Let Me Love You
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I want to thank every one who has read, reviewed, and added me and my stories to their favorites list! Thank you so much! YOU are the reason why I keep writing!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the anime/manga Vampire Knight. HAPPY?! I don't own anything! T_T
Chapter Four – Evasive Maneuver
Then he suddenly pinned her hands to the door behind her and kissed her forcefully. She was confused by this sudden act but she quickly melted in the kiss. His lips on hers were hungry and demanding. He forced his tongue into her mouth, coaxing her tongue to play with his. She did what he wanted and let their tongues dance in passion.
His hands left her wrists, sinuously flowing down to her arms, her shoulders, and her sides. Given the freedom, Yuuki hooked her arms around his neck. Kaname's hands trailed down to her hips and to her bare thighs, kneading it with his hands, Yuuki gasped at the sensation, breaking their kiss. Kaname's greedy lips went to her neck, licking and nibbling the flesh he found there.
Yuuki's hands fell limply on his shoulders, grasping it, and holding on to him. His lips went to the tops of her breasts, licking the skin that wasn't covered by the towel. She moaned and whimpered helplessly under his ministrations. His hands that were on her thighs slowly trailed up under the towel that covered her body. He traced small circles on her skin, as he reclaimed her lips with his own.
Yuuki felt ecstatic; the feelings he brought her were overwhelming. The tickling sensation his hands were giving her were making her shiver in pleasure. She felt the area between her thighs pulse at each stroke of his fingers. His fingers were now at her inner thighs, slowly moving to that spot, that one spot that Yuuki wanted him most. Just a little closer and he'd be touching the center of her being.
Then, he suddenly pulled away his breathing ragged and turned his back to her.
"I'm sorry." He whispered breathlessly and left the room once more, leaving Yuuki in the cold.
Again Yuuki fell on the floor, her back skidding on the bathroom door. She sat there, still as stone, and then a teardrop fell from one of her eyes. Why? She asked. She felt rejected, and it hurt. Didn't he want her that way?
She slowly stood up, tears still in her eyes and walked to the closet. She was still crying as she dressed herself in her nightgown. She crawled to the bed leaving her towel on the floor and lied down turning on her side, and curled herself into a ball, just like last night. She cried until dawn came and eventually fell asleep.
It was past sunset, she had woken up a few minutes ago, but she didn't feel like moving from her spot. She lay there, staring blankly into space, unmoving. There was a knock on the door. She stared at its direction but ignored it.
"Yuuki-sama?" A female voice asked. It was Ruka. No one was answering so she knocked again.
Yuuki could care less. She remained lying there idly. She didn't have the energy to talk to anyone right now. She didn't even notice that Ruka entered her room until she sat on the bed.
"Yuuki-sama, are you alright?" Ruka asked carefully.
Yuuki slowly sat up and faced her.
"Can you now tell me what happened?"
"He did it again." Yuuki sobbed, slowly regaining her breath.
"How bad is it this time?" Ruka questioned as she rubbed Yuuki's shoulders in a comforting manner.
"After my shower, he suddenly kissed me then he randomly pulls back saying 'I'm sorry.' Ruka, what is WRONG with me?" Yuuki cried louder. "I've never felt so rejected before! It's so vexing! Why won't he just give it to me straight?!"
"I don't even understand what he would mean by that!" She was now screaming and pounding her fists on the bed.
"I feel so frustrated!" She shouted even louder. "I'm sorry?! Is that all he had to say?! I'm sorry what? I'm sorry, I just don't see you that way?! I'm sorry you're not good enough?! Why won't he tell me?!"
The glass on the table beside her bed abruptly shattered into a thousand pieces.
"Yuuki-sama, you need to calm down." Ruka placated her, massaging her shoulders.
Yuuki's body suddenly went limp, falling in Ruka's arms and then she bawled. Ruka kept still, holding her and whispering soothing words in her ear, allowing her to vent out her sadness. She knew what she had to do. Telling Yuuki right now won't help. She might not believe her if it came from her.
"Do not worry Yuuki-sama, he'll tell you soon enough." She reassured her.
"Where is he?" Yuuki asked out of the blue her voice strained and hoarse.
"He left with the others. They were given orders to dispatch a Level E vampire that was in town tonight." Ruka answered calmly and very carefully, for fear that the girl in front of her might break.
