Chapter 4: Execution
Author's Note: This Chapter mentions Mr. Mxyzptlk, and includes Bat-Mite as well. Both characters made a cameo appearance in the episode of Batman: The Animated Series titled "Deep Freeze" as animatronics with Bruce Timm, and Paul Dini even providing a nod to Bat-Mite's animated days in Filmation (as I will as well).
I include the two characters based on this "honorable mention", and would like to honor Bruce Timm and Paul Dini's fantastic writing as well as thank them by requesting that – at least within the bounds of "On Dark Wings, and Dark Knights" – that Mr. Mxyzptlk's name be pronounced as Paul Dini and Bruce Timm themselves announced it in Superman: The Animated Series: "Mix-yes-spit-lick".
Finally, I would like to take a moment to also thank those of you that have left reviews – especially pokefan366 who has been particularly encouraging for me during what has become a surprisingly difficult project.
Thank You, All.
- - - - -
"Bat-Mite? Bat Miiii-iiiite?" Joker – having found some privacy in another room – ran about tossing around chairs and overturning tables. "BAT-MITE!" he screamed – peaking under a painting hanging on the wall. "Where are you ya spineless little 5th-dimensional parasite?"
Joker looked around the room – determined that Bat-Mite was watching. He was lying quietly in wait, looking to see what Joker would do next. Joker renewed his resolve.
"Listen to me ya unrepentent runt voyeur. If you don't show yourself within the next 7 seconds I'm getting Mr. Mxyzptlk in here and ..."
"NO!" Bat-Mite slowly appeared hovering in the air just a few feet away from Joker – arms folded in defiance. "What?"
A chill rushed up Bat-Mite's spine as Joker's mockingly warm smile creeped up one side of his face, but not quite the other. Joker's voice was smooth – almost silky – as he worked as hard as he could to be non-threatening. "Ahh ... Bat-Mite, Bat-Mite. I simply thought you might like an opportunity to put a smile on the face of the big, bad, bat. You know, turn that BAT-frown BAT-upside-down?"
Bat-Mite's ears twitched as his head tilted oh-so-slightly to one side. His shoulders relaxed a little, but he still remained defensive overall – intense. Bat-Mite took a deep breath and rolled his eyes before speaking. "I know I'm NOT going to like this – but what do you have in mind?"
- - - - -
"Drake Mallard ..."
Batman's voice trailed off. He had finished analyzing one of the toys from the dock, and began looking at the facts behind his encounter with the Grey Ghost-like "Darkwing Duck", and company.
The aircraft was a custom, hand-built, experimental model registered to one Launchpad McQuack – a pilot currently under the employ of one Scrooge McDuck of Duckburg, Calisota. A quick search turned up a DuckSpace account with a "Friend's List" noting two names of particular interest located in St. Canard – Gosalyn, and Drake Mallard who lived at the same physical address.
The girl's first name and description matched one "Gosalyn Waddlemeyer" who was still missing as reported by the St. Canard Police Department only a few months ago. She was finally returned to the orphanage as a result of Darkwing Duck's involvement in a case involving someone known as Taurus Bulba – the precise circumstances of her disappearance remaining unknown.
In a story reminiscent of his own history with Dick Grayson, Drake Mallard purchased a house in St. Canard and adopted Gosalyn almost immediately after her return to the orphanage. She immediately took on her adopted father's surname. He had noted Gosalyn referred to Darkwing Duck as "Dad" during their encounter – further supporting the theory.
A quick comparison of records from the Calisota Department of Motor Vehicles showed an exact match of height, weight, and eye color with those of Darkwing – who according to the transponder Batman gave him was currently located somewhere inside the Audubon Bay Bridge.
Quackerjack – he'd found out – is an exceptionally brilliant toy designer and sociopath diagnosed with a severe case of Manic/Depression. Known for his especially abrupt and erratic mood-swings there were no days or months to the duration of his moods apparently – just minutes and seconds.
