Chapter 4-circa big baby
Why
"I'm not gonna lie, you being my superior was kinda hot."
She tosses him a disapproving glance,
"Yeah well, it didn't last very long did it?"
He shrugs,
"From what I hear, you took yourself out of the job."
No matter how many floors you put between them, they always manage to fall right back.
She sits across from him in his office.
It is late.
The janitorial staff is already buffing floors and emptying trash cans.
"Maybe you heard wrong."
He didn't hear wrong, but she doesn't want him to start prying.
He shakes his head and smirks at her,
"I don't think so, my source is pretty reliable."
Thoughts of him and Cuddy cause a bad taste to form in her mouth.
"What I don't know," he looks at her, "is why."
Ah, the seemingly constant question floating between them.
The context of the question changes, but the question itself never does.
Why do you like me?
Why are you so miserable?
Why do you care?
Why do I love you?
"What was it?" He questions her.
"Too much paperwork, not enough patients?"
She drops a telling look on the floor.
Following her gaze he reconsiders,
"No, that's not it."
She wonders what the nurses, administrators, and janitors, think of them.
She has been out from under his employ for some time, she has a handsome boyfriend trying to give her the world, and yet she is still sitting in his office late at night wearing a
shameful expression.
"It's about me isn't it?"
She can't help it.
She looks away defeated.
Her passive mannerism solidifying his accusation.
He leans back in his chair.
She's expecting him to be smug, to throw her own weakness in her face, but she is surprised to find him quiet, staring at an imaginary object over her shoulder.
He is surprised; not that it had something to do with him, but why it had something to do with him.
He knows it wasn't the buttons he pushed.
He had his thumb constantly pressing down her buttons for three years.
She can handle it.
He knows it's not because she's trying to appease Chase.
She still comes to him when Chase is in surgery or waiting for her at home.
A wave of realization is washing over him.
She quit because she knows it will lead somewhere.
She trusts him too implicitly.
This week she discovered that even though she has no reason to trust him medically, three years as his subordinate watching him cure hundreds of patients on what seem at the
time like wild diagnosis pulled from thin air, has convinced her that he is worth the risk.
In his mind, this steadfast faith in his abilities can only mean one thing.
"You still love me."
Her eyes are wide, she says nothing.
When she came to his office tonight, she was not expecting this line of conversation.
Her surprise plays to his advantage.
He thinks best on his feet, and he knows her emotions will always betray the front she's trying to put up.
She is playing right into his hand.
"I..." she draws out, "don't know."
Oddly, a somewhat comfortable silence follows.
They both realize the games each has been playing on the other.
The passed week has been trying on her, and the passed 4 years have worn down his ability to refuse her.
"Come to my place."
She thinks for a moment, "why not?"