Yuuki didn't reply, her body still shaking from her earlier outburst. He IS avoiding her. Normally, Kaname would just let the others take care of these trivial matters and stay with her. But now, it's as if he's finding all means just to stay away from her.
"Shall I prepare a bath for you?" Ruka asked earning a small nod from the girl in front of her. A bath sounded good.
Ruka left the fragile girl on the bed and went to the bathroom. She turned the faucet on setting it at the right temperature and returned to the bedroom announcing that the bath was ready. She walked Yuuki to the bathroom and turned off the tap once it was the right amount.
"Please, Yuuki-sama, try to relax. Don't think about it for a while." Yuuki didn't answer, so she continued. "I'll be outside if you need me." She left Yuuki by herself and went out of the bathroom, deciding to clean up the broken glass.
Yuuki considered what Ruka just said; for now she needed to calm herself down. She made quick work of disposing her garments to the hamper and quickly submerged her body in the tub. It felt good, warm. Unlike the bitter coldness she felt earlier.
This was so embarrassing for her. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry in front of the others. It's unsightly for a pureblood to shed tears. As a pure blood she must show self-control and exercise prudence. But she did none of that so far. Hanabusa had seen her cry, now Ruka has too. It would've been okay if it was Kaname, but he was reason of her tears this time.
She took a huge gulp of air, reciting 'I must be strong' as a mantra inside her head. But she couldn't help it; she wasn't bred like most purebloods are. She still had difficulty controlling her emotions.
She sank her head in the hot water, holding her breath and stayed there for about half a minute, letting the heat consume her senses, her thoughts. She resurfaced and captured a lungful of air. She rested her head on the edge of the tub and allowed the water to numb her, to make herself relax.
When the water was getting cold, she got out of the tub and dried herself off with a new towel. She didn't notice that Ruka had already prepared a change of clothes when she went in to fill the tub. She dressed herself and stepped back into the bedroom.
Ruka was sitting on the sofa; there was a cart beside it, probably containing food.
"Perfect timing! The ice cream was too hard when I got it from the freezer!" Ruka exclaimed.
"Ice cream?" Yuuki asked curiously as she walked towards Ruka, taking a seat beside her on the sofa.
"I brought chocolate ice cream; nothing helps a broken heart better, right?" Ruka smiled at her.
"Thank you Ruka. I love chocolate ice cream." Yuuki gave her a weak smile.
She was glad that Ruka was there to help her. But she also felt guilty for being such a burden to her. She never even thought that this day would come. She thought that Ruka would end up hating her for the rest of their lives. She was relieved that Akatsuki made his feelings known to her. Now, she didn't have to feel guilty for causing her heartbreak.
Ruka cleaned up after they ate the ice cream. She asked Yuuki if she needed anything else but Yuuki kindly asked her to let her be. Yuuki assured her that she'd be fine, that she felt better after spending time with her. And she also found it embarrassing to be taken care of, so Ruka left her.
There was nothing more that Ruka could do but to wait for the others. She needed to speak with Kaname, regarding Yuuki's condition.
Yuuki stayed in her room all night and only went out to eat with Ruka and clean up afterwards. The night was still long but Yuuki didn't feel like sleeping yet, the bitter coldness she felt earlier was slowly creeping back to her. So she took another hot bath, longer than the one she had earlier, even if that meant filling tub with hot water again to maintain its warmth.
She realized that she was beginning to need hot water like a drug. Everytime she felt the sadness slither through her body, she felt compelled to sink herself in hot water, just to make the coldness go away. It made her feel warm and protected, just like when Kaname holds her body close to him.
Her eyes snapped open as she stood up from the bathtub quickly. She was thinking about him again, and she can't let that happen. She was supposed to avoid thinking about him to prevent the pain. But it seems unavoidable; because anywhere she looked she'd see him and think of him. She realized that everything she did to evade the thought of him was merely a wasted effort.
She went back to the bedroom after going through the process of drying herself and her hair. She walked to the closet and opened it. She pulled out a nightgown from one of the drawers and put it on together with the matching panties.
The nightgown was made of red silk with sheer black lace details. The hem stopped at her mid-thighs and was trimmed with sheer black lace. It has a deep V-neckline with a trim that matches the hem. The thin straps were composed of black silk ribbons.
