Oh, here we go," Ron groaned, chunks of chewed meat flying out of his mouth and hitting surrounding Gryffindor students.
"Harry Potter," Ginny said loudly, "Is not only the handsomest boy that has ever existed in the history of hotties, but he is also extremely famous and wealthy!"
Harry wasn't sure if he should be flattered or not.
"And what of his personality?" Hermione questioned.
Ginny paused. "Um...he's brave! Yeah! He defeated the Dark Lord when he was a baby! A baby! You can't get more fearless than that!'
"Ginny fancies him," Ron said loudly. Everyone in the whole school knew of this, even the professors, but Ginny still flushed as red as her hair and stumbled off the table in embarrassment.
"I do not, Ron!" Ginny cried. "He's a friend! You fancy Hermione! We all know it!"
People who were listening laughed at the ludicrousness of such a notion and Ron and Hermione scrunched their faces in disgust.
"You two fight all the time. It's obviously unresolved sexual tension," Ginny went on to explain. "It's the only explanation."
"It couldn't possibly be the fact that he's insufferable," Hermione muttered. She scrunched her face again when she glanced at Ron and saw him chomping on his food with his mouth wide open. "Not to mention the fact disgusting."
Ginny stomped her foot and stormed away in a huff.
"So." Colin steered the conversation back into its original direction. "Are you sure you're not a distant relative of Har—" Before he could finish, a streak of white soared across the table and struck Colin's head, promptly causing him to fall unconscious.
Hermione whistled innocently.
Meanwhile, there was a pile of chewed up food that landed on the table from Ron's mouth. Students nearby went to other tables. Ron looked around questioningly. "Anyone going to eat that?"
Later, Harry walked into his bedroom to find Hermione threatening Ron. In normal, Muggle circumstances, she would have held him against the wall by his collar, but you see this is the Wizarding World, so Hermione sat casually on Harry's bed, flipping the pages of a book, as her wand held Ron, upside down, by his ankle in mid air.
"Okay, okay, Hermione, I won't tell anyone!"
"Won't tell anyone what?" Harry asked, announcing his presence.
Hermione looked up and beamed. "There you are, Harry! Where'd you run off to?"
Ron fell onto the floor with a groan. "Oh God." He laid on his back before slowly sitting up and rubbing his head.
"I ran into Neville outside the common room. The potion's coming along nicely." He was lying, of course. Neville broke down into tears and begged Harry to cast the Killing Curse on him. It would be better than having to face the wrath of Hermione.
Speaking of which, she smiled at Harry. "That's wonderful, Harry! Neville will have you back in tip-top shape."
Harry narrowed his eyes. "You avoided my question. Won't tell anyone what?"
Ron was able to answer that question. Through their brief conversation, he gathered his bearings. His blood was circulating in all of the right places and he was able to run to Harry, gawking as he did so.
"Bloody hell!" Ron gasped as he fell onto his knees, getting eye-level with his best mate. "Harry? Is that really you?"
Harry looked back at Hermione uncertainly. She nodded and then Harry nodded to Ron. Ron proceeded to poke and prod Harry as if he were an alien.
"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you," Harry managed to get out. Ron gripped both Harry's cheeks and stretched them out to the point where they hurt. He let go and then poked at the baby fat.
Ron blinked as the words processed in his brain. His hands fell to his sides. "You don't know who I am?"
Harry shook his head. "I don't."
Jealousy flashed in his eyes. "But you remember Hermione."
"Actually, I didn't."
Ron turned smug and smirked at Hermione. "Ha!"
She rolled her eyes. Hermione left later that night to finish homework and Ron kept Harry up most of the night to catch up all things Weasley. Harry re-learned the life of his best friend. At an ungodly hour, Harry started to nod off at the sound of Ron's voice. Eventually, he was passed out on his bed, Ron soon to follow.
Harry's nose twitched when he felt the featherlight tickle. Again, when it didn't go away. Finally, his hand came up to itch his nose, only to swat something fleshy.
Harry screamed.
Dumbledore hovered over Harry, his nose brushing his. "Take it back!"
"W-What back? Take what back?" Harry's voice quavered. His roommates were deep sleepers, because none of them so much as changed their breathing.
"I do not look like Santa Claus!"
Author's Note: I apologize for the short, crappy update. I would like to continuously update on Sunday, and it occurred to me earlier that it was Sunday today and I was like, "Shit!" So, I wrote this down and it's not that good, but it's something!
Also, I did a little self insert there with the whole anti-Ron/Hermione thing. Ron's not my favorite character, but I tolerate him. I just hate him with Hermione. The idea of them together is stupid in itself. Oh, and I don't like Ginny. At all. How Harry and Ginny end up together is beyond me. She's his number one fangirl, that's it.