A perfect playmate for Joker.
Batman turned his attention back to the circuit diagram he'd drawn based on what he found in the toy. Two piezoelectric elements were coupled with a few simple circuits inside, activating a power "switch" and then broadcasting the sound further on for other toys to hear. Taking a look at the circuit itself, though Batman shook his head. "Cheap."
Batman removed his pocket-pc from his belt and tapped in a few calculations. Without any protective circuits in place, a sound of the proper frequency played at 130 decibels or more would actually fry the makeshift CPU and deactivate the toy connected to it.
He took the emitter circuit and amplified it before attaching it to his belt – setting up a defense against them in the process. But to set off the toy army Quackerjack was going to need some equipment as well – which lead to ...
- - - - -
"St. Canard Stereo, and Speaker Mr. Darkwing."
Honker stood proudly over the defunct doll as he detailed the possibility of using The St. Canard Opera House like a giant dish to focus the sound necessary to set off Quackerjack's toy soldiers.
"The problem ... is it would require 3 speakers capable of producing an audible burst of 250 decibels. It's the only place Quackerjack could find them."
Darkwing began speaking – posing dramatically as he goes. "And so with superior intellect our hero once again succeeds in deducing the dispicable and dastardly scheme driving the Pusillanimous Purveyor of Playtime – Quackerjack – and just in time to mangle his monstrous machinations to conquer the fair city of St. Canard!"
Darkwing took a step back – looking over his teammates. "Honker? Launchpad? Gosalyn?" Darkwing squinted his eyes menacingly as he grabbed his cape and wrapped it around to cover his bill.
"Let's get ..."
A click followed by a short double-beep interrupted Darkwing's monologue – followed by Batman's voice. "Darkwing? Are you there?"
Darkwing blinked – looking confused a moment before remembering the radio The Bat gave him. He patted himself down before finding it in his pocket. Removing it, he pressed the button to reply. "Yeah. Whatcha got?"
Batman began speaking – terse as always. "Meet me at St. Canard Stereo and Speaker in 30 minutes. Quackerjack's going to be pulling a major job tonight, and wherever he goes Joker follows. You get your clown, I get mine."
Static crackled briefly over Darkwing's speaker before the radio went silent. That – was that. Darkwing looked towards his entourage with one question on his lips: "Where was I? Oh yeah!"
Darkwing squinted his eyes menacingly as he grabbed his cape and wrapped it around to cover his bill.
"Let's get dangerous!"
- - - - -
Launchpad and Honker were the first to arrive – hovering the Thunderquack above St. Canard Stereo and Speaker. Launchpad scoped out the scene for a moment before relaying the data to Darkwing.
"Hey uh, yeah DW. Looks like Quackerjack and his guys are already slaving away down there. But get this: They seem to be putting crates IN the warehouse – not taking anything out."
"Keep an eye on them, LP. Gosalyn and I will be there in the Ratcatcher in 10 minutes."
"OK DW."
Honker tapped Launchpad on the shoulder as he stared out the front of the Thunderquack's canopy. "Uhm, Mr. Launchpad, Sir. I think we have a problem."
Honker pointed out at the sky – dotted with small, toy aircraft heading directly towards them. The sound of machine gun fire could be heard – tiny metallic pellets bouncing off the Thunderquack's Titanium shell.
Launchpad scoffed. "They're gonna hafta do better than that ... Uh-oh."
All at once, a number of aircraft split off – firing rockets at the Thunderquack. Launchpad flew the aircraft upwards just in time to dodge the incoming attack.
"Uhm, Sir?" Honker said. "They're coming back."
Launchpad vectored the Thunderquack's thrust forward taking off out of a hover. Careful not to fly himself into the barrage of oncoming missiles he flew in a graceful arch towards the city.
"Where are you going?" Honker asked.
Launchpad answered – a hint panic in his voice despite his appearance being calm. "Downtown! The Thunderquack doesn't have any defenses!"
Launchpad kicked in the Thunderquack's afterburner to put a little more distance between it and the missiles – the flames setting off the closest 3. "It's the middle of the night – so hopefully these buildings are empty."
Launchpad quickly turned the aircraft on its side using his rudder and aileron to keep from turning as he slipped the aircraft between two narrowly-spaced buildings. Glass rained on the alleyway below as the windows exploded behind the Thunderquack's powerful engines.
"That's about half of 'em." Launchpad counted. "Now what?"
"Perhaps you could ditch them in Audubon Bay?" Honker suggested.
Launchpad turned the Thunderquack towards the bay and was flying over the bridge in no time. "Great idea, Honker. Hold on to your seat!" The Thunderquack's engines cut briefly – sending the aircraft into a lazy glide as it reached the apex of its arc, and then an immediate dive into the bay with the remaining missiles close at the Thunderquack's heels.
Launchpad kicked in the plane's afterburners – Honker and he forcefully thrown back into their seats. "Uhm, Mr. Launchpad? Is this really necessary?" Honker asked. "Sure thing buddy!" Launchpad replied, re-vectoring the hover-jet's thrust and pulling out of the dive with barely an inch to spare – water dripping off the plane's belly.
The remaining missiles plopped harmlessly into the bay before detonating.
- - - - -
"Hey DW! Come in, DW!"
Darkwing continued navigating the maze of St. Canard on the Ratcatcher – noting several individuals on the rooftops overhead when Launchpad contacted him. "What have you got, LP?"
"Quackerjack's ready for us! He's sent at least 2 squadrons of deadly model aircraft after the Thunderquack – and he's probably ready for the Ratcatcher!"
Darkwing thought about the various people on the roof before deadpanning "Fantastic."
"Hey, Dad?" Gosalyn looked around questioningly – as if trying to locate something. "What's that buzzing sound?
"Buzzing sound?" Darkwing hadn't thought about it, but he'd heard it too. At first he thought it might be a scooter, or a small motorcycle, but now it sounded more like a number of them – and he couldn't see any scooter gangs nearby.
It was then that an explosion set off about 3 cars back, and Darkwing noted several small, remote-controlled cars dodging, and criss-crossing through traffic. "Hold on, Gosalyn!" Darkwing warned, and sped off down a side-street. About a half-dozen tiny cars sped after him.
"Wow they move fast!" Gosalyn sat turned around in her sidecar watching the small team of race-cars heading their way.
"Gosalyn!" Darkwing instructed her. "The Glue Grenades!" Gosalyn pulled Darkwing's Gas Gun, and dropped a Glue-Grenade into the barrel before taking aim and – "THWUMF!" – firing it off. The grenade struck the ground just short of one car – grabbing a wheel. The car spun around into the rest of the glue, ensnaring it as it exploded from being slammed around.
Gosalyn reloaded – taking aim again. She pulled the trigger, unexpectedly ensnaring a pedestrian as Darkwing made an abrupt turn. "DAD!" she objected.
"I RAN OUT OF ROAD! I couldn't very well have plowed us into a building."
Gosalyn fired a third, and fourth, and fifth grenade – managing to ensnare a few more cars before one skidded, and slammed into the wheel of a schoolbus bringing children home from a late field-trip. The bus dipped on that corner – the driver turning the bus to compensate and causing the remaining car to go beneath the bus. The second car went off – blowing out the front wheels of the bus and sending it skidding into the facade of the St. Canard National Bank building.
Darkwing, and Gosalyn responded immediately – turning back to help. Darkwing picked up his radio. "Quackerjack's 'toy army' blew up part of a school-bus causing it to crash into St. Canard National. We've got emergency crews on the way, but we need to be sure the bus is evacuated before we leave. How's it going up there, LP?"
"Not much better DW."
The Thunderquack once again lifted out from between the buildings of St. Canard – one remaining flight of model aircraft still hot on his trail. Single shots from 50mm guns were being fired into the Thunderquack's fueselage and although no one shot was particularly devastating, the shots were beginning to add up pretty fast.
"No, no no! My BABY!" Launchpad shifted the rudder pedals left and right getting no response. A lucky shot had snapped his rudder cable, and he wondered how long it would be until something else was damaged. What's more, this last flight of aircraft seemed impossible to shake and...
Honker pointed skyward as Launchpad went into a barrel-roll – dodging the flight's combined attacks. "Uh... Mr. Launchpad? We have a problem."
Launchpad looked as he saw another flight of aircraft coming at him head-on. "You know what little buddy? That might be just what we need."
Launchpad inverted his airplane – still watching carefully as the two flights of aircraft approached from his 6, and noon. Suddenly, he slowed the aircraft and yanked back on the stick – diving towards the bay and skidding inches above it. The two flights of aircraft fired off their weapons and – unable to respond in time – either smashed into each other or went down in flames as victims of friendly fire.
Honker held his stomach, his face tinged a slight shade of green. "I think I'm going to be sick."
"I think that does it, DW. You need help, there?" Launchpad asked.
"No, LP. It looks like we've got this under control. Head back to St. Canard Stereo and Speaker – we'll rendezvous there just as soon as ..."
Darkwing stopped talking – Gosalyn's panicked voice taking over the radio. "DAD!"
Darkwing looked in Gosalyn's direction – noting the half-dozen or so remote control cars heading directly for them. The bus was nearly evacuated now, though ... if he could just ...
"GET EVERYONE OFF THE BUS NOW! MOVE!" Darkwing reached into the Ratcatcher's sidecar and pulled out a rope with a hook at one end – securing it to the frame of the bus. He ran to a nearby onlooker with a truck. "I need your truck. NOW!"
"Uh, yeah – No problem!" The owner of the truck got out while Darkwing hooked the rope to the vehicle's towing rig. Satisfied, he got behind the wheel, backed into position, and threw it in gear.
"Gosalyn! Is everyone off the bus?"
"Yeah, Dad – he's the last one!"
Darkwing threw the truck into gear and took off – quickly snatching the damaged bus on its side – blocking the street. Jumping out of the truck he quickly coated the remaining sidewalk using glue-grenades which ensnared two of the cars – the remaining four exploding as they smashed into Darkwing's impromtu blockade.
The crowd stood stunned – slowly taking it all in before ... breaking into thunderous applause. Darkwing grinned – his ego getting the best of him as he began bowing, and playing to his audience. It was Gosalyn that brought him back to reality. Sort-of.
"Dad? ... Dad! ... DARKWING!"
"Yeah, Gosalyn?"
"Have you forgotten? St Canard Stereo & Speaker? Quackerjack? The Opera House? DOOMSDAY!?"
"Oh yeah. Just let me say goodbye to..."
Gosalyn snatched Darkwing by his cape and began walking towards the Ratcatcher. "C'mon! We've got to get to the speaker shop. You're going to save St. Canard whether you like it or not!"
Authors Notes:
Batman, Bat-Mite, Joker, Alfred, and Jervis Tetch (AKA "The Mad Hatter") along with Gotham City, Axis Chemical, The Batcave, and The Pallisades/Wayne Manor are all property of DC Comics, and used here without permission.
Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard, Gosalyn Mallard, Honker Muddlefoot, Launchpad McQuack, Morgana Macabre, Quackerjack, Mr. Banana Brain, Teddy, The Ratcatcher, The Thunderquack, Quackerjack Toys, Whiffle Boy, Koo Koo Fizzy Water, and the city of St. Canard along with the State of Calisota, The Audubon Bay, and The Audubon Bay Bridge are property Disney Corporation, and also used without permission.
The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: among them "use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied" (U.S. Copyright Office, Factsheet on fair use of copyrighted works, .). It is under such authority I proceed.