She didn't know what compelled her to wear this but, it felt comfortable for her. The silky fabric of it felt good against her skin. She was starting to like wearing silky garments for bedtime. It just made her feel sensual. It is rather exposing, but no one else would even see it, since Kaname doesn't sleep in their bedroom anymore.
She hopped on the bed and lied down on her back, closing her eyes, meditating. She must've been more tired than usual, maybe tired of thinking or not thinking because before she knew it, she was asleep once again.
It was just a couple of hours before dawn; Ruka was still seated on the couch near the door. She had been waiting for their arrival all night. She had decided that she must take action; she couldn't just let it slip by, after she saw Yuuki's condition a while ago.
The front door opened and in came three men. Kaname was the first to step inside, followed by Akatsuki and Hanabusa. Ruka stood up from her spot and approached Kaname very carefully and bowed down.
"Welcome back, Kaname-sama." She assumed her earlier stance and said, "May I please speak to you in private?"
Kaname just looked at her, closed his eyes and nodded, gesturing her to follow. Ruka looked back at Akatsuki and Hanabusa who had questioning looks on their faces. Ruka smiled at them making it look as a smile that said she'd tell them later.
Kaname led her to the study room and took a seat in one of the lounge chairs.
'What is it about, Ruka?" Kaname asked, his tone never faltering.
"It's about Yuuki-sama." Kaname nodded at her to continue. "Kaname-sama, please do not be angered as to what I'm about to say. I'm purely worried about Yuuki-sama."
"Go on." He urged her to continue.
"Kaname-sama, I think that your evasive maneuvers are causing Yuuki-sama a great amount of pain. She told me what you've done, but she never understood any of it. And now she's blaming herself as to why you were avoiding her." Ruka's gaze wavered to the floor, she was getting nervous but she had to say these. "She's been crying all night."
She looked at his eyes, but she just can't seem to read what emotion he was portraying.
"Please forgive me for stepping into your affairs; I'm merely concerned of Yuuki-sama's well-being." She bowed her head, unable to look at him right now.
"I'll consider that, Ruka." Kaname stood up. "Thank you for your concern. I appreciate what you've done for Yuuki. Good night." He told her as he passed her by.
Kaname left the room and headed upstairs, to their chambers and gently closed the door behind him. Ruka didn't have to tell him that. He knew what he was doing. He hurt her, he knew that. But he couldn't stop himself from doing so.
If he let his control slip by, he would surely break her. And that's what he feared most; he didn't want to hurt her. But it's pretty meaningless now; she still got hurt either way. But he chose this kind of pain for her rather than show her the beast inside him.
But he too couldn't bear it anymore, the pain that he caused her. He had to at least explain. Maybe that would lessen her pain. Maybe if she understood there wouldn't be a reason for her to be hurt. He couldn't keep on avoiding her.
Kaname strolled to the bed and found her lying on her side, sleeping. His eyes immediately went from her face, to her breasts that were spilling out of her nightgown. He took a step back when he noticed what Yuuki was wearing. He needed to stay away to keep himself controlled.
He grabbed the comforter carefully and covered Yuuki's body with it, hoping that concealing her form would help him. And it did, thankfully. He quickly walked to the closet and took out some clothes and headed to the bathroom for a cold shower.
Yuuki, what a cruel thing you do to me.
Kaname let his body drown in the cool water. Washing away the feelings of lust that was starting to overpower his senses. He needed to stay focused, but his darling little minx was doing nothing but make it worse for him.
Distancing himself wasn't helping either. He couldn't stop thinking about Yuuki when they were apart. It was getting harder and harder each day. He feared that he would combust at any moment and just take her then and there. But he had to at least try, try to endure the agony while being with her. Staying away from her was only hurting her feelings, gradually breaking her from inside out.
He couldn't let that happen.
He turned off the faucet and dried off. He pulled his clothes on and sauntered to the bedroom, aiming for the bed. It was already dawn. He sat on the other side of the bed and turned to Yuuki; she was facing the other way. He moved closer to her and kissed her on the cheek.
He cradled her covered body in his, holding her in her sleep and closed his eyes taking in deep breaths, smelling her. They would sleep for now, and talk later tonight.
"Goodnight Yuuki."
AUTHOR'S NOTES: And that concludes another chapter! See you in the next one!
